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Here is Dinner part 2!
WARNING!
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.
Listen when all of this around us falls over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
I will shelter you
-Ray Lamontagne
EPOV- Day two in Forks. Dinner at the Cullen's
After I say we need to talk, Bella nods in agreement, but we continue to sit there in silence. Neither of us wants to face the fact the safe bubble we've made for ourselves is about to burst. We've become so close to one another. We've shared things we will never share with another living person. Bonds like the one we've made never break. Realizing this, it makes me a little more confident we'll make it through this next necessary phase in our lives.
"Do you really trust Carlisle?" I ask.
"I do," she says. Bella trusts no one, so her saying this means something. I trust her, so I now trust Carlisle, as well.
"We have to let him help us, Bella," I say.
"I know, and he will, Edward. I know he will."
"You're going to have to tell him what happened," I say in a whisper, scared of her reaction. Her head whips toward me.
"No! You said if I told you, I would never have to repeat it again, never. You promised, Edward!"
I did. I did promise that night in the motel room if she got it all out that would be it; she would never have to relive it again. It was a promise I shouldn't have made, because I didn't know the future and had no idea at the time how over my head I was. I'm drowning I'm in so far over my head.
"Shh, calm down," I whisper, wrapping my arm tightly around her. "I'm sorry." I say no more. She knows the promise is already broken. I just hope she doesn't hate me for it.
"I won't do it, Edward. It almost killed me to tell you. Carlisle is like my dad; I can't tell him how men used me and raped me," she chokes out.
I wince, those words coming from her make my stomach turn. Men used and raped her, hearing it out loud and having no idea how to respond, other than with anger, tells me I'm not equipped to handle this. It's too dark to see her now, but I can hear the tears and shame in her voice.
I feel like shit. This is my fault. She geared herself up to tell me with a promise she would be free from it, never having to say those horrible words again.
I have an idea; I know it won't save her from not having to relive all of it, but hopefully some of it.
"What if I tell him for you?" I ask. She looks at me.
"You would do that?" I nod. I don't know if she can see it in the darkness, so I grab her hand and squeeze it.
"I love you," I say as a way of explanation. "And I'm sorry I can't keep my promise." I feel like shit.
"No," she sighs. "It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I knew even at the time it would be impossible for that promise to stick. I love you too, Edward."
I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing that. No one has told me they loved me since I was twelve, and I never thought I'd hear it again. I didn't think I even wanted to.
"They're still going to want to ask you questions. I'm sure the police will have to have an official statement from you. They'll have to have it... to put him away." She nods. She knows this; Bella's smart.
"If you can say it though, get all the details out that I can't, I... think I'll be able to answer questions... I hope." I do too.
It's going to kill me to have to watch her go through this. I know there will be times it will be too much. If they push her too hard, or if I hear more about that fucker hurting her, I'll lose it. I'm not even sure how I'm going to tell Carlisle what happened to her. It's going to break him to hear it, and it's going to kill me to say the words. It'll be one of the hardest things I'll have to do.
"It'll be ok, Bella. I promise, everything will be ok." I kiss her head as she rests it on my shoulder.
That promise is one I won't break. These next few weeks will be so hard, but everything will be ok. I'll make it ok.
"I trust you," she says, cuddling into my side.
We sit in silence knowing our minutes alone are probably numbered. The flow of the water nearby is calming. I say a silent prayer, to no one, that we'll get through this. A few minutes later I hear our names being called and see flashlights through the trees.
"Over here!" I shout into the darkness.
Soon Carlisle and Esme's forms appear from the trees. When they get close enough, I can see Esme's arms are filled with blankets. I smile to myself; these people really care about Bella.
"There you two are. We thought maybe you got lost after the sun set," Carlisle says.
"I guess it wouldn't be the first time," Bella laughs. Esme walks over, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. I want to deny it but don't because Bella is still resting on me and it covers her too. Carlisle and Esme sit with us, they talk for a few minutes about times that Alice and Bella had gotten themselves lost and how it took hours to find them.
"Well, it's pretty cold. Should we head back?" Esme asks after a while.
