Thanks for the reviews guys, I hope this chapter lives up to the first.
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First, he had to let her know that he was not giving up. Ever.
He cornered her whilst she was practising in the archery glade. He made sure her arrow points were not aimed in his direction before approaching her.
"Good eve, Queen Susan."
"Good Eve, Prince Caspian." She returned amicably. Her eyes were bright as she smiled at him happily, lowering her bow and waiting for him to approach. Caspian watched her carefully. Twenty feet between them and she continued smiling. Fifteen feet between them and her smile faltered. Five feet between them and he saw her fingers tighten on her bow string and her eyes grow wary. He stopped.
Caspian stood in silence for a moment, taking in her presence. He noticed that she hesitated before regaining her usual smile and waiting for him to speak.
The first time Susan had seen him, his eyes had already been upon her. So intense was his gaze that long before she saw him, she felt his presence. Across the room, he smiled as their eyes connected. She hesitated, before smiling at the foreign prince. Seconds later, he was at her side. How she regretted that smile now.
"You are looking fearsomely beautiful, this afternoon, majesty." He finally said, taking in her usual leather and mail armour. Gently he reached out and brushed the buckle of her arm brace.
Susan glanced at him sharply, eyes narrowing and brows knitting together tightly. She turned her body away from his searching fingers and focused on the target two hundred feet away, drawing a sharp arrow.
Caspian sighed. He would get nowhere if this continued.
"Am I ever to know his name? This man who stands between us?"
Her arrow flew off course and hit the target on its outer edges. Her worst shot of the day. He waited for her reply but Susan refused to look at him. Her gaze remained fixed on her still quivering arrow.
"Susan?"
Suddenly she whirled on him, her eyes bright with anger, slim fingers trembling as they grasped her bow.
"You should address your superiors with the respect they deserve, Prince Caspian, or have you forgotten who I am?"
Taken aback, Caspian stuttered a nonsense reply; he had not been expecting this sudden surge of anger.
"I am a Queen of Narnia, crowned by Aslan himself! I answer to none but Him and my brother, the High King. How dare you address me as a common girl? As nothing more than an ordinary girl with an ordinary name?"
Again Caspian tried to interrupt her but managed no more than a stutter in the face of her fury.
"I thought I could count on being respected whilst my feet were on my own soil, but you have proven my thoughts incorrect, I am to be belittled here as well!"
"My Queen –"
He made a fatal mistake.
He reached out and grasped her wrist in apology.
Instantly her angry eyes turned wild and suddenly she was all strength and muscle and wiry toughness.
"Let me GO!" with an almighty yank she was free and retreated several feet away where she stood, panting and staring at him with panicked eyes.
There was a stunned silence. Caspian could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. He looked upon the Queen, her hair now in disarray, her lips quivering and he felt a rush of feeling.
"Look at yourself." He said softly. Susan turned her face away from him but didn't otherwise move.
"Look at what he's done to you." He saw a tear run swiftly down her rosy cheek. "You've let him win."
Susan bowed her head under his criticism. Caspian saw that as a good sign, she was listening to him, he took a step forward. But still, she took a step back.
"Please just drop it." She replied in a low voice, squatting down and hurriedly grabbing her things. He picked up her bow, holding it out to her, but just far enough away so that she would have to come closer to retrieve it. She eyed him angrily before she grabbed it from one end, he refused to let go.
"Please, Queen Susan, I want to help. Please just let me help."
She dared to look at him for one charged moment before she snatched up her bow and hurriedly walked away. Caspian felt anger well. She was letting herself go. She wasn't even fighting, wasn't even trying.
"Tell me his name, at least, so I know whom to curse in my prayers." He called after her.
Susan paused, turning her head to the side so he could see her profile, but not her eyes.
When he appeared at her side, he bowed in a flowery way with lots of gestures and flicks of his hands. Susan found it a little funny, but he was so solemn, that she replied with a formal curtsey of her own.He said nothing, but extended his hand in offer of a dance. She searched his dark eyes, but they held nothing but respect and intrigue. She placed her hand in his.
"I am, Rabadash, Your majesty, Prince of Calormene and never in my wide travels have I seen one with such beauty as yourself."
Susan felt her stomach jump, her fingers tingled as he squeezed them gently and gazed upon her with liquid eyes.
