Knock, knock.

"Hold on," I called from the bathroom. Drying my face and scooting around the presents on my carpet, I answered the door.

"Merry Christmas!" Alfred cheered joyously, thrusting a vibrantly wrapped present at me.

Catching it just in time, I said, "Thank you, Al! Come in, I have a present for you, too. Oh, Merry Christmas, Mattie."

Matthew gave me a shy smile and handed me a small box with a big gold ribbon, murmuring, "Merry Christmas." I placed my gifts on my (messy) bed and picked up two items from my Christmas pile. Alfred received a small envelope and Matthew received a softly wrapped bundle.

Immediately, the brothers opened their presents. Matthew was pleased to see a new hoodie in his and opened his mouth to thank me, but was interrupted by Alfred—who tackled me down in a crushing hug.

"Oh my god, McDonalds? GameStop? Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"A-Al—can't—breathe—"

"Oh!" He released me, a wide grin on his face. "Thank you, Tope!"

"Thank you," said Matthew finally. "Why don't you open your presents?"

The brothers looked so pleading that it was hard to say no. I took my time to carefully tear open their gifts ("Come on!" Alfred cried). Matthew's small package revealed itself to be a box of French chocolate delicacies. Alfred's box was full of colorful snacks and treats, and at the bottom were a few t-shirts.

"This is awesome!" I breathed. Holding up a tee to my front, I grinned. "Thank you so much, guys."

Alfred and Matthew beamed at me, and we walked downstairs with the rest of my presents to greet the other members of our crew.

xXx

"Ah! Domo arigatou gozaimashita! I was hoping to buy this on sale later at the bookstore. I've been waiting for this for a long time! Thank you very much!" thanked a flustered Kiku.

"This book is perfect for teaching that Dummkopf Italian. Thank you for the presents, Tope," Ludwig murmured.

"Aiyah! This is so adorable!" Yao cried out as he crushed his new Hello Kitty pillow to his chest. "Thank you!"

Francis smirked wide and sexy. "Mmm…would you mind if you and I savor these chocolates together?"

"Shut up, frog." Arthur turned towards me. "I've been meaning to take a crack at this brand of tea. Thank you, Tope."

"Ve~! All of this pasta, just-a for me?" Felice squeezed me tight. "Oh, it's-a like heaven! Grazie, grazie!"

I grinned happily. "You're welcome, you pasta-loving fool." Taking a look through my various shopping bags, I realized something. "Oh! I forgot your presents upstairs, Ivan. I'm sorry, I'll be right back." After giving everyone a cheery wave, I rushed off to the elevator.

xXx

"You got me a present?" came a voice from my doorway. I nearly jumped in surprise. Ivan had his hands innocently behind his back and was smiling like an excited child.

"Yes," I chirped, about to pull out his presents just as he said abruptly, "Wait!"

"Here," he offered. In his hands were a beautiful bouquet of white lilies and red roses, and a royal blue, velvet jewelry box about as long as his hand. "S Rozhdestvom Hristovym, moya dorogaya."

"I have no idea what you just said," I said truthfully, "but thank you, Ivan." Taking the bouquet first, I pushed my face deep into those waxy petals and breathed deeply, smiling in pleasure at the lovely scent that filled my lungs. Next was the jewelry box, which I was hesitant to take; I hoped that he didn't spend too much money on me. Opening the velvet case slowly, I caught a glimpse of something purple…

Laid down upon the length of the case was a breathtakingly beautiful bracelet of dark amethyst crystals. Gently handling the delicate bracelet with my fingers, I held it up to the light, amazed by the quiet glimmering of each shard as they shimmered like violet fire, warm and inviting.

"Thank you, Ivan," I whispered quietly, unsure if this was something I could accept. "It's gorgeous."

Ivan took a step towards me, closing the distance between us. His long fingers pulled the bracelet from my hand and he held it up invitingly. "Let me put it on," he murmured, smiling.

My hand came up before I fully realized what was happening. The back of his hand brushed my own as he moved to clasp the ends of the bracelet around my wrist. The contact made my heart skip a beat. His body leaned in closer.

"Thank you," I said again, firmly taking a step away. Ivan chuckled.

"Now, where is my present?" he said teasingly.