We all agree and make our way back to the house. I may be used to a rough life on the streets, but an outdoorsman, I am not. I manage to slip and fall at least three times on the way back, taking Bella down with me once by accident, earning laughs the whole way back. By the time we make it to the porch, I can see the damage I caused. Bella and I are covered in mud. We stand and laugh; this night is getting better and better.
"Come inside, I'll throw your clothes in the wash real fast," Esme says with a laugh, peeling her own muddy shoes off. It's after eight, and I'm not sure how late we'll stay. Bella agrees though, so if she wants to stay, we'll stay. Esme offers us some old pajamas the belong to her kids from when they were younger.
I strip in the bathroom, putting a pair of sweats on that apparently belong to Emmett. Motherfucker must be huge, because I'm not small and I'm swimming in them. I bend and roll each leg up in hopes of being able to walk and not fall. I also roll the waist down a little. When I'm finished with the adjustments on my new outfit I look like a clown. Feeling embarrassed, I reluctantly leave the bathroom. I'll admit it; I'm pleased to see Bella in an equally odd looking outfit, but hers is opposite from mine.
While I'm swimming in my sea of clothing, Bella is bursting out of hers. She looks like she's wearing children's pajamas. They stop above her ankles and are skin tight. Her long sleeve top stops short above her wrists. Apparently, Alice is a very small girl. We look at each other and laugh. What else is there to do? We can't stop, and our laughing and pointing brings us an audience.
"Oh knock that off you two. You look just fine," Esme says, gathering up our muddy clothing.
"Wanna help me get these started?" she asks Bella.
"Sure," she agrees, walking away with Esme.
It amazes me how comfortable she is here. The whole time I've known her, she can't even go to the bathroom without me following behind her. Now, she walks off without even looking back.
I hear a noise, and Carlisle rounds the corner with coffee in his hand.
"Whoa," he says, surprised by my appearance.
"I guess Emmett is quite a bit larger than you, more than I thought," he says with a laugh.
"They're clean and dry," I shrug. He laughs and invites me into the kitchen for coffee. I have no choice but to follow.
We sit at the breakfast bar on the far side of the kitchen. It's awkward. I can tell Carlisle has so many questions but is afraid to ask them. I make it easy on him and start. I figure if we're going to be here for a while, I might as well get this done while I've worked up the nerve to do it and before Bella changes her mind. I want all of this mess out of the way, so when Bella does visit her mother, it will be only about that. She won't have all of this to worry about.
"Ok Carlisle, I'm gonna get straight to the point. I know you need to know what happened, and Bella won't tell you. I don't want to tell you what she told me... at all. I know it has to be done though, and she asked me to tell you." I just lay it all out on the table. He looks at me shocked.
"Ok. I'm afraid that the police are going to want to speak to her though, Edward," he says what I already know.
"I know, but they may have to do things a little differently with Bella," I tell him. I don't give a fuck if they have a badge. She won't have to do anything she doesn't want to. If Carlisle loves her as much as he says he does, he'll back me up.
He asks me if I mind talking to him in his office. I don't care where we go. I really don't want to do this.
We enter a room off the main hallway, and I expect it to be perfect and in order but it isn't. His desk is filled with papers and shit, and the shelves are exploding with books. they're not all organized like I thought they'd be.
"Sorry about..." He trails off with a laugh, waving his hand around the mess in the office.
"Nah, don't be," I say, and I mean it. It makes me feel more comfortable seeing how human he is.
He sits at his desk and offers me the leather chair across from it, I sit and we both stare at each other. I don't want to have to say these words.
"It's bad, isn't it?" he asks.
"Real bad," I say.
"I appreciate you telling me for her. My whole family loves Bella very much. You need to understand I don't want to know this. Whatever you're about to tell me will surely kill a part of me, but if someone hurt her, we have to find out who it was and make them responsible for it."
I believe him. I know he won't get any enjoyment hearing about what happened to Bella, and I agree Alec needs to be 'held responsible' as Carlisle says - he needs to pay and he will.
"Well, after Bella went to live with her father..."
~*E&B*~
It takes me over an hour to get her whole story out. At one point, I thought I was going to throw up. I tell most of her story with my elbows resting on my knees - my head in my hands. I couldn't look this man in the eye as I told him the horrible things that happened to the girl I love, the girl that's like a daughter to him.
I wanted to spare Carlisle some of the details but knew it was important he knew as much as possible.