"His name was Rabadash," she said it so softly he wasn't even sure he heard right. "he was a Calormene Prince. Now please, leave it - and me – alone."
"I won't!"
His resolute reply startled her. She turned fully around to meet his adamant gaze with her surprised one.
"I'm not giving up on you."
Something in her eyes flickered briefly, before she turned her head and strode away.
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As he was preparing for the castle raid, Caspian overheard a curious conversation between the Queen and her elder brother.
"You don't have to fight Su, you're not used to battles."
"I want to fight."
"Su, you have to make the right decision here, don't let your insecurities cloud your thoughts."
"Insecurities?"
"You know what I'm talking about; you're fighting now because you feel guilty about the soldiers who died fighting to save you after Rabadash declared war. You think if you save a soldier now, it makes up for the one who died years ago. You're trying to save men who are already dead."
"That's nonsense."
"It's the truth, you're named the Gentle, Susan, you don't belong on a battle field."
"I have every right to fight for my people."
"And they have every right to fight for you. Don't let their sacrifice be in vain. Stay at the How."
There was a strained silence.
"You don't understand, Peter, I have to do this. I have to feel like I'm doing something, I have to prove that I'm not a damsel in distress, that I'm strong, worthy of being Queen."
"You are worthy, Aslan made you worthy when he crowned you."
"I have to make up for my past indiscretions."
"That's ridiculous."
"You can get angry, or you can support me, Peter. Either way, I'm fighting at your side."
There was another pause.
"Susan, please, don't you think this has gone on long enough? Don't let him dictate who you are. You're not a soldier."
Susan's reply was stiff and formal.
"Since this discussion appears to be ended, my Lord, I beg leave of your presence in order to prepare for the raid."
"Permission granted. But su –"
"Thank you, My King, may Aslan guide your blade and give you strength this night."
Caspian ducked into the shadows as Susan strode past, her fists clenched at her sides angrily. He chanced a glance into the room and saw King Peter, his head in his hands. It was not many who saw the stubborn, legendary king in such a vulnerable position. Caspian could see the combined stresses of being High King and being the eldest brother were taking their toll on the boy-man. Peter sighed heavily and lifted his eyes, staring into the fire which flickered dully in front of him. With a quick shake of his head he straightened fully, raising his chin, pulling back his shoulders. Peter Pevensie and his worries over his little sister were left at the fire place. The High King of Narnia walked from the room.
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Caspian found Susan sitting in the same place he had found Queen Lucy a few nights before. He had had to be careful, following her here. The kings had been keeping a beady eye on him for the past few days, especially Peter, after that disastrous raid. She knew he was there. Her shoulders had tensed as he had walked up behind her.
He waited a few moments, taking a deep breath of fresh air.
"He kept you prisoner."
Susan startled next to him, her head swinging to the side to allow her to stare at him in surprise.
"I know what happened." he said to her earnestly. "The rabbit, Blossom, gave me a book on the golden age and I read all about your time in Tashbaan."
His words seemed to irk her; her eyes turned cold.
"Child." He tried not to shrink under her condemning gaze. "You read a book of fairytales and you think you can understand?"
It was then, for the first time, that Caspian felt the many years that she had lived and he had not. Her eyes were tired, old, world weary, he felt naive in her presence, this lady who had lived a full life many years before he had even been born. But he could also see the desperate girl trapped behind a wall of insecurities and memories which haunted her and prevented her from becoming the true queen that she was.
"Tell me then, make me understand, please! I want to help. I want you to be able to smile at me without wincing." He reached for her hand but she pulled away quickly. "I want to be able to hold your hand without you pulling away!"
Susan sighed, her contempt leaving her when confronted with his earnest face. Her anger deflated, it left her small and frail looking.
"I know, I know you just want to help and it makes it worse that I want you to be able to. I just can't let go."
"Of what?"
"Of my memories, of my guilt."
Susan picked at a rock under her feet and turned her face away from his curious eyes, she did not want to continue the conversation. Caspian's heart ached.
"Tell me, please, perhaps then your rejection when I reach for you will not hurt as much."
He held his breath, hoping she would continue, hoping that using her affection for him against her in a guilt trip would not make her clam up further. They sat in silence for a long time and with a great sigh, Caspian finally turned to leave. His boots scraped against the stone as he moved.
Susan's hand shot out as if to grab him, but stopped just above his forearm. Caspian stared at the hovering hand and then moved his gaze to her face, but he could not make out her expression, the moon was too dim. Slowly he sat back down and waited.
