I'm Barely Holding On To You

Title is from Broken by Lifehouse. Sorry for the delay, I've lost my passion for this recently. And so I'm pretty disappointed with this chapter, and it's short just to make things worse. But I hope you enjoy it anyway, and I'll get my flair back somehow, don't you worry!

Reviewers, as always, many thanks for the support... For the ones I can't thank personally. Alex, we're among friends, you don't need to lie. We all know no one, regardless of gender or sexuality, could resist the charms of Christopher Redfield, haha. As always thanks for your review! Jane, again, thank you. You've been a really great reviewer and support, I appreciate that. And finally Claire... you described Alex perfectly, haha. Thank you all.

It always seemed surreal how in a space of a few hours, circumstances could go from happy celebration to immense pain. Just hours before, everyone was together to celebrate Claire's thirtieth birthday, and as far as she knew nothing had changed. Everyone was still as happy as they were whenever they left. Strange how things could change in mere minutes.

The night was like any other one in the city, clear and cool. It was the middle of the night, and understandably Claire was snuggled comfortably in her bed. It was made more comfortable of course by the strong arm that was firmly wrapped around her.

It was times like these that she didn't worry. She felt safe, and almost peaceful. As always the serenity wasn't going to last, and the house phone began to ring loudly next to her.

Claire groaned and lifted her head groggily. The alcohol she consumed the previous night didn't help her tiredness or headache. She glanced to the clock which read 3.50 AM, and that was when the panic set in, and she woke up fully. She knew more than anyone, late night phone calls were never good. Because if someone rings in the middle of the night, then that means it can't wait till morning. And if it can't wait until morning, then that means it's urgent. And if it's urgent, then undoubtedly something bad had happened to someone she loved.

Claire quickly flipped her legs over the bed, and answered the ringing phone, standing upright as she did so.

The ruckus in the room made the man who lay next to her wake too. Luke squinted as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. He was about to speak, but held his tongue as he heard Claire talk on the phone.

He sat more upright on the bed, stretching out his tired limbs. As he watched Claire worry swamped over him too. She had a look of confusion on her face, as she listened. She began to pace the room, but at a certain moment she stopped in her tracks. The big beautiful blue eyes began to overfill with tears, and the phone she clutched in her hand was swiftly dropped in shock.

Luke immediately stood, and caught Claire before she collapsed onto the floor. He clutched her face to get answers, but she merely shook her head, and sobbed. His arms quickly held her close to him; it was all he could do. There were no words he could say to console the broken woman.

Waiting was a horrible thing. It wasn't so much the waiting itself, but the uncertainty it brought with it. Waiting gave people time to think. And in cases like these, it gave people time to think the worst. Jill mindlessly tapped the polystyrene cup in her hands, her eyes focused on some inanimate object in the waiting area. She was strong, she wouldn't cry... Not yet at least.

"Miss Valentine?" Jill snapped her head up and out of her daze, to catch eyes with a middle aged doctor in front of her. "We have the results of your blood tests. If you'd like to come with me..."

"No, I don't want to leave. Just tell me them here." Jill cut the man off sharply. There was no one else in the area at this time of night anyway. And she wasn't going to leave in case she heard more news.

The man took pity on her and slowly nodded, taking a seat next to her. He knew she had gone through a lot, and he wasn't going to aggravate her further.

"Well as I thought, you and your baby are fine. Your blood results are good. My only concern is you are slightly on the anaemic side of normal in regards to your red blood cell count. But with plenty of iron in your diet, that shouldn't pose a problem in the future..." Jill nodded as the man spoke. She was relieved that her child was okay, but she still couldn't raise a smile. "And I know we didn't get a chance to weigh you, but from looking, you seem thinner than perhaps you should be. I would just advise you to watch your diet."

Weight was the least of Jill's worries at this stage. Yes, she had been eating less since her break with Chris, but she never thought it would be a problem...She wasn't painfully thin. The doctor gave her one more glance, concerned with her distant expression. He smiled lightly and stood to leave.

"Thank you... But doctor, what about Chris?" The doctor shook his head solemnly and continued on his way. Jill brought her bloodied hands up to cradle her head, as she sobbed quietly into them.

...