Carlisle was making notes to insure that neither Bella nor I had to repeat anything unnecessarily. Every once in a while his pen would drop as well as his jaw. At some points in the story his face would go white and he would look sick. When I came to the point in the story of Bella's first attack, the pen in his hand broke he squeezed it so damn hard.
I stop at the point where I met, well saw, Bella the first night in Portland, the night she was almost attacked right in front of me. Thinking back to it now, I feel enraged at my own behavior, how I actually thought about leaving her. So much has changed since then.
We sit in silence for a while. I can imagine how Carlisle feels. I remember how I felt after she told me.
"Thank you, Edward, for being man enough to tell me. I understand why Bella couldn't," he says, looking me in the eye. I say nothing back.
"You love her, don't you?" When I don't answer he back tracks. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business; I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's ok. I do. I love her very much." It feels so weird to declare it like that, but I'm not ashamed. I do love her.
"I'm glad," he says.
"Do you mind if I ask how you became involved, how you two know each other?"
This is the part I was praying he wouldn't ask. At this point he sees me as a brave young man that has helped and loved Bella; he thinks highly of me. As soon as I open my mouth all of that will fly out the window. Even though I like Carlisle ok, I don't need or want his approval. I'm just so scared he will tell Bella what I already know - I'm not good enough.
There's no way out though. The truth will be known soon enough. It's better that I just tell him.
"Um... yeah, Bella showed up one night in Portland, and I saw her." He just looks at me waiting for more information. Fuck it, there's no way to sugar coat it.
"I was homeless. I lived on the fucking street, ok!" I say harshly and don't stop.
"I was sleeping on a bench the first night I saw Bella. I could tell she wasn't from around there and helped her out a little. We lived on the street together for a while. I managed to get a job and we've been living in a motel." I just spit it all out.
"She told me what happened to her, and I brought her back here to see her mother. We had no idea... we didn't think about all of this shit. The cops, her dad... everything, I had no idea." My head falls into my hands. When I look up Carlisle is frozen.
If Carlisle didn't look shocked before, he does now. I sit and wait for the next words to come out, that he thinks it's best for Bella to be without me. I wait, but it doesn't come.
"Thank you, Edward," he says. I look up from my hands shocked.
"You have no idea how much that girl out there means to my family, what she meant to her mother... what she obviously means to you. Thank you." I just nod, too stunned to form a sentence.
"This is all so overwhelming. I'm sure it is for you, too." I nod. I'm really fucking overwhelmed.
"If you would like, I'll handle calling the police and Bella's father. We'll deal with that together as it comes," he offers. I agree. It's nice to have someone offer to help; I start to feel like I'm treading the water instead of drowning in it.
"First thing though, Bella needs to see a doctor."
"A doctor? Why?"
I've taken good care of her. Why would she need a doctor? He takes a deep breath and starts to answer, but he stops and closes his mouth. His eyes are closed as he starts to speak.
"If she was... treated like that, Edward, it's very possible she could have extensive injuries from things healing wrong. Also, if she was forced to be with these men then..." he trails off, not being able to finish his own sentence.
Fuck, I don't know if she's strong enough to make it through all of this - I know she isn't. He's right though and I feel like a damn idiot for never thinking of this. I want to kill those bastards all over again. She's escaped them, but they continue to hurt her.
"That's enough for tonight - I don't think either one of us could handle anymore," he says. I agree. My God, do I agree.
"One more thing though," he says rapidly, because I'm standing to leave. I sit back down, looking at him without saying a word.
"How long are you guys planning to stay in Forks?"
I have no idea, I thought when we arrived in Forks we would be here a week at the longest. Now, we have to deal with all of this. I have no idea how long it could take.
"I don't know. We came up just so Bella could say goodbye to her mom. It's turned into a lot more. I have enough pay to keep us in the motel for another two weeks; then I have to get back to work," I say.
Two weeks would drain us completely. I knew Mike would hire me right back, but I worry about where we'll stay until my first check.
"Ok," he says, standing. I stand and head for the door again, and again he stops me.
"Edward." I turn, annoyed.
"Thank you," he says, his hand out to shake mine. I shake it and walk out of the room. I want to find Bella.
