End of a Small Sanctuary
Chapter 1
It's funny the things you think about in bed when sleep seems to be the furthest thing away from your all-too conscious mind.
It was on a cold night, very much like this one, that I began to question my impure feelings for my twin.
A night where the temperamental heating went kaput and the only thing to warm me was the thin blanket and the soft body pressed firmly against me.
A night so still and quiet, the only thing I could hear was the sound of the delicate breath from the one I love.
A night, two years ago now, that I realised I loved my sister more than society would see fit.
The same thoughts were racing through my mind currently. My inner turmoil running circles around my head, until I no longer knew what was right and what was wrong anymore. Sleep, once my only solace from the demeaning thoughts on my own feelings, had become fitful of late. My dreams filled with images of a lonely future. Dreams, nightmares, in which Yukino would be married and I'd be left behind, never knowing what it was like to be loved by the most important person in my life.
How can one person do so much to me?
I gazed on to her face in the dim moonlit room. It was so close I realised I could almost taste every shallow lungful of air she exhaled. As each breath crept past my lips I drank it in, praying every one would last a little longer as I held it in my chest for a few seconds before returning it. It made any shameful, sober or moral thoughts I had previously, dissipated into the recesses of my love-weary mind as I was enticed in even closer.
Before I knew it, our lips were merely a hairs breadth apart. I knew I was intoxicated, but I didn't care. She is like my heroin, she could destroy me but I craved for one glorious hit more than I needed oxygen to live…and I felt like nothing could stop me…
"Mmm Kana-chan" I jumped a mile suddenly as I felt an icy cold foot slide up my pyjama leg. My heart raced at the sudden, poorly timed movement from the sleeping Yukino.
Time ticked by as I lay there, my body shaking from the sudden fear induced adrenaline rush. The drumming noise that filled my head, eventually calming as I gradually came back down to earth.
Damn you Yuki-chan! I thought you were awake for a second there.
I vowed to myself to never do something so stupid again with out permission as my rigid body relaxed and unintentionally sidled a little closer to my sister's. As soon as I did this though Yukino, seeking warmth, cuddled up tightly to me, her scent once more invading my senses.
I can't live like this for much longer.
The temptation was too great and I knew it.
This isn't fair on Yuki-chan…and it just isn't safe for my sanity I thought as my weak will power caved in and I wrapped my arms around the blondes waist. I'll…tell you tomorrow Yuki-chan, I promise.
Kissing her on the forehead tenderly, my thoughts ceased to exist as I resigned my now exhausted body to a restless sleep.
"Kana-chan"
…
"Kana-chaaaan~" I twitched slightly as I heard my name being called. "Wakey wakey sleepy head" Grunting I turned over, shying away from the source of the noise. The last thing I wanted to do was get up and face the world in my current state.
Hearing a small sigh followed by sweet silence, I settled back down into the warm covers.
Maybe I can just stay wrapped up like this all day? I thought as I buried myself deeper But wait, wasn't there something I was supposed to do today-
"Ahhh!" I screamed as the covers were promptly ripped off my tired body without warning, exposing me to the chill morning air.
I quickly turned to face my sister and gave her the stink-eye as I scrambled to get the sheets back, launching myself off the side of the bed to my target.
I was mid-flight when Yukino gave me an evil smile, moving further back so she was out of reach, causing me to simply fall to the ground in a heap as she giggled at my expense.
"Yuki-chan! What gives?" I shouted as I stumbled to my feet with all the grace of a baby deer on ice.
"Now, now Kana-chan. You've been getting awfully lazy lately, these past couple of weeks I've been getting up before you." The blonde scolded as she wagged her finger back and forth "That was just a little wake up call"
Feeling like a naughty child for some reason, I stared back at her in disbelief for a good minute or two until I decided to take action.
Faster than you could say Maru Maru Banana I pinned Yukino down and tickled her to within an inch of her life.
"How insolent of you! You have clearly forgotten who is boss here" I said in a haughty voice as my fingers worked their magic on the side of her ribcage.
"N-no Kana-ch-chan…haha…st-stop…noooo" Revelling in the sound of my sisters half-laugh-half-screams, I continued with my torture.
