Disclaimer- I own absolutely nothing, yeah, I know … sad day. Please do nothing that these characters do. Well, nothing extreme. I guess you could do the breathing part. But only do it sparingly.
Author's note- two things, 1. I am sorry that this is so late, band camp and the impending predicament of school has really slowed me down, sorry. 2. I just want all of you to know that I am using the biographies for all of the original characters (i.e. Izzy and Gwen), but I do have some changes to some, so they won't be strictly by the biography.
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Confession cam
Chris - A few more contestants will be joining us tomorrow, but for the sake of today's team break-up, they're not here today. Now to hear from some of our contestants.
*static*
Anna - (She is forcefully shoved into the confessional) OW! You know you could have just asked me to use your stupid confessional! (Haily pops her head in the door)
Haily - Oh, here's the bathroom. (She walks in and starts to unbutton her pants)
Anna - (Taken aback) um, it's occupied
Haily - (still undoing her pants) Oh, I'm open to sharing
Anna - (her eyes bulge in horror)
*static*
Yael - (She is facing the opposite direction, so all we see is the back of her head) Chris told me they can't get my replacement glasses in until tomorrow, so I have to do this entire challenge blind! Do you know how inhumane that is?
*static*
Kayla - (she's still sobbing, sniffs the air, and continues to sob) the smell, it's just like his bathroom!
*static*
Phillip - (He's wiping the confessional down with a disinfectant soaked wipe.) Germ's … so many germs!"
*Static*
Heather - So, most of these new kids are rather pathetic.
*static*
Harold - (he peeks out the door) I'm hiding from Fran. She won't stop chasing me and yelling how I belong with Bridgette. That coupled with that accidental kiss this morning, is making my luscious LeShawna a very frightening woman.
*static*
Courtney - Since I am the most skilled person here at reading people, I am now going to give you my opinions of all the new contestants. First, James seems to be a—
*static*
Ethan - Since I don't think I got the introduction everybody else got I'm going to give another first impression here. Hi my name is Ethan, and I am—
*static*
Tyler & Lindsay - (The jock is fanning his unconsciousness girlfriend) After Chris was able to convince the new kids not to tear him apart, limb from limb, he made everybody learn each others names. That was when Lindsay fainted, muttering something about too many names. I figured the stench in here would wake her up, like smelling salts.
Lindsay - (she begins to come too) why does it smell so bad?
Tyler - You're back!
Lindsay - Trent?
Tyler - (He facepalms)
*static*
Courtney - And they are definitely hiding something. (Someone can be heard banging on the side of the outhouse)
Chris - Courtney hurry up, we need to start!
Courtney - On a final note, Duncan and Gwen are going down!
"Ok" Chris said as Courtney joined him and the rest of the competitors, "Now that everybody who wanted to use the confessional has used it, it's time to start the first challenge." He looked at the contestants, waiting for some sort of reaction.
"What?" Gwen asked. "You think just because you said something we're supposed to cheer?"
"Well, yeah, kinda," the host replied.
"To bad," Vanessa snapped, "we're wet, cold, tired, hormonal, and impatient, we just want to get this over with."
"First things first, the teams,"
"They're obviously just going to be the returning people against the new people?" Noah droned.
"Yeah, but I still want to announce it," Chris huffed. "The first team will be those of you who are returning, who I like to call The Golden Oldies. The other team, the new contestants, will be called the N00bz."
"Aren't you just oozing originality," Amanda joked, getting a few laughs.
"Haha," Chris sarcastically barked, "Now as for today's challenge, you are going to be playing a not-so friendly game of capture the flag!"
"That's it?" Sabrina asked, walking her fingers up the handsome host's chest. "Surely a genius like you could think of something better."
"Actually, I couldn't. It's incredibly hard to think up a challenge that two teams of twenty-two can take part in. Now if you don't mind, BACK OFF!"
Sabrina reluctantly took a step back.
"Now you all know how to play capture the flag-"
"Let's suppose that there are some people here who are unaware of the rules of such a game," James mused.
"Well, both teams have a territory which share a boundary line. In that territory, the teams must hide a flag. The object is to get the other team's flag across the boundary before they can do the same. In order to resist the capture of your flag, if you tag somebody on the opposite tem, they are frozen until another member of their team tags the, and trust me, I can be a pain in the ass when it comes to the no moving while frozen rule."
"So it's basically a metaphor for hostage situations in war in which both sides have a valuable individual and send spies and armies to get them back. The flag represents the hostage and the freezing represents fatal gunfire?" James asked.
"… Sure, now, in order to make it simpler and move a lot more quickly, I have chosen captains for both teams. Noah will lead the Golden Oldies, and Yael will lead the N00bz."
"What?" Courtney shouted.
"What?" Noah deadpanned.
"What?" Yael gasped.
"Yep, and no changing captains. You now have one hour to hide your flag and plan your strategy."
"Anything else?" Tony asked.
"Good question, N00bz get this island, Golden Oldies get Boney Island. First team to get the opposing team's flag onto their island wins, and no cheating, cheating will cause your team to lose. For those of you who are wondering, cheating means moving when you are frozen in place, you can talk and blink, but any other voluntary movement is not allowed. Now move campers, move. "
The contestants dashed around, trying to get with their respective teams, with only Amanda staying put. "Well, that was an ironic assortment of sentences.
N00bz
The twenty-two new contestants gathered at the side of the cafeteria, out of sight and earshot of the Golden Oldies. Everybody was talking excitedly about their first Total Drama challenge. Yael stood at the front of the crowd, holding the teams purple flag.