It seemed more and more minutes would pass, and Jill still heard nothing. She got the occasional apologetic smile from nurses passing by, but apart from that she was alone in the hospital. She had furiously tried to remove the dried blood from her dress, but to no avail. At least her efforts wasted fifteen minutes of worrying.

"Jill?" Jill jumped as a hand was brought on her shoulder. Jake gave a sympathetic smile and took a seat next to her in the meek room. It had been a while since she'd seen him, but again a smile wasn't raised for him. "Officially, you know why I'm here... But unofficially, how are my friends doing?"

"I don't know... He's in surgery, he has been for the past hour or so...I've already talked to the police, Jake." Jill replied. She wasn't much in the mood for talking, though it did kill some time.

"As have I. They'll take care of their side of the investigation and everything. But this also concerns the BSAA, not only because you two are involved, but also if Alex is who she claims...There could be a bigger threat to humanity in the making." Jake replied, but Jill merely sighed.

"You won't find anything on her, Jake. There's nothing we can do. We don't know where she is, who she's working with...We're fighting the unwinnable war. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants. And we are just like sitting ducks, waiting for her next strike..."

Jake was surprised. It was hard to believe this was Jill Valentine speaking before him. The woman who had lived through so much, yet still came out optimistic. But now, things had changed. Her pessimism worried him. She truly had no faith left in her anymore. Alex had ripped all of that out of her. And the only person who could give her that faith and boost she needed wasn't there. She needed the reassurance Chris was always able to give. But without him, she just seemed empty, and almost ready to give up.

"You and Chris have taken care of one Wesker before, you can do it again..." Jake said, giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"But we don't even know if he's okay..." She buried her head in between her hands once more when the fear crept upon her.

"Well why don't you go see?" Jake looked down the hall and saw what looked like Chris being led out on the stretcher from the surgery. Jill plucked her head up confused, but soon saw what caught his attention. She sprinted in her heels to the stretcher, leaving Jake behind.

Jill followed as they led Chris into a private room, and got him adjusted into the hospital bed. She stood and waited as he was attached to a drip and various monitoring devices. Once the porters and nurses had dissolved away, she swiftly took a seat next to his lifeless body.

"Will he be okay?" She asked the obvious question to the female surgeon who conducted the operation, standing behind her.

"Luckily the knife didn't hit any major organs. Slit through his stomach, but hopefully we've fixed all that. These next couple of hours count, but from my perspective, the surgery went well. Just have to wait for him to wake, and then hopefully the wounds will recover and he shouldn't have to spend too long here. But even then, it will take months until he's fully on his feet again..."

Jill could finally cry, she got the relief she needed. Although it was still uncertain, she knew Chris. He wouldn't give up that easy.

"It's technically well after visiting hours, but you take as long as you need. We all understand." The woman said to her. Amidst her tears, she gave a genuine smile.

"Thank you, for everything..." Jill whispered. The doctor smiled and nodded as she left Jill in peace with him.

It was surreal to see Chris so vulnerable. His face was sickly pale, and arms fully bandaged from where Alex had attacked him. The only movement he made was that of the gentle rise and fall of his chest. There were no more screams of agony from him as he was taunted. There was no blood on him. He had peace at last.

The thought of losing him made Jill's tears continue to flow. She honestly thought that would be the last time she saw him. As her dad said, she could lose her love so easily. She just needed a circumstance as dangerous as this to punch the reality of it into her. She would not let him go this time.

She cautiously brought one hand up to stroke his brown locks, while the other delicately held his hand. Jill wasn't that religious, but she let her head fall and rest lightly on his chest as she prayed. She prayed for help, for some sense in such a nonsensical world. Something that would make her believe that everything would be okay.

...

Jill heard footsteps and looked up to see three familiar faces stepping into the room.

"How is he?" Luke asked, from the looks of it, Claire was unable to speak. Her tears continued from the minute Jill had called. Anna quickly ran in and lowered herself down to Chris's level, her eyes welling as she saw how hopeless he looked.

"They said he should be fine." Jill croaked out, a smile playing on her lips. It seemed the happiness was contagious, and the others began to smile too.

"He'll live to be a dad for another day." Jill joked to Anna. She stood from her father and laughed light, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Claire giggled too, more out of relief than anything else. She was so worried, just to see her big brother breathing was enough to make her happy. And if Claire was happy, then Luke was too.

