Getting so very close to the end now. If anyone has anything they wish to read; anything they want Cass to go through I'm happy to hear because I'm only planning on one more chapter or two.
Reckon Cass will live? Surrendor to his need for his grace? Hmm...

I do not own Supernatural.

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When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psalm 34:17
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The black clouds were far away, but Castiel could still see the rain that was pouring and hear the thunder as it rolled across the sky and they were driving straight for it.

Castiel had no idea where they were, barely paid attention to that for the last two months; as long as they were anywhere but at the house. In the two months they had tackled three cases; a few witches in Salt Lake City and while on their way back a demon wanting a few kicks and a very pissed off spirit. Each time they stabbed into flesh or completed an exorcism and shot their guns, Castiel could feel some of his anger ebb away, more so than the tear he shed each night he woke from a nightmare with no Micah to comfort him or each strong drink with his new habit of consuming alcohol with Alex.

His first night had led to what was te worst headache he had ever had, not as bad as the time he drank a liquor store, but his first time with proper blood of his own to absorb it, his own heart they could still feel the pain rather than his angelic ability to simply brush off the pain.

The thought of finding Sam and Dean had crossed his mind, to ask for their help to track down Kamael and find a way to bring Micah back. But he wouldn't even know how to start. Even with his angelic powers, he still had to phone and ask where they were, and Castiel didn't have either.
Plus, when he did find them, what was he supposed to say?
Sorry I was such a horrible God? Sorry that I threatened everything and even you? Help me get back the woman I love?

No. Castiel couldn't do that. Perhaps it was better that he remained dead to them and that Micah remained dead to him.

Looking down at his hands, Castiel was becoming frightened of how steady his hands were. The first time, when he had helped Micah fight the zombie and watched as she ripped out its heart his hands had trembled, even when fighting the vampires and holding a gun to a young man who he feared would kill Micah but now his hands were constantly steady. Now he wasn't afraid, now he just didn't care for himself.

Alex had already had a go at him, drunkenly shoving him into the wall, telling him to get a hold of himself because Alex didn't want to have to burn another friend. It was also getting difficult for Castiel to control his emotions; so many of these he had witnessed for centuries but now he was feeling them, and didn't know what to do.
All that seemed to help at the moment was releasing frustration on monsters, strong alcohol and his nightly screams at Kamael.

Beside him, Alex was white knuckled as he gripped the steering wheel; silence between them. The old SS was small and noisy but Castiel was glad it wasn't the Dodge Charger that was still sitting at the house, covered from the world in an attempt to preserve something of Micah's.

It was pitch black now, only the lightning illuminating the scenery around them.
Both remained in the car for a moment as they stared at the house; the old milk crates still scattered on the porch and the car and logs still where they were when they left.

'Come on lad, let's get inside before it pours down.'
The thunder was loud now, powerful enough that the windows on the car and side of the house rattled as it passed overhead. Inside the house was cold and stuffy, the power not working and Alex groaned, walking in and leaving Castiel on the porch.

It was relieving to be in the weather such as this; cool but comfortable and soothing in a strange way. The thunder made him realise that he was not the only one angry, not the only one hurting.
A beer was dangled in front of him and Castiel gripped the cool bottle, mumbling his thanks as he opened it quickly and swallowed. Alex sat in the chair behind him, Castiel leaning on the old wooden railing.

'Belinda Douglass.'
Confused Castiel turned around, leaning back as the bitter liquid reached his empty stomach. His own casual manner startled Castiel sometimes; the human habits he had started to create and practice were beginning to take over his superior military view of himself.

Alex just grinned, looking out to the lightning across the field.
'She was my first…true love.' He chuckled as he rocked back in his chair.
'Oh yeah, how did that go?'
Alex looked down to the bottle in his hands, twisting it around. His long hair was hooked over one shoulder and his rough face clear and flat for the few seconds of lightning.
'We were in college, so it went great.' He chuckled again, closing his eyes as he hung his head back but Castiel wasn't sure how college would make a relationship great.

