R&R for more! :D the song from chapter 4 was . . . Colder Than My Heart, If You Can Imagine by A Day to Remember. who you all know i absolutely ADORE! :D :D :D i love them. :D :D :D

heh. heh. yeah.

so, R&R. yep. here ya go.

Here we are
With nowhere else to go
And that's so far from where we all could be but
If you feel like disappearing you should take this for what it's worth

This is it, and it fits
And it feels like this is good enough for me
Could it be that the grass is always green

"As promised," Coach Henderson, my US Government teacher, announced. "Iggy has the entire class period to tell us all about the SEALs and her adventures with them."

I took a deep breath as he walked out in the hall to answer his phone, leaving me alone in the classroom to make a public speech—the entire class period. "Okay. Well, boot camp was . . . it was interesting. Pretending to be a guy there was hard. Actually, two guys found out at boot camp. They kept my secrets, and we became really good friends. We were actually three of the four to make it through SEAL training."

"How did you hide your boobs?" one guy—Marcus, I think his name is—asked very bluntly, giving me a wink afterwards. "Those are extremelyhard to miss."

I nodded. This was a question I expected, but not so… perversely. "Lots of ACE wrap and the help of the two guys who already knew."

"Did you ever, you know, return the favor?" he winked again. "Give 'em some bj? A little—"

"Okay, shut up," I interrupted quickly, glancing briefly over at a fuming Elliot. "They never saw or touched anything. And the same goes vice versa. You're a pig, okay? Get over yourself and act at least half your age. Enough about my boobs or anything like that. No one's ever seen them. Anything. Any questions that don't involve sexual things?"

Elliot looked ticked, but not at me, actually. Not anymore anyways. He actually looked like he was about to get up and punch someone. Particularly that Marcus guy.

"This might be personal, but how did you hide your period?" Andrea, my old Biology partner, asked curiously.

"Good question," I said honestly. "Not too personal. Um, all those female parts that make that happen, I had those removed. So, no kids. No more bleeding. No more symptoms either… not that I had those before."

"When did everyone find out?" Sierra asked curiously, right as Coach Henderson came back in.

"A month after training," I said instantly, without thought. "Chief, uh, he said I was a SEAL, even if I lied to be there. So we kept it a secret for the longest time. For a while, I had a shaved head from boot camp, but it's—obviously—gotten longer, back to shoulder-length. What it actually was, we were on our first mission. I didn't have time to deal with the ACE wrap, because it was a surprise, fast one. I also had fake stubble Blake and Shane—two guys I told you about—recommended and helped me get. It wouldn't have been a big deal if Blake hadn't got shot, or if that stupid fiftieth guy hadn't shot me."

"Did you say fiftieth?" Coach Henderson gasped, astounded.

I nodded. "Two on fifty, four on two hundred when we regrouped. That was a light day, though. You learn to get used to insane odds."

"How do you know how many there are?" Elliot surprised me by asking, his voice soft but eyes set on me—impassive.

"Body counts given to us later," I said quickly, hesitating probably longer than I should have on his eyes. "Someone actually goes back and counts them. I don't really know how it works. We just get a number."

"What's the craziest odd you faced?" Tanna asked curiously.

I thought for a second, biting my bottom lip as I crossed my arms over my chest. Just a habit that I never broke, unlike most of my other habits. "Shane was shot in our two person mission, and I had to leave him in a safe zone. It was dark. I was alone swimming through a river with dogs trying to sniff me out—the reason women can't be in the SEALs to begin with, unless they do like I did. I think there were twenty-seven dogs and two hundred and thirty-eight soldiers and trained assassins. If I'm remembering those numbers right. It's something like that."

"Holy smokes!" Coach exclaimed suddenly, and everyone jumped, except me. I had learned to expect the unexpected, so that didn't scare me. "Remind me to never tick youoff."

I laughed a little. "Okay. Well, anyone else?"

"How did someone outside of the SEALs find out?" Rebecca, a girl I used to be in the band with, asked, eyes kind of harsh.

I shrugged. "We were just getting back from a mission—Blake, Shane, and I. We never got the message Chief sent out to us about the Navy Commander showing up at camp, so I came back in a cami with my grown hair down, and the Commander was furious. Chief showed him all the stuff I've done, tried to persuade him to keep it quiet. Well, he didn't go for it. Actually, Chief almost got fired, and all the guys I worked with who knew almost got dishonorably discharged. I felt like the worst person in the world. I felt awful, regretted it more than ever before. But, the fact that I was a minor didn't really even matter. The Navy Commander—or ex-Navy Commander, I should say—is quite sexist, actually. He called me their groupie, said all kinds of stuff that was just… uncalled for. But, the reason Chief didn'tget fired and the guys didn'tget dishonorably discharged was . . . I don't know if you've heard in the news, but the Navy Commander has been court marshaled and is currently being tried for treason. So, the new Commander pardoned Chief and the guys, and they're actually working on getting me back in when I'm eighteen."

