Chapter 9

"She said that?"

I nodded.

Dick cradled his head in his hands as he sat at the table. "I didn't know she felt that way."

"It takes time for Raven to express herself," I said. "Perhaps you did not have the patience to listen."

"She never tried. Things would just blow up around her, she'd yell and I wouldn't know why. Our fights never get resolved, she'll just... vanish and meditate and when she came back, it's like the fight never happened in the first place. I'm completely in the dark. I mean, I know I'm a good detective, but that's only when there's clues. I can't decipher things if there's nothing to go on."

Poor Dick, not knowing why Raven was so upset. "Maybe... well..."

"What?"

"She is an empath. Perhaps it is more difficult because she already knows your heart and expects you to know hers just as well."

Dick stared at me. "You're saying this is her fault? For expecting me to be mind reader?"

"I am not laying blame. I am posing possibilities. You two have suffered a miscommunication. You will need to work hard to rectify it."

"If she even talks to me," Dick muttered. "I mean, of course I talked to her about the future. I talked to her about the police thing for ages. She agreed, she thought it would be good. She was encouraging. She didn't even mind that it was in Bludhaven, there's a good medical school there. We talked about getting an apartment together. I've been looking, trying to get her involved so we can rent something we both like. I found five prospective places, but when I tried to get her to look at them, out of the blue, she's saying I didn't discuss it with her."

"Perhaps it was suddenly real," I said. "The future can be scary when it is suddenly a now rather than something far away. Especially for Raven."

"Maybe. And this other stuff? About me controlling her college choices? All I did was put together a list of good schools and showed it to her. Money's no option. I wanted the best for her."

"She is most independent. Perhaps she saw it as you trying to control where she went?"

"I know how controlling I can be. She's the one that wears the pants in the relationship though, always deciding everything... Maybe I was... too excited that she was thinking of the future?"

"Perhaps." I hesitated, glancing over at Wally, Cyborg and Gar, who were all playing Gar's game console and keeping out of the way. They were being quiet, or as quiet as they could. "Dick... there may also be some of her feelings stemming from... Babs? Bludhaven is very close to Gotham."

Dick gave me a stern look. "I never cheated on her. Ever. I really don't know where she got that idea from. It really just appeared one day, coincidently after she'd seen you... that's why..." He hesitated and looked ashamed.

I nodded. "It would have been a reasonable assumption, I guess."

"There really isn't anything between us. Honest, Star."

"She said she could sense Babs all over you when you got back from Gotham."

Dick frowned at the table and ran his hands through his hair. "Well... we'd train a lot. There's no one in the Tower anymore that can really give me a run for my money combat wise. You used to... um... Babs is a challenge for me. It's... pretty close I guess. Could that be it?"

I sipped my coffee. "I will not presume to know how her powers work. For me... I got them muddled quickly... but what about the... um..."

"Say it."

"Telling her if you were going to get in trouble for something, you may as well do it."

"I think we've already discovered I say stupid, thoughtless things when drunk."

I nodded. "Truly, Dick, that was most terrible of you."

"I know. I know. God, the second those words were out, I wished the ground would swallow me up. I tried to apologise, but they're... out..." Dick glanced over at the guys and dropped his voice in embarrassment. "Okay... yes. I may have entertained the idea of what it might be like. Babs and I do go way back. But I didn't mean it. It's just..." he sighed and leant back on his chair, staring at the roof.

I reached over and placed my hand on his. "Talk."

He shifted his grip until he was holding my hand. "Do you know how long it's been since she's said she loved me? Since she's held my hand? Since we've had sex?"

Awkward. "Um... no..."

"I know she's not the most affectionate of people. I get that. But c'mon. I have needs to. She doesn't even make any effort anymore."

"Does she know?"

Dick sighed. "Yup. Know what her response is to that?"

"No."

"'I'm not Starfire.'"

I was completely taken aback.

"She thinks I compare you to her. She thinks I'd rather be with you than her."

"Which is not true," I said.

Dick did not say anything.

"It is not true," I said again. Gar turned his head toward us and narrowed his eyes.

Dick gave a heavy sigh.

"Dick!"

"I wouldn't mind if she was a little more open about her feelings. If she was a little more affectionate like you. C'mon, Star, we've been sitting here five minutes and you're holding my hand. You give friends hugs so freely and... it makes me a little jealous of Gar, thinking what he must get from you and know I can't get that from Raven. He always comes back to the Tower from seeing you and be so fucking happy. It makes me wonder what my life would be like if I picked you."

I removed my hand. "Any opportunity we may have had is gone," I said sternly as I folded my arms across my chest.

"Yeah, I know. It's an idle thought, that's all. A what if. I don't want anything from you other than friendship."

"Raven would pick up on your feelings."

Dick looked forlorn. "Yeah, I know that too."

I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. "X'hal, Dick." It was no wonder she never spoke to me about Dick. If she thought... X'hal, if she thought I was encouraging him...

"I'm not perfect. I can be a fucking stubborn asshole at times. When she yells, I get defensive and yell back. But I love her. I just wish I knew she felt the same way." He face planted the table, then wrapped his arms around his head. "It feels like she's trying to get out of this relationship. That she's looking for any excuse. Or making them up herself... How did so many stupid and small problems escalate to something this big?"

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "When you do not talk about the little things, they become very big."

Dick sighed. "I just wish she'd come back so we could talk."

"I know-"

The phone rang. I flicked my eyes over to Gar, who got to his feet to answer it for me. It was most likely Donna, checking in.

"Dick, we will find a way to send a message to Raven," I said, soothingly. "You two can work this out."

"Hello, Anders' residence, this is Gar," he said politely.

"I hope so."

"Raven?" Gar squeaked.

All our attention focused on Gar. Cyborg turned off the game console. Wally twisted, waiting expectantly. Dick's head jerked up and his knuckles went white as he gripped the table.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" Gar asked.

Dick tried to stand, but I held him down. "Sit."

"But-"

"Gar will get her here," I said with utmost confidence.

"Star doesn't care about the stupid windows, Rae, stop worrying about that. We're all worried about you... 'coz we're your friends and we care about you." He twitched, casting me a concerned look. "No... of course he didn't... well, Star punched him in the nose and I bit him, what's that tell you?"

I held my breath, hoping he would be able to convince her.

"Yes, he's here. Do you-"

Dick half rose again hopefully.

Gar shook his head and looked forlorn. "Okay... uh-huh... uh-huh... no... that's not gonna work..." Gar's tone became forceful. "Because you're gonna come back here and talk to him like a grown up. You're not gonna leave Starfire with this mess to clean up... 'Coz I'd like to get back to kissing her, that's why."

He flashed me a small smile.

"Tell her yourself..." Gar winked at me. "Of course Star's emotionally stable. She's got the hots for me. It's the ears."

I giggled.

"Hmmm... you can tap me if you like, baby."

I rolled my eyes at Gar, guessing Raven wanted to know if she could use my emotions to keep herself in control, which was fine with me.

"That's the risk, Rae. Can't live your life if you're always afraid of getting hurt, take a chance. Communicate... because you don't tell people what you're thinking... well, you don't... Nope. You're wrong... well, he's never smelt like her. And I do know what sex smells like... Oh, c'mon... I know what that smells like too! ... Here's a kicker, maybe, just maybe, you're wrong... I know, it's a shock, isn't it?... You won't know unless you come back and talk to him... Well, you start by saying 'Dick, you're an asshole,' and go from there... nah, mine was better... yes... yeah, okay... okay... I'll tell him. Bye."

"Well?" Dick asked anxiously as Gar hung up.

Gar grinned. "She's coming."

"Really?" Dick asked, while Cyborg, Wally and I breathed sighs of relief.

"Yup. I'm just that good," Gar said proudly.

"Nice work, B," Cyborg said.

"What'd she say?" Dick asked, suddenly panicked.

"None of your business," Gar said, stern. "But she's coming back. She's gonna listen while you talk, she's gonna talk while you listen. Neither of you are going to yell. Fix it. Do it right. Or I'll bite your other arm and this time I'll eat it."

"Are you really that eager to bite him again?" Wally asked. "What, does Dick taste nice or something?"

Gar blinked, then his face screwed up. "Ewwwww."

Cyborg laughed. "Gar's got a taste for Dick."

"No, I don't!" Gar protested. "Wally's the one who suggested it! Not me!"

"You did say you wished to eat his arm," I said. "Perhaps if you are... 'batting for the other team', it would not be wise to begin a relationship with me."

Gar was vehement. "I'm not batting for any other team!"

"I always wondered, B," Cyborg teased. "Should I be worried?"

"Watch your back door, man," Wally said suggestively. "You might find a snake trying to get entrance!"

"Dudes!" Gar said, scandalised.

"TMI, guys," Dick groaned. "I don't wanna know what you do in your free time."

"We're not the ones who's first instinct when jumpin' Dick was to shift into a honey badger," Cyborg said.

Dick groaned and covered his face. "God, the honey badger."

I raised my eyebrows. "Was that the creature you turned into last night, Gar?"

He nodded, his ears going red.

"Cy showed me them last night," Wally said. "Only creature to go for the balls first."

"Seriously, honey badgers don't give a shit," Cyborg said, grinning.

"Yeah, well, he should be thankful I changed my mind!" Gar said, his voice shrill.

"I am!" Dick exclaimed. "Extremely."

"Look at him, eating that cobra," Wally joked. "Being all bad ass."

Cyborg's smile was sly. "You know, he can turn into a big cock-"

"It's called a rooster!" Gar protested.

I could see this was just going to become more and more crude, so I stood and headed to my kitchen to put the kettle on for tea. After placing a cup on the bench, I went to fetch Raven's brand of tea from my pantry, only to find Dick holding it. "I used to make her tea for her all the time," he murmured forlornly. "Now, I can't remember the last time I did."

"It is the little things that matter the most," I said and stepped aside so he could make it for her.

"What do I say?" he asked, nervously.

I considered. "Do you wish to make it work between you?"

"More than anything," he looked at me with his soulful blue eyes. "I love her, Star."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Start with that. Then find a way to do it."

"What if-"

"Talk first. There is no 'what if' without communication first."

He nodded, stirring Raven's tea. "Thanks Star, you're the best." He placed his hand on my arm and kissed my cheek.

"I know... Dick?"

Dick looked at me.

"I am most apologetics about-" I gestured his face, mournful.

Dick was aghast. "God, Star. No. Don't be. At all. I deserved it. The things I said... I'm really sorry."

"Right!" Gar announced, very loudly. "I'm gonna show you how not gay I am!" He practically leapt over the kitchen counter, landed in front of me and plastered his lips on mine.

I squeaked in surprise at the sudden kissing assault, especially when I found myself backed up until my rear was against the counter. I gripped the counter for support on the chance he would keep pushing.

Cyborg and Wally catcalled, whistled and clapped while Dick averted his eyes and continued making Raven's tea.

For his ferocity at the charge, the kiss quickly turned sweet and slow. Hands settled on my waist. I allowed my eyes to slide shut and just enjoy it, not caring who was watching.

Cyborg cleared his throat a few times, each louder than the next.

Wally exclaimed, "Oh, man. Really? C'mon dude. Come up for air. Stop eating her face."

"Oh, let them go," Dick muttered. "You know they've had to endure us. Let them have their honeymoon period."

"Sorry," Gar said when he was satisfied. "Always wanted to do that."

I smiled, then turned my head expectantly as Raven's call sounded. Both Gar and I stretched out a hand to place it on Dick to prevent him from rushing to her. Cyborg greeted her instead, sweeping her up into a big brotherly hug before she had even exited her raven.

She was dishevelled and still wearing the same clothes as last night. Her face was drawn and her eyes red. She looked rather skittish in Cyborg's arms, her eyes kept darting to Dick.

"Girl, you scared us," Cyborg said. "Don't leave like that again."

"Sorry," Raven mumbled.

"I'm serious," Cyborg said, still holding her. "We were worried."

"I know," she murmured.

He placed his big hand under her chin and lifted her face so she would meet his gaze. I could not quite see his expression, but Raven's changed as she looked back at him. She relaxed and gave him a small smile. "Silly girl," Cyborg said and kissed her forehead.

Raven's eyes shifted to me next. "Star-"

I rushed her, sweeping her up into a hug too. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry about the-"

"I do not care about the windows. I care about you." I crushed her to me as gently as I could. "Oh, I have not been a very good friend. I was not there for you."

Raven held onto me tightly. "Oh, Star, it's not your fault. I didn't know how and... I didn't... I couldn't..."

I cupped her face. "You know you can always talk to me about everything. Anything. Whenever you need to. Remember, if you voice your feelings, things become clear. Perhaps if you had spoken to someone outside, it would not have become this bad."

Raven considered me with watery eyes. "I... maybe... I..."

"As it is, I am going to lock you and Dick in my spare room so you may have the privacy and you are not coming out until you have spoken civilly to each other." I turned my head and looked at Dick. "Agreed?"

Dick nodded, only having eyes for Raven.

"Do I get a hug too?" Gar asked and Raven and I extended our arms so he could join in for a three way hug.

"Congrats to you both," Raven said with a small smile.

"About time, huh?" Gar teased.

All three of us were swept up in Cyborg's arms and lifted off the floor in the group hug, complete with 'muah' kisses on the head for Raven and me. Of course, this meant poor Dick was left out, but unfortunately it was not up to us to invite him in. A quick peek saw that Wally was leaning against Dick's shoulder companionably.

When Cyborg released us, I smiled at Dick then indicated with my eyes where we were going. Keeping my arm around Raven, I hurried her off to the spare room.

Sitting her on the spare bed, I knelt in front of her and clasped her hands with mine. "He is hurting as much as you are," I said.

"Star, I don't know about this," she said, fidgeting.

"You said you loved him."

"I do."

"That is more than enough reason to try."

"I made you a tea," Dick said from the doorway.

Raven gripped my hands as I rose. "Stay."

I looked between Raven and Dick uneasily, but Dick nodded at me. Still, I stayed standing. I truly did not wish to be caught in the middle.

Dick placed the cup of tea on the set of drawers by the door. "Rae, I love you. I want to make this work, I really don't have a clue what's going on lately. Why are you suddenly upset about the police academy? C'mon, we spent months talking about it. Why'd you tell Star we didn't? I would've done the one in Jump if I'd known you had a serious problem with it."

"It's not just the police academy," Raven murmured. She shifted, uncomfortable. "It's Babs too."

"There's nothing there. Honest."

"There was. And it's growing back."

"It's friendship. Companionship. Do you really think pushing me away is the right way to handle things? I don't know how you feel unless you tell me."

"I know how you feel," she snapped.

"Raven," I soothed. "No anger."

"I have a life in Jump. I'm respected. I have a home. A cleansed room for meditating, I spent years getting its aura right. And now he wants me to move so he can be closer to his girlfriend."

It was like a light had switched on. Things were becoming clear to me now.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Dick clenched his fists, and then forced himself to take a calming breath. "We train together. That's it. Training's hard. There's comradery there, but I don't want to sleep with her. What I want is for you and me to move in together so we can be closer as a couple. Even if we stay in Jump, I want us to be on our own. No more walking into the common room and finding Cyborg on the sofa. No more uniforms all the time. Just you and me."

Raven turned her face away.

"Change can be scary," I said. "But it can be good too."

"I'm not scared," Raven snapped.