Kicking my brain alive again, I gave him my most charming smile and snatched up the last shopping bag from beside my bed. I placed a bottle of pure Russian vodka and a bright, lively sunflower into his awaiting hands.

"Merry Christmas," I sang, and then watched for his reaction.

Ivan was delighted. His grin was maniac as he observed the exterior labels of the vodka, nodding approvingly. And like me, he pressed his face to the petals of the giant sunflower and inhaled deeply, eyes closing in pleasure at the light-hearted scent.

"So?" I prompted. "Is it okay?"

"…it's perfect," he said, opening his eyes to smile down on me warmly. "This is a very good gift. Thank you."

I smiled bashfully. "You're welcome, Iva—"

"Tope?"

"Yes?"

Ivan smiled wider. "Do you know what sunflowers symbolize?"

I tilted my head, giving it a thought. "Happiness?"

He nodded, "Da, happiness is one. But it also symbolizes warmth, vibrancy, nourishment, and longevity."

"Really?" I said. "Cool. Then, I hope that you will live long and stay warm."

Ivan's eyes sparkled, as if laughing at an inside joke. "Da, I hope I do, too."

Standing in quietness for a long moment of time, I gave him a smile and nodded towards the door. "Come on, we should get back to the others. I'm starving for breakfast."

He chuckled. "Even after eating all of that food last night? I am not sure if such indulgence is healthy for you," he teased as he headed for the door first. "Ya tebya lyublyu."

His last words froze me in my tracks. A dull pain pulsed in the back of my head, but it was quickly overpowered by a wave of confusing thoughts.

Did he just say, 'I love you'?

Wait. How did I even know that?

Ivan turned around in the doorway, noticing that I had stopped following him. He saw my expression and smirked amusedly, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh? I didn't think you'd remember that phrase," he said.

"Excuse me?" I tried to retort, but the words got caught in my throat. I pushed the returning pain away and awkwardly tried to push past Ivan as well, but his tall figure filled the doorway, making it impossible to escape him. His hands casually holding the doorframe, he took a step forward towards me, pushing me back into the room. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I realized how trapped I was, more so when I realized that I liked this. I wanted this.

"Do you know what else sunflowers symbolize?" Ivan whispered to me, leaning closer.

Eyes wide, I gulped, barely shaking my head. I closed my eyes and winced into myself as he drew even closer. Warm lips kissed my forehead, setting fire to a wave of goose bumps down my arms and a raging surge of pain in my skull.

"Sunflowers also mean constancy and devotion," he continued to murmur. "They mean loyalty." And then he smiled, as if he was torturing me exclusively and was enjoying it.

I'm sorry to say that my head couldn't take it anymore. A groan of pain escaped my lips as my hands came up to clench my agonizing cranium. Doubling over, I grit my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut. It was like someone was dragging their nails across a chalkboard. It was like someone was hammering nails into my skull—BANG—BANG—SUNFLOWER—BANG—BANG—BOX—BANG—GU—

"Tope?" Ivan gasped, worried. I swear, if I were able to speak, I would have dryly commented on his erratic mood swings. But alas, the headache splitting my brain in half was a tad bit overpowering.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around me tightly. I was kneeling on the ground, trying not to cry out.

"Tope?" Ivan whispered like a child in my ear. "Tope? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Tope, please…" He held me as if he dared not to let go.

Sluggishly, the aching pain began to subside. I slowly opened my eyes again and breathed deeply.

"…sorry," I muttered. My head was still ringing, but I made a move to get up off the ground.

Ivan pulled me back into his arms. I was suddenly too tired to resist.

"You can stay here," he said quietly. His arms caged me in protectively. "You're safe here. You're safe here with me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

xXx

"Okay, so if you don't like oranges, then what do you like?"

"…I like you."

Something flashed.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you. What did you say?"

"…"

"Hey, how come I can't see you? Hello? Are you still there?"

"…I'm still here."

Those words send a chill down my spine.

"Where are you?" I called. "Who are you?"

There was no reply.

xXx

"—improper manners, this is! We shouldn't be in a girls' dormitory room, much less if she's sleeping."

"I-I agree, Arthur-san, but I am very worried…"

"Why is it that every time something bad happens to her, you're around?"