Bella and Esme are sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee talking. When Bella sees Carlisle and me walk into the room, she freezes. I can tell she's terrified of Carlisle's reaction. He says nothing and just walks over to her, wrapping her in a hug. She breaks down into tears. Esme stands to join them, and softly rubs Bella's back. I can hear Carlisle whisper how sorry he is and how everything will work out. I hope he's right.
After they have a moment and Bella calms down, Carlisle asks us to go into the next room, so he and Esme can talk for a second. I take Bella's hand, grab a blanket off the couch and walk outside with her. It's cold and pitch black except for the porch lights, but I need fresh air.
"How ya doin'?" I ask, hugging her. She hugs me back, but not like she did with Carlisle. She clings to me.
"I'm ok," she says, sniffling a little. When she lets go of me, I grab her legs and bring them over my lap so she's almost sitting on me. I need to feel close to her.
"He didn't seem mad," she says softly.
"He is, but not at you, not at all," I reassure her.
"He's going to handle the police and your father for now," I let her know.
"That's nice of him. Thank you for telling him for me, Edward," she says with her forehead pressed against mine. I lean in and kiss her; I would do anything for her.
We're still kissing when Carlisle and Esme come out onto the porch. Esme has obviously been crying. Her eyes are red, and she has tear streaks that show through her makeup. Carlisle must have told her a brief version of the story I told him.
"Sorry," Carlisle says for interrupting. I just shrug. Bella blushes.
"Can we talk for a second?" Esme asks. Again, I shrug. Bella responds, by scooting over so Esme can sit next to her.
"Carlisle and I would like to have you two stay here while you're in Forks," she says, putting an arm around Bella.
"No, we're fine in the hotel," I say. There's no way I'm mooching off of these people.
"We have the room, and would love to have you," Carlisle says. Bella looks at me; I think she may want to stay. I can't though. I'm used to being on my own. I don't need his help.
"Thanks, but no. We're fine at the hotel," I say a little more sternly.
"There's no reason to waste your money at-" I cut him off.
"I'm not wasting my money," I say. So, that's what this is about. Now he knows I'm homeless and wants to do a good deed. Fuck that. I feel Bella squeeze my arm and look down at her.
"Why don't you want to stay?" she asks softly.
This confirms it for me. She does want to stay. I get irrationally pissed. I've done so much, and all I want is to stay in my own goddamn hotel room. I don't want to be 'taken in' by these people. They would be housing us for free, and I can't have that. My pride won't let me.
"Stay if you want. I don't care. Call me at the hotel when you need me," I say, acting like I don't care. I can see the hurt in her eyes immediately, and I feel like an ass. I don't want to hurt her.
"No, I'm going where you are. You know that," she says quietly and softly. I feel bad. I can tell she wants to stay here, where she's comfortable for once, but she'll give it up for me to be comfortable. I can't give in this time. I've never accepted a free ride before, and I won't take one now.
"Well, the offer stands if you change your mind," Esme says reaching across Bella to pat my knee.
"Your clothes should be ready. It's been a long night. Let's change and get you two back to your room," she says, standing up. Bella follows her into the house to get our clothes, and I'm once again left alone with Carlisle.
I don't plan to speak until Bella comes back, but obviously Carlisle has different ideas.
"I get it you know," he says.
"Get what?" I respond tiredly, not really caring.
"That you don't know us; you're not comfortable. You don't want pity or a handout. I get it," he says. I just shrug; I'm not interested in male bonding or whatever this shit is he's trying to pull.
"Bella's going to have some rough days ahead of her though, and I'd bet she will want to be close to Esme and Alice."
Nice, he's using the one thing he knows about me against me.
"Good thing the hotel is close then, huh?" I say somewhat snidely.
"Like Esme said, Edward, the offer is always open." It's awkward after that. Where the fuck is Bella?
"This could take a lot longer than two weeks."
I sigh loudly. What does this guy want from me? He's looking across the yard. I look in the same direction, and I see something but can't make out what it is in the dark.
He laughs a little. "I started building that two years ago for Esme. She needed a gardening shed. Promised to have it done in one weekend for her, but you know how those things go," he says. No, I don't know how they go, but I don't say anything.