The instant the words came out, I regretted them and wanted to take them back. But I couldn't. Elliot was already mad at me, but now this?

And he was absolutely furious, just like I knew he would be. Thankfully, he knew now wasn't the time to show that or fight about it, so he bit his anger back and kept quiet.

"Did your mom have any idea where you were?"

"Why didn't you just wait?" Billy—random kid, no relevance—asked with a snort.

"My older brother would've been too old by the time I was eighteen," I answered. It was a clever excuse I thought of this morning, in preparation for this random rant I got to go on. "They prefer you start in the SEALs at eighteen or nineteen, not twenty-two."

And when the bell rang to end class, I had never been happier to be released from a class. Because not only did I have a massive speech that irritated a lot of people, simply because of all the stuff I did to get myself in this position, but I also had a pissed off Elliot ready to yell at me. But he wouldn't, not until after school.

Thankfully.

"When did you plan on informing me of your plans to reenlist?"

It didn't surprise me at all when Elliot was waiting for me after school by my car, eyes burning with anger as he looked darkly over at me.

"After all this mess with your parents and your future calmed down," I replied honestly. "I promise, El. I was. And I . . . when I first got back, I was all for it—certain. But I'm not anymore."

He trusted this answer, but he still looked doubtful about something. "Why?"

This question, however, didsurprise me, and I was almost unsure how to answer without the truth . . . which I couldn't do. Not the whole truth anyways.

"I put you through so much already," I murmured. "I can't do that again."

"It wouldn't be as bad if I knew," he said honestly. "But . . . I don't know. We'll talk more later. I've gotta get to the Moore's place."

I was a little stunned—and hurt, admittedly—that he didn't ask me to come with him. But I hid it and nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll stop by tonight, if you want," he offered. "If there's time."

"Sounds good," I said, smiling. "Bye."

He shocked me when he not only smiled at me, which was a rare thing in itself that I was seeing a lot of lately, but also winked. "See ya later, gorgeous."

Oh man. It's not fair. This boy shouldn't be able to disorient me like he does, mess me up so bad inside.

As I started looking through my backpack for my keys, I heard a girl—Brynleah, I think her name is—sigh from the parking space two away. I looked up at her and saw her looking at me, shaking her head a little.

My eyebrows rose. "Um . . . yes?"

"Why don't you two just date already?" she asked curiously, but she sounded like one of those girls reading a romance novel and yelling at the main couple to just get together already. "Because you're absolutely adorable together, and you just mesh. You're not the same, not by any stretch of the imagination, but you balance each other out. You flow. And I don't think anything would get in-between you if you did. Nothing." She sighed. "Well, I'll just be going now. Bye!"

Before I could even reply, she was in her car and driving away. Recklessly, I might add.

And that got me thinking. Elliot and I . . . we didn't have long to talk about all of this and work out a compromise. Less than a month.

I was uneasy, though. There are only two ways to go. He's so against marriage . . . and what kind of friend would I be if I just let him die? Much less his girlfriend.

Not to mention . . . he has to be with someone. Do I really wanna say, "Not me!" like that?

As I watched his Jeep pull away, I made up my mind in that very precise moment.

Tonight, I was sneaking out with him, and we were gonna do this.

Oh boy.

As I got into my car, my phone started ringing, surprising me completely. I was always trained to expect the unexpected, but thinking about Elliot . . . it made thinking complicated, not to mention preparing for anything.

"Blake!" I squealed as I read the caller ID. "Oh my . . . you and Shane need to come to my house. Now! When do you ship back out?"

"All the legal stuff is almost through, so, probably next week," he answered after a few moments of thinking. "Chief says they've almost got you cleared too."

I bit my lip. "Oh. Um . . . that's . . . that's awesome."

"Yeah, we're gonna talk about that reaction when we get there," he informed me, although I already figured as much. "Won't your mom be mad, though?"

"She'll understand," I assured him. "Especially . . . ."

"Don't make your decision based off this boy," he pleaded desperately. "Chief is busting his butt to get you in. It'll be a waste if you just choose not to."

"I haven't decided, and it's something I have to consider," I sighed. "I know that's backwards from what I always said, but I can't explain it. It has to do with his secret I wouldn't tell you about."

"Ah," he murmured. "Well, I'll wake Shane up, and we'll head over."

"I'll text you if she says no, which she shouldn't," I said lightly, almost distantly as I began starting my car and preparing to pull out. "See you soon."

When I hung up, I got to thinking. Wouldn't Shane and Blake complicate things tonight?

No. I could still sneak out. Heck, if we ask Mom and explain everything, she'd probably let us do it at home.

Wow. Things have really gotten crazy. Who knew life after the SEALs would be even half as crazy as life in the SEALs?