Guys, I am so bloody sorry! I haven't updated in a long long long time!
I've been so busy as of late, and I've been having HUGE writers block.. but now I'm back and ready to go! Hope this chapter keeps you all happy!
X:X:X
Ive got you now..
L grabbed Lights hips harshly, bringing his mouth down again to swirl his tongue in circles over the smooth skin, earning yet another groan from Light, sending shockwaves through his body. Something seemed so familiar about this situation; but he wasn't quite sure why. He was sure he was a virgin, therefore he concluded that it was just déjà vu, more than likely a real life version of one of his more 'intimate' dreams that involved both detectives.
Enjoying the taste of Light, he continued kissing, biting and licking the boy all over; but was surprised when a hand shot out towards his hair and pushed his head up, forcing him to stop.
"No, L. This is wrong" Light said, trying to regain his self control.
Without warning, Light pushed Ryuzaki off him fully, and walked out of the room quickly, ignoring the obvious bulge in his pajama pants.
No.. if I'm going to do this with him it needs to be under the right circumstances, and he needs to mean it.
X:X:X
3 days later.
Things went from bad to worse in Ryuzaki's apartment. After their little 'encounter', Light had taken it upon himself to completely ignore L, giving L the shits, causing a bad mood to linger consistently between both men.
L hadn't thought too much about what happened; it wasn't that that concerned him the most. It was the fact he had even considered Light in that way. He couldn't even trust Light enough to go to the bathroom on his own without running off, but he was happy enough to trust him with his body? What was wrong with him?
He knew something huge had happened the night he was drunk. Whether it was bad or good, he didn't know; but he knew things had to change soon, or else both detectives would end up going senile.
Its all very well to know something has to change; but it's an entirely different thing, actually being able to do it.. L thought to himself.
He turned his head to the opposite chair, gazing at Light, watching his eyebrows contort in confusion and his mouth form a slight frown. If anything, L found this expression irritating beyond belief, simply because he didn't know what the hell Light was thinking. But he knew if he tried to pry into the teens mind he'd get nothing, other than a few good kicks to the head.
His curiosity drove him nuts; he just wanted to know why he was acting so strangely!
Light was sitting opposite L, deep in thought.
He knew that what he did probably confused Ryuzaki beyond good reasoning; but he also knew if he and L ever were to repeat that night after the club, he wanted it to be real; to be something that the both of them would remember forever, and not something they only had a vague memory of.
His thoughts wandered back to that night, and he realized that he sort of regretted it. L was drunk, therefore didn't understand what had happened, and lost his virginity without even knowing. That thought gave Light chills, and he hated the fact he'd shared something so wonderful with someone that had no memory of it.
But, on this thought, he was awoken from his peaceful thoughts as Ryuzaki spoke to him for the first time in days.
"Light-kun"
"…" No reply.
"Light-kun, I want to apologize for the other night" L said slowly, making sure Light took in his words and fully understood them.
L admitting he was wrong was a huge thing, and as much as Light noticed this, he was still angry at the detectives poking and prodding about what had happened the night of the club incident. Light didn't really want to tell L that he'd lost his virginity; he knew he wouldn't take it well.
So, he simply nodded his head, and went back to staring at the desk.
I want to tell him, but then again I really don't. What will he do to me..?
Deciding to take action, L stood up from his seat and looked down at Light for a few minutes, finally getting his attention.
"Light-kun, I want to review the tapes of the other night. I would appreciate if you would tell me what happened on your own, however if you don't wish to, I am more than happy to simply watch the tape"
".. Ryuzaki. I don't think you should watch it." Light said nervously, trying his best not to look the detective in the eye.
"Why not, Light-kun?"
"Because.. you want to know why you were so sore..? It's because.. when we got back to the apartment, we got into an argument, and you suddenly jumped at me. One thing led to another.. and.. we had sex, to put it bluntly"
Light felt the blush rise in his cheeks, and he looked down at the floor. He knew this would shock L and probably make him hate Light more, but he had to tell him. It was unfair if he didn't. A bubbling feeling was forming in his stomach, as his words echoed in his own mind; it was as if he'd taken advantage of L. In fact, he had.
For once in his life, he felt guilt and remorse; he had stolen L's innocence.
Light looked up to see L still gazing intently at him, with his head tilted slightly to the side. Aside from the brutality of the situation, Light would probably tell L he looked quite cute. His head tilted slightly, his thumb in his mouth, looking at Light with his piercing glare, as if he was trying to determine a percentage of truth in Lights words.
But it all made sense, it made perfect sense.