'About to move out and get an apartment together.' He sucked on his bottom lip, 'be normal but before that I decided to go on one last hunting trip with Micah's father. Dam demon found my weak spot.'
Castiel could hear the pain in his voice and see it in the way his lips trembled to find words, only to stop them when he wrapped them around his beer.
'I'm sorry.'
'For what? You weren't the demon that tortured her before slitting her throat were you?'
Castiel was stunned and it was evident on his face in a flash of lightning because Alex sighed, holding up his hand slightly.

'Forgive me, touchy.'
Castiel shook his head, taking another mouthful of his beer as the thunder grew louder, shaking the deck beneath his feet.
'I knew how much Micah meant to you, and you have to know,' he stood up, his beer finished and the rain beginning to pour down, 'you meant everything to her.' He gripped Castiels shoulder as he felt his arms weaken. 'I hadn't seen her that happy or that protective for years. She hardly showed affection to me even. Your special, something more than an angelic asshole.'

Castiel couldn't help but laugh, but it was a poor Band-Aid to hide the hurt. Alex opened the door to go inside, looking back at Castiel who turned to watch the rain.
'Cass?'
He turned his head, watching Alex over his shoulder,
'Great hunting with ya.'

He disappeared inside, leaving Castiel with only himself. It wasn't much company and the rain only made his mood heavier.
Placing his bottle on the rail, he stepped down onto the muddy earth, feeling the rain wash over his already cold skin. Tilting his head up, he closed his eyes. This was like what Dean did wasn't it? When he wanted help, when he needed Castiel or an answer from God?

'Alright. I get it. I don't care if I am left here to suffer, if I am to be left here with nothing but my torturous memories. I am sorry, just, please tell me what is going to happen to me?' he frowned; the anger he wanted to scream was building in his chest.
Something slid from his eye but he could not be sure if it was rain or a tear.
'Help me please…' he hung his head, wiping the water from his cheeks.
'Kamael you son of a bitch! I will not let you win.'

With one last frown and plead to the sky, Castiel felt as if everything was lifted from him; no emotions, no pain, no cold… even if it was only for a second.
For the first time in a long time, he felt hope.

'I really don't like this idea.'

Alex had not stopped grumbling the whole time he painted on the walls a few hidden sigils. Castiel could remember exactly how to repel an angel and as he finished off one of his own, sliding the door back behind the mouldy wall.

The old house was sparse, the dust they unsettled thick after years of neglect. Outside the rain was still pouring, lightning brighter than the candles they had scattered around the room.
Castiel grinned to himself, trying to forget that he was putting his trust once again in Osael.

'He is getting bored Castiel, he will not wait much longer. You should strike first, just don't die before I get there.'

Castiel was getting confused as to which side Osael was on, but at the moment it was in his favour and the angel sword in his hand was getting heavier as time went on.
'I don't know why we're here, I mean really Cass? The angel that killed me and the one that was the cause of Micah's death is now your best friend?'
He frowned, turning sharply to face Alex who raised his hands in surrender.
'Sorry, but you know it's true.'
Hanging his head, Castiel sighed. 'I know.'

'You don't have to be here.' Castiel said as he took a seat, spinning the blade in his hand. Alex sighed himself, hands on his hips before he shook his head.
'I don't think Micah would ever forgive me if I left you on your own.' Glancing down at his equipment, saying something about getting something from the car and quickly he opened the front door, slamming shut behind him as he dashed out into the rain.

Castiel remained still, eyes adjusting to the dark as he focused on the necklace around his neck. He gently stroked the cool metal; the gold ring Micah had given him never left his chest. The feeling of the palm engraved on it was smooth under his thumb.
Victory.
What victory had he had in all his time being human? The only victory he could see coming out of this would be if he could stay alive just long enough to do some sort of damage to Kamael.