...

"Speaking of being a dad...I'm pregnant." Jill smiled again, but the faces of everyone else dropped.

"What?" Claire breathed. "I'm going to be an aunt?"

Jill just nodded happily.

"Awesome!" She squealed, hugging onto Luke tightly. She really was ecstatic for both of them. She knew Chris would be over the moon at being a dad again. But she was withdrawn slightly from her celebrations, when she remembered she didn't think Chris and Jill had ever got back together. Maybe the baby wouldn't be as much of a blessing to the both of them as she thought.

"Congratulations, Jill. You must be so happy." Luke said, beaming at her. He was a family man at heart, and he knew this could be the pickup Chris and Jill so desperately needed.

"That means you'll be an older sister, little missy." Jill said to Anna who was still shocked.

"Oh no, now I'll actually have responsibilities." Anna joked, but pulled Jill into a hug to congratulate her.

They all hoped that with the happy emotions in the room, it would spur on Chris to wake up. But they had false hope, he remained still.

Jill sat vigilantly by Chris's bedside since the hour he was brought in. Claire tried to persuade her to take a little time off after such a long night. But Jill was determined to be there when he woke up. So never did she leave his side. Luckily Claire brought a change of clothes for her. The doctor said it could take anywhere from an hour to multiple hours for him to fully wake. It had been four hours now, and he wasn't completely coherent. He seemed to slip in and out of consciousness. Occasionally, Jill would think he was getting up, but the drowsiness kicked in again.

Jill's tiredness had gotten the better of her, and she had wriggled herself around to half lie on the seat. She rested her head on the edge of his bed. It wasn't the most comfortable but she had got to sleep nonetheless.

"Jill?"

...

"Jill?" She lifted her head slowly at the sound of a very confused voice. Her eyes adjusted and she looked up towards the voice. She couldn't believe her eyes, when a very confused looking Chris was staring down at her.

She quickly sat upright, matting down her dishevelled locks, and smiling brightly at him.

"You're awake. I'm so glad you're okay." Her eyes filled again when she looked at him. Jill gently put her arms around him, and awkwardly found a way to hug him while he was lying down. He lightly patted her back in return.

"I was so worried Chris..." She gave a light kiss on his head, and sat back upright. She flashed him another big smile of relief, but was disheartened when her smile wasn't returned. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He croaked out. Jill could tell he wasn't. She felt him wince slightly when she hugged him. But as always Chris would never admit his pain. To him it wasn't as important as the pain of others.

"Jill, are you okay? ...And, and the baby?" He was worried to ask. He could barely remember much of the previous night, and he knew the stress wouldn't be good for their unborn child.

"I'm fine...We're both fine." Jill grinned. He closed his eyes and nodded. Words couldn't describe the relief he felt.

"And Alex?"

"She got away Chris. Someone helped her. We just don't know who." Jill replied calmly, and he looked distant. She caressed his face lightly.

...

"I love you, you know that?" Jill whispered, snapping him back to reality. She needed to let him know. She brought her face down to his and leant in towards his lips. But regrettably, he turned his face from her. She quickly retracted her hands and face, embarrassed by her own actions. He was a stubborn man; it was hard for him to forget that Jill kept news of a pregnancy from him.

Jill was hurt but she understood why he turned from her. She hadn't been given the chance yet to explain her reasoning behind keeping it from him. Plus she knew the fact that Alex was the one to tell him, merely caused more problems between them. She always wanted to do it herself.

"Chris...About the pregnancy, I wanted to tell you, I just..."

"Not now, Jill." Chris interrupted with a stern face. "This isn't the time or place... I feel like shit, and I just need time to recover..."

"I understand..." Jill was saddened at his sharpness. But she wasn't going to fight with him. He just needed time. "And I'll help you get better, I promise."

"I need time to get better...alone for a while, Jill." Jill fought back the tears and nodded. Honestly, he was heartbroken that she wouldn't tell him. They had planned for so long to have children, and when the time came, she kept that from him. His head was so messed up at this stage, it was hard for him to forgive her.

I actually hate this chapter. I really don't think I got across things they way I wanted them too, but hey ho. That's life for ya! XD

Artichoke,

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