"I was going to hire Alice's boyfriend to finish it for me, but he's so busy, he hasn't been able to get to it in over six months. I offered him three hundred bucks to do it, but he just doesn't have the time." He pauses and shifts his weight to his other leg, leaning against the porch. "Looks like you're going to have some free time on your hands. Three hundred bucks, could be rent at a hotel or... here, where Bella's comfortable. What do you say?"
Fucker has me and he knows it. Bella wants to stay here so bad. I could tell by the look she gave me. I have no excuse now. If I say no, I'm just an asshole.
"That shed better be one fucking mess if you're paying three hundred dollars," I say with a smirk. He smiles; he knows my answer.
"The hotel is paid already through tomorrow," I say. I want to go back tonight, have one more night alone with Bella.
"Pick you guys up around dinner time tomorrow?" I just nod as Bella comes out, our clothing folded in her arms. I can tell she's been crying, and make a mental note to ask her about it when we get to our room.
"See you guys later," Esme says, giving Bella and I each a hug. I thank her for dinner again and then Carlisle drives us home.
As soon as I shut our door and lock it, I let out a huge breath. That was one long damn dinner. It started out with small talk and ended with huge confessions and revelations. It's after midnight. Bella walks over and flops on the bed, I follow her. We lie side by side and eventually roll and face each other.
"It was so nice to see Esme again," Bella says with a smile. "Alice and Emmett are going to come over for dinner this weekend. God, it's been so long. I can't wait to see them." I'm glad she's happy.
"Thank you so much again, Edward, for talking to Carlisle." She rolls on top of me a little and kisses me.
"How are you feeling about it all? You were crying when you came out with Esme," I say.
"You noticed that?" she asks, surprised.
"Of course," I say. I notice everything about her. Doesn't she know that?
"Why were you crying?" I ask, running my hand through her hair.
"Um, Carlisle told Esme just a little, I guess. He thinks... I should see a doctor but had Esme talk to me about it," she says sounding embarrassed. I understand why she is but wish she wasn't.
"How do you feel about that?" I ask. She shrugs, and I see a tear roll down her cheek. I wipe it away and give her a minute to process before she answers me. Eventually, she does.
"I know my ankle is really messed up from when he broke it, my shoulder, too. The other... stuff though, it makes me feel... dirty," she admits so quietly I can barely hear her. I take my anger out by gripping the pillow, I hope she can't tell.
"I understand that, but I don't think you should feel that way because you're not," I tell her. She says nothing back.
"Are you going to go?" I ask.
"Yeah, I don't want to, but I am. Esme said the doctor I'll see is a woman, so that helps."
I'm glad to hear that, because even if it's a doctor, I don't want any other man to look at her or touch her.
"Also..." She doesn't continue. I sit up and look down at her.
"Also what?" I ask. She turns bright red and another tear escapes her eye.
"If... well if - no, when we're together... I just want to make sure... I don't know when I'll be ready, I'm sorry-" I cut her off.
"No. Don't do this for me. You need to go and make sure you're healthy for you. You don't need to worry about when or if we have sex right now, Bella. When you're ready that will be the right time, until then, I'll wait," I say.
I don't ever want to have another experience ever again where she breaks down while we're being intimate. I wish she was ready now, but I'd wait forever for her, do anything for her. That thought reminds me of something else.
"You crying wasn't the only thing I noticed tonight," I say.
"Oh yeah, what else?" she asks.
"I noticed how badly you wanted to stay there... with the Cullens," I say.
"Not as badly as I want to stay with you," she replies softly.
"I talked to Carlisle when you were inside with Esme. They're pretty good at that whole divide and conquer thing, aren't they?" I ask with a laugh.
"Ha, yeah, they are. It comes from raising Alice and Emmett. They were a handful," she laughs.
"What did you guys talk about?" she asks, tracing lazy patterns on my stomach over my shirt.
"He thinks we'll need to be here longer than what I can afford to pay for. He offered me a job, building a shed for Esme's gardening shit," I say.
"Oh, that's great. Maybe I can do some things for Esme too," she offers.
"He said he would either pay me for the work, or we can count it as rent for staying at their place," I say. She sits up.
"What are you saying?" she asks with a big smile.
"That you need to pack your stuff up, because they're picking us up around dinner time tomorrow."
She launches herself at me and kisses me all over. As she straddles me, I start to think I made the right decision.
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