Rating: T for something or other that I'm too lazy to look for.

Summary: Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Death Note style. Misa stumbles across a house in the woods, and winds up in more trouble than she expected.

Spoilers: Umm...Well, Matt and Mello appear. That's it.

Disclaimer: I don't own a lot of things. Among them are Death Note (Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata own it) and most of these fairy tales (most of them belong to Hans Christian Anderson or the Brothers Grimm. Aka, not me.)

Warning: Childish and stupid humor, LxLight, and plenty of OOCness

A/N: Surprise, Surprise! For a change of pace, this fairy tale will NOT star L and Light! GASPETH! So for you Misa, Matt, Mello, and Near lovers: It's your lucky day! (But don't worry, L and Light lovers! They will make their appearance. Oh, they will. -evil laughter-)

Once upon a time... (Didja miss this intro?)

There was a house in the middle of the deep woods that housed three (sort-of-but-not-quite) brothers who all lived together happily. There was Mello (the leader with the short temper), Matt (the co-leader who made sure no one died), and Near (Who hung around for lack of anything better to do). And they were content in their home in the middle of a desolate forest. Very content. So content, that they weren't content. But they were content enough to not want to move.

One morning, all three of them got up to have some delicious breakfast. Matt and Mello took a seat at the table and waited. It was Near's turn to make breakfast, so Matt read the paper and Mello sharpened a steak knife while they waited patiently.

Soon, Near walked in with three bowls of porridge. He brought a big bowl, a medium bowl, and a small bowl. The big bowl was set in front of Mello, the medium in front of Matt, and the small was kept for Near.

Mello stared down at the bowl of porridge with distaste. "Ewww! What is this stuff?" Matt also grimaced, poking cautiously at the odd mixture. He flinched at how burning hot it was and ran off to the kitchen. Moments later, he returned and dumped an entire tray of ice cubes into the bowl (ignoring the "Ice with that burn?" comment he got from Mello).

"It's porridge," Near answered, staring down at the goop.

"Porridge? WTF?! Porridge isn't chocolate!!"

"I can see that."

"It's disgusting!" Mello proclaimed, slamming his fist on the table.

"Why did you make this stuff, anyway?" Matt finally asked, pushing the bowl away from him.

"..." Near hesitated, then answered, "I have no idea..."

"Well, that's just great." Mello growled, folding his arms in a pout.

"I say we go out for pancakes," Matt suggested, lighting up a smoke as he said this.

"Sounds good to me," Near agreed with a shrug.

"Heck yes!" Mello cheered. "Chocolate chip pancakes, here I come!"

And so, all three of them left their forest home to go to the nearest pancake restaurant and eat a delicious breakfast of cakes made in pans.

Meanwhile, a young girl named Misa skipped merrily through the deep forest on a morning skip. She bounced around joyfully, saying hello to a few rabbits and squirrels on the way.

Unfortunately, she got lost on her little expedition in the woods, and soon fpund herself wandering around in unknown territory.

"Oh no!" she gasped. "Misa-Misa is lost in the forest! What am I going to do?"

But luckily, she spotted a house a little ways ahead. She didn't question why there was a house sitting in the middle of the woods, and instead simply walked over to see if she could ask for directions.

The door was unlocked, so she invited herself in. No one seemed to be home, but she spotted three bowls of porridge on the table.

"Well, I am a little hungry..." Misa said to herself. She shrugged and say down in front of the big bowl. "I'm sure they won't mind if Misa-Misa has a little..."

She stuck the spoon into the bowl and scooped out a spoonful of the porridge with a smile. But her grin vanished when she put the spoon into her mouth.

"Eeek!" she screeched! "Too hot!"

She hopped out of that seat and moved to the next one. She took a spoonful of the porridge in the medium bowl and tried it, but made a face.

"It's too cold!" she complained, glaring down at the dish. "It's so cold there are ice cubes in it!"

Finally, she moved down to the last bowl. She cautiously tried the porridge in that bowl, and grinned. Just right! (The small amount of porridge in the bowl must have cooled faster than the other bowls.) She happily gobbled the entire bowl of porridge before continuing to explore the rest of the house.

The next room was the living room with three chairs in it. One was a big chair (it looked more like a throne than a chair), one was a medium chair (more of a gamer chair that rocked back and forth), and one was a small chair (a little wooden stool that was more often used for toys than Near).

First, Misa tried sitting in the big chair. It was nice, but a little too big.

"Too regal and huge," she murmured. "It almost makes me think I can take over the world with a hot psychopath and supernatural notebook."

So she moved on to the medium gamer's chair. It felt nice, but when she rocked backward on it she fell over.

"Too difficult," she whined, getting up and taking a seat on the stool. The stool was just right, but right as she was settling down, it broke into pieces!

Misa sniffled, a tear running down her cheek. "Misa-Misa isn't that heavy!" she sobbed, running up to the bedroom to take a nap and sleep off this little problem.

She hopped onto the big bed, but found that it was way too spacious and it felt lonely with all that room.

So instead she went to the medium bed. It was way too soft, so soft that she almost drowned in it! Luckily, the camera crew was standing nearby and was able to pull her out before she died.

Gasping for breath, she flopped down onto the small bed. It was just right. Nice and comfortable. She snuggled under the covers and buried her head into the pillow before falling fast asleep.

...Hey, don't ask me how she can sleep so soundly in a complete stranger's house. I haven't got a clue.

A half hour later, Matt, Mello, and Near returned from their pancake outing. But they were shocked to find their table in a different state than they'd left it.

"Someone ate my porridge!" Mello exclaimed.

"Ditto!" Matt added.

"Well, someone ate my porridge too. Every single bite of it," Near said, showing them his empty bowl.

"No fair!" fumed Mello. "What makes your porridge any better than mine?!" Near shrugged and suggested they search the rest of the house for the culprit.

The living room was the same.

"Someone was in my totally freaking awesome chair!" Mello growled, staring at the lump in the cushion. "It took me weeks to get the shape of my perfect butt imprinted in that cushion!"

"Someone tipped my chair over!" Matt announced as he set his chair back up. "They must not have very good balance."

"Someone broke my chair!" Near proclaimed, sadly examining the remains of his small stool. Great. Now what was he supposed to use for the mountain hideout?

"BEDROOM!" Mello yelled, practically dragging his two house-mates over to the bedroom. They each went to look at their own beds and had reactions practically the same as their previous ones.

"Someone was in my bed!" Mello exclaimed.

Matt blinked. "How can you tell?" he asked. Mello's bed looked perfectly normal.

"Well if they tried my porridge and my chair, obviously they're going to keep up that streak!" Mello explained with a scoff. "Duh!"

"There's a large dent in my bed," Matt pointed out. "Obviously they fell for my trap. I sleep in my chair."

"Uh, guys?" Near interrupted, gaining the attention of both Mello and Matt. "I think we have our culprit."

Mello smirked, staring at the girl in Near's bed. "Perfect. It's time to dish out some deliciously violent revenge cake!"

A few minutes later outside the house, Police Officers Light and L strolled trough the forest for what the station liked to call a 'corpse check' (two people were sent out to see if there were any dead people out in the woods). But they were shocked to see the corpse of a teenaged blonde out on the front lawn of this house.

"Egads! Look, Police Officer L!" Light exclaimed, pointing at the horrible mauled corpse. "It looks like a bear attack!"

"I agree, Police Officer Light!" L nodded. "How odd! This is the third victim of a bear attack that we've found outside this house within just a week!"

"Hopefully these people will stop wandering out into the woods," Light sighed sadly. Then he perked up again. "Well, now that our shift is over, let's go to the bar!"

"Can I get cake?" L asked hopefully.

"If I get a kiss," Light replied with a smirk.

"There's a broom closet at the bar!"

"Perfect."

A/N: Poor Misa. I actually feel sorry for her this time around. She only wanted directions. T-T

Oh, hey, does anyone know if replacing a chapter erases all the hits and reviews for it as well? I want to go back and fix all the typos in the previous chapters, but I don't know if replacing the chapters would erase anything for it.