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WARNING!
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.
I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
-Three Days Grace
EPOV
Its been three weeks since we went to Uncle Mac's motel. A lot has changed and things have been going really good. I was able to get back in touch with Mike and started working again, five days after being in the motel. A new set of condos were built in the Pearl District, and Mike has had me working on those. I've been able to work pretty steady and support us enough to move to a nicer motel. This motel is so much better; it even has a kitchenette in it. We were finally able go buy some groceries for the little fridge we have, and clothing to put in the closet. It boosted both of our morales to be able to have these basic items.
It's in a safer area, and I feel better about Bella being there alone in the afternoons while I work. It was hard for her at first; she's still scared to be alone. I often wake up to see her peeking out the window, looking terrified, as if she expects someone to come around the corner and get her; and she still looks over her shoulder constantly.
I set it up so two times per week she goes to help Miss Elizabeth down at the Mission. I let Miss Elizabeth know how terrified of men Bella is and she has made sure that Bella only works with the woman and children, mostly the children though; Bella's really good with them. Whenever it's a day she volunteers down there, she has a smile on her face. She says that it makes her feel good to help other women like her. The days she volunteers at the shelter, I walk her there before work and walk her back after I get off work. She hasn't asked me to, but I can't handle the thought of her walking around on her own. The protective feelings I have over her have done nothing but grow stronger in these few weeks.
I haven't asked her any more questions. In fact, I've been trying to keep my distance from her as much as possible. Now that I've accepted my feelings for her, I'm constantly trying to control myself around her. I can feel her presence whenever she's around. I've become completely attuned to her. Bella is a beautiful girl, and hiding my attraction for her is becoming increasingly difficult. For the past nine weeks, I've been her protector and friend. She seems to trust me fully now, and I don't want to lose her trust by doing something stupid like trying to kiss her. I've had to come up with an excuse to leave the room; she's become a temptation that I can't give in to. Just being around her drives me crazy. Sleeping in the same bed doesn't help the situation at all.
Every night, at some point she ends up on my side of the bed, her body wrapped around me. It seems to be the only thing that keeps her nightmares away. I lay awake, trying to hide my boner and not think of her warm body pressed against mine. She wakes in the morning and quickly scoots away from me, shooting me an apologetic look.
Not even knowing her full history, I know she's very broken. Even though I can tell that she trusts me, I have no idea if she will ever be able to have a normal relationship. The thought is stupid really; there's no way, with how fucked up I am, that I could be in a relationship.
I have no idea what we are though. We're basically living together; we have dinner every night that she makes, we do our laundry together, when she cries and is scared, I hold her. On the other hand, I have no idea who she really is or what her story is, except that she's running from some motherfucker in Phoenix that broke her. What does all that make us, besides dysfunctional? I have no fucking clue.
"Masen, the window is sticking on 68C; take care of that, and then you can call it a day," Mike says as he's heading out the door. He's really started to trust me, even giving me keys for the building we've been working in. Earning Mike's trust and bringing home a paycheck that takes care of, not only, myself but Bella as well, is a major fucking boost to my damaged pride.
"Ok, thanks Mike. Tomorrow at seven?" I ask, wanting to know what time he expects me at work tomorrow.
"Nah, not much to do tomorrow, probably just a ten to six," he says as he leaves. I look at my watch and realize that it's already six, the time I'm supposed to pick Bella up at the Mission. I'm not usually late but the one time I was, Miss Elizabeth stayed with her until I got there.
I fixed the window as quickly as I could, but by the time I get to the Mission it's after seven. I practically ran there, but I'm still over an hour late. I feel bad and hope that I didn't put Miss E out if she waited with Bella. I look through all the rooms and don't see her anywhere. I see a guy I recognize as a volunteer here.
"Hey, is Miss Elizabeth still around?" I ask.
"Nope, she left about..." he looks at his watch then looks back at me, "about two hours ago."
"Thanks man," I say as I brush past him, wanting to find Bella even more now that I know she's alone. I've gone through the building three times and around the outside as well, but I can't find Bella anywhere. I have a rock in the pit of my stomach, and I'm scared as fuck that whoever she has been hiding from has found her. I stand outside the Mission, cursing myself for working late.
I don't know what to do. I feel sick. If something has happened... or some fucker has taken her - I don't even fucking know her real last name to start to look for her. I'm pacing back and forth in front of the Mission, and the sun has set. I don't fucking know what to do. I decide to go back to the motel room to get the money I have stashed and do whatever I can to find her.
