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Life is getting crazy for me. I'm writing two stories, going to school and work and trying to fit a little down time in too. Updates will no longer be as regular as they once were, but I will try so hard to never make you wait more than two weeks. Thank you so much for your patients and understanding!
We're caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hell
And we're searchin' for shelter
*#*#*
Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came
His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain
And when the hardest part is over we'll be here
And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear
The boundaries of our fear
Lay your body down
-Brandon Flowers
EPOV- Day four in Forks
Bella freezes in her chair when we hear the voices filter in. I look over at her, and she looks scared but also excited. She grips the arms on her chair as if she's going to stand but stays frozen. Esme stands and follows Carlisle into the house, but Bella and I stay outside.
"Where is she?" I hear a girl's voice ask; I assume it's Alice.
"She's outside," Carlisle replies.
I look behind me into the house and see two - no, three new people. Emmett, I assume, who's big as a fucking house. He's as tall as Jake but has more muscle. He's holding a little boy in his arms who is squirming and shouting to be let down. Carlisle and Esme didn't say anything about a kid, but I assume it's his son. I see a pretty girl with black hair. She's short, has a little extra weight, but she carries it well; it suits her. Before I can analyze anymore, Emmett hands the kid off to Carlisle, and he and Alice head for the door.
I stand and go to the edge of the porch to get out of the way of the reunion. Bella stands with me and gives me a quizzical look. She has no time to ask questions though. The screen door flies open and the three start hugging.
Alice and Bella start to cry, and Emmett literally picks Bella off the ground. It pisses me off. He's hugging her a little too closely for my liking. The longer he holds on to her the higher my rage rises. I'm ready to step in, because I'm afraid she'll have a panic attack. I take a close look at Bella; her head is thrown back, and she's all smiles. She doesn't seem upset about it - she laughs. I grip the railing of the porch and try hard to keep myself put in place. I don't want to ruin her reunion with her friends.
After what seems like a year and a half, the fucker puts her down on the ground where she belongs but proceeds to put his huge arm around her. Alice keeps hugging her; Bella looks so happy. I stand at the edge of the porch and feel so out of place. I don't fit in and am now regretting the decision I made to stay here.
Esme and Carlisle come out and join the reunion. Carlisle holds onto the wild kid in his arms, and it seems like their family is back in place.
What I really want to do is walk off the porch and into the woods. Be alone. I've been alone for so long now, and I'm not comfortable being around all of this. I learned my lesson though, and I'll never walk away again. I made that mistake in the hotel room when she told me she loved me. I won't make the same mistake again.
I watch from a distance. Bella, all of a sudden, steps back and whips her head around. I feel myself smile, she's looking for me. Every time I start to feel like she doesn't need me anymore she seems to know and tries to find me. When her eyes lock on mine she smiles, and her happiness makes my unease worth it.
"Come here." She motions me over. Tears glisten in her eyes, happy tears. The two people I haven't met yet both notice me for the first time. Alice smiles, and Emmett just stares.
I push off the railing and walk over to them. I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is, but Emmett is staring me down - sizing me up. He doesn't know who he's dealing with. When I make it to Bella, she immediately wraps her arms around me, squeezing my waist from the side.
"This is, Edward... my boyfriend." It's the first time she's said it, and it feels good. I look at the surprised expression on Emmett's face and make sure to smirk when he looks at me.
"This is Alice and Emmett," she says, beaming.
"Hi," Alice says with a little wave.
"What's up man?" Emmett asks and shakes my hand. He squeezes it hard trying to intimidate me. S'not going to work, Meathead.
"I can't believe you're really here," Alice says, as a tear escapes her eye.
I can see Bella getting overwhelmed. She doesn't respond verbally to Alice but let's go of me and hugs her friend.
I hear screaming and see Carlisle struggling to keep the kid in his arms.
"Mommy!" The little demon screams at the top of his lungs. I've never been a fan of kids, and this one is already driving me nuts. I'm going to need another beer.
"What, honey?" Alice asks... wait, Alice? I look at Bella, and she looks just as shocked as I feel.
Alice reaches over and takes the kid from Carlisle's arms and rests him on her hip.
