Rating: T for mild swearing and hot guys making out. (Not in detail though. Don't get your hopes up. Feel free to use your imagination though.)
Summary: Nursery Rhymes, Death Note style. Light attacks some poor mice, Mikami falls down, Light chases after L, Misa shows off her super-strength, L and Lgith go to get some water, and Mello builds a bridge.
Spoilers: Um...Mello, Matt, Near, Mikami, and Takada are in it. But there isn't really anything.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note (Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata do) and I don't know who invented the nursery rhymes, but I found them here:
http /www .rh ymes.o rg.u k/
Warning: Childish and stupid humor, LxLight, plenty of OOCness, and a lack of sense.
A/N: Hooray! I reached twenty chapters! -confetti- BE PROUD OF ME!
But don't be proud of the fact that I nearly forgot to post it. XP I finished it early, and forgot to put it up. Wow. Brain-fart.
To celebrate my 20-chapter accomplishment, I decided not to do a fairy tale. (It's also partly because I didn't feel like it, but that's not the point) Instead, I bring you some random Nursery rhymes. They're like fairy tales, but shorter. XD Please enjoy. (I asked nicely...)
(Though, to be completely honest, I'm not sure if these all make sense anymore. So beware! I might have stopped making sense!)
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
"Wow, it's pretty high up here!" Mikami Dumpty proclaimed, staring down at the ground below. All the people looked like tiny ants from up where he was. "It's too bad I can't remember how I got up here. I think I'd like to go back down...It can't be safe up here for an egg-person..."
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
"Fall?" Mikami squeaked. "Why would I fall? I have very good balance–"
"SHOVE!" yelled Plot Fairy Mello as he pushed Mikami off the wall and watched him fall to the ground. He fell, and fell, then ran down some spiral stairs, and then fell some more. Finally (after a full half hour, during which Mello had gotten bored and gone to set up the next setting), he hit the ground and smashed into a thousand pieces.
And all the King's horses, and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
"Oh forget this!" King Light sighed. "This is hopeless! Who's idea was it to have the horses help? They're just making things worse." He looked around, then pointed to his assistant, Misa.
"You. Misa. Go get my chefs and bring them here, then inform the town that they will be allowed to eat only scrambled eggs for the next month or so." Misa nodded, and was off.
"Alright, I'm going back to my room to have some alone time with Queen L!" King Light announced. "If anyone disturbs us, they'll be losing a limb, and will have no say in which one!" Then he stomped back to his castle to see his queen.
--
Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
See how they run. See how they run.
"I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" Misa-Mouse shrieked, running into a table on accident.
"Welcome to my world!" Takada-Mouse yelled back. She dashed about, hoping she wouldn't hit anything.
"I think I hear someone coming! Quick, let's chase him!" Mikami-Mouse shouted. The other mice agreed and ran over.
They all chased after the Farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
"And this is for annoying me all the time...And this is for being so stuck up...And this is for stalking/worshiping me like some crazed fangirl..." Light proclaimed with a maniacal laugh as he chopped off all of the tails of the mice.
"Light-kun, what are you doing in there?" Farmer L asked, poking his head into the kitchen.
"I'm cutting the tails of these mice. I think they're blind though..." he said.
"And why is Light-kun hurting the defenseless mice?" L inquired, walking into the room and folding his arms across his chest in a sort of pout.
"..." Light hesitated for a moment. "For fun..."
"Up by twelve percent for deriving amusement from killing."
"That much?"
"I'll lower it by two percent if you'll give me a kiss."
Light smirked devilishly as he strolled towards his husband. "I would do that even if it made my percentage rise."
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?
"Ahhh! Now I'm blind AND tail-less!"
--
Pop Goes the Weasel
All around the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased the weasel.
"GET BACK HERE, L!!" Light yelled at the top of his lungs, chasing L around a rondom mulberry bush. L snickered and continued running. Neither of them really remembered why they had even started running in the first place, but they had stopped caring when Light got so worked up that it was funny.
The monkey stopped to pull up his socks,
"Egads! My socks are falling down!" Light exclaimed, noticing that his socks were falling down into his shoes. He kneeled down on the ground and had started to pull them up when...
And POP goes the weasel!
L shook up a can of soda that had appeared out of nowhere and opened it up with a loud 'POP', spraying the sticky cola right at poor Light. Light was drenched with fizzy soda-pop, and as the stuff dripped off of him, he glared up at L.
"...I'm going to kill you."
L did the only thing that could save him in this situation.
Pull off the most adorable pair of puppy-dog-eyes the world has ever seen. His eyes widened, and grew a bit teary as he sniffled.
Light's expression immediately softened, And he reached forward and gave L a comforting kiss on the lips.
"...Light-kun tastes like soda-pop..."
"You think?"
"Yes, I do think. Thanks for noticing."
--
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
"Wow, this is one tall hill," Prince Light commented, his crown on his head as he stared up at the hill, carrying a pail behind him. "It's more like a mountain."
"It is not," Princess L scoffed, trudging along behind his prince.
"Why are we even going up to fetch water? Don't we have indoor plumbing?"
"Mello-kun instructed us not to question why, Light-kun."
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
Sadly, Light did not notice the stone in his path up the hill and he tripped, falling down the hill and covering his suit in grass stains. His crown also fell of his head, rolling all the way down and crashing against a tree. The tree broke it.
And Jill came tumbling after.