"He tried to touch me." She said softly. Caspian felt his heart sink as his fears were confirmed. She had experienced the worst side of a man's nature, she with all of her delicate beauty, had been tainted.
"He tried to rape me." Susan said louder, her fist clenching angrily. "He tried to force himself onto me and when I fought, he hit me, told me he would kill my brother and declare open war against my country. He would have succeeded in breaking me, had Edmund not stormed in and startled him so much that he let me go. We only had a short time after that to plan our escape."
She took a deep breath, staring straight ahead and laughed bitterly.
"I bet your story book left that bit out, didn't it?"
Caspian didn't say anything. But she didn't need him to. Nothing he said could make it so that those memories did not exist.
"I hate him for it, for trying. But I hate myself more."
Susan walked through the tent which held the bodies of fallen soldiers. She could see Edmund further ahead, consoling a distraught faun who was sobbing over his brother's body. She paused, not wanting to face the crying faun, not wanting to face the guilt she felt at the sight of his brothers prone and bloody body. She cast her eyes away from the scene, but her gaze only fell upon a small leopard cub, sitting meekly at his mother's side, staring with wide eyes at the large unmoving mass of spotted fur that had been his father. The air was stifling, it stank of blood and death. It stank of her sins. It stank of her failure. It stank of a people betrayed. Susan ran from the tent, not stopping at the concerned calls from her brother or her people. Susan ran.
Susan clenched her fingers in the folds of her dress and suddenly the words were pouring from her.
"My foolishness started a war. I fell for a foreign prince who ensnared me with promises of adventure and excitement. My people died trying to protect me. They selflessly fought for a selfish queen who thought of nothing but herself."
"That is not tru-"
"Yes! Yes it is! Had I not foolishly fell for his charm and flowery words, my soldiers would not have had to sacrifice their lives! If only I had heeded my sisters advice. If only I had had confidence in myself. If only I did not need reaffirmations of my beauty. If only he had not come at a time when I was feeling desperate and under pressure to produce an heir. I was selfish. I put myself and my wants over Narnia and Narnia's needs. I failed the first principle of being Queen. I put myself over my country. All because a man – a dirty horrible man, deceived me with his charming smile and his dark eyes and foreign tongue. Damn him, damn him to hell."
Susan was crying now, tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks red, her nose running. She didn't look beautiful in the least.
Caspian studied his hands self consciously as she sobbed beside him. He made no move to touch her, to comfort her.
"So really, it is a two pronged problem." He said softly. Susan stopped crying long enough to look up at him in confusion. "You are afraid of touch, because you were once forced upon. Correct?"
Susan nodded hesitantly. "Yes, I suppose that's a small part of it."
"And you detest a man's touch because it brings back the memory of your own selfishness, your failings as a queen." He added gravely.
"Yes, yes you understand?" Susan looked at him with bleak eyes.
"I understand." He replied. And he did. As a future King of Narnia, there was nothing that worried him more than the life and prosperity of his people. Everything he did, everything he fought for in this war could be attributed to his responsibility to look after and nurture his people.
And then he had made a mistake.
That night at the castle, he had abandoned his people in favour for his revenge. Like him, she had, for one brief moment in time, let herself come before her people and she had paid a heavy price, in her people's blood shed.
Now it was Caspian's turn to take a deep breath. He thought he knew where the problem lay.
"I understand and I forgive you."
"What?" she stared at him disbelievingly.
Peter was always hugging her, reassuring her he was there to protect her. Edmund was always hovering, making sure she was alright, popping in at odd hours of the nigh to make sure she was asleep in her bed. Lucy was constantly bringing her food and drink, helping her get ready for the day, brushing her hair. But when she looked at them and told them she was sorry, not one of them said anything in return. Each stared back helplessly, or told her it wasn't her fault. She knew they were lying. It was all her fault. She was so very very sorry.
"I forgive you for being human, for making a mistake, for putting yourself first. I take the blame of those soldiers deaths, who fought for your freedom and I release you of it." He said.
"It doesn't work like that." She scoffed at his quiet words, but her fingers had stopped clenching in her dress, her breathing had evened out.
"You don't think so?" he returned mildly. Already, her tears had stopped. "Well, I forgive you all the same, I understand the pressures and I understand how you could be led astray."