"Hey, everybody, listen up," Yael shouted at the wall, which she thought was the group. Grace walked forward and turned their leader around. "Thank you CJ."
"It's Grace."
"Oh, sorry."
"No problem" Grace said in a friendly matter, hiding the slight flinch in her eye from her teammates.
"The phrase blind leading the blind takes on a whole new meaning right now." Amanda joked.
"That would have been funny if we all weren't thinking it," Tony told the chubby blonde, who hung her head in disappointment.
"Ok people, we need to think up a good place to hide our flag."
"I say we bury it," Jonathon said, whipping a shovel out from behind the building. Lyle let out a terrified squeak and hid behind James.
Confession Cam
Lyle- One time at school, Jonathon buried me without a single teacher noticing. I didn't even have a coffin; it was just me and my clothes. It sure sent the zombie enthusiasts into a frenzy when I was able to pull myself out.
*static*
Jonathon- (He chuckles) Ah, good times.
"I say we hide it in there," Yael said, pointing to the side of the building.
"The cafeteria?" Vanessa asked.
"Oh sorry," Yael turned and pointed at the lake. "There"
"In the lake?" Ethan asked.
"Damn it," Yael screamed, "Somebody, make it to where I'm pointing at the woods." Grace reached out and twisted the girl so she was pointing at said woods.
"Wait," Rocki shouted, "I know exactly where we should go hide it." The odd girl ran forward and grabbed the flag out of Yael's hands, darting into the woods.
"Should we send somebody in there with her?" Elaine asked. "I'd hate for her to get eaten by something."
"Seriously, her clothes are too nice to be ruined that way," Vince chattered.
"Look on the bright side," Vanessa said, "if she does get eaten, whatever eats her will probably eat the flag too. Then the other team will never find it."
"That is a horrible way to think," Anna stated in horror
"If that's your bright side, I'd hate to see your dark side," Amanda said, trying to crack another joke.
"Again," Tony whispered, "would have been funny if we all weren't thinking it."
"What's our strategy?" Ethan asked, seemingly changing the subject.
"Cower," Phillip suggested from his little ball on the ground.
"Now where would that get us?" Elaine said, rubbing the terrified boy's back. "Not everything out there is that bad, maybe just getting out there would be a good thing for you to try."
Vanessa glared at the cheery girl.
Confession Cam
Vanessa- Ugh, that cheery girl is very annoying. Who is that happy all the time? She has got to be up to something.
*static*
Elaine- I love seeing the bright side of life. Life's to short to live in a depressing mood. It's just my goal to make sure everybody is as happy as can be.
The team stood in thought, trying to think of possible ways to attain the other teams flag. Miranda was the one to come up with an idea, whipping a piece of paper out of her pocket.
"What you got there Miranda?" Sabrina asked the fangirl as she was trying to look over her shoulder.
"Oh just this little plan me and a few of my friends thought up," Miranda shrugged, "it got messed up by the fall in the water, but it should still work."
"A plan for what?" Tony asked nervously.
"Oh nothing"
Anna walked over and snatched the paper from the frizzy-haired girl. "It's title says 'kidnap Tony DeLaLuna Plan Beta'."
Vince looked over the girl's shoulder. "And it's color-coded," he exclaimed. Miranda quickly snatched the paper back before anything else could be revealed.
"Beta?" Lyle asked, "Does that mean that there's a plan alpha?"
Diana chuckled, looking at Tony. "Dude, you're *censored*"
Confession cam
Tony- (He's speaking anxiously into a phone) Yes … yes … I want you to hire three new bodyguards … and put up more security cameras … let's just say I have a hunch that they're going to be needed more than I thought.
*static*
Anna- A lot of my friends make plans to kidnap celebrities, and I'm usually the one that convinces them that it really isn't worth it. But I've always wondered what they planned to do once they captured the celebrity.
Haily- (she yells from outside the outhouse) It's called sex!
Anna- This is supposed to be private.
Haily- But it's not
"Care to explain what 'Kidnap Tony DeLaLuna Plan Beta' is?" Grace asked, tapping her toes impatiently.
"Well, as the title implies, it was originally meant to capture Tony," Miranda stated as the celebrity took side-steps away from the fangirl. "But with some tweaking, it should work for capture the flag. All we do is send a large group of people to distract security, then two groups of two swing around back and stuff Tony in a bag and get to the getaway truck. All we have to do is add some defense and remove the getaway van and ta-da, strategy."
"That is surprisingly well thought out for a bunch of screaming fangirls," Fran mused.
"What, you thought all we did was scream and follow them on Twitter?" Miranda asked. Everybody else awkwardly looked at each other and murmured something along the lines of 'yes.' "Well then," Miranda muttered.
"Who's going to do what?" Vanessa asked.
"Obviously our all seeing leader over there will tell us," Amanda laughed, jerking her thumb in the direction of Yael, who accidently walked into the wall.
"But she's visually impaired. How could she be all seeing?" James questioned.
"It was a joke
"… Oh"
Confession Cam
Amanda- (She's slightly shaking) my school's psychologist diagnosed me with a Histrionic Personality Disorder. Apparently that means I have an excessive need for attention and making people laugh is my way of getting it. So when people don't understand or don't laugh at my jokes, I get a little … desperate.
*static*
James- I still don't get it
"Who wants to be part of the defense?" Yael asked, her face inches away from a slightly disturbed Diana's.
"*censored*, Get the *censored* away from me," She snapped.
"Sorry," the blind girl mumbled as she stepped back, "again, who wants to be part of the defense." Not many of the new contestants seemed overly eager to join the defense, so only a few of them raised their hands.
