Title: Harvest Moon
Series: Stargate Atlantis
Theme: Drama /Romance
Characters: Teyla & (Kanaan/John); Cast of SGA, SG-1
Rating/Warning: R/Sexual Situations/Language
Summary: Teyla sat next to John unsure as to how to begin. She could feel her heartbeat racing a mile and minute and her palms began to sweat.
Links: http:/devinem27 dot livejournal dot com
Chapter 10: What to Expect When You're Expecting
Teyla went in search of John. She started at his quarters, knowing he was more likely out and about then at home and was caught off guard when he called for her to, "Come in". Teyla entered his quarters and found two pairs of eyes staring at her. She took one look at John's and Ronon's face and decided to leave.
"I'm sorry, I'll come back later."
They both called out at the same time.
"Teyla?"
"Wait."
Before she could turn around Ronon had grabbed his jacket and rose from the edge of the bed.
"I was just going to meet Amelia."
He walked past her and looked back at John.
"Shep, I'll catch up with you later."
He and John shared a quick look over her head and then he was gone.
John sat up, removing his feet from the edge of the table. His expression was one of concern.
"Is everything okay? Where's TJ?"
Teyla, still standing in the doorway, nodded.
"Torren is fine. Jinto is watching him for a few moments, so that we can talk."
She watched John, waiting for the implication of her words to sink in. He sat back in a relaxed pose, but was clearly on guard. His face, so easily readable only moments ago, was now blank of any expression. Teyla sighed, suddenly realizing that this might be a lot harder than she'd thought.
"Have a seat."
He invited, still with no expression.
Teyla glanced at her two options; the bed or a sectional that sat very close to John. She chose the latter of the two, thinking it best not to be lounging on his bed when she told him that she was pregnant. Teyla sat next to John unsure as to how to begin. She could feel her heartbeat racing a mile and minute and her palms began to sweat. She rubbed them against her pants and then met his expectant gaze. She considered just blurting out 'I'm pregnant', but she didn't want him to make the same mistake that she had and assume that the child was Kanaan's. Teyla cleared her throat and glanced down at her hands.
"I have some interesting news."
John eyed her warily.
"Ok."
"I had a physical today."
She said meeting his eyes.
"And it appears that we…"
She gestured to both of them.
"…are having a baby."
John jerked as if he'd been shot.
Holy shit!
"What!"
Teyla flinched at his tone. She knew his shout was a rhetorical question, but repeated her words anyway.
"We're having a baby."
Teyla's words had sent sirens off in John's head. The mental wall he'd created, blocking all memories associated with their mission to Ryan, rumbled and cracked. It had taken him a long time, but he was finally at a point where he could keep a tight rein on those emotions and now was not the time to lose control. He gritted his teeth and tried to focus.
A baby. Our baby.
John opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He swallowed to lubricate his throat and tried again.
"Are you sure? About me being the father?"
He croaked.
Teyla nodded.
"Yes, I'm almost nine weeks along."
"But since.. then.. you and Kanaan never…"
He couldn't finish the sentence.
She shook her head.
"No."
John nodded accepting the information and glanced at her stomach. A crumbling sound echoed thru his mind, followed by a loud thud.
"John?"
Teyla reached out and touched his arm.
"Are you okay?"
She asked, growing concerned. It wasn't like him to be this quiet.
He glanced at her, his expression slightly dazed, but still said nothing. Teyla sighed.
"Look John, I know this is unexpected. I'm just surprised as you are."
"Somehow, I doubt that."
He mumbled under his breath.
Teyla frowned, not appreciating his sarcasm.
"If this is too much for you I can handle this on my own."
John glared at her.
"Would you just hold on a damn minute before you start jumping to any conclusions?"
She leaned back, folding her arms defensively.
"You don't seem to be very thrilled about the news."
"Of course I am!"
John leaned back, resting his head on the sofa.
"Geez, Teyla, give me a break. I just found out I'm having a baby with one of my best friends. I just need a day or week or two for all of this to sink in."
He rubbed his hands over his eyes and sighed, then rolled his head towards her.
"How do you feel about the pregnancy? About me being the father and all? If you have mixed feelings, I can understand, considering everything that has happened."
His questions gave her pause. Teyla had been so consumed with thoughts of the pregnancy itself that she'd never stopped to consider his concerns. Could he really believe she wouldn't want this baby because it was his and not Kanaan's?
"I don't have conflicted feelings about anything. I want this baby. I love this baby. How could I possibly love the father and not love the child?"
She smiled at him teasingly and he grinned back.
The sound of boulders crashing filled his head as the last few remnants of his wall collapsed. Images flooded his mind of the night they'd spent together; of promises made and of words whispered which should never have been said. John closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing in her scent. He was a goner and he knew it.