"What are you implying, svinya? That I am the harbinger of bad things?"

"I'm implying that you should stay away from her—for her own good."

"Save your stupid bickering for later," interrupted an annoyed voice. "She's still sleeping."

"Francis!" barked a voice. "Hands off, ten steps back—now!"

A groan.

"Mattie!" exclaimed a voice. "When did you get here?"

"I—"

"Vee~ Ludwig, I can't find any pasta in her desk. All I found was this book!"

"Feliciano-kun, put that back! You should not touch someone else's belongings!"

"Ahh! I'm sorry!"

"Please silence yourselves," a cheery voice chirped. "Or will I have to do it for you?"

No one said anything after that.

xXx

Yawning, I sat up from my bed, thinking it was morning again. But something was off. It was darker than usual, and my desk lamp was on…and there were people there.

"What are you all doing in my room?" I demanded, ruffling my hair from sleep. The room must have been quiet, because everyone suddenly burst into sound.

"Ve~! Buon giorno, Tope!" Felice cheered the loudest of all as he plopped down right next to my bed.

"Are you okay?" Alfred asked worriedly.

Before everyone else could contribute their concerns, I held a hand up firmly, repeating myself, "What—are you all doing in my room?"

"Don't you remember?" Ivan said simply. "You were taking very long to come back down, so I came up here to check on you. I found you on the ground. We think that you fainted."

Ivan was lying. But seeing no sense in telling the truth, I irritatingly snapped, "Yes, I sort of figured that out. What I asked was what are you doing in my room?"

To some degree, everyone looked taken aback.

"We just wanted to make sure you were okay," Alfred said quietly. "No need to act all angry at us."

My glare faltered, and I sighed, looking down. "…sorry, my head really hurts right now and I'm a little…disorientated." I smiled uncertainly. "How long was I out for?"

"Nearly the whole day," Arthur said. "I sincerely apologize for allowing this band of hooligans to crowd your dorm room, Tope. Truthfully, though, I'd say everyone was concerned when Ivan returned without you."

Climbing out of my sheets and plopping back down on the bed, I said, "I hope you weren't in here the whole day. You should be out celebrating Christmas, throwing snowballs or something."

"They were," huffed Yao. In the wide reach of the lamp's light, I finally noticed that nearly everyone's hair was damp from snow. "Antonio checked on you and only let us in half-hour ago."

"So you were all standing around in here for half-an-hour, watching me sleep?"

Ivan grinned and nodded.

"That's extremely disturbing." But despite myself, I smiled. "Now, get out you bunch of misfits! Is there still time to get dinner?"

"Of course!" Alfred exclaimed. "The dining hall's open for another few hours."

"Excellent. You guys go to the dining hall. I'll be right there."

"You sure?" Francis asked. "We can wait if you want."

"I'll be fine. Thanks for checking up on me, but I think I really need a shower and a change of clothes now."

"Alright, if you insist."

As soon as they were out the door, I flopped back on my bed, hand lightly brushing the thin layer of sweat on my forehead. What happened to me when Ivan triggered that massive headache? Were those images…memories? I remembered a sunflower…a loud noise and yelling…and the box—oh, the box was so important. But why? What triggered those memories?

A flutter rose and fell in my stomach. I was treading in deep waters. Curiosity was taking over me, tempting me to keep going—to keep questioning the past. I wanted to know. I wanted to end the mystery and finally know the truth behind the person I used to be before I fell and hit my head. First of all, why did I fall? What the hell was I doing in the school building, so far away from the dorms, in the middle of the night? Why was it Ivan who discovered me? Why did Utopia hide her journal under the bathroom floor?

The journal, I remembered. Suddenly, the desk had a heavy presence in the room.

Why was I so reluctant to recovering my memories? It was because if I started to unearth the past and remembered everything, then I might slowly go back to how I acted before—and I refused to give up my life so that perfect Utopia could take over. I was my own person now. I was never going to let her take my life away.

But now that I thought about it, minus the headaches, the surfacing memories weren't changing me, were they? I wasn't acting any differently than before. In fact, in denying Utopia's existence, I seem to actually be solidifying my own presence.