"Is anybody raising their hands?" Yael asked the nearest person, who happened to be the pole that held the loudspeaker.
"Well, Harvard, Kayla, Phillip, Vince, and Lyle are." Grace listed.
"Then they are going to be the defense. Now who wants to be the offensive?" Even fewer people were eager to join the offensive. Three people raised they're hands.
"Vanessa, Ethan, and CJ," Grace told Yael.
"OK. Vanessa, you and Ethan take the left side of the island. CJ, we'll pair you with Rocki and you can take the right side. Everybody else is going to run distraction."
"And how do we distract?" Sabrina asked.
"We run around screaming like a bunch of ninnies."
Haily giggled. "Ninnies, such a funny word." After that statement, the large group started to discuss the hilarity of the word ninny.
"I'm back!" Rocki called out as she walked out from the woods, no flag in sight.
"Did you hide the flag?" Yael yelled.
"Sure did," Rocki said, hi-fiving Fran as she walked by, which was awkward because Fran didn't raise her hand for a hi-five.
"Good, where is it? The defense needs to go and set up."
Rocki wasn't quick to answer. Her face slowly contorted into a worried expression. Terror appeared in her eyes. "Oh crap"
"What?" Yael asked worriedly, "Is it a bear?" The blonde grabbed the nearest person, Vince, and used him as a shield against the non-existent bear.
"Bear!" Phillip shrieked. The fearful teenager pulled a paper bag out of his back pocket to control his escalating breathing.
"No, there's no bear," Rocki said, comforting the boy, "I just forgot where I hid the flag."
"How could you forget?" Vanessa snapped. "You only hid it three minutes ago?"
"My memory isn't the best."
"We noticed"
"Girls please," Grace interrupted, "you shouldn't fight. We're on the same team."
"Anna's right" Yael said.
"It's Grace!"
"Sorry, Grace is right. Defense, your new job is to go find our flag." The members of the defensive group nodded their heads reluctantly and entered the woods in search for the flag.
"Do you think I should go with them?" Rocki asked.
"You'll probably just get them lost." Vanessa sniped.
"Watch it," Grace ordered.
"No Rocki, you need to go on offense with CJ," Yael told her.
"But I don't want—" CJ tried to voice his concern about something, but was interrupted by a large horn that was blared over the loudspeaker.
"I guess that's our cue to begin." Yael muttered. She then walked into the side of the cafeteria.
Confession Cam
Vanessa- What kind of moron forgets where she hid the flag? She probably just cost our team the win!
*static*
Rocki- It's not like I meant to forget where I hid the flag. Hey, if you think about it, I hid it so well, even I can't find it.
*static*
Grace- If this Yael girl doesn't start getting my name right, I am going to lose it, and losing it will ruin this entire nice girl act I'm working on.
*static*
Haily- (she giggles) …ninnies
Golden Oldies
All of the returning campers stood on the shore of Boney Island, forming a circle around two screaming teens.
"That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard," One shouted.
"Then you obviously have never watched one of your confessionals," The other retorted.
"What is wrong with my confessionals?"
"They sound like the ravings of a complete psyco!"
"… … … … … … … … …"
Confession cam
Courtney - (she's been in the confessional for a while) and this one time I made these nice little Duncan and Gwen voodoo dolls. (Noah opens the door, Courtney doesn't notice) They were making out, like usual, but then they they suddenly found themselves inside my dogs stomach. (Noah leaves and Courtney finally notices.)
Haily- (She's yelling from outside the outhouse)Hey, prop the door open, I want to keep listening! (Courtney's eyes go impossibly wider)
"Would you two stop it," LeShawna yelled, stepping between the feuding CIT and bookworm. "In case you didn't notice, we have a challenge we need to prepare for."
"Why am I the only one that is outraged by this? He wants to use a strategy from a stupid video game for Pete's sake!" Courtney shrieked.
"A strategy that I won't shoot down until I actually hear it," Gwen stated. Noah smirked proudly. "Don't think this is me supporting you, you're still on my bad side for being a smartass."
"Good to know"
"So what's this dork plan, anyway?" Duncan asked as he tried to comfort a still fuming Courtney.
"It's quite simple, in Battle of Battlecraft, one of our quests was to retrieve a treasure from an enemy camp while protecting our own treasure," Noah droned. "What me and my online friends did was send one person to capture the treasure while everybody else stayed behind to protect ours."
"But why would we send only one person?" Trent asked.
"Because one person is far harder to detect than an entire group," Noah replied. The group contemplated this statement.
"But what if this person gets tagged? Who's going to be able to unfreeze them?" Courtney nagged. "How can you not see the amount of holes in your plan?"
"Because I know that the person won't get caught?"
"And who could possibly pull off such a feat?"
"Izzy," Noah said as I it was the most obvious thing on the planet. Everyone else gave it a split second to think over, and realized that Noah was right.
The psycho grinned from ear to ear and glomped the bookworm. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Izzy chanted.
"Izzy…get off of me!" The redhead reluctantly climbed down from the egghead.
"Since we know what we're going to do to get the flag, where are we going to hide the flag?" Justin asked.
Lindsay raised her hand quickly, but everybody was distracted by what was on the water. It was Chris, driving by on a water ski. "You're up to thirty, Justin," the handsome host said into a mega phone, then went back to the island.
Noah finally noticed the waving hand of a certain blonde bimbo. "Yes Lindsay," he said.
"I was thinking that maybe we could hide the flag in Chef's kitchen, they'd never think to look in there!" The blonde said proudly.
