Hello again. I am really really really really really sorry that is has been SUCH a long time... I have been pretty busy lately though. Really really long chapter and probably the LAST ONE! DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA! PLEASE REVIEW AS IT IS THE LAST ONE! (Maybe) Enjoy :) x

Jac Naylor strolled conscientiously through the narrow corridors of the bustling hospital, her walk not a defeated limp, as it was a day before, but a confident strut – although her dignity was slightly tainted, yet again, if any onlooker peered into the black, enclosed pram she was steering. Harry Byrne giggled contentedly, his eyes, as if they could comprehend, sensing the pure discomfort in his guardians manner. Entering Darwin ward, Oliver approached them, with a folder in hand, to, perhaps, inform his mentor of a new case; he stopped short as soon as he perceived that the object in front of him was indeed a pushchair. Quickly, he turned to glance at the child inside, and, rather peculiarly, he did not pause to play with the toddler, but curved to face Jac.

"What's that?" Oliver exclaimed, his expression one of incredulous confusion.

"I don't know, they were handing them out at Mark and Spencer's for every fifty pounds spent." Jac responded sarcastically, for this was her way. Oliver rolled his eyes fairly discreetly (though Jac observantly had noticed) and chose to ignore the reply.

"What's he doing on the ward?"

"He couldn't fit in my locker." Jac answered, staring up at Oliver with the upmost seriousness. Oliver raised his eyebrows exasperatedly and waited for the real answer to be revealed. "He's Josephs. He has a heart and lung transplant with Mr Hanssen today. So I ended up with him." Oliver glanced at her, astonished, with a sceptical tone creeping into his voice.

"You?" He said. Jac's features became suddenly aggressive, her arms were brought into a perpendicular stance and her knuckles clenched. I can actually look after a child!

"Yes me!"

"What are you going to do with him?" Oliver replied, wary of his mentor's sudden mood change.

"I'm going to eat him, what do you think I'm going to do with him?"

Tiger skins of light reflected of the silver scalpel as Joseph Byrne made an incision through the sternum. The machines around him beeped in protest, but, as diligent as ever, he continued, his brow dripping with sweat.

"Right, put him on bypass." He muttered to the nurse beside him and she nodded obediently. Greg inhaled nervously, though Hanssen failed to show any emotion as he glanced at the patient impassively. Exhaling as no bleeping of the machines greeted him angrily, Greg watched Joseph with the upmost curiosity.

"So Agent Byrne, who's the mistress in disguise?" Greg smiled mischievously. Joseph looked suddenly startled, his defences only just rebuilding.

"Excuse me?" He answered abruptly. Greg, bemused, readjusted his scalpel slightly and continued.

"Come on, it's not like nobody's noticed… the mysterious phone calls, the unexpected presents… there's bound to be a women… unless you've suddenly developed multiple personalities…. so come on, who you shagging?" Joseph blushed, his heartbeat quickened in pace, his mind raced for an appropriate answer. Fortunately, he didn't need one.

"Mr Douglas, I sincerely advise you to concentrate on the matter in hand as we do not want this patient to die on the table like a drunken Irishman." Henrik Hanssen interrupted, his steely tone echoing of the walls of the small theatre. Greg rolled his eyes and winked at Joseph.

"Damn it, I ran out of garlic." He whispered.

Jac held Harry awkwardly on her hip, his tiny fists clutching her curled hair. She smiled and her tensed body relaxed as she stood, staring at Joseph's child. Her features softened and she glanced at the dilapidated poster on the far wall.

CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS

PARTY

2PM – 4PM

IN THE CRECHE

TOYS, GAMES, PRESENTS & FUN

COME ALONG AND MEET SANTA!

Suddenly, her mind was engulfed with past memories and unwanted feelings. Dismissing them with a quick shake of her head, Jac hissed at herself. Harry, during his brief experience on Darwin, had not uttered a single cry, he sat in Jac's arms in utter contentment – she was warm and soft, he could feel her beating heart and the hidden goodness emitting from her slender frame. He giggled happily, his small fingers now tracing the soft outline of his guardian's cheekbones and Jac, in return, stoked the toddler's head carefully.