On his way down, Light managed to snatch poor L's leg, successfully dragging him down along for the ride. L squeaked, surprised as he was yanked down and forced to tumble along with Light all the way back down to the bottom of the hill.
"...Well, this sucks."
"Agreed."
--
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Misa sat happily on a little tuffet while eating her breakfast of curds and whey. She didn't know what curds and whey really where (though they didn't taste that bad), nor did she know what a tuffet was (I don't think anyone knows), but she was still content.
"I wonder where Light-kun is...Hopefully not with that pervert Ryuuzaki," she mused aloud to herself.
(Little did she know, Light was making out with L passionately in a broom closet a little ways away.)
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
"BOO!" yelled a nearby Melo-spider, scaring the crap out of Misa.
"EEEEKKK!! SPIDER!!" she shrieked, ripping a nearby tree out of the ground and holding it up in the air threateningly.
"HOLY CRAP!" Mello yelled, scurrying away as fast as his spider legs could take him as Misa proceeded to beat the crap out of the poor defenseless tuffet using the giant tree.
Curious, L poked his head out of the broom closet door to see what the noise was about.
"It's only Misa-san throwing a temper tantrum using a nearby tree," he informed Light.
"That's nice. Get in here and take your shirt off," was Light's reply.
--
London Bridge is Falling Down
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, Falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
My fair Lady
"Yes, I can see tha–Wait! I'm not a Lady!" Mello fumed, standing next to the giant bridge
Build it up with wood and clay,
Wood and clay, wood and clay.
Build it up with wood and clay,
My fair Lady
"Well fine...But stop calling me a lady." Mello muttered, leaving and returning with piles of wood and clay. He was just about to call the builders when...
Wood and clay will wash away,
Wash away, wash away,
Wood and clay will wash away,
My fair Lady.
Mello gaped, then glared. "Then why did you TELL me to build it with wood and clay?"
Build it up with bricks and mortar,
Bricks and mortar, bricks and mortar,
Build it up with bricks and mortar,
My fair Lady.
"Oh, you just decide that now, eh?" Mello pouted, storming off to get the requested supplies. Soon, he had some bricks and cement.
"I couldn't find any mortar, so I went with cement instead. Will that wor–"
Bricks and mortar will not stay,
Will not stay, will not stay,
Bricks and mortar will not stay,
My fair Lady.
"What the hell?" Mello complained. "What's wrong with bricks?! Bricks are perfectly fine! What, are they gonna leave or something? Do they not like this location?"
At that moment, the bricks he'd brought sat up and looked around (because they were magic bricks). The leader brick frowned, apparently not pleased.
"Dude, this place sucks," he announced. All the bricks murmured their agreement, and walked away with the cement.
Mello blinked, shocked. "Okay. You were right on that one."
Build it up with iron and steel,
Iron and steel, iron and steel,
Build it up with iron and steel,
My fair Lady.
"Okay, iron and steel make sense," Mello agreed. Then he threw a glare up at the sky or wherever the voice was coming from. "But stop calling me a lady."
Again Mello left, but he was back soon with Iron and steel. He stopped, then quietly counted down. "Three...Two...One..."
Iron and steel will bend and bow,
Bend and bow, bend and bow,
Iron and steel will bend and bow,My fair Lady.
"Bingo," Mello sighed. "What, you want the bridge to be freaking perfect or something?"
Build it up with silver and gold,
Silver and gold, silver and gold,
Build it up with silver and gold,
My fair Lady.
"Silver and gold?" Mello confirmed. "That's way expensive! Ah well. I'm magic anyway..."
And so, off again he was. When he game back he had plenty of silver and gold to build the bridge.
"Ready now?"
Silver and gold will be stolen away,
Stolen away, stolen away,
Silver and gold will be stolen away,
My fair Lady.
"Oh, right..." Mello muttered in agreement. "What should we do to solve that? I'm sick of getting new stuff every time you change your damn mind."
Set a man to watch all night,
Watch all night, watch all night,
Set a man to watch all night,
My fair Lady.
"MATT!" Mello yelled. Within moments, his best friend was at his side.
"What is it?" Matt asked, confused at why there was so much stuff around.
"I need you to guard the bridge I'm making of silver and gold."
"Why are you building a bridge?"
"The voice told me to! And it said to set a man to watch all night so it wouldn't get stolen!"
"Who would steal a bridge?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Mello screamed in frustration.
Suppose the man should fall asleep,
Fall asleep, fall asleep,Suppose the man should fall asleep?
My fair Lady.
"It's right, you know. I can't stay up all night. I'm not L.
"Right...Oh, and remind me to tell L 'Ice with that burn?' later for that comment you just made."
Give him a pipe to smoke all night,
Smoke all night, smoke all night,
Give him a pipe to smoke all night,
My fair Lady.
"...I'm totally supportive of this voice, Mello," Matt snickered. Mello grumbled, and left again to go get Matt a pipe.
Soon, there was a new bridge in London made entirely of silver and gold with a watch guard who sat up all night smoking a pipe. No one ever stole from the bridge for fear of incurring the wrath of Mello.
Meanwhile...
L and Light stood a little ways a way, laughing their head off.
"You were right, Ryuuzaki!" L managed to say between laughs. "Buying that voice changing megaphone was a good idea!"
A/N: Wow, I managed to fit L and Light in all of them. XD Even when they weren't the center of attention in the story!
It's my bedtime now, so I don't have time to check it over. So hopefully it doesn't suck too much or anything. (I can't remember. I wrote it a day or two ago.)