"But Lindthey, the kitchen ith on the other island," Beth pointed out.
"Really, I could have sworn it was on the same island as those weird beaver thingies."
"That's it!" Cody exclaimed. "We should hide it in the beaver cave! The other team would be too scared to ever go in there!"
"That does make sense," Gwen muttered.
Confession Cam
Cody - A girl who isn't Sierra actually agreed with me, and that girl was Gwen! Now I know why Katie and Sadie like to squeal all the time, it must be their way of channeling excitement
*static*
Katie & Sadie- (They squeal their signature squeal)
Sadie - Why did we just do that?
Katie - Because we thought it would be fun.
Sadie - Oh, want to do it again?
Katie - Of course (the two of them begin to squeal again)
"There is no way I am going in there," Cody said sternly. The twenty-two teens stood outside the beaver cave, easily noticed because of the beaver mailbox outside of the cave.
Noah gave the tech-geek a little nudge towards the cave's entrance. "It was your idea, therefore, you're the one who gets to place it."
"Noah," Izzy mused, "maybe you should try being chivalrous to you boyfriend and hide it for him."
"I am not gay!" he egghead snapped. "I don't care what those blogs say!"
"Guys, can we please stop talking about Noah's sexuality and get back to the matter at hand?" A shaking Cody asked.
"What's there to discuss," Heather sniped. "Just get in there and hide our flag."
"Do it for me Cody," Beth said, batting her eyelashes.
"Beth, you do know that that kiss was just to get you to stop kissing Ezekiel, right?"
The farm-girl winked at the skinny nerd. "We'll just let that be our cover so Thierra doesn't get thuthpiciouth."
Cody nodded feebly. He slowly walked forward and entered the cave entrance. Everyone, even Gwen and Noah, watched the entrance anxiously. Not a sound was heard. That is, until Cody's little girl scream could be heard.
The brunet nerd came running out of the cave, his hair a mess and a chunk of his shirt missing. He still had the flag in his hands.
"Way to go Cody," Heather snapped. "All you managed to do was make the beavers angry and not hide the flag!"
"You try going in there then," the nerd replied. "Because there is no way I am going to get mauled again this season."
"He's bleeding, eh," Ezekiel pointed out. Cody glanced down at his arm to see the red liquid flowing down a cut on his arm.
"Oh no," he mumbled as his eyes rolled back in his head.
"Somebody, catch him," Bridgette yelled. Geoff did as his girlfriend commanded and caught the unconscious boy before he hit the ground.
Confession Cam
Cody - Blood has always made me kind of queasy. I guess it has something to do with my dad being a surgeon, and the fact that he brought his work home with him sometimes. It really made dinner awkward sometimes.
"We need something to wake him-up," Bridgette murmured as she fanned the Brunet.
Tyler felt like he should put his two cents into the situation. "When I took Lindsay into the confessional after she fainted, she came back almost instantly."
"But the confessional's on the other island." Bridgette pointed out. "We need something that's just as smelly."
Harold didn't even have to think about what to do. "Owen, go stand next to Cody." The lovable oaf only had to take to steps before Cody bolted upright.
"I'm fine Owen," he gasped, "No need to take another step."
"Who's going to go hide the flag now?" Katie asked.
"Maybe Eva should do it," Sadie suggested. The BFFFL's looked happily at the female fitness buff. Eva wasn't sure what to do about the cheery smiles.
"Why do you want me to do it, and stop smiling," she growled.
"Well, you'll be able to fight off the beavers and plant the flag," Sadie pointed out, Katie nodded in agreement. Eva rolled her eyes, but grabbed the flag off the ground and entered the cave.
Shrieks of terror emanated from the cave. The sounds of a major brawl came soon afterwards. Some contestants claim to have heard a baby begin to cry. Suddenly, all went silent.
Eva stepped out of the cave, ridding her hands of any dust that may have gotten on them. She had faired much better than Cody. In fact, not a single scratch could be found on the girl. The campers burst into a round of applause. .
"Way to go Eva!" Izzy cheered.
"I'm mildly impressed," Gwen congratulated her.
Bridgette tried to do the same, "That was—" but was cut off by a growl from Eva.
"Eva, not that I'm not impressed," Noah said, though you could tell by the tone that he wasn't impressed at all. "But did you by chance happen to knock out all of the beavers?"
"Yes"
"Well there goes the whole reason for why we actually hid the flag there in the first place," the bookworm raised his voice, which was a rare occurrence for him.
"Oh bite me"
"I would, but I'm not Izzy"
Eva tried to get out a smart remark, but a blaring horn from a conveniently placed loudspeaker interrupted.
"Woohoo!" Izzy shouted. "Time for Izzy to go win the game!" With that, the redhead darted for the beach.
Confession Cam
Noah - Eva needs to start using her brain once in a while. Not every problem can be solved by brute force.
*static*
Eva - (she's in lotus position. She takes a deep, soothing breath, then punches the side of the confessional) This yoga stuff is crap. My anger management teacher says that I need to do Yoga every time I feel like beating somebody, like right now. It's just my opinion that beating that smartass would feel a lot better.
*static*
Courtney - I still say I would have been a better leader than Noah. Though his idea of splitting up the defense to cover the entire island was actually kind of smart.
The N00bz – distraction
Elaine gave one last push to the canoe that carried Rocki and CJ. The pair began to paddle their way to the right side of Boney Island. Well, CJ did, Rocki started to go to the left, then to the right after some convincing from CJ.