"I shall cease when you apologise for that little stunt this morning"
Struggling to breathe evenly, I heard Yukino pant something that could have been interpreted as "I'm sorry". Only then did I let up and allow the girl beneath me to catch her breath.
"Well I'm glad that's sorted" I said happily as I got up and sat on the edge of the bed.
"You're such a meany Kana-chan" Yukino pouted as she grabbed her squishy pillow and held it close to her chest in a pseudo-sulk.
"Only to you Yuki-chan" I said with a brilliant smile, hoping that she would forgive me. Though when she turned her head to the side and gave a small 'hmph' noise, I realised it was time to bring out the big guns. Reaching under the bed I pulled out a packet of special Meiji Porte Hokkaido whipped milk I'd been saving for just such an occasion and waved it in front of pouting blondes face. Immediately she sprang into action, snatching the treats out of my hand and giving me a big hug.
"Thank you Kana-chan" she crooned, rubbing her face against my chest making a faint blush appear involuntarily "I love you~"
"Heh, I love you…"suddenly a light went off in my head "…too"
Confused by my hesitant reply Yukino, looked up at me expectantly "What's wrong?"
My stomach dropped as I remembered the promise to myself last night.
Can I really do this? How would I even go about doing it?
"Umm nothing Yuki-chan." I said, trying my best to seem normal "So…what do you want to do today?"
Prying herself from me, Yukino went to sit at the desk and brought out her little pocket diary.
Flipping though the pages briefly, she nodded and made a cute little affirmation sound before looking back over at me.
"Well I only have a couple of chores to do today and I don't have any college work to do" She turned her gaze to the window which framed the blistering early February weather and tapping her chin, I could see her mind working over the possibilities "It looks pretty cold out so maybe we should just stay in tonight and watch a movie or something, what do you think?"
Quickly formulating a mental plan I nodded "Y-Yeah sure, sounds great. Any movie you want to see in particular?" I asked twiddling my thumbs which were rested in my lap.
"Hmm, how about that movie about the ballerinas?…I forget what it's called, but it's supposed to be good" Yukino replied from over her shoulder as she began organising her messy work area. No doubt the first 'chore' on her list. And judging by the amount of snack wrappers accumulated on the desk, it would be no mean feat.
"Ah yeah, I know the one." I said absentmindedly as I flipped up my phone to check the time. It read 11:26.
Damn Yuki-chan was lying when she said I'd been sleeping in lately.
Casting a lingering look over the wallpaper of me and Yukino, I reluctantly snapped the device shut.
Getting up from the comfort of the bed I walked over to the small chest of drawers. Changing quickly into a pair of dark blue jeans, a shirt and a beige cable knit jumper while Yukino was facing the other way, preoccupied with some of the old drawing I'd done of her that she'd found stashed in her bottom draw.
After tying my hair in a loose side pony tail so that my dark chestnut hair cascaded down the front of my shoulder, I walked up behind Yukino and used her head as an arm rest as I leaned against her, peering down at what she was doing.
"Shouldn't you be tidying and not getting distracted with every piece of junk you come across?" I chastised, watching Yukino shuffle through the various scrap pieces of paper and sketchpads I'd scribbled on for her.
"These aren't junk Kana-chan, they're really good…look at this one of me in a bikini" At this she held up the offending doodle right in my face, nearly provoking a haemorrhage in my nose.
"I-I…I forgot about that one…well…anyway…" I cleared my throat and walked swiftly over to the doorway and plucked my ever waiting coat from the hook "L-Listen I'm going to go rent out that movie, is there anything you want me to get while I'm out?"
Looking up from the drawings Yukino stared into the distance in contemplation for a second before shaking her head "Nope, don't think so"
Opening the door, I went to make my way out but stared quizzically back at my sister.
"Are you sure? Last chance"
Another head shake was my answer.
"Okay, well I expect that desk to be clear by the time I get back okay?" Without waiting for a reply (though I swear I heard the shout of "That's not fair") I shut the door and made my way down the corridor to the stairs.
I sighed as I made my way down the steps, finally alone I let thoughts and worries of the night ahead torment my head.