"Bella, this is my son, Seth."
Wow, the kid is about three, which means Alice had him when she was sixteen or so. So, this is the secret the Cullens wanted Alice to share for herself. I feel like an ass thinking it, but it's nice to see the Cullen family isn't all that perfect. I like them more for it.
"Oh my gosh, Alice! He's so cute!"
He is? I saw Bella work with some of the kids when she volunteered at the Mission; she's good with them. I take a closer look at him. He has dark curly hair and dimples. I guess he would be considered cute, but as soon as he opens his mouth and screams, the cuteness factor drops to zero in my book.
Carlisle comes out with a handful of beers. I didn't even see him leave.
"Have a seat, guys," he says cheerfully, passing the beers around. Alice sets the little boy down, and he starts to run around like a crazy person.
Bella grabs my hand and sits in the chair next to me. She seems proud to be with me, and it makes me feel good. I take no time opening the beer Carlisle gave me and take a large swig.
"Good stuff, right?" Emmett asks, taking a drink from his own bottle.
"Eh," I say, shrugging. I know he made it, and I just want to get under his skin. This douche is rubbing me the wrong way. He takes another drink but keeps an eye on me.
Bella, Esme, and Alice launch into a rapid conversation. They talk about Seth, clothing and other girly shit I don't understand. I assume Carlisle or Esme talked to their kids, because neither is asking Bella questions about where she's been.
If I didn't know better, I would think Alice and Bella were never separated. There is no awkwardness or moments of silence. I have never seen Bella so happy or heard her talk so much. Carlisle and Emmett are talking about some new keg Emmett is buying for his business, and I listen to Bella. I love seeing her being able to be herself.
"I really like your hair short," Bella says in regards to Alice's hair.
"Really? I just cut it last month. It was past my bra when I cut it," Alice explains, pointing on her shirt how long her hair was.
"Well, I never saw it that long, but I really like it short." Bella's sweet; I think it would look better long, but there's no way in hell I'm saying that out loud.
"Look at you! you're so freaking tiny! God, if I could just lose this weight now. I am such a cow!" Alice complains.
"You are not a cow," Bella says, laughing, shaking her head.
"Moo," Seth starts making cow noises.
"Gee, thanks Seth," Alice says, tickling him.
When they launch back into hair and weight conversations, I can't take anymore. I stand up and walk into the house to go to the bathroom.
When I come back out, Emmett is in the hall waiting for me. He's leaning against the wall with a bottle in his hand. I go to walk past him, planning on blowing him off, but he calls my name. I turn, ready to take whatever shit he's about to give me and plan to send twice as much back to him.
"Yeah, so... Bella just bitched me out for being an ass to you," he says with a laugh.
Bella is more perceptive than I thought. I didn't think anyone but he and I knew the introductions didn't go off perfectly.
"Well, I'm a big boy," I say, having no interest in playing nice.
"No, listen dude. I'm happily married. I've known Bella for a long time, and in high school and stuff, I looked out for her and Alice; she's like a sister to me." I raise an eyebrow at him; I still don't want him touching her. I'm here now, and Bella doesn't need anything from him.
"A lot has changed since then," I say coolly. He sighs loudly.
"I know. I talked to my dad, and he told me what happened." His grip tightens on the bottle, and his knuckles turn white.
"The way I see it is, this fucker, he is going to come back, and the more people Bella has on her side the better. Dad says you've done a lot for her. Thank you," he says, putting his hand out to shake. I shake it back because I don't know what else to do. I'm not looking for a friend, but I'm also not looking for an enemy.
What he said makes panic rise in me. What if Alec does come here looking for her? Bella said she never told him everything, but I'm sure she told him where she was from. I make a note to talk to Bella and ask her but also to talk to Carlisle and find out if the cops are looking yet.
After the awkward exchange with Emmett, we make our way back outside. Bella looks so happy sitting on the back deck. She has Alice's kid on her lap and is in an animated conversation with him. When she sees me come out, she looks up and smiles at me. She mouths thank you. I'm not sure what it's for; just being here and playing nice or talking to Emmett. Either way, it doesn't matter. The sun is starting to set, and Carlisle lit the outdoor fireplace. The fire glows and makes Bella look even more beautiful.