An abandoned stethoscope had been thrown onto the staff desk, adjacent to the neatly stacked notes that had arrived that morning; they were perfectly together, the edges of the paper touching slightly. Jac smirked knowingly. Joseph was here. A silent, yet welcomed, light veiled the minimum ward, the ticking of the golden clock was the only sound that broke the silent warzone – its continuous noise marking each passing second that Joseph was gone. Jac paced around the desk, sighing. She glanced at Harry for a long moment before resuming her walk.

"I can see why your mother left - you're not the most scintillating of company are you?" She remarked to the child, checking her wristwatch impatiently.

Sacha raised an eyebrow as he entered Darwin, he tugged at his scrubs and his face broke unto an adoring smile. Heading over to the unlikely duo, he gazed into Jac's velvet eyes, managing for the stare not to be returned by the Ice-Queen. They looked enlightened, happy even, though they shrouded the emotion of undying fear – behind those darkened pupils were memories unknown to her colleagues. Sacha exhaled as he examined Jac thoroughly – her auburn hair was beautifully curled and her clothes were new, far from matted, they emanated a welcoming sense of hope. Slowly, Sacha reached them, he bent down and stroked Harry's chin.

"Hello who's this then?" He asked thoughtfully. Jac smiled.

"His name's Harry." She said softly, glancing at the boy cradled in her arms.

"Voldemorts finally kidnapped you then, eh?" Sacha replied. Jac playfully hit him on the shoulder with her spare hand, her face contorted into a mask of faked hurt.

"You are very lucky that this is my day of."

Michael Spence strolled up to them, regarding the child with a swift nod of the head, his face unshaven and his dignity shattered.

"Aww, if I'd known, I would have got you two a present." Michael smirked, and Jac grimaced as he walked away.

Though wary of Hanssen standing solemnly behind him, Greg smirked at Joseph mischievously, resisting the urge to wink.

"There." Joseph muttered, concentrating unwaveringly. Hanssen remained silent, lulled by the noise of the machines. "That should do it." Joseph squirmed under Greg's unwavering stare, and, having had enough, carefully peeled of his gloves and walked away. "Close up Mr Bertson please Mr Douglas." He said after.

Sacha turned to face Jac again, his glistening blue eyes revealing his pondering mind.

"I was thinking…" He started. "As a thank you for the whole Chrissie thing, that maybe we could go out for a drink?" Jac raised an eyebrow and her face instantly hardened.

"What is it like having the memory of a brain-damaged fish?" Sacha frown slightly, crossing his arms. "I don't do bars anymore." Jac remarked, shaking her head and sighing exasperatedly. Sacha refused to be defeated - his sapphire eyes, like deserted seas, glinted with steely determination.

"Please Jac it would mean the world to me, and besides, I need to repay you." He argued. Jac cocked her head.

"No." She replied, her tone resolute with malice. Sacha was unaffected by his colleague's harsh exterior, so, instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a red and white hat.

"I am Sacha Claus… I spread goodwill to all." He replied, placing the hat onto his head, his expression deadly serious, though nearly breaking. Jac rolled her eyes, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Fine…" She muttered. Sacha beamed at her, awkwardly took her into a small hug, careful of the child, and stepped back, triumphant.

"So, you are coming?" He asked in disbelief.

"No Sacha, I'm climbing the Alps with a three-legged horse." Jac answered, sarcasm greatly layered into words.

"Great, I will see you outside at about… eight?" Jac nodded, her dominant emotion bemusement.

"Ok, but promise me something…" She said slowly. Sacha stared down at her.

"Anything." Jac smiled.

"Please, for the sanity of myself and your many reindeer, please do not sing."

Joseph spent seven minutes exactly, (he had counted on his watch), washing his hands. He loved the soapy liquid, how it felt on his seemingly dirty palms – it wiped away his feelings of guilt… pressure…love. Startled from the noise issuing from his pocket, Joseph scooped his phone from his trousers and stared at the message on the screen.