Suddenly from inside my pocket I felt a vibration. Reaching in, I fished around and retrieved my phone.
Seeing it was a text from Yukino I immediately opened it only to read something that made my eyebrow twitch with irritation.
'Kana-chuuan~ Buy me some dorayaki when you're out (^-^) xx'
I couldn't believe what I was watching.
I glanced down at Yukino cautiously to see whether she was embarrassed or not, but she seemed to be watching the screen intently like it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen. She was leaning against me, using my arm as a makeshift cushion and, considering what was playing in front of us, the bodily contact was making me feel a little awkward.
The day so far had been a good one, I'd helped Yukino finish her odd-jobs and we'd eaten and late lunch before settling down to watch the movie. It had started innocently enough: professional ballerina wants big part in latest production; doesn't think she's good enough; tries to get better. Seemed pretty simple…until the creepy stuff started happening. This didn't bother me as much as it did Yukino though and in fact, I secretly enjoyed it when she would cower up against me to hide her face away from the screen.
But this…this was a whole other ball game for me.
Jeeze you could cut the tension in here with a knife…maybe I should say something…
"Umm hey Yuki-chan…did you know this movie had…this kind of thing in it?" I asked, trying not to sound suspicious and failing miserably.
Yukino gave a little start as if she forgot I was even in the room before looking up at me "Nope. Why, does it bother you Kana-chan?"
"N-No of course not. I just wasn't expecting it is all" The lesbian sex scene that was happening on screen had finally ended but the uneasy feeling I had was still present. I decided to press Yukino a little further "S-say, what do you think about l-l-les…girls who like girls?"
Completely ignoring the movie now, I could see Yukino thinking about my question "I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It can be quite beautiful actually" She said with a bright smile "Besides, no matter what…if two people love each other, that's all that's important, don't you think?"
I sat wide eyed as I absorbed every last word of her answer.
Oh god, oh god…this is my chance!
Gathering my courage I spoke up "Listen Yuki-chan, I have…something I need to tell you"
Yukino no longer smiled as her face held a more concerned look, she said nothing though, allowing me to speak in my own time.
"You know how you said the other day that I was in love with someone…" I gulped. My heart was beating so hard and fast, I was worried the inhabitants of the dorm down the hall could hear it. "Well…to tell the truth, I-I am…" I cursed myself for the stutter but I knew I couldn't help it.
I was terrified. I began to doubt whether this was the right thing to do, but I persevered.
I knew I'd been living like this too long…and I knew couldn't keep the secret forever.
"And, well…the person I love is…" I trailed off as the last word caught in my throat.
Swallowing once more to clear the lump in my throat I looked deep in to my sisters eyes.
Here goes…It's now or never.
"…you"
Almost instantly, Yukino sat up straight on the sofa her body rigid. She looked dead ahead as if she was once again interested in the movie.
"What do you mean Kana-chan, you're my sister of course you love me" her voice sounded a little strained and I started to worry a bit.
"But…I mean I…l-love you love you…like, in more than a s-sisterly way" My voice was beginning to break as I saw Yukino wince a little as I was saying this.
Seconds passed painfully. Then minutes. The pit of my stomach felt as though all of the worlds gravity was weighing it down. She still wasn't looking at me, but I felt I already knew her answer.
"Kana-chan…I'm sorry…"
Tears erupted instantly as I suddenly realised I'd made the wrong decision and I was now at the point of no return.
"I love you but…" She finally looked into my tearing eyes that were almost begging her not to continue "…I don't love you like that…You're my sister"
I had ruined everything.
A/N: Boo not much attention for my humble little story. Maybe Candy Boy fanfiction isn't as popular as it should be...Or maybe it's just me that's not that popular :O nobody loves meee *cries silent tears of angst* But thank you to those that reviewed! Nice to know my hard work is being read by at least a couple of people.
Anyway, I actually updated a story! Hallelujah! It's a miracle! Only the second coming of Christ will be able to top this!...too far? Ahh well.
As always, tell me what you think in a review and I shall continue the story quicker. If you don't leave a review then you suck (okay...now I know why nobody likes me T^T)
P.S: Before I forget, the movie they are watching is Black Swan. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis *drools*