The End of a Small Sanctuary

Chapter 2

This can't be happening.

"I'm sorry…K-Kana-chan…" Tears of anguish were forming in Yukino's eyes as well as she struggled to keep her gaze on mine. "I-I do love you…I really do…Just not…I just...I just-"

"Please, just stop" I said as I bit my lip, tearing my eyes away from hers I stood up and stumbled over to the door, knocking into things in my haze "It-it's me that as these feelings…it's my fault. I'm the one that should be sorry-"

"Kana-ch-"

"It's me that has screwed everything up…" I clumsily slid on my shoes, barely able to keep my balance as I wiped at my running eyes and nose. "I-I'm going out…"

"Where are you going? Please Kana-chan stop, let's talk-"

I didn't hear the rest of Yukino's cries as I flew down the corridor and on to the deserted street.

I didn't stop.

I needed to get away.

I ran.

My legs were beating so fast, my legs muscles screamed in protest as they pulled and contracted too quickly. My chest heaved from the cold evening air that I gulped it in by the lungful, but I couldn't care less.

I ran.

Away from my problems. Away from her.

I passed buildings and crowds, but none of them mattered. Only one face was occupying my mind, drowning out all other senses as I raced through the town. I felt a disgusting kind of shame and realised I deserved nothing more. I ran faster.

My red eyes stung as the wind whipped at them. The tear trails they left had turned ice cold, but never stopped flowing.

Suddenly, my foot snagged on something and I came careering to the ground. With the speed and momentum I had reached, I realised it unfortunately meant much more than this though as I fell to my knees, skidding and tumbling about 3 feet in what felt like icy dirt.

After finally coming to a halt I landed face first onto the ground with a mouth full of soil.

Then all was still apart from the rapid rise and fall of my sore chest.

I'm not sure how long I laid there for, but I was aware of the great searing pain all over my body. Turning over on to my back I looked down. My jeans had ripped at the knees and the skin underneath was badly grazed and bloodied. The palms of my hands were no better, raw where I had tried to break my fall on the frosted over earth. I grimaced at the sight causing the skin around my cheeks to pull slightly, making me realise the side of my face was also scuffed and bleeding a little.

I finally sat up from where I lay, my aching body protesting at the movement. Clambering to my feet clumsily I realised I'd also pulled the muscles in the top of my thighs and down the back of my calves, where I had run with little concern for my well-being.

Sighing, I spied a near by bench and stumbled over to it, limping and groaning with every step.

As I made my over, I dimly realised where I was. It was a small park I frequently took walks in with Yukino, it was a small distance from the shopping district so it was deserted apart from myself.

Collapsing on the aging wood, I stared up at the evening sky, thoughts of my sister and what I had just done once again overriding the throbbing pain I felt.

I had run so hard and fast…but I still couldn't escape it. I willed myself not to cry again.

But I felt so alone. I felt like I was in the grip of a maelstrom, being held under the water by the one thing I loved with no dream of ever surfacing. I had no shelter. No calm. No home to return to.

My reality was tearing at the seams. I was like Atlas with the weight of the world on his back and I had no one to help me shoulder the burden.

Unless…

I reached in to my pocket, hissing in pain slightly as my sore hand rubbed against the stiff denim of my trousers. Pulling out my phone I examined it to make sure it was still intact after my fall. Thankfully, it was made of sturdier stuff than I was and barely had a scratch.

Flipping it open, trying my best to ignore the feeling in my stomach as the wallpaper shone back at me, I scrolled down the contacts list. Coming to the one I wanted I pressed the green button, only hesitating for a split second before putting it to my ear.

"Kanade-senpai!"

I heard her before I saw her. Turning around I watched as her pale face broke into a smile as she ran down the path until she came to a stop in front of me.

Her eyes widened and her grin faded when she saw the state I was in. I couldn't really blame her.

"S-Senpai! What happened to you?" she sprang into action, taking out a tissue from her small shoulder bag and began dabbing at my knees, I did nothing to stop her "Were you in a fight? Don't tell me you are turning into a banchou! Oh Kanade-senpai I don't think I could take you spilling anymore of your precious blood, I'll fight your battles for you if you need!" She began hugging my leg and sobbing against it.

She was shrill and over-excitable but I didn't mind. It was just what I needed to help take my thoughts off Yukino.

"I wasn't in a fight Sakuya, I just…fell"

She stopped whimpering promptly and looked up, doe-eyed at me "R-Really?"

I nodded, offering a small smile which felt a little forced but the small kohai didn't seem to notice as she leapt up placing the palms of her hands on my lap and bringing her face directly in front of mine.

"Then you need to be careful!" she giggled a little despite her previous attempt at a serious statement and said "Though a clumsy senpai is just as cute"

Moving to my side she sat down on the bench next to me and wrapped her arms around my elbow rubbing her cheek against my shoulder. In normal circumstances I would have struggled against her affections, reprimanding her for being so touchy-feely and saying embarrassing things. But right now, I just needed to feel love from someone, even if it was from the obsessive girl by her.

"So why did you call me out tonight Kanade-senpai? Are you planning to confess?"

My stomach lurched at the C-word, and quickly changed the topic.

"Say Sakuya…what is it exactly that you see in me?" it was a question I'd wondered about on several occasions when the small girl had been around me. She was completely smitten and I honestly couldn't understand why.

Sakuya seemed a little taken aback by the question, as if she couldn't believe I'd asked something so obvious "Why wouldn't I like you Senpai? You're so cool and pretty and kind and…oh god, you're making me so flustered! I just want to hug you some more!"