The remaining teens stood on the beach, staring at the open expanse of the water. "Now how are we supposed to get to the other island?" Tony asked. "They took the only two canoes we had, and I fail to see a yacht"
"You aren't in Hollywood anymore, Pretty Boy," a shaking Amanda chattered. "There's nobody here serving you hand and foot." At that moment, Miranda whipped out a ham and cheese sandwich, which Tony happily gobbled-up. "Well that ruined the joke setup," Amanda muttered.
Chris decided that this was the best time to drive by the campers on his expensive water ski. "What's wrong, n00bz?" the host asked.
"We can't figure out how to get to Boney Island." Fran said.
"Yeah, how did the other team get over there?" Anna asked.
"I gave them a ride"
"Could you give us a ride?"
"Nope"
"But I'll make it worth your wile," Sabrina tried to say seductively, but it only came out creepily.
"Then it's a definite no," Chris said. He started to speed up his boat and leave the campers.
"*censored*" Diana yelled at the host.
Seeing the predicament they were in made Grace's mind spawn an idea. She leaned forward and whispered in Jonathon's ear, "Do you still have that whip?"
"Why of course I do?" The sadist replied.
"Then whip that thing out and get us that water ski."
"Whoa," Haily jumped in, "Are you two talking about what I think you're talking about?"
Jonathon rolled his eyes and pulled out his whip. He waved it over his head three times a flicked his wrist. The head of the whip wrapped around the handle of the water ski. He jerked the whip, causing the water ski to come to a sudden halt and Chris to go catapulting forward.
Everyone cheered in wild applause. Jonathon gave a condescending bow as he reeled the water ski to the shore.
"Great, now that we have a boat," Yael stated.
"It's a water ski," Jonathon pointed out after one last tug.
"Oh, really? Then how are we supposed to all fit on there?"
"Very carefully," Anna muttered.
"Okay, everybody onto the water ski." Yael ordered. All of the teens climbed onto the water ski, but there was no organization at all. It was just a hodge-podge of teenagers, none in a very comfortable position.
"Yael, your arm is in my crotch," Haily pointed out.
"Well then stop closing your legs so can pull it out."
"I can't, Elaine's pushing them shut."
"Oh, is that what that is. I am so sorry." The cheery girl said.
Grace managed to work her way up to the controls of the water-ski. "Is everybody comfortable?" she asked. 'No' was the resounding reply. "Well to bad," she said, "because we need to go." With that, she floored the gas and rocketed across the water, the mass of teen bobbing up and down across the water.
Confession Cam
Grace - You know, that Jonathon boy is quite handy with that whip. It's kind of hot!
*static*
Jonathon - Back in my nerd years, I was a member of The Last Crusaders, a club dedicated to Indiana Jones. While I was in there I learned how to do all these fancy tricks with my whip and a fedora. Then I discovered the world of pain.
*static*
Haily - (she appears to be pondering something) So that must be what an orgy feels like … interesting, though I wasn't very thrilled when Yael's face went in my boobs.
*static*
Yael - It's a good thing I was blind when we got on that water ski, because I'm sure my face went places I don't want to see in my dreams.
N00bz – Defenders
The small search group was searching hi and low for the incognito flag. At the current moment, they were searching low, at the base of the thousand foot high cliff to be specific.
"Where do you think she hid the darn thing?" Lyle asked his group of comrades. Kayla answered with a wail. Phillip answered with a wheeze. Vince was to busy checking for grime underneath his fingernails.
"M-maybe she d-did what jon-nathon said and b-buried it," Harvard suggested.
"That, my stuttering friend, is a thought that we will consider," Lyle said. "Well, she obviously didn't hide it down here, lets go look in the woods some more."
Phillip remained curled up in his little ball in the sand while the other four teens walked into the forest to search for the flag. Suddenly, a shark jumped out of the water. Phillip, believing that the shark was vicious and was jumping out of the water to come and tear him apart limb-from-limb, fainted. In actuality, the shark was swimming away from an unseen horror.
Nobody else noticed the incident that had occurred on the beach.
Phillip, who was used to fainting often, woke up quickly. From his position on the beach, Phillip had a perfect view of the entire thousand-foot-high-cliff. Half-way up the rock face was a waving piece of cloth, the flag they had been searching for.
"Hey guys," he yelled, "the flag is up … whoa, Vertigo."
"Up where?" Vince asked. Phillip pointed up the side of the cliff as he held in his nauseous feelings.
Confession Cam
Phillip - (He's sitting on a throne of disinfectant wipes) How on Earth was Rocki able to put the flag where she put it. My acrophobia would have absolutely crippled me. (He thinks about it) Maybe she—
*static*
James - I overheard where Rocki was able to hide our flag from Phillip. I question how she was able to place it there without any rapelling equipment. That is of course unless she—
*static*
Rocki - I can't for the life of me remember where I hid that flag. (She pauses, then suddenly remembers.) Wait, all I did was—
*static*
Gwen - Do you ever get the feeling that maybe sometimes the editing people edit these things to make the audience wonder what we were going to say.
*static*
Haily - (She scratches her chin in thought.) Oh my Gosh, I just solved world hunger! All we have to do is—
"Kayla, could you stop crying," Vince pleaded, "you're getting tears all-over my designer shirt."
"*sniff* I'm over here," the blonde cried from fifteen feet away.
"Then what's dripping on my shoulder?" the raven-haired boy asked. He looked up to see what it was. What happened next was a complete and total blur, green and red blur to be exact.
Izzy dropped down from the tree tops in a graceful leap and landed on the ground. The psycho darted around her opponents, tagging each one.