Seth, Alice's... spawn, is completely taken with Bella. At the moment, he's sitting on her lap playing with her hair. Once she got a hold of him, he completely calmed down and has wanted to do nothing but sit with Bella. He's shown her his cars and explained what the cartoons on his shirt are.
"I think he has a crush on you," Alice giggles to Bella. Bella smiles at him and ruffles his hair. The little boy beams and looks up at her through his lashes. Even at three he has it bad. Yeah, bud, join the party.
Just like the first night, three nights ago, when we had dinner with Carlisle and Esme, this is awkward for me. Everyone falls into an easy conversation throughout dinner. I sit quietly and stuff my face with the tacos Esme made. When someone asks me a question, I answer it, but other than that, I just let the family talk.
"So Edward, what is it that you do?" Emmett asks. Even though the question annoys me, Emmett didn't ask it in a condescending way.
"In Portland, I was working maintenance on some new condos," I reply, then shove almost an entire taco in my mouth so I can't answer another question right away.
"Oh, cool. So, you probably know how to fix a ton of different stuff," Alice says, smiling at me.
I continue to chew my food and shrug in response. Bella shoots me a look, and I have no idea what it means.
"Yeah, it's a great thing that Edward's here. He's going to finally finish that garden shed for Mom," Carlisle says proudly. Not sure if he's trying to give me a boost or something, but he hasn't even seen my quality of work yet, and I'm not sure what he's so confident in.
"That's good, because that..." Emmett reaches over to Bella's lap, and my entire body goes stiff. I relax when I see he's just trying to reach the kid on Bella's lap. He claps his hands over the kids ears. "Asshole, you're dating is never going to do it," he says to Alice, taking his hands off the kids ears and leaning back into his chair. I laugh, and for a second, I like Emmett ok.
"Knock it off. Ryan's not... that. He's just busy," Alice explains, giving her brother a dirty look. "And don't do that; he can still hear you," she admonishes.
"Just busy?" Emmett asks incredulously.
"Yes, busy," Alice replies, obviously annoyed.
"Ryan's a goob!" Seth yells from Bella's lap. Emmett and I burst out laughing. Seth looks at us with wide eyes and is encouraged by our attention. He starts calling this Ryan guy a ton of other names. Alice shoots us both a dirty look.
"Seth, that's not nice. We don't call people names."
"GOOB!" Seth screams at the top of his lungs. I start choking in my food I'm laughing so hard. Alice rolls her eyes and pulls Seth from Bella's lap to her own.
"C'mon, let's go wash you up," Alice tells him, standing up. "Thanks guys," she says to Emmett and me, flipping us off behind her back where her kid can't see as she walks out. I can hear Seth screaming "Goob" all the way up the stairs.
"You two shouldn't encourage him," Esme admonishes, but she's laughing.
"Whatever, he is a goob," Emmett shoots back, taking a drink from his beer.
"Emmett," Carlisle says somewhat sternly.
"What? He stands her up, disappears all the time, and I've never even seen him speak to Seth. He's a douche, right?" he asks looking right at me. How did I get pulled into this?
"Uh, sounds like a douche to me." I have to agree.
"See, at least two of us knows a douche when we see one," Emmett says, throwing another beer at me. I catch it and set it down; I've had enough for the night.
"Thank you, Bella, for not dating a douche bag," Emmett says to her with a wink. Bella laughs and shakes her head. She surprises me and leans over kissing me on the cheek.
"Stop saying that word!" Esme exclaims with a smile on her face.
Alice comes back with her kid and for the rest of the dinner I'm more comfortable - I guess this is ok.
After we eat, Emmett says he has to get home to his wife. He shakes my hand, hugs Bella and plays with Alice's kid before he leaves. Alice, Esme and Bella go inside to do dishes and talk. I'm stuck outside with Carlisle and Seth; he's a pretty cool kid. As long as he doesn't start screaming again, I won't call him the spawn.
"That was good," Carlisle sighs, leaning back in his chair.