A pounding on the door made Castiel spin to his feet, blade tight in his hand. It was hard to hear it over the thunder, but Castiel was sure Alex was yelling.
'Cass! I can't get in, be careful!'

Instincts tightened quickly and he made his way cautiously to the door. The bandage around his arm was tight, his blood still seeping slowly from the cut. Sigils could only be done in blood and compared to Alex's alcohol infused blood, his was the strongest. It dripped down into his palm, ready to slam into the wall or door as he made for the door.

'Cassy…'
Quickly Castiel turned, head spinning and eye straining. No one was there, but he recognised Kamaels voice and heavy presence.
'This really is a surprise.'
Only moving when it was dark, Castiel kept his back to the wall as he tried to slowly make his way to the nearest of the sigils.

Outside he could no longer hear Alex and for a moment he feared the worst but the angel that was tormenting him inside got his attention first.
'Not going to talk to me?' he teased, Castiel spying him sitting where he had been not that long ago.
'That's alright, I won't need you to open your mouth, just stay still.'
Before Castiel could slam his palm onto the wall all the windows opened, washing away the blood on the floors and doors and the small flames of the candles.

Pain exploded in his chest and Castiel couldn't hang onto the roar that erupted from his throat. Falling to his knees, he held his chest, the silver sword still tight in his hands as his eyes scanned the area around him.

'You know, I went to see precious Micah…'
He was standing in front of Castiel now, staring down disappointedly. Snarling, Castiel swung the sword, barely breaking a thread in Kamaels black pants before it was kicked from his hands. It skidded along the floor, the pain spreading through his veins like a wildfire, reaching every joint and organ it could sink into.
'She wasn't pleased to see me, but I don't think she hates me as much as she hates you.'

Castiel could breathe easier suddenly and dragged in a breath, his lungs rattling and ears thumping.
'That beautiful young woman had so much potential… you know what she wanted to be when she was little?' he knelt down to Castiels level, roughly grabbing his chin and jerking it to face him.
'Not an actress or a singer, she didn't even want to be the adorable wife in an apron with a husband, she wanted to be a marine biologist. How noble.' He laughed, now gently patting Castiels cheek who simply stared at him. He knew that it was emotion Kamael wanted, but there would be no satisfaction. Kamael sighed dramatically, tossing Castiel aside as he stood straight, moving to stand beside the sword, eyeing it but he didn't move it, and Castiel didn't move for it.

'But of course that could never happen; bad blood and all that. Hunters are almost like a separate breed of their own. Something about them that… isn't normal, not quite human.' He chuckled to himself, crossing his arms after he clicked his fingers, Castiels lung turning to stone in his chest and heart franticly beating blood that was turned to ice. Everything hurt and Castiel groaned, blood filling his mouth.
'And then there was you. She told me she wished she had of left you there on that river bank.'

He sighed sadly, pursing his bottom lip as Castiel glared up at him. The thunder was still shaking the windows, the rain still gushing in through the window. Castiel tried to call out for Osael, begged that he would hurry up and get back here but he could barely get past the thought that Micah truly hated him, over the thought that this could be his last breath.

'Oh come on!' Kamael roared, violently kicking Castiel in the ribs.
'How boring! Show some dam emotion! After two thousand years of having none having to control them… let them out!' he kicked again, grabbing Castiels shirt and hauling him to his feet, shoving him back until his back slammed into the splintering wood. His vision failed him, black for a while, or was that just no lightning? Shaken back into focus, Castiel grabbed Kamaels arms tight but not in a way to stop him.

'Well, I want some fun with you before I finally end your miserable existence. After all, it's so much fun to see your little brother, watch your superior fall so hard.'
Every fibre of his being was urging him to fight or was it to just give in? He couldn't be sure but as he stared at the rage in Kamaels eyes, he knew he couldn't escape this. Everything had lead him hear, he was where now all his life was to be answered for.
His judgement was now.

... .

Silver-Kirin
xXx