"Haha!" she exclaimed, "Izzy is successful! Nobody can stop the Izzy."
"That's great Izzy, now could you get off!" Lyle said. The midget was forced down on the ground with Izzy's foot on his stomach.
"Oops, sorry Lyle"
Phillip attempted to sneak up behind the distracted redhead. Phillip raised his hand to tag the girl, but stopped before he touched her. "Oh crap," He hissed, "heterophobia is acting up."
Izzy quickly turned around to see the frightened boy. She tagged him on the shoulder, though by the way he reacted, you'd think that maybe somebody had thrown sulfuric acid on his shoulder. He fell to the ground, rubbing his shoulder, screaming like a ninny (which was weird because he wasn't part of the distraction group)
"St-top m-moving," Harvard stuttered.
"Seriously, you're going to get us disqualified, and you're ruining your clothes," Vince hissed.
"But, she touched me, I have to wipe it off!"
"Thanks for pointing out where the flag was hidden," Izzy said gleefully, "Izzy never would have thought to look up there. … Now how is Izzy going to get it?"
N00bz – CJ and Rocki
CJ crept through the woods, apparently alone. It makes one wonder where Rocki went.
"Now, if I was Shinichi Kudo on Detective Conan looking for a clue," CJ muttered to himself, "Where would I look first."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rocki's voice echoed from an unseen location, "But I'm pretty sure that if you were … whoever you said, you wouldn't be talking to yourself. It makes you look a little crazy."
"For your information, leading researchers say that talking to yourself is quite beneficial for your mental health. The researchers are Japanese, so you know that they are accurate." CJ began a long soliloquy about how Japanese researchers are the best at what they do, whatever it is.
Confession Cam
Duncan - I found that dork because he wouldn't stop talking to himself about how great Japanese researchers are. I was going to sneak up on him, but his speech was getting incredibly annoying and a little creepy.
CJ continued to rant to Rocki (not that Duncan knew that) when Duncan stepped out from behind a tree, cutting off the Otaku.
"Vidaldus," CJ seethed.
"It's Duncan, dork." The criminal hissed.
What followed was a stare down of epic proportions. CJ never bat an eyelash. Duncan glared relentlessly. Sweat rolled down CJ's cheek. Duncan's Mohawk began to wilt. CJ's breath quickened. Duncan curled his fist. A bird flew through the eye contact and fainted from the tension.
"Um, am I supposed to do what we talked about now?" Rocki meekly said from her currently unknown hiding spot, thus ending the world's most intense stand-off.
"Yes Rocki, now," CJ mumbled.
"Oh OK" Rocki jumped down from the branch she was perched on, causing leaves to fall in all directions. Duncan looked up at the falling girl. Rocki landed ungracefully on top of the boy.
"Did I get him? Did I get him?" she asked excitedly.
"Oh you got him alright," Duncan chuckled.
"Yeah," CJ moaned. "To bad it was the wrong him!" He was correct. He was laying on his stomach, Rocki sitting awkwardly on his back. Duncan stood in front of the two, keeling over in laughter.
"Thanks Honey," the convict told Rocki, "you just made my Job a whole lot simpler." He ran forward and tagged Rocki, then he tagged CJ. He gave a good by chuckle and ran off.
"How hard is it to land on that … that … Vidaldus wannabe!" CJ huffed.
"Sorry," Rocki pleaded, "I could have sworn that I put enough momentum behind the jump."
"Well you didn't," the boy sighed. "You fail worse than Tsukasa on Lucky Star."
"…Thanks I guess," Rocki questioned. The two sat/lied there for several minutes before Rocki just couldn't take the silence anymore. "Well this is awkward."
Confession Cam
Rocki - I was pretty proud of myself. I mean, sure I accidentally ruined mine and CJ's chances of capturing the flag, but I was able to jump from tree limb to tree limb the whole way there. Rocki like a Ninja (she tries to imitate a ninja, but accidently knocks down the camera with her foot.) …oops.
*static*
CJ - Not exactly the way I wanted my first physical contact with a girl to go.
The Golden Oldies – Defenders
The overly crowded water ski washed itself on shore, to the awaiting figures on the shore. Courtney, Justin, Beth, Lindsay, Geoff, Harold, LeShawna, ad Bridgette all grinned greedily at the mass of adolescence.
"CHARGE!" Courtney yelled. She and her teammates ran towards the small distraction group.
"Time out!" a voice, lost somewhere on the water ski, yelled out. The voice belonged to Anna, who pushed a struggling Yael off into the water. The charging contestants, minus Courtney, all stopped dead in their tracks.
"What is your problem?" The CIT snapped. "There are no time outs in Total Drama! We need to attack now while we have an advantage."
"Cut them some slack, Dudette," Geoff told the Brunette.
"Geoff's right," Bridgette agreed, "It's their first challenge. We should at least let them prepare themselves. Plus, it would kind of suck to be frozen in that uncomfortable looking ball."
The mob stood there and watched as a group of new kids struggled to untangle themselves. Somehow, Haily's arm had found it's way wrapped around Fran's neck, who had Sabrina's leg twisted in her sweater, and Sabrina's face … well, we won't say where it was.
"Goodness Gracious, that was rather unpleasant," Elaine complained, if you could call it that.
"The human vertebral column was not meant to bend in such a manner," James said, popping his back in several places.
Miranda scurried around the water ski, appearing to be looking for something. "Has anybody seen Tony?"
Grace stood up beside her teammate, popping her back an obscene number of times. "I think he got pushed off halfway here."
