..

In the shadow of your wings I seek protection until the danger dies down.
Psalm 57: 2
.

There was a time once when I was considered too young and immature to interact with mankind.

'You won't understand their complicated ways, Osael.'
So I watched, for thousands of years their complicated ways, their struggles from their first breath of air as a fish to beings worse off than the way their fathers were before them.

Their insistent struggle to develop and grow was something that I admired. Not because they were something to aspire to but because they still proved to be something more than hairless apes.

There were not a lot of angels who were privileged to walk among humans, and fewer still who saw the man who created them, our Father. Those who had walked among them were torn; such strange creatures made in Gods image; weak and corrupt but others would say how magnificent they were, how strong and free they were.
One of those angels was Castiel.

The first time I had ever met him was the day he came to me, giving me my name.
Osael; Angel of Tuesday and of Judgement.
I would appear to those who needed help to realise their beliefs, not ones forced upon them or false. I was proud of my position, and as time went on, my wings became something also to be proud of. Castiel, angel of Thursday and new changes hardly had the time to visit me, so I would often go to him, joining him as he stood in another man's heaven. His first favourite was of a gardener, whose heaven was of a lush garden before it changed to one of an autistic man.

I didn't choose one with flowers; my favourite was of a woman who played the piano with her two children. Sadly she had been murdered, but she never seemed to show her horrors and pain to her children, always with a smile and a warm hug.
Much like Castiel.
And the day that he changed was one I will never forget.

For a long time he had much interest for the insects crawling over the earth; of course he respected them as their father asked them to, but he never let it consume his time, his being.
That all changed when we were given orders as the Warriors of God.

Thousands of angels were gathered, myself included alongside Castiel as we laid siege to hell.
Save Dean Winchester.
We flew to the gates of hell, looking at our brothers and sisters beside us with the fear of never seeing each other again. We all knew that after whatever happened there, things would not ever be the same.

We flew down into hell, the smell and heat something that would scare anything for life. Screams and wails drowned out thought and we had barely made it to the darkest part of Hell when half of us were lost. Many didn't have a chance to fight, demons and worse clipping wings and breaking bones, snuffing out pure light with a harsh foul breath.

Castiel led us on, urging us to carry on, that God would not allow us to perish this way. I had my doubts but Castiel had the faith we all needed to move on, to reach Dean Winchester.
I walked briskly beside Castiel, wings spread ready to take flight in case and I could feel the shame radiate from me. It was neither the time nor the place but I realised then the power Castiel had, the faith and the responsibility as his black wings spread with authority even as he cut down anything in his way.

Dean Winchester was before us; caught somewhere between a human and a demon. It repulsed me, but Castiel was not, cleansing him before gripping his shoulder.
At that moment I knew everything was going to be different. Castiel vanished along with the human, announcing that Dean Winchester was saved.

I hardly saw him after that.
He was always too busy running around after the Winchester brothers, consumed with the need to help them, to be their Guardian Angel. I missed my friend but it didn't stop me from preparing as war broke out.
Our father was gone. We were left on our own.

It was hardly a surprise when Kamael dragged Castiel back to heaven, had him beaten and taught once again what it meant to be an angel.

The next time was after he had been banished, thought to have been killed. But there he was, by some miracle of God. It was like a sign, God was still out there and he had given us back Castiel to lead us.
Lead us he did.
Of course we were outnumbered, Raphael strong with his control already established, but it never stopped us from believing we could win.

It was over a period of time, Castiel teaching us about freedom and brothers and sisters dying that I noticed Castiel was changing for something worse.
He was still with the Winchesters, obsessed with Dean Winchester and his plot with Balthazar and the King of Hell himself.

Of course it was doomed to fail and it ruined me when I watched Castiel return to heaven claiming to be God, punishing all of those that were loyal to Raphael.
I missed the Castiel who would teach me, the one that would want to learn himself.
Curious Castiel.
Curiosity killed the cat, or however that saying goes that the humans created. But I could never be sure if it was his curiosity that led to him being killed or if it was the feeling of never satisfying that curiosity.

He fell, disappearing from all of us.
Some of us didn't know what to do, no God and no Castiel. We wondered on, trying to carry out things like we previously did for thousands of years but it held not the same meaning. This freedom we had been taught, it was what killed so many of us.

Then we learnt Castiel was alive.
Or, human at least, degraded to such a simple form of being. Kamael forbade any contact with him, instead he should be punished for what he had done.
'We will be saving him from the slow torture that God has bestowed upon him, Osael.'
But it proved difficult to find him, the fact that he was still an angel clouded our sights.

I found him though, in a clothes shop with a young woman. I wanted to tell him then and there, I wanted him to remember but as I brushed past him, I felt the soul he had, caged beneath his ribs and through his veins.
He was indeed a human being and had no memory of ever being an angel.
He was happy.

I could not let Kamael kill him, not now that he had been given a second chance. It was his test, a challenge for him to pass and come to final judgment; not a wounded animal to be hunted and put out of its misery.

I went to Kamael, asked him if I could join him as we searched for Castiel. He was glad to have someone as myself with him; a hard headed warrior that would do anything to please. But he never suspected my loyalties lying on a different path.

All I needed to do was restore his memories; who he really was and what he had done, what he could do. The next part was not so easy; find and restore his grace. I didn't even know if his grace was still around, if it had not been wiped clean from heaven but I would search for it and restore Castiel to how he was.
I was not the only one that wanted our leader back.

Each day I would pray that God would return home, that he would put things right and realise that I was doing for him what we all needed, what Heaven needed, what God needed, what the Winchesters needed… what I needed.

I just never knew that this was the same way Castiel had been led down a road that had no happy ending, when I did it was too late for me to stop, too caught up in the spiders web.

The only thing that got me through was the fools hope that I would have Castiel back in heaven with us. I knew that deep down it was what he wanted, what he needed.
I would listen to his prayers, his quoting of the bible each night before he slept.
'My God, my God, why have you deserted me? Why are you so far away? Won't you listen to my groans and come to my rescue?'

And I would feel the same as I returned to heaven, feeling empty and lost as still Gods presence failed to fill us with the faith and love we craved.

'I cry out day and night, but you don't answer, and I can never rest.'

Just something quick I felt like adding in before we got back to business.
I'm going to keep this as a chapter just so it doesnt make anything confusing.

Silver-Kirin
xXx