I sprint the two miles back to our room, and when I make it to the door I hear voices on the other side. I feel my body tense, ready to fight, and swing the door open only to find Bella and... Jake, on the other side. I stand in the doorway in shock; then I feel a body pressed up against me. Bella is squeezing my waist so hard. I'm still standing in the doorway confused.
"Edward where were you? I was so worried," Bella says, releasing her death grip on me. When I don't say anything she continues.
"I thought you were off at six and when you-" I'm irrationally pissed and cut her off.
"I had to work late. Why the fuck didn't you wait for me?" I don't shout, but she still recoils from the harshness in my voice. I feel like shit instantly. I never want to be the reason why she cowers. Before I can apologize to her Jake speaks up.
"Fuck, Masen, chill the hell out. Miss E had to leave for a meeting tonight at five o'clock. Bella was waiting outside for you after six, but Roy and his butt buddies showed up and were trying to fuck with her. I offered to walk her home to make sure they didn't follow her. She's been worried-fucking-sick about you; we were just about to go look for you." Wow, and I thought I felt like an asshole before.
"Bella I'm so sorry." She's looking in her lap. I can tell that I scared the shit out of her.
"Please look at me," I plead, walking over to her. She looks up, and I can see the fear in her eyes. I notice that she does this whenever an angry man is around her; she becomes like this... robot, a completely different person. The very few times my anger has been directed towards her, she goes into this complete haze. She starts asking for permission to do basic shit. and won't speak most of the night. She becomes a shell, like the girl that I met on the streets the first night, before I even knew her name.
"I'm sorry. I was just so scared that something happened. I didn't mean to lose my temper." I hope she snaps out of this subservient behavior soon.
"It's fine," she says with a weak smile. "Can I just, uh... go to the bathroom?" Guess snapping out of it isn't gonna happen. I let out a big sigh and just nod my head, not having the energy to have the, you don't have to ask permission to do basic shit stands and goes into the bathroom, and I hang my head feeling like complete shit.
"Man, Edward, you're hooked on this girl," Jake says, walking to sit down in a chair next to me. I say nothing because there is no point in denying it. I lower myself into the chair next to him, trying to think of ways to fix what I had just broken.
"Thanks for walking her home," I say. I trust Jake with Bella, I know that he would never hurt her. I don't, however, trust Sam, at all. Sam does shady shit, and he has been coming out a lot lately. Sam is unpredictable at best and has landed himself in a cell more than once. I feel bad for thinking this way about Jake since he has had my back more than once, but he knows as well that when Sam comes out to play, he isn't the safest company.
"You want to stay for dinner?" I ask. Jakes face lights up. "You can stay the night too, take a shower," I offer. He quickly agrees.
I haven't seen him much in the past three weeks. Two weeks ago, I offered the floor in our room for him to sleep on anytime he needed to, but he hasn't been around. Since I've known him, his disorder... or whatever it is, has just gotten worse; it seems to be completely out of control now.
Bella comes out of the bathroom, her head hanging down, and I know that she won't make eye contact for the rest of the night. I decide I can't let that happen; I can't let my shitty actions affect her all night.
"Jake, there's food in the fridge; help yourself." I motion to the fridge.
"Bella, can I talk to you for a second?" I ask. She nods but doesn't look me in the eyes. I walk into the bathroom with her; the only other place for us to have privacy.
"Can I shut the door?" I ask, not wanting her to think that she's forced to be in here with me. She nods again, her eyes still focused on the ground. She sits on top of the closed toilet seat. I squat down in front of her so that we are eye level. Slowly, she looks up into my eyes.
"Bella, I fucked up. I was late to pick you up, and when I got there and you... weren't, I panicked. I assumed the worst and thought that whoever the fuck you're running from had gotten you." I saw a visible shudder go through her body.
"Please don't let my shitty freak-out ruin your night... I... I can't stand to see you like this." It's the most I have ever verbally given her to let her know how much I care about her. Her face softens, and I can tell that she sees me again, not whoever molded her to be this submissive shell.
She says nothing for a minute, and I find myself staring at her lips that she keeps fucking licking. I can feel her body heat she's so close to me. Without fucking thinking, I lean in and brush my lips against hers; I feel sparks run through me. I get more turned on from brushing her lips with my own than from any skank I've fucked. I notice quickly that her whole entire body goes stiff, but she doesn't pull away. I get a fucking grip on my fifteen-year-old boy hormones and pull back quickly. I am scared of what I will see when I look into her eyes.
She looks shocked, but she isn't freaking out like I thought she would be. She lifts her hand up and tentatively brushes the hair off my forehead.
"I'm sorry I worried you," she whispers.
Fucking progress! I want to fist pump and do a fucking jive. I was expecting her to go fetal and hide inside herself for weeks. I'll be careful though; I know she can't handle too much.