"I'm alive, I'm alive," the celebrity said, pulling himself out of the water.
Diana started to wave her hands back and forth. She then fell back, clutching her right calf muscle. "Holy *censored* mother of *censored* *censored* my leg is *censored* killing me! *censored* I hate *censored* Charlie horses!"
Jonathon looked like he was running over to help the girl, but actually just sat in front of her to watch. "The pain," he wheezed, "I live for it. Do it some more."
"Wait," Lindsay said from her small group. "I thought a Charlie horse was a group of girls who went around, kicking bad guy butt."
"No, that's Charlie's angels," Justin corrected.
"Thirty-four!" Chris exclaimed over the loudspeaker.
Lindsay was still confused. "But I thought a Charlie's Angel was one of those people that wore all white and flew around singing."
"Lindthey, that'th a heavenly angel," Beth lisped.
"No, a heavenly angel was what those round things in the sky, like Jupiter, were called."
"Girl, that's a heavenly body," LeShawna said.
"No, I have a heavenly body. At least that's what my personal trainer always says."
Half the group facepalmed. "This is getting us nowhere," Courtney snapped. "I say we have given them adequate time to get ready, now we need to charge."
Something tapped the CIT on the shoulder and brushed against her cheek. "You're a bit late for that, sweetheart." Tony whispered in her ear. She gasped, but was unable to turn around because she knew she was frozen. All she could do was order her team like the leader she knew she was. "Charge!"
Her small group of Golden Oldies did as she said, and ran or the mostly ready N00bz. Amanda and Grace darted for the woods, never looking back.
Confession Cam
Haily - Nobody ever really explained what a Ninny (she giggles) does when it's running around, so I had to improvise.
Haily darted up and down the sandy beach, repeatedly screaming the word 'ninny' at the top of her lungs. She was eventually tagged and told to stop screaming by a slightly annoyed Beth.
Yael was running back and forth, tagging each and every moving figure she felt.
"I'm on your team," Anna told the blind girl.
"I'm already frozen, Gosh," Harold, who had been tagged by Fran, said.
"Now you're just tagging yourself," Miranda, who had been tagged by LeShawna, muttered from a few feet away.
"Are you kidding me?" Yael screamed.
"Yes," Courtney said, her voice dripping in sarcasm, "we all got together before the competition and decided we would lie to you every chance we get."
"No need to get snappy."
Geoff darted forward and tagged Yael.
The war continued until eventually only Elaine and Bridgette were the only non-frozen contestants remaining.
"Oh dear, this is a rather unfortunate predicament we are in, don't you think?" Elaine giggled. The two girls were circling Geoff, the party boy the only thing separating the two.
"True, it's a shame I'm up against such a sweet girl," Bridgette said. "I hate having to be the one that has to take you down."
"Would you quit with the small talk!" Courtney ordered. "Tag her, Bridgette, so you can come unfreeze me!"
"Sorry Elaine," Bridgette mumbled. The surfer jumped forward towards the girl, but landed on her boyfriend, unfreezing him.
"Thanks babe," the party animal told his girlfriend. He puckered up for a kiss but only got a face full of Bridgette's palm.
"Later Geoff, now we need to catch Elaine," Bridgette helped Geoff stand up, and together, they took off after Elaine. The cheery girls was desperately trying to reach a frozen Anna.
Bridgette was slightly faster than Geoff, so she was a few yards ahead when the unthinkable happened. An incredibly small piece of driftwood washed up right in Bridgette's path. Bridgette, being the klutz she is, tripped over the incredibly small piece of driftwood.
The surfer girl fell forward and rolled toward Elaine. Somehow, through the cosmic wonders that be, Bridgette was somehow capable of rolling faster than Elaine ran, thus catching up to her.
Bridgette struggled to get up, and in her struggle, tagged Elaine. "Oh Fudge." Elaine muttered.
"I think," Diana hollered from down the beach, "you mean *censored*"
"No, I mean fudge."
"I did it," Bridgette said in a shocked voice. "I did it!"
"That's great Bridgette," Courtney said cordially, "Now come unfreeze me!"
Confession Cam
Geoff - Did you see that tag? I have never been more proud of my little dudette before.
*static*
Elaine - That was a marvelous tag by Bridgette. I was honored to have lost to such a beautifully skilled girl.
*static*
Gwen - (she's looking awkwardly around the outhouse) It feels … positive in here, like somebody was relentlessly complimenting someone else … I don't like cheerful.
*static*
Diana - *censored* My leg still hurts. Where the *censored* can a girl find a *censored* banana in this joint?
*static*
Jonathon - (He's smiling uncontrollably) Did you see the way her leg twitched in pain? It made me want to giggle like a giddy little school girl!
Haily - (From outside the outhouse) Now that's a sight I would have liked to see.
Jonathon - (He pounds the side of the building, causing something made of glass to shatter on the other side) Would you quit listening in!
*static*
Haily - (She's holding onto several small shards of glass) Jonathon broke the glass I was using to listen in on people. Now how am I supposed to listen to these people's deepest darkest secrets?
The N00bz – Vanessa and Ethan
Vanessa trudged through one of Boney Island's many swamps, with Ethan quite a bit of ways behind her.
"Wait up, Vanessa," the lagging teen yelled. Vanessa rolled her eyes, but stopped where she was to allow the boy to catch up.
"Would it kill you to actually try to keep up?" Vanessa snapped.
"Would it kill you to slow down? Sure, you're a woman on a mission, but you could at least slow down." Ethan panted, bending over in exhaustion.
"You're rather sad, you know that," Vanessa spat. "You're in gym clothes, I'm in club clothes, yet I'm the one who's fairing better at this." The girl began to move again, not even looking back at the tired boy.
"Do you have to be so rude?" Ethan yelled, a little louder than what would have been required. The yell awoke one of the many prehistoric geese that inhabit the island, and let's just say this goose wasn't a morning person. It yet out a loud screech.
"Oh crap!" Ethan gasped. The brunet boy ran as fast as he could away from the speeding avian. He tried to lose the bird by running zigzag patterns through the trees, but the bird was faster and more agile than he originally anticipated. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." He chanted.
The goose dove for Ethan, who ducked seconds before the outstretched talons could sink into his neck. The bird's eyes turned red with rage, angered at the boy for avoiding its attacks.
It emitted a menacing screech as it turned for a second attack. Ethan tried to run even further from the bird, but his foot got stuck in the mud. "VANESSA, HELP!" Ethan called out, waving his arms furiously.
Vanessa didn't even turn around to look at her teammate. "No, you need to kick your lazy ass into gear if you want to walk with—" She was interrupted by Ethan's piercing scream. She rolled her eyes and turned just in time to see Ethan lifted into the air, his right foot now missing a shoe.
The bird had the boy by the collar of his shirt. He wriggled back and forth, trying to fight off the bird. As the bird flew higher and higher, Ethan heard a sound that was even more frightening than the goose's screech: the sound of his shirt ripping. He saw a long gash that extended from his armpit. The shirt continued to rip until only a few threads kept Ethan from plummeting towards the Earth.
The remaining threads broke, sending Ethan falling. Luckily, a branch broke his fall, followed by another branch, a bird's nest, and finally a rock.
Vanessa stared at the shirtless and one shoe wearing boy in disbelief. "You really are pathetic." She laughed.
"Shut it." Ethan snapped as he began to trudge off.
"Don't you snap at me," Vanessa snapped. "The only reason you…"
The camera pans over to a shady looking bush, the audio of Vanessa's speech fading into the background. Hiding behind the shady bush, was a smirking Grace.
Confession Cam
Grace - In a reality show, there is only one thing that is more beneficial than acting like a nice girl, and that one thing is leverage, and boy did Vanessa and Ethan provide me with some juicy leverage.
A twig snapped from behind Grace. The girl whirled around to see Sadie standing right behind her.
"You weren't supposed to hear that," the chubby BFFFL said. Thus began the most awkward stare-down in recorded history.
Suddenly, Katie darted forward and tagged Grace, thus ending the most awkward stare-down in recorded history.
"See," Katie said to Sadie, "I told you that stare-down would work at distracting them."
"No, Noah said to try it, all you did was agree."
"So, it's just like I was telling you."
"No it wasn't. What took you so long anyway?"
"Oh, I ran into that Amanda girl in the woods and stopped to tag her."
"Did she put up a good fight."
"Not really, all she tried to do was try some stand-up routine. It wasn't really that good."
"Oh, poor you."
"Will you two shut up," Vanessa yelled from the other side of the bush.
"Oh my Gosh, Katie, did you even see them over there?" Sadie asked her BFF.
"No, I didn't. That's kind of weird." The BFF replied.
"Do you think we should go tag them?"
"Yeah, but try not to listen to their conversation, it seems like it's a private matter." Katie strutted around the bush, into the clearing Vanessa and Ethan were in. She began to hum 'Pop Goes the Weasel' to herself, covering up the sound of Vanessa's speech. Katie tagged both of them, then went back to her BFF. (Ethan tried to tag her first, but Vanessa stopped him, saying it was rude to ignore her)
Confession Cam
Katie - When I first got here, I came to use the washroom and Izzy was in the stall next to me. Since then, I've had 'Pop Goes the Weasel' stuck in my head.
*static*
Vanessa - I can't believe that I let her freeze us! It was so stupid of me, but I had to make sure that Ethan knew what I had to tell him. He had to know his place.
*static*
Ethan - Vanessa is so frikkin' stubborn. I tried to get Katie before she got us, but no, I have to know my place. God, what a twit.
*static*
Chris - Me and Chef made a bet on who would win, loser had to finish repairing the dock. I had my money on the new kids, but with all of them frozen, my chances of winning are seriously bad. I highly doubt I'm going to win now. (his cell-phone begins to ring) Yello … Yeah … Oh, it's time for commercial … I'll get right on it. (he hangs up) Apparently its time to go to commercial, so, How will the N00bz get out of their frozen predicament? What is this leverage Vanessa gave Grace? What jerk ass move will I pull to make sure I win the bet? And who's voice actor got the short end of the stick? All these questions and more will be answered after this commercial break!
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1. Heterophobia = fear of the opposite sex.
Team breakdown (because I know you need it)
Golden Oldies
Capturing the flag: Izzy
Defending their flag: Noah, Lindsay (F), Tyler, LeShawna (F), Katie, Sadie, Gwen, Courtney, Owen, Duncan, Justin (F), Ezekiel, Heather, Geoff (F), Bridgette, Harold (F), Cody, Beth (F), DJ, Eva, Trent
N00bz
Capturing the flag: CJ (F), Rocki (F), Vanessa (F), Ethan (F)
Defending / searching for their flag: Phillip (F), Harvard (F), Lyle (F), Vince (F), Kayla (F)
Distraction: James (F), Haily (F), Tony (F), Jonathon (F), Elaine (F), Miranda (F), Yael (F), Sabrina (F), Amanda (F), Fran (F), Diana (F), Grace (F), Anna (F)