So much had changed since that night. After Ryan, each day for him had become a living, breathing, hell. Seeing Teyla with Kanaan had been painful, but he'd willingly accepted his penance. It was all his fault, John willingly admitted it. He'd chosen to flirt with women he didn't really care about rather than take a chance on the one he did. He'd used them being teammates, their friendship, and even her relationship with Kanaan as an excuse to keep her at arm's length and had suffered greatly for it.
John had allowed his fear of rejection, fear of failure, to hold him back. Telling himself that he was better off alone. It was what Nancy had once told him when she'd asked for a divorce and over the years he'd begun to believe it too. It hurt too much to try and fail, so why bother, especially when the one you want seemed happier with someone else. And for all of his trouble, this was the messy hand he'd been dealt; the woman he loved, pregnant with his child, mourning the loss of her lover and father of her son. It was a complete cluster fuck and he had no idea how to correct all that he'd done wrong.
John opened his eyes and sat up.
"How are we going to do this?"
Teyla shrugged.
"Like we always do, take it day by day and do the best we can."
He grunted.
"What about doctor appointments? You had a lot of those the last time."
Teyla nodded.
"My next appointment is in four weeks, if you'd like to go."
John was surprised by her words.
"I can go. You wouldn't mind?"
Teyla laughed.
"Of course not, it's your child too. I'm sure you'll want to know its progress and health just as much as I will."
His face twisted.
"Do you still have any of those books about having babies?"
She shook her head no.
"I'm sure we can get some from Jennifer. She also has a video that you should probably watch."
John was immediately interested.
"If I look at the video, can I skip the books?"
"No, but it is still just as important. It's for a Lamaze class. You can get if from Jennifer at the appointment."
He frowned.
"Couldn't you just ask for the info and give it to me."
Teyla tilted her head.
"And why would I do that?"
John smiled his most charming smile.
"Because you love me."
She smirked.
"Not that much."
He laughed.
"Aw, come on Teyla."
John pleaded.
"No, besides I'm going to tell Jennifer that you're the baby's father. If you go to appointments with me she's bound to get suspicious. She'll also need to know for medical reasons."
"Yeah, I guess we should tell the guys too. They'll wonder why you haven't rejoined the team."
She nodded in agreement.
"And Woolsey."
John grew quiet. He hesitated for a few seconds, but then said what was on his mind.
"You realize at some point we're going to have to discuss what happened on Ryan."
Teyla met his gaze.
"Yes, I know."
"Teyla, I know telling Kanaan the truth was difficut, but-."
She cut John off before he could finish.
"He didn't know."
John frowned, confused.
"But you said you told him."
Teyla sighed, thinking of the night she'd spoken to Kanaan.
"I did tell him some of it. That we slept together, yes, but not the whole story. I couldn't. He was so hurt and angry and then the next thing I knew he was gone. He just walked off into the night."
John gritted his teeth, not wanting to speak ill of the dead, but if Kanaan had reacted that way after hearing that they'd slept together only once, the truth would have destroyed him.
Teyla, feeling a bit tired, rose from her seat and headed for the door.
"I have to go. I asked Jinto to watch Torren for a few minutes. I need to get back to him. We'll have to finish this discussion another time."
John eyed her suspiciously as he stood.
"Why didn't you bring him with you to begin with? There was no reason to get a sitter."
She hesitated, but finally admitted the truth.
"I wasn't sure how this conversation would go and I didn't want him to see either of us upset. I also thought it would be easier if we didn't have to tone down our reactions."
"You thought I would get angry."
It was a statement, not a question.
"It was a possibility."
She conceded and turned to leave.
John caught her by the arm and waited for her to meet his gaze.
"Teyla, no matter how bad the situation is, I would never intentionally hurt you or Torren, ever. You know me better than that."
She sighed, remembering the riverside by the old Athosian settlement.
"I used to think that I knew a lot of things, but found out the hard way that I was wrong."
John's expression grew solemn.
"Kanaan, loved you, we both know that. He made a mistake by leaving and, hopefully, given time he would have made things right, but I'm not Kanaan. I will yell, I'll scream, I may even walk away so that I can cool down, but I'll never leave you."
Teyla shook her head.
"John, you don't know that. You can't know how Kanaan felt after learning that we were together."
He frowned.
"Not exactly, no, but I can sympathize. It would be very close to how I felt when I learned that you were pregnant with Torren."
Teyla's eyes widened with surprise.
"I'm sure you remember my anger."
John glanced away, appearing slightly uncomfortable.
"Anyway, I wanted you to know that I'm not going anywhere."
Teyla was shocked by his revelation. While she couldn't imagine John being jealous of Kanaan and their relationship, she did appreciate him telling her the truth and trying to placate her fears. She placed her hand over his.
"Thank you."
He simply nodded and let her go.