"It was," I agree. I lean back in my chair and get comfortable.
"It was," Seth repeats and puts his hands behind his head just like I did. I smirk at him, and he smiles, trying to put his body in the same position as mine. The chair he's sitting in is twice as big as he is, and it swallows him up.
"Are all the tools in the shed? I wanted to start working on it tomorrow." Carlisle looks at me surprised.
"Really?"
"Yes," I say hesitantly. I thought we had agreed I'd build the shed.
"Wow, you'll be the first to follow through and do what you promised," he says with a laugh. "First, I promised, and then Emmett. We hired a guy that never showed and now Ryan. If you build that thing, you will officially be Esme's favorite."
I laugh. "We had a deal; I'm building it."
We're both quiet, just enjoying the fire and the silence outside. It seems a little too quiet with Seth out here. I look over at him and he's slumped in his chair completely out. Carlisle looks over and chuckles.
"He always does this. So hyper and then, he's just... out. He's fallen asleep in his dinner before." I laugh. I guess the kid is pretty cute. Carlisle stands and grabs a blanket from the basket by the door and covers him up.
"Is that what you didn't want to say about Alice?" It's the first personal question I've asked, but I'm curious.
"Yeah. Even though the timing wasn't good, it's worked out. We love Seth, I can't imagine our family without him. We just thought it should be up to Alice to share."
I understand why he kept Alice's business private and have more respect for Carlisle because of it. Once again, it makes me feel more comfortable, makes me feel like maybe he isn't judging me.
"So, this, Ryan guy... he's Seth's father?" I'm not sure when I became so damn nosey. Carlisle clears his throat and looks at Seth sadly.
"No, it was just some jerk that Alice made a bad choice with. He's never been in the picture." Instantly I feel respect for Alice. She's raising Seth on her own, like my mom did with me.
"I'm not worried about Ryan, because he won't last. Alice is smart. This is the first guy she's gone out with since Seth's been born, and Emmett is really over protective. I don't like the guy much, but I know it isn't serious."
More information than I care about, but ok.
"Esme and I are so proud of her, though. She finished high school. It was hard and she needed our help, but she did it. She just moved out to her own place this year and is doing a great job with Seth."
"He seems like a funny kid," I offer.
"He is. He's a great kid." You can see the pride in Carlisle's eyes as he looks down at Seth.
"So I wanted to ask you about Bella's dad and the cops... are they looking yet?" I just throw my question out there. What Emmett said is making me paranoid.
"Yes, they are on it. They can't do much until after they speak with Bella on Monday. All they really have is his name and location, but he's not stupid enough to stay there."
I don't know. He was stupid enough to fuck with the wrong girl, and he will pay for that.
"Do you think he'll look for her here?" I ask. Carlisle is quiet for a second. I can tell he's being careful about what he's going to say, and then answers me.
"I think it's a possibility. I think everyone should keep an eye out and make sure Bella isn't alone. Between you and me, I would like either myself, you or Emmett with her whenever possible, even if she's with Esme or Alice. Just until we have more of an idea of whom we're dealing with."
He's right and I agree, but it will be me with her. I nod to let him know we're thinking the same thing.
"I don't want to bring all this up to her. She seems to be doing well, and I see no reason to scare her more than necessary. Bella and Alice were never the damsels in distress either; they were always independent and would get upset when Emmett would play tough guy and try to protect them in school. I think we should try to give some of that independence back to her, see her strong side again. So, while we make sure she's safe, I don't want to be obvious about it."
"I've kept her safe for months," I say. She's not in high school anymore, and she's not the same girl - she's been through too much. Carlisle laughs.
"Not you. You seem to be doing everything right for her. I meant more Emmett and me, you saw how he was tonight, not very discreet." I laugh with him, because no, he wasn't. I'm over it though. I can't hate anyone who wants to keep Bella safe.
"I'm meeting Bella's dad Sunday, if you want to come," he offers. I think about it, and I do want to. I want to see for myself what kind of guy he is.
"Yeah, I'll go. Does Bella know?"
"Yes, I told her. She doesn't want to see him just yet. Understandably, she's overwhelmed. Having you and I meet with Charlