yes. you are still gonna be confused after this chapter. chapter 2 will clear it up, though. i promise! or at least whatever confusion this chapter brings. not the prologue.

you're supposed to be a little confused with this one, though. :)

alrighty. the song from the prologue, which i have been dying to use somewhere and finally got to, was Anthem of Our Dying Day by Story of the Year. OH MY TIGERS. i love that song. it's so amazing. and epic. and just...idk. it gives me goosebumps.

do you have songs that do that to you? or is that just me? because i have a few that do..

anyways...R&R (read and review) and enjoy! :)

My world cannot ever bring me down
Everything I had is turning back around
Because our times worth something
Bigger then both you and me

I can't live my life always backing down
I've got to do this right, then they can't make a sound
Cause I'm not here for nothing.
At least I can say I stand for something.

You and me we stand for something.

I hate this town, it's so washed up
And all my friends don't give a fuck
They'll tell me that it's just bad luck
Where will I find where I fit in?

*Iggy*

Walking with my head held high and my eyes dead set in front of me as I passed a protesting, unhappy crowd was a hard thing to do.

All that work I put into this, defending this country and their right to protest like this, they throw it back in my face by being angry that I made it as far as I did.

I shuffled my bare feet across the cold dusty floor, a house I lived in but hadn't been to in so long. Now, it would become my best friend, it seemed.

It was stupid, beyond stupid. How could he do this? How could I do this to him—a more important him, to me anyways? How could I be so cruel? And how could he be so stupid? This is why relationships are so freaking stupid! When they go wrong, you do stupid things, and others have to suffer the consequences!

Ugh.

Unfortunately, though, at the same time, I couldn't call relationships stupid. Because I was in one.

This is so messed up . . . .

"Ignacia Morrow," I heard various reporters call out as my two homies, the guys I had fought for my life with, fought for these freedoms we're blessed with; followed behind me, their own eyes set in front of them.

"Why did you do it?" another one asked, something that surprised me. I stopped walking towards the SUV in front of me so I could gaze at him, teeth barred together.

"Do what?"

"Pretend to be your brother," he said carefully, his eyes widening as he truly began to look at me. Apparently, I'm intimidating? "Pretend to be a male. Uh, and, um, decide to, well, join the Navy SEALS, being the only female in there."

"I did it for this country," I said firmly, glancing briefly at the crowd. They seemed to be getting angrier, but I didn't care. It was their problem, not mine. "I did it because I wanted to do something. I wanted to make my stand. I didn't do this to prove women could. I didn't do it to prove men and women are equals. I did this for the good of this country."

"And no other branch would suffice?" another woman spoke up, appearing to be just as angry as the crowd.

I shook my head. "No, ma'am. You see, my father was a SEAL, as was his father, and his father. So on. My cousin, my uncle. . .all SEALS. Not to mention they needed someone else. They were low in recruiting, with that major loss they had not too long ago. I really don't understand what the big deal is. For three years, I've served side-by-side with so many different guys, gotten through some pretty messed up situations with them. As a female. As a minor. Maybe I should've waited, but I don't regret pretending to be a guy for the training. No one gives women a chance, and I had to have one. I may not be the smartest person, and I do make mistakes. But, it was no mistake to become a Navy SEAL. First woman or not, I don't care. I'm just proud that I was able to serve my country and make it out alive."

"But—"

"We're done here," Blake said firmly, gently pressing his hand on my back shoulder. "Come on, Iggy. We need to get you home."

I was literally shaking in anticipation, twitching nervously and shooting holes in my wall whenever something broke the eerie silence. If there was a pizza delivery guy or something, I was gonna go to jail for homicide.

I shouldn't be here. I should be out there fighting this war.

But there was no more enlisting. Thankfully, I wasn't dishonorably discharged. I was just asked to retire, and I did. It wasn't long after my training that they discovered I was a female, but my squadron kept that secret as long as I had some medical term kind of surgery to remove any female organ involved in the menstrual cycle.

But, when they found out I lied about my age too . . . things got out of hand. Someone outside of my squadron found out, everything, and things got crazy. The media wasn't supposed to find out. It was confidential information that got leaked, but I knew it would happen.

Everyone did.

Something sounded behind me, and I was quick to throw the Celtic dagger, resting in the garter holster, across the room and towards the direction of the sound.

It wasn't until the knife hit and the table fell over, split in two, that I realized it was just my cell phone ringing.

"Right," I muttered, trembling anxiously as I scooted back across the room towards the direction of the sound of my ringtone, The Downfall of Us All by A Day to Remember. "Hello?"

"How you holdin' up, Iggy?" Shane's soothing, deep voice sounded, something that did ease my spirits a little.

It wasn't that I had any attraction whatsoever to Shane, but Shane, Blake, and I had served together, through it all. They discovered my secret during SEAL training, and they kept it secret through everything. So, all along, they knew, and it wasn't long before they knew about the age thing too.

So, they were my brothers, basically, on top of my other brother.

"My house is broken," I admitted sheepishly. "I think you need to come take my weapons."

He snorted. "We did that last time. You manage to come up with some each time. And this time, I think if we take the 9mm, you might just shoot us."

"I might," I agreed. "I can't do this, Shane. I can't take this madness!"

"Um, Iggy, babe, I hate breaking it to you, but this isn't madness," he informed me carefully. "This is civilian life. Welcome. You lived it the first fourteen years of your life."

"But not the past three," I reminded him. "I'm just so used to that adrenaline! I'm so used to the fights, the secret ops, and just everything I'm not living now! I have to get back in somehow!"

"They're not gonna let you in," he said firmly. "Okay. What you need to do is talk to this boy you wrote all the time. Let him know you're home and safe—see him. All your problems will go away."

My eyebrows furrowed. "How'd you know about those?"

"I'm not stupid," he snorted. "You should let us meet him while we're still in Wichita—Saturday night. And, uh, you can meet my blind date with me. Blake's girlfriend too. He wanted me to say that so you would quit teasing him about being gay."

I laughed a little. "Aw. Tell him not to worry. The gay jokes will never stop. This girl could easily be a cover up."

"That is very true," Shane agreed. "But, I think if Blake was gay, we would be the first two to know . . . besides him, of course."

"Maybe," I murmured. "Or maybe not. I think he's already informed his gay lover."

He laughed. "Well, I'd hope he informed him. Things might get a little awkward if he didn't."

As I began to laugh again, there was a firm knock on my door—not hard, like if Ember was knocking, but firm enough that I knew it wasn't Ash. "Um, Shane, I gotta go. Mom's knocking. Probably to talk about where to go from here. I don't know. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait!" he exclaimed quickly. "First, Saturday night? Yes. We'll pick you up at seven. No excuses. You're going."

I just sighed and walked over to answer my door, looking attentive and alert as I looked at her. "Yes, ma'am?"

She looked rather irritated, but her wrath—which used to terrify me—had nothing on any of my drill sergeants. Still, it made me feel a little guilty, and my eyes fell to the ground as I began fiddling with my shoulder length white blonde hair—literally. I was practically white too, because my mom was albino. So, I was part albino.

Figures.

"Wow, nothing breaking at the sound of my knock," she finally mused, clearly and truly impressed. "I guess you're adjusting now?"

"I was talking to Shane already when you called," I admitted in a low voice, shifting once again over to the window so I could stare pointlessly at the seemingly empty Kansas landscape around me. And she followed too, because she was curious what I was seeing.

She sighed when she realized the emptiness I saw—the fields I used to love to play in. "I don't understand why you exile yourself in your room. Come to the living room, in here with us. Your brother and his family are here. Besides, you need to get used to people. You start school again tomorrow."

"I'll be out there in a minute," I muttered. "Mom, I'm sorry, but school . . . it has too many people there. I'm dangerous in crowds. I'm a Navy SEAL. Any day now, the Chief will get me my position back, and I'll be back in the SEALs, where I should be."

"Not until you're eighteen," she said darkly, and I saw her eyes tighten. "This is your own fault, though. You got yourself into the SEALs. Look, Iggy, you have no options. You have to get back in school. You have to have options in life for whenever you decide to give up this madness."

I knew there was no convincing her to call it something else. I'm a stubborn person, but that's just her opinion. You can't just change someone's opinion by being stubborn.

And I began staring out the window again. Not really staring at anything. Just looking around, waiting for something to flicker and change.

I was too bored with this.

"One more thing," she murmured as she turned to leave, stopping in my door so she could tell me her last request. "Bring Elliot home as soon as you can. I miss that boy."

I was gawking after her, but I didn't think about it much. Mostly, that distracted me from my anxiety and brought me back to my normal teenage hormones—the ones I still had left.

Elliot. My boyfriend.

The one I messed up, badly. I left him, with no warning. And I never told him where I was going. I continued writing, through Gavin—who was the only person who knew.

But he never knew, still doesn't. Does he even know I'm back? Does he still have feelings for me? It's been a few months since we wrote…I would say no.

I guess I would have to wait until tomorrow to see.

Oh man. Tomorrow.

okay. so you know, YES. i know females can't be SEALs. Yes, i know it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to get in the military and fake being a different gender. i am well aware. but she does, because . . . well, you'll see. :) but i know it's impossible. that's what i love about writing. you can make the most impossible things seem realistic. :)