Hey.

Meet me at 8:00 outside for a drink with Sacha.

I don't know how I will survive on my own…

Dropped Harry of with Chantelle… I don't know how he will cope…

God help him.

Jac x

"We….. wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas….. And….. A happy new year…." Sacha sang lightly, his fingers dancing over the keys on the piano. Jac grimaced, shaking her head, and started tapping her fingers to the rhythm of the music. The harmony had entered the souls of the people that danced, yet Jac sat there, in the middle of this fiasco, taking minute sips from her glass. Joseph hurried over obediently, two new bottles of wine in his already shaking hands.

"So did you go to London for those drinks or…?" Jac said mockingly. Joseph blushed, his face breaking into a small smile, which Jac echoed.

"And this song was dedicated to the wonderful women sat right there in front because she is the most beautiful person in the world, and I can't believe that she's finally mine." Sacha announced to the crowd that had formed around him, his brilliant blue eyes staring lovingly at Chrissie who sat in the centre of the room. Jac rolled her eyes, glancing at Joseph.

"Excuse me while I go stick my fingers down my throat." Jac said sarcastically.

On Keller ward, Ric Griffin sighed repetitively, staring at the typed letter of application. Hesitating, he pulled out his phone and began slowly typing in an old number, one he never thought he would call again - seconds past as Ric waited for the answer.

"Are you trying to get me pissed?" Joseph asked Jac plainly. She laughed for a moment before seizing the large bottle of vodka from the table, pouring herself another drink. Hours past in the bar, the population increased and reduced rapidly, along with that the resounding noise and staff. After a while, Jac and Joseph were the only people left. Nobody noticed when they left together.

Their lips locked in a warzone of unacquainted passion. Jac curled her tingling fingers around the gentle locks on Joseph's head, pushing him nearer her. Joseph responded immediately, his pure fervour pushing Jac roughly onto the next convenient wall, his curious hands lovingly stroking her back and sides, before meeting the black belt around her waist and fiddling with the buckle. Jac's mind went blank, her whole body was a beacon of wondrous ardour; she fiddled with his shirt¸ unbuttoning it - feeling his warm skin and fluttering heartbeat underneath. Jac had soon left him, subconsciously, to the bedroom, their clothes flying everywhere, and, in a tangle of arms and legs, they fell tenderly onto the bed.

Joseph exhaled, somewhat contently, and stared at the women what lay beside him so peacefully. Jac was sound asleep – she looked so startlingly human; Joseph watched her breath, her chest, along with her glistening auburn hair, slowly rising and falling at a steady pace. He rubbed his eye, as if to wipe away the deep guilt. Joseph swallowed as Jac arose from her dreamless slumber and peered at him through half-closed eyes, smiling brilliantly. Carefully, he took her delicate hand in his, and pondered his thoughts, his mouth opening in a wordless expression. Jac instantly knew that something was wrong, her keen eyes now examined Joseph's face intently, and her features were edged with worry.

"Jac… I…" he began, but failed to finish. Jac sighed, closing her eyes, closing out the world.

"I've heard this before… I'm damaged goods right?" Joseph shook his head rapidly, lifting her chin up in his strong hands so that she had to look into his enticing blue eyes again.

"No! Why would you even think that?" Joseph replied, tears glistening behind his pupils.

"Because this is what happens every time, I'm damaged goods, the Ice Queen, never to be touched… or loved…" She answered. Jac let a silent tear dript down her perfect face as the quiet shrouded the lonely house.

"Jac… Penrith still needs a GP, this was only temporary, and I have to go back for…"

"For Harry… I understand that, I even admire it… but…" Jac fiddled with the duvet that encased her slight form.

"Long walks through the hills, log fires, countryside air, I've said it before, what's not to like? Come with me… we will be a family: wife, son dog…" Joseph responded, stoking Jac's shoulder.

"I can't… that's just not me… you know that." Jac said slowly, her voice reduced to a strong whisper. "Please stay." Joseph looked like he was about to be torn apart, his new life and his old one fought for dominance.

"I can't." He murmured softly. Jac tried to stop the tears from arriving, but soon they expressed the emotion that had conquered her life since she was a child.

"I love you." Joseph kissed her gently on the cheek, smelling her scent.

"I love you too."

Seconds turned into minutes before Jac inhaled and shook uncontrollably.

"When you left me the first time, I didn't know who I was anymore, I was lost… and you didn't even send me a postcard or found the time to phone… I thought you didn't care… I thought… well, I didn't know what I thought." Jac confessed wholeheartedly. Joseph went to place a comforting arm around her shoulders, but she shrugged and shook her head, hurt. Jac turned to her bed; back to the man she loved, and buried her head into the pillow, closing her eyes.

"Jac?" Joseph said delicately. With no reply, Joseph twisted round and laid down slowly, the silence not in the least comforting.

"Promise me something." Jac answered after a while, her tone barely audible.

Joseph opened his eyes, listening intently.

"Anything." Jac smiled sadly.

"Don't forget me."

The morning came too soon. Tiger skins of sunlight filtered through the brown blinds, and bird song filled the air with many emotions. Jac groaned, pushed the hair from out of her face, and opened her eyes. There was an empty space beside where she lay. The shape of the man still pressed into the mattress. He was gone. Forever. Rubbing her head, Jac sat up and a piece of paper on the bedside table caught her eye. Carefully, she opened it up, for it had been folded, and began to read.

Dear my one and only true love,

By the time you are reading this, I'm afraid I would have left for Penrith to my new life with Harry.

I will miss you with all my heart, and more. You were the one, Jac. We are so different, but we are meant to be together, I can feel it and, I'm sure if you look into that ice-cold, shrivelled heart of yours, you will realize that too. I love you so much that I can not express it in simple words, it is so futile.

We have had differs of opinion in the past certainly, but we have both moved on. Even in those moments, I felt something in the corners of my heart, and now I understand that it was love. It was something that I never had with Faye.

I don't know if you will forgive me, and you have a right to not… I undoubtedly wouldn't if I was in your place. However, you, Jac, are a mystery to me, a beautiful mystery and a wonderful addition to Holby. A stunning consultant, I always thought you would make it.

I promise I will come back for you, when you are ready.

I don't forget the ones I love. Not ever.

With all my heart,

Joseph x x

Jac shook, her eyes transfixed to the tear-stained letter; she tried to fight the sadness although it was to no avail. The world fell silent as the Ice-queen cried.

Five days later.

Slowly, Jac rummaged in her bag, panicking slightly, and, when her fingers finally closed around the small set of coins, let out a sigh of relief. Jac handed over her money; the women nodded quickly, and Jac grasped her drink with startling quickness. Swiftly, she whipped around to face the many enticing chairs situated in the entrance area. Spotting an empty table, Jac strode across assertively, ignoring the ever-growing sea of whispers that followed her relentlessly. Sipping her drink, Jac closed her eyes, savouring the warmth and the release that the coffee provided; her mind turned blank - no thoughts, no worries. This had become her ritual, that and exercise of course.

Suddenly, a surging feeling of sickness exposed the rising bile in her throat and her stomach churned like an uncontrollable tempest. Jac placed a hand in front of her quivering mouth, fighting the nausea steadfastly. Her head issued thumps of noise, and the world swam around her in a blur of colour. Vomiting chaotically, Jac reached for the serviette wrapped around her coffee and wiped her mouth. Quickly, when the queasiness had ended, her vision cleared and her eyes met two now-covered shoes. "Oh… this looks familiar… oh yes… this is what I did when I first saw you as well." A tall, dark-haired man dressed in a Hawaiian top smiled from the corner of his mouth, lifted his shoes up in distaste and then sat down opposite Jac thoughtlessly. Jac gathered herself for a few moments, then straitened her back and stared at the man that was smirking triumphantly at her.

"Clifford." She muttered. Dan cocked his head playfully.

"Clifford…hmm… no "Mr"anymore Olive? Downgrading is a very harsh sentence indeed." He replied, his expression deadly serious. Jac crossed her arms, her eyes glinted angrily.

"What are you doing here?" Dan smirked, pleased at his old colleague's reaction.

"I've come to win you back from the depths of your icy heart." He said blatantly. Jac looked suddenly alarmed, she raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Dan placed a hand on Jac's shoulder.

"Oh come on Olive, I love you dearly, but you're a bit of a cold fish… Now, this is a very serious question Ms Naylor, do I still need to lock up my grand-dad?" Jac rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and glared at him.

"Oh that's hilarious, top marks for recollection." She responded icily. Dan grinned back.

"Is that how you should speak to your new boss?" He replied, waving an accusing finger. Jac's expression contorted into distressed distaste, and she quickly mastered her self-control once again.

"What!" She almost yelled.

"Ric called me up last night, offered me a job as a consultant on Keller…" Dan responded. He seized her coffee and sipped from it, leaning back on his chair. Jac smirked.

"Well I'm sorry to burst your ignorant, vain little bubble, and I know that you and Ric have a nice little number going, but I don't do upset stomachs and loose bowls anymore. Dan raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Really? You've moved up in the world Olive. There are five things I admire in a doctor. Collaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad…" Dan cocked his head, examining Jac, who almost squirmed under his gaze. "Let me see… blue scrubs, malicious smile, cocky exterior… You must be a heart surgeon!" Jac stared him straight in the eye, her expression conceited. "Consultant." She replied.

"Now that's what I call girl power!" Dan answered, his hand firing into the air, forming an inappropriate super-man pose. "So? What now? Are you going to take me forcefully over the table?" Jac grimaced.

"In your dreams." Dan cocked his head, considering and pondering the image.

"I certainly hope not."

Jac threw a glance at him and stormed off to Darwin before she had the chance to break down.

Jac's thoughts and emotions spread like an unstoppable wild fire, it tore down the trunks of defence that she had grown overtime. She had no control. And Jac hated that. Carefully, she placed a fragile, protective hand over her flat stomach, the sickness fighting it's way back to her, threatening to overwhelm her senses; she swallowed down an army of bile surfacing in her throat and prayed. An abandoned pen lay adjacent to a crumbled piece of paper, a letter that never was, on the mahogany table which rested a finished coffee. An eerie silence shrouded the uncomfortable darkness – only broken by the quiet ticking of the Staff Room's clock. Jac's irritation rose at each infuriating tick, it was mocking her, testing her patience, but she would never give in. She closed her eyes as a silent tear slid down her ashen cheek. Taking a meaningful white object from her pocket, Jac swirled it around her fingers. This single entity that she held so cautiously in her hands, enclosed a startling significance and could change her future forever. This solitary little stick alone could alter thousands, millions, billions of lives… like it would transform her own.

Oliver hesitated as he reached the door, he could see the pure anguish that permeated his colleague and his brow furrowed in concern. His quiet steps were instantly heard by Jac, who turned and stared at his approaching form, her eye's hopeless and empty. Quickly, she wiped her tears away and a sad smile replaced the sullen frown that had taken prime residence on her face. Ollie neared slowly; he placed a seemingly comforting arm around Jac's shoulders, and, his eye's widened as she made no attempt to shrug him of. This woman was broken. Very broken.

"Ms Naylor…" He whispered solemnly. "What's going on?" Jac paused, the truth racing to surface; she pondered Ollie's understanding. She turned to face him and their eyes met that split second. Jac inhaled.

"I…" She started, but failed to finish.

That was a secret best left hidden.

The End.

Hope you enjoyed that! I might continue it if I can be persuaded, or I might come back to it in future (add to it), that may be in a couple of months or more.

May I, for the last time, please ask for reviews because I would love to read them!

Thankyou, I hope you liked this story.

x SaintJacTheNazi x