A/N - Welcome to the last chapter in this mighty beast of an ff. I had to combine two chapters into one because my mistress (college) is demanding my attention...again. Thanks everyone for sticking with me and being so nice. Hope everyone had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to my other ff communities and let y'all read in peace.
For the second time in the last two months, Maura found herself hovering around the motionless body of Jane, worry evident in her tired eyes. After the paramedics had arrived in the morgue at the police station, Jane had been driven and admitted into the hospital with a level of haste that surprised yet comforted Maura's anxiety riddled brain. The tremendous energy created by the faceless nurses and doctors on staff was efficiently used, not even the smallest effort to save another's life was wasted. I wish I could help somehow.
"It's going to be alright," Elias whispered encouragingly to the fidgeting blonde, strong hands capturing her attention with a friendly embrace.
"I'm a doctor, I've seen far worse injuries and I know that Jane's going to fine, her injury is relatively minor, but," breathing in and out, Maura tried to steady the overwhelming gagging reflex that was threatening to take over her body. "I can't stop worrying, Elias. The what-ifs are scaring me more than the reality. If she dies…I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Oh, I need to call Jane's mother; she'd want to know that Jane's wound has reopened but I don't know if I can…"
"I'll call her for you." Elias reassured, casually running his hand up the tensed muscles of her back. "But you need to relax. I know you're scared for your friend, but misguided fear is even worse than feeling nothing at all. Stop letting your heart rule your mind and focus on what you do know, Maura. Jane's going to be fine, trust me. I had a pilot in my squadron who was just like Jane…she got shot by three missiles and still managed to land that damaged heap of metal to the ground. She earned my trust that day. From that day onward, I've always known she's got my back and I've got hers. That's what Jane needs now, Maura, your trust in her to pull through this and make it back home to you, alive."
"I know that," Maura muttered unconvincingly as muscles began to relax slightly, his kind words cutting through the wall of anxiety that had built itself up around her mind. "But she's my…best friend, Elias, not a team member or a work associate. I…love her. I can't just compartmentalize my feelings and ignore them, not anymore."
"I'm not asking you to compartmentalize your feelings. But, a woman as smart as you must know that you can't let your love blind you into turning into a nervous wreck. It's not going to help, trust me."
"How would you know? Why are you even here in the first place? You don't know anything about me, Jane, or my situation," Maura screamed back, moving from Elias's hands. Despite her mind telling her that this display of emotion was inappropriate, Maura couldn't stop herself from being swept up in emotions that were unfamiliar and overwhelming.
"Because I made the same mistake and I don't want to see you go down the same path." His voice boomed through the room as blue eyes darkened with restrained guilt. "I let my heart rule my head and a man died, Maura."
"I'm not you, Mr. MacFarlane." She stated passionately, grabbing Elias's attention with her own fiery eyes. "And as much as I appreciate your well-meaning advice, I don't appreciate being told what to do. Jane doesn't need me to trust her from a distance. She needs me to show my love for her. If that's a problem for you to accept, you should probably leave."
Elias's characteristic booming laugh took Maura and the surrounding nurses by surprise and he reached behind her to grab her phone. "Well…you have more courage than I never will. If you ever need a second career, I can always use a woman with your kind of gumption working on my planes."
"Yes," she said with a small smile, "well, if I need a man to make me absolutely annoyed, I'll call you for a temporary position."
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"I think so. Actually, I'm not really sure. I tend to struggle with conveying the proper ironic tone of voice necessary to convey sarcasm; Jane says its direct result of my inability to lie."
With a smirk of restrained laughter and another friendly caress, Elias left the busy waiting room of the operating room to call Jane's mother. Maura exhaled in exhaustion as she gladly accepted the silence of being alone with her thoughts and anxieties. All of the commotion of the past couple of hours had wiped her mind of everything, including Jane's revelation. As excited as she had been upon hearing the three words she had waited for too long to hear uttered from Jane's lips, it was impossible to concentrate on anything but her health and well-being. How can I be happy when Jane's sitting in a hospital bed for the second time?
"Ms. Isles, would you like to come with me? The doctor says that he needs to speak to you about Ms. Rizzoli," A friendly nurse dressed in the navy blue scrubs that were characteristic of the Boston metropolitan hospital said friendly. The memory of wearing those same scrubs when she was interning during medical school took over her consciousness briefly. She shook her head and walked behind the young nurse toward Jane's room.
Maura entered the muted atmosphere of her best friend with light footsteps before looking up at the doctor expectantly.