I dropped to my knee. "Yes. You are. You would not have obscured the truth otherwise. Raven, you are a very dear friend and it pains me that you did not trust me, but I understand why you felt you could not. You do need to trust him. And hiding away will not help. Do not run from your fear. Confront it."

"You ran from yours," Raven mumbled.

"I left to remember myself. I did not run. Do you really think it will be easier to break up than talk to him, Raven? Is that what you want?"

Raven turned her eyes to Dick. "He'd rather be with you over me."

"That's not true," Dick protested.

"It is, I can feel it," she snapped. "You dream about her."

Dick stared at her. "Seriously? My dreams are getting me in trouble? Hell, Raven. I can't control them. That's not very fair... ooooh... I get it now... this is about that book Jinx gave you. About interpreting dreams? If I dream about Slade in a tutu dancing to the tune of the sugarplum fairy, it means I'm secretly gay, right? Or if I wear red on the second Tuesday and go to sleep on my left side, it secretly means I want to buy a toaster oven for your birthday. Oh! This is about me dreaming I was playing Frisbee with Beast Boy in the conservatory, with a candle stick! Miss Scarlett! She's the one that got me in trouble. That hussy!"

"Dick, you are ranting," I said sternly.

Dick folded his arms, cross. "Shit, Raven. Those things are a hack. Get me in trouble for the things I do. Not what I fucking dream."

"Perhaps you wish for it to be true," I suggested. "Blame Dick, so you can tell yourself your conscious is clear?"

Raven was accusing. "You want him-"

"It has not been Dick who has held my heart this last year, Raven," I snapped, hurt. "And you know that."

She dropped her eyes.

"Why are you so determined to push those who love you away? Stop putting me in the middle," I told her sternly. "Jealousy is a feeling too, Raven and one you are entitled to have. But if you do not admit it, it becomes too large to handle." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Do you want to break up with him?"

Raven hung her head. "No."

"Then tell yourself he is worth fighting for, then do it." I stood again and pried my hand from Raven's tight grip. "I am going to leave now and I want you and Dick to talk. Start with how you are feeling. Because I do remember what occurred last time you were overcome with your emotions and I do not wish my home to become the Wicked Scary funhouse."

Raven gave a small smile.

I looked at Dick. "The Titans are family, but that does not mean we can just become complacent on how we treat each other. We all make sacrifices, that is what makes us stronger."

With that, I walked from the room and closed the door.

"Nice speech, babe," Gar said from the couch, smiling at me. "I hope it helps."

"I do as well." I glanced around. "Where did Cyborg and Wally go?"

"To fetch the girls. They muttered something about credit cards and not wanting all their money spent. They'll be back. But it means we're kinda alone." Gar patted his lap. "C'mere."

I smiled and tackled him.

"Woah!" he exclaimed as we ended up in a tumble on the floor. He laughed, propping himself up on his elbow and placed his hand on my stomach. "Eager, are we?"

I was giggly. "Perhaps a little."

He smiled. "I hold your heart?" he asked, sounding a little awed and pleased.

"No, I was referring to Cyborg," I teased.

"Silly Star," he said as he kissed me. "You hold mine too."

So many things to discover. Hands could explore and clasp. Cuddles to share. Murmurs and whispers. Tickles. Brushes of noses. Gasps of breath. Legs caressing. Heat between us. Staring into each other's eyes.

It was amazing. I have never felt so close to him before.

Articles of (his) clothing did end up being unbuttoned, hands stroked beneath the cloth. There were a few gentle caresses, sliding exploration, kisses against parts of skin that were considered sacred. But mostly lots and lots of slow kisses.

A startled gasp. "Oh, my."

"Woo!"

"B! Quit deflowerin' my baby sister!"

Author's Note:

The honey badger has been declared the scariest, badass mammal that walks the Earth. It is the only animal that will choose to go for the gentalia over the throat and can find them on any animal. Dick was rather lucky.

Now is it time to kill everyone?