That's why Light had pushed him away.. that's why Light was so upset.
"Ryuzaki..? Are you alright..?" Light said, his voice shaking.
"Yes.. I'm fine, Yagami-kun." L replied, slightly hurt
Feeling a pang of pain shoot through him, Light put his head down even lower, feeling his eyes water up with an unexpected burning sensation, and he felt tears slide slowly down his face. So, it was back to "Yagami-kun"..
L had an attraction to Light, and that was obvious and blatant fact. But he knew if he was to ever share something with Light, he wanted it to be special. He was slightly disappointed that Light hadn't waited for it, but he knew he probably would have acted the same.
That day, L had completely rid Light of the handcuffs. He figured that trust was now a huge part of the investigation; and he knew that if Light could be trusted, then his percentage of being Kira would drop. Unsure though, L kept a close eye on Light, observing his every move.
What came next, L would have never expected.
That night, L had found himself tired beyond measure, and he let himself fall into a dream filled sleep, one where himself and Light were completely at peace, both of them just normal people; no Kira case, no detective work; simply him and Light. He knew this dream would never be a reality, but he loved the dream all the same.
Whilst Ryuzaki was off in his own world, Light had decided that it was time to go. This would only raise L's suspicion of him being Kira, but he couldn't stand being around him any more. The pain was just too strong.
He packed his things, and looked down at L. He smiled softly, feeling calm for the first time in a long time. Somehow, he knew this was wrong of him to do, but it didn't stop him from walking out of the apartment, feeling the cold wind blast against his skin. He looked up to the apartment for one last time, and finally walked away, leaving only his footprints behind him.
A soft knock at the door awoke L, giving him a slight fright. He stirred and looked over, but saw no Light.
He's probably just in the bathroom.
He got up slowly, dragging his feet along the cold, hard, wooden floor, finally reaching the door. He opened it to see Soichiro Yagami looking back at him with a worried look on his face.
"What's the matter, Yagami san?"
"Have you seen Light, L? He came home and said he had something to take care of, then never came back again. Is he here?"
"No, he isn't. That's strange.."
"It is. Would you mind helping me look?"
"Alright, just let me get a few things."
A few minutes later L appeared back in the doorway, and the two men headed off to look for Light.
Meanwhile..
On the night Light left, after he left his parents—
Damn it's cold Light thought to himself, realizing he should have brought his jacket with him. As cold as it was, Light had no desire to head back home again, at least until tomorrow. This was time for him to clear his head.
He strode along the streets, and finally found what he was looking for. The same club himself and L had visited a week or so ago. He looked at it from the other side of the street, silently praying the place burnt to the ground; it had caused him so many problems. Without that place, none of this would have happened, Light wouldn't have felt like his heart was tearing in two.
Light knew this whole thing wasn't L's fault, he knew it was his own. But he didn't like to think this feeling he had had come from himself. Up until that night, Light had never known true anything, it was just a fake image and a fake feeling inside himself. But now, he knew so much better.
He reminisced that night and he knew what he had felt during that was real; true desire, true want, a true longing towards the other detective, but this couldn't continue.
Not when he was Kira.
Not when he had to kill L.
Losing himself in his thoughts, Light hadn't noticed that he had walked into a fairly dodgy part of this area.
Boy was that a big mistake.
From that moment on, til what seemed like hours, Light had felt so dirty, so unclean. He still did. He had been raped; and it was terrifying. Someone like Light appeared to have no true fear, but he honestly did, and he knew it in himself too.
Invisible hands were still roaming over Lights body as he fell into a sleep filled with nightmares; consistently poking at his mind, teasing it.
At first, he and L we're happy together; the next, L had turned against him, and pointed a gun to his own head, threatening that he'd kill himself. The scene morphed, to one where Light was holding L's dead body in his arms, laughing.
I see the blood all over your hands
Does
it make you feel more like a man?
Was it all just a part of your
plan?
The pistols shaking in my hands
And all I hear is the
sound
I
love you,
I hate you,
I can't get around you.
I
breathe you,
I taste you,
I can't live without you.
The nightmares continued, and didn't stop, nor wake Light. It was one endless lurid video replaying in his mind, but he couldn't wake.
No matter how much he yelled into the darkness of the night, no one came; no one saved him.
For once in his life, he felt alone.
X:X:X
Okay guys, I know this chapter is short, again! Im so sorry guys! But this a major turning point, and if I didn't stop there Id do another 20 pages. So, til next chapter!
I'll hopefully update tomorrow!
Lyrics, by the way, are;
Always by Saliva
Thanks everyone! R&R!!