I traced the edges of my toes. Hesitantly, I considered my options:

One, I could keep resisting Utopia the way I am right now. I could burn the journal and teach myself to become immune to the flashbacks and headaches. I would be simply me for the rest of my life, and I would never have to worry about what had happened on the stairs that mysterious night. I would never know.

Or two, I could go searching for the answers. I could read Utopia's journal and find out what had happened to make me lose all of my memories. I would know (or at least come close to knowing) about my past and who I used to be. Sure, I would risk slowly going back to how I acted before, and the headaches were bound to get worse—but oh, how I just wanted to know what happened.

I refrained from making more choices, because if I did then I would be even more indecisive.

Juggling one option from the other, I realized that—well, duh—I had fucking permanent amnesia. The doctor lady already told me that. Even if I were to pick the second option, the one where I tried to remember, I wouldn't be able to remember anything anyways.

Or could I?

A little excited and a lot cautious, I crossed my legs on the bed and relaxed myself. What could I concentrate on? Ivan was the first thing to come to mind. Then the box in his room. Then…

xXx

Panic. I'm rushing to finish writing. I'm scared that I won't be able to finish in time. In the end, I decide to be tricky. I go straight to the bathroom and lift up the bottom right tile—the one that's rickety and loose. Quickly, I bury the journal deep under the nest of white packing peanuts and seal the tile once more.

xXx

…the journal!

"Tope!" a voice sang from the hall suddenly. "Are you ready yet?"

Startled off the bed, I quickly stripped and changed into a different set of clothes. "Sorry, I'll be right there!"

Ivan was outside to meet me. Of course. Why am I not surprised?

Without speaking to each other, he and I made our way to the dining hall. At one point though, while walking down the cold and snowy path, Ivan innocently said, "How's your head?"

I glanced suspiciously at him. "It's fine now. Why?"

He smiled. "Just concerned, of course."

"Well, thank you, then."

Further along the path, he spoke again. "Be prepared," he warned. "They're going to give you your presents after dinner."

Something about the way he said it made me smile amusedly.

"Honestly, Ivan? I don't care about getting presents. I just want to spend Christmas with my favorite bunch of misfits."

Ivan grinned wickedly, sending shivers up my arms. "Am I one of these misfits?"

"Certainly. One of the best."

xXx

Drying my hair from the lusciously hot shower, I scooted around my small pile of presents and quickly snuggled deep into the cocoon of warm blankets. Felice had given me a thick, comfortable quilt for Christmas. I pulled the quilt closer, breathing in the faint scent of sunlight.

I laid there for the longest moment, debating whether or not I would be able to find sleep tonight with so many controversies jumbling up my thoughts.

After a while, I finally made my decision.

Slipping out of my blanket cocoon, I opened the desk's big drawer and pulled out Utopia's journal.

The bed welcomed me back with warm arms as I lay down comfortably on my stomach.

Feeling a slight tingle of excitement under my skin, I placed the journal gently in front of me and opened to the first page.

xXx

Dear Journal…

xXx

[A/N]: Ciao, my friends. :) MoU has finally been updated! Rejoice! Aha, but not yet. You love my lovely cliffhanger, yes?

So, some things to discuss. (sigh) Updates will be slow(er than usual). I blame school. You know the whole mumble-jumbo.

Another thing, I'm sure that some of you have noticed that I don't put translations at the end of every story. There's two main reasons for that: 1) I'd like to think that, without translations, you'll feel just as wondering as Tope; translations would ruin the sense of not-knowing; and 2) I'm lazy. :| Let's just leave it at that. Of course, if you ever ask me, I'll definitely tell you what the characters are saying. :)

I apologize for the next mass of chapters. xD I wrote out all of Utopia's journal entries and—surprise, surprise—there's a ton of 'em. So, I hope you like reading people's diaries! 'Cause there's gonna be A LOT of journal entries to read. Sorry if they're boring, but they're important. :) Very, very important.

Okay, no more spoilers! :D I hope you enjoyed this little 'Part One – Tope'-eighteen chapter saga. Now let's move on to the next bunch of chapters:

'Part Two – Utopia'

(PS: Questions? Don't panic and just go with the flow~! Chapter 19 will be up as soon as I can.)

Much love,

Devi