She stared at him with wide eyes, finally bursting out with.
"Even if I am forgiven, I can't just erase my thoughts and memories!"
"It will take time. But you must forgive yourself. You are – were - a great Queen, your legend is lovingly remembered this day, a thousand years later. It would not have been so, if your people were angry with you or distrusted you."
Susan felt sick as the royal family stood on the balcony which overlooked the capital city and below them thousands of Narnian's screamed with joy at the sight of their monarchs. Peter had said something, something horrid about good triumphing evil and then had pulled her forward. The triumphant yells and adoring calls from her people made her head spin, their faces blended together in great contorted shapes. Why were they so happy to see her? Didn't they know she had led their armies into death? Didn't they realise that her freedom came at a price?
He let her take his words in. She sat quietly, sniffling occasionally. Carefully, he extracted his handkerchief and placed it in her lap, careful not to startle her with fast movements and careful not to touch her in anyway.
"As for the other problem, I cannot help. I can only tell you that I would never do such a thing and that all men are not animals like he who hurt you. We really aren't a bad lot." He made a comical face at her.
Susan smiled, chuckling briefly. "I know."
They sat in a peaceful silence for a while, Caspian felt elated, sitting there quietly and listening to her soft breathing.
She was not tense, she had not left, it was the longest time he had spent in her presence. That alone made him think that maybe, just maybe, his words had had an effect.
He stared at the moon, marvelling at the fact that thirteen hundred years before; she had stared at the same moon, with no knowledge that one day they would be sitting under it together. Suddenly, he felt her gently touch his hand. He held his breath, not taking his eyes off the sky as Susan traced his fingers with one of her own.
"He was so much stronger than me. That's what scares me most about you. About men, really, I couldn't fight him off."
Peter found his sister pacing restlessly in the royal southern gardens. He knew that she knew he was there, her shoulders had tensed as he walked into the area. He didn't say anything, just watched her, his heart aching with her pain. Suddenly she stalked up to him and stopped just in front of him. Her eyes were wild with anger. His sister was aptly named gentle, so it gave him a huge surprise when she raised both of her hands and shoved him hard in the chest. He swayed, but did not stumble. His unmoving mass seemed to anger her further. She approached him at a fast walk and shoved him hard again. This time Peter caught her wrists in his hands.
"Su? What on earth –"
Suddenly Susan was tugging viciously against his grip on her wrists, grunting in her aggression. She rained a continuous hail of sharp kicks against his shins that made Peter gasp in pain. Her actions were so wild, so out of character that he was afraid she had cracked all together. Deftly, he pinned her arms to her sides and wrapped himself around her, preventing her from moving much at all.
"Susan, stop it! Susan you'll hurt yourself!" he cried into her ear.
Susan's attacks suddenly stopped and she hung limp in his hold. Cautiously Peter let her go and turned her around to face him. Angry tears were streaking down her cheeks.
"Why am I so weak?" she asked him. "Why can't I protect myself?"
"If you have to fight off a man, he is no man at all, but a coward, to treat someone smaller than he as such."
Susan shrugged. "Coward or no, he was still stronger and I could not fight him." She turned and looked at him, eyeing him up and down. "I have seen you kill men on the battlefield, I know your strength."
He became aware of his size and strength when compared to her small body. He had never thought of her as delicate and had never thought of himself as particularly strong either. But he had to admit, subduing her would not be a particularly hard task.
"But the question is: have you seen me use my strength anywhere other than in the heat of battle? Have I raised a hand against a fellow? Have I pushed or shoved?" he asked.
'No"
"Then you must understand that my strength will never be used against friends, only enemies."
He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with hers, trapping her gently. Susan stared at their hands with a slight panic arising in her eyes. She gave a tug and he released her hand immediately. He watched as she bit her lip in thought and then reached out to place her hand back in his. He curled his fingers around hers. Again she pulled back and again he let go. She was testing him.
"I am not him." He whispered, willing her to believe it.
Her eyes were bright, unsure, but determined, as she lifted his hand and once again intertwined their fingers.
They sat there for what seemed an age, until dawn's light lit the earth and showed Caspian Susan's small grim smile.
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So finally the second part is out. It was actually longer than I thought and this made a nice ending I think, so I chopped out a bit and I might make a third chapter, to be coming out later. Let me know what you think. Should I continue it or just leave it as is?