"Did Roy do anything to you?" I ask. I'll fucking kill him with my own hands if he did.
"No, Jake didn't even give him a chance."
"Was everything ok with Jake?" She nods. "He didn't act... weird at all?" I ask. I've told her a brief version of Jake's history but haven't gone into too much detail.
"No, he was nice... talks a lot... but nice." I laugh; it's true Jake never knows when to shut up.
"Are we ok then?" I ask, not knowing if she might still freak out from the sort-of kiss.
"Yeah," she says softly. We walk out of the bathroom to see Jake right at home watching TV.
"Fuck, is the lovers spat over?" he asks, laughing. I flip him the bird, and Bella looks between us, not sure if were fighting or playing. I give her a smile to let her know we're just screwing around. She climbs onto our bed and curls up, watching the TV. I pull out some food for myself, fucking starving from working all day. I sit next to Jake at the table, wanting to give Bella a little bit of space.
All three of us zone out to whatever shit is on the screen, all tired after the long day. Out of nowhere, Jake stands and starts shouting for Quil and Embry to help him. He's shouting and looking around the room, his eyes wild and unfocused. He turns to Bella.
"Leah! Leah, have you seen Quil or Embry?" She looks fucking terrified, and I can't say that I'm ok with how close he is to her. I slowly make my way over to the bed, not wanting to startle him. Before I can get there, he climbs on the edge of the bed, grabbing her foot, shaking it hard, dragging her to the end of the bed. She screams and starts to shake out of pure fucking fear.
"Leah! Now isn't the time. I know you're mad, baby, but the pack needs them! Have you seen them?" I grab his arm behind him and he turns quickly, his face turning into anger. He pushes me - hard, sending me into the table behind me. Bella screams again and climbs up the headboard.
"Paul, I don't have time for this shit with you! I'm Alpha and that's it! Now go find them!" he screams at me. I decide that playing along is probably the safest bet. He's getting increasingly violent, more than I have ever seen him before.
"You're right...you're right. I'm sorry, Sam."
"Leah..." Bella's looks at me. I give her a look, begging her to catch on and play along.
"Leah, why don't you go and look for them," I say, motioning towards the bathroom.
"Make sure you lock the door so they can't escape," I say, hoping she catches on. She stares at me; I can tell she doesn't want to leave me out here alone. I jerk my head once more in the direction of the bathroom, and she scrambles off the bed. Once I think she is safely locked in the bathroom, I turn to face Sam again.
"Paul!" he shouts at me. "Goddammit! You're always trying to take my title; I'm the leader of this pack!" He's advancing towards me again, and I speak fast, hoping to stop his advance.
"Sam, I am so sorry! Sam, listen!" I'm shouting and backing up fast, but I can't help it; I need to stop him. Jake is a big motherfucker and could easily take me.
"I saw Quaal-" I really have no idea what name he said.
"Quil? You saw him?" He cuts me off. Shit, where the hell did he come up with these names?
"Yeah, I saw him. He was over on... Morrison and 5th," I say, trying to sound convincing.
"When?" he asks, I can see the distrust in his eyes. I decide to go along with the time line that we had tonight, not knowing how much he remembers, if anything, from today.
"Uh, right before I got home tonight, he was saying something about questioning your leadership." I was rambling, but he was buying it.
"That little..." he trailed off.
"Ok, Paul, I'm going to Morrison to find them; if they come back here, hold them until I can get back. Don't let Leah leave either; watch her for me?"
"No problem, Sam. You'd better hurry," I say, opening the door. He rushes out and runs down the stairs. I watch him run down the street until I can't see him anymore. I hope that he finds himself in a jail cell for disorderly conduct and not something worse. I let out a big breath and go back into the room. I lock the door and hope that Sam won't come back.
I go to the bathroom and knock on the door.
"Bella, he's gone." The door flies open, and Bella throws herself into my arms sobbing.
"Shh, it's ok." I try and soothe her. I pick her up, walk to the bed, and pull the covers back before laying her down. Her grip tightens on my neck, and she won't let go. I awkwardly crawl over her, trying to get to my side of the bed. Once I make it, she molds herself to me. I can tell she is having a complete panic attack. I don't blame her; my heart is racing from the encounter I just had with my best friend. I take a few deep breaths and stroke Bella's hair and back, trying to calm her.
"Is your foot hurt?" I ask. She shakes her head no. She seems to have calmed down, her breathing returning to normal.
After many promises that Sam won't come back, she falls asleep, exhausted. I lay awake, staring at the door hoping that my promise sticks and that we won't be seeing Sam again.
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