I smiled genuinely now at her enthusiasm. She was infatuated yes. But she was also loyal. No matter how many times I'd shown no interest or pushed her away she'd never given up.

Leaning over I stopped her love-struck rambling about me with a kiss on the lips. It worked instantly, as Sakuya's eyes flew open and she sat stock still before melting into the kiss.

I knew I was using her, to make myself feel better. And I knew I should feel horrible about it…but I just didn't care. I was just giving her what she always wanted, if only for a night, and it took my mind off any self-deprecating thoughts I was having about my own stupidity.

Pulling away slowly I looked into the face of the person I'd just kissed. She looked like she was about to faint of happiness. As her eyes lids fluttered in a dream like daze, she made to lean in again...and all at once I felt a little guilty. I knew she wanted more. And in the back of my mind, I knew I just couldn't give it to her.

"You're a good kid" I sighed, ruffling her hair and causing her to stop her advances "But, I hope you understand I can't be with you"

Sakuya broke out of her stupor as soon as I had finished saying this. It took a small while for the weight of my words to sink in and she understandably looked a bit downcast but she smiled sadly regardless.

"I know Senpai." She suddenly looked a lot more mature than her usual giddy school girl image "You…love someone else right?"

Is it that obvious?

I didn't answer verbally, but my silence said more than words and Sakuya, a lot more astute than she lets on, understood.

"Well that person better know how lucky they are!" She chirped up, puffing out her chest, seeming a little happier than she was a few seconds ago "But I hope you know Senpai that I'm not going to give up that easy, just let me know if things don't work out with that person and I'll be right there to comfort you again with a bit more kissy action!"

I suddenly burst out laughing. So hard it made me cry a little.

"Senpai! Oh no I broke her!"

I wish I had your strength Sakuya.

I stood outside my dorm room, staring intently at the painted wood of the door. I glanced at my wrist watch.

12:47…hopefully she'll be in bed and I won't have to face her.

Steeling my courage, I silently put my key in the door, unlocking it and gently pushed it open.
I was greeted with darkness and instantly knew I was in luck. Using the soft light of the hallway to guide me, placed a hand on the table by the door to steady my self as I took off my shoes and put them in the correct place next to Yukino's. I realised that the soles of hers were wet, indicating that she had been out recently but didn't think much more of it. Closing the front door, I stumbled my way over to bed by way of instinct and memory alone.

In the dark, I saw Yukino breathing evenly in her bed. My gaze lingered over her face for a moment but I ripped it away abruptly in favour of concentrating on undressing out of my blood stained clothes with out making too much noise.

Once changed into fresh pyjamas I snatched up the MP3 player on the bed side table before I slipped into the unoccupied bed adjacent to the one the two of us usually shared.
Borrowing into the sheets, I placed the clip-on style head phones on my ears and browsed my play list until I came to a song I wanted and put the volume up.
It's true we are, we are destined to fail
It was a song that described how I felt. It was different to any of the other upbeat pop melodies that littered my music player, but I liked it anyway.
There is a problem here with our society, the absence of my tears is my sobriety.
I carried on listening, picking up on lines that related to me as tears slid silently from my eyes. Telling myself to let it all out now while nobody was watching so I could seem strong later.
I clutched onto the MP3 a little harder and turned to face the wall.
You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy, I have a remedy for your insecurity.

I knew Yukino was really awake when I came in. I'd watched her sleep enough to know she was faking it. I secretly thanked her for making my return easier and made a promise to myself to do the same for her.

I'm so sorry for everything Yuki-chan...I thought my love would be enough.

A/N: Okay so, another chapter down. The plot thickens!...okay not really, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

Other than your lovely feedback, the only other reason I'm getting these chapters out faster than I would normally is because I have a tonne of work to do and I love procrastinating a little more than I should ^^" ah well I'll do my assignments tomorrow (I've said this everyday for the last two weeks just so ya know)

Anyway, to those who reviewed, favourited, alerted etc: arigatou, gracias, danke, merci, obrigado, grazie….okay that about exhausts the list of languages I know the word thank you in but you get the idea :P I love you all.

By the way, I know quoting song lyrics is super cliché and I usually try to avoid it, but I wanted to have Kanade angst over a song. I'm not really the biggest fan of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, but I used a song by them.

But yeah, don't lose hope for the twins just yet! Please review and I'll start writing the next chapter and you will see what I mean ;) kthnx xxx

Omake

"Oh Kanade-senpai! I'll never wash these lips again!" Sakuya cried out in ecstasy as she wrapped her arms and legs around a life size body pillow with a picture of a certain brunette on it. She'd been rolling around atop her bed hugging her fake, squishy love interest for the past hour and a half now... until she suddenly remembered something.

"Of course!"

Getting up and bounding across the room she picked up the bag she'd taken with her earlier (now deemed her 'lucky-senpai-smooch-bag'). Unclasping the fastening she opened it and rooted through it until she found what she was looking for.

Pulling it out and holding it up like a trophy, she gave a triumphant cry. "Kanade-senpai's precious blood!" Running over to her shrine, she placed the tissue next to her collection of chewed pencils that had been discarded by her love.

Stepping back, she admired her homage to her senpai. She stared for a few more minutes.

Suddenly her smile faltered a little and she sweat dropped.

"Maybe this is a little too far" she said in a deadpan tone before sweeping the tissue into the waste paper bin and going back to practically dry humping her pillow.