"Goddamn it, who is that, doc? Is that Maura?" Jane said exasperatedly. "Don't look at me that way, you know as well as I do, that it's as dark as St. Andrews in here. Can we please turn on the lights?"
Another moment of silence passed as the doctor presumably responded to Jane's complaints. Maura released a sigh of tension as the anxiety over Jane's health washed out of her pores with each aggressive syllable that came from the brunette's mouth.
"Jane, we were lucky that our injuries were minor but if we keep running around like a bewildered bunny, we'll be right back here with our esteemed trauma specialist," Dr. Byron Sluckey obnoxiously stated.
"Byron, I'm fine. I can't assert that fact enough. Can't you clear me to leave, please?" Jane begged. Her voice wavered upon seeing the flash of color reflected from Maura's bracelet. Her eyes locked onto Maura's and everything ceased to exist except the other. They had so much to talk about but hardly enough privacy for it.
With a pleading glance, Maura told Byron to leave and, thankfully, he understood the nonverbal message with little effort.
"She's fine, by the way." Byron added, closing the door on the two women who were far more enraptured with each other to listen to his words. "You can take her home today since her operation was minor and required little anesthesia. Please, Ms. Isles, take her home. Everyone is tired of hearing her witty repartee."
"Excuse me? What did you just call me?" Jane exclaimed before the sight of Maura walking toward her on the bed, shut her up.
A multitude of emotions travelled through the two women; excitement at the possibilities between them, relief, and the sexual tension that had been nearly unbearable since that moment in Jane's apartment several months ago. She craved Jane's touch but Maura knew that a conversation between them had to come first because it was long overdue.
A ray of sunlight blazed a barrier between the two as Maura sat down; facing away from Jane's searing eyes. "You look a little pale."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious. It's not like I wasn't busy fighting for my life or anything." Jane said sarcastically. "And you look like you haven't seen a bed in a decade."
"I've been worried about you." Maura stated before turning her head briefly toward Jane. "That's all I ever do when it comes to you, worry."
Exhaustion hammered Jane's body as she struggled to lift her upper body with muscles that had been disused for several months. "And I'm truly sorry for that but, Maura, that's my job. It's who I am. Riding a desk while watching everyone else get dirty is not my idea of a good day no matter who's at home waiting for me."
"I don't want to change who you are, Jane. It's one of the many reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place. But do you think that makes it any easier on me to watch you willingly throw yourself in harm's way?" She felt the beginnings of hyperventilation setting in and tried to relax her nerves before continuing. "When you shot yourself…I didn't even have time to process. The doctors kept asking me questions that I couldn't even begin to answer; your blood type, allergies, if you were an organ donor…I couldn't take it. Being in the waiting room with your mother crying on my shoulder and Frost and Korsak staring holes into the ceiling…it just made me really scared, Jane.
"You needed me that night and I couldn't handle that kind of responsibility, that level of trust. So I ran away like a scared child." Maura said, the angst from that day rushing back, bile bubbling up her empty stomach. "And I'm still running away from you, aren't I? All I want is the craziness that you make me feel, but that scares me. The unknown isn't something I'm particularly familiar with."
Surprise entered her slim frame as the blonde felt the warm droplets of tears hit her legs. Each trail of tears leaked into Maura's mouth, salty bitterness blending with the taste of pain that had been in her mouth since Jane's shooting. Every ounce of her soul focused on the effort of stopping the tears before Jane could notice but resistance was futile, the brunette grasped her shuddering arm and pulled her into a makeshift embrace. Pain laced its way up Jane's side but it became a distant memory at the feel of Maura's body against hers.
"Honey…now you know how I feel. You think I like having my heart on my sleeve every time I talk to you? You're the first to ever make me feel absolutely and positively vulnerable, Maura. But you know what? I'd rather be vulnerable with you than sitting at home on my couch with Jo while wasting money on porcelain figurines.
Jane's hands ran up and down the expensive fabric covered back. Maura's eyelids struggled to remain open, exhaustion now taking the place of fear. "When I was in the academy, the drill sergeants always told us that fear might bend you, break you, transform you but it'll always make you stronger. Never have I feared something as much as being with you, Maura. Please…make me stronger, Maura."
"Jane…tell me…" the blonde whispered pleadingly to Jane, whitened hands clutching the even whiter bed sheets. "Tell me that you love me, that it's okay to feel so much emotion…I need to hear it, please."
"I love you, Maura, and I feel just as crazy as you." Jane shuddered as Maura's body relaxed fully into her with a small groan of released pleasure. "Now, if you don't mind, do you think you could drive me home? The longer I spend in this damn jail of disease, the harder it is for me to concentrate on finally having you in my arms."
The fast approaching darkness descended upon Jane and Maura as they sat on the floor in Jane's apartment, focused solely on the task of concentrating on the game of Scrabble. Continuing to stare at the intense focus of the blonde, Jane cracked her neck while pondering her word choices given her slim choice of letters. She knew that Maura was hogging all of the vowels but it was nearly impossible to prove it given her slim knowledge of the game. If I call her on it, she'll just deny it and claim I'm using it as an excuse for us to restart the game…for the fifth time.
Jane released a barely audible growl of frustration at Maura's sweet smile of victory. Words that couldn't be made swirled in the brunette's mind with each passing second as her rack of letters mocked her lack of an advanced degree. I can't lose this, not after Maura's bet…
"If you'd stop thinking about the prize, you'd do a lot better on the execution to get there," Maura said with restrained boredom as her hands played an unknown tune upon the worn-in coffee table that had seen better days. "But, maybe you aren't up to this, Jane? You were just cleared for active duty just last week and, if you remember, you had to have your bullet wound sutured for a second time last month. It's unfair of me to expect this much from you after the last couple of stressful months."
Jane rolled her eyes in amusement; stressful hardly described her experiences in the last couple of months adequately. Never in her life had Jane imagined that she would shoot herself outside of the Boston Police Department, listen to Maura declare her love for her, gotten jealous over a boy that resembled Ronald McDonald sent to boot camp, told Maura that she wanted to try giving a relationship a try, or be sitting in her apartment on an impromptu fifth date with her best friend. It was a lot to process, to say the least but, so far, everything that had happened had begun to fall into place for Jane.
Dating Maura was hardly any different than being friends, except that she dropped by more often unannounced. Their work relationship remained the same balanced combination of street smarts and science, sarcastic responses continued to be met with the blonde's unique level of obvious confusion as her mind tried to connect the meanings of Jane's words. However, when Jane trudged home after another day of exciting but tedious detective work, Maura was always there with an easy smile and a bottle of vintage Merlot that probably cost more than her monthly take home pay.
"Yes, Maura, I do remember the details of the last couple of months, thank you," she said with playful annoyance before resuming her ogling of the tiles. The light tapping made by her girlfriend's fingers increased Jane's heartbeat as her mind went to the sensation of those fingers running up Jane's spine. I don't know how anyone at work, especially my mother, hasn't put two and two together yet. The sexual tension before we got together was bearable, but now the pressure is next to impossible to ignore. I can barely focus around her. God, we haven't even done anything remotely sexual since that night.
Silence continued to spread across Jane's living room before dropping her head upon the desk in frustration. "Damn it…this isn't fair. I can't win at Scrabble because I hate Scrabble. Why couldn't you make this bet with a more sensible game like, oh, I don't know, Candy Land or Chutes-n-Ladders?"
"Do you really think I would bet whether I would sleep with you tonight over a childish game like Candy Land? There's no strategy and it's designed for children. And you know what," Maura began quizzically, maintaining her poker-face. "I'm not particularly sure what Candy Land is. Is it some kind of game where players guess the sugar concentration levels of popular candy brands because that doesn't sound like a game for you to procure a high win to lose ratio in your favor."
Jane rolled her eyes while looking up at Maura's coy face. "Are you kidding me right now? How can you not know what Candy Land is, but then you just described it as having 'no strategy' and being 'designed for children?' You've obviously heard of it before if you're making judgments."
"You know I don't like it when you assume, Jane," Maura said, her naked feet playing lightly along Jane's tense calves.
"How is that assuming? If anything," Jane shivered as Maura's toes continued to play havoc with her mind. "It's, how would you put it, logically putting together facts that have been presented."
"No matter how you phrase it, Jane, your assumption is still making an ass out of you and me. Now stop stalling and use those letters, please," she said amusedly before taking her wandering foot away from the on-edge homicide detective, stretching her body suggestively to loosen tightened muscles.
"Fuck this," Jane muttered to herself. Surprise painted Maura's face as the brunette stood up, walked toward her relaxed body, kissing her with a level of passion that Jane hardly knew she possessed.
The radiant smile released from Maura's lips told Jane that she was doing something completely right, a moan of pleasure burning through her ears after leaning Maura down toward the hardwood floor. Breaking from her prey, Jane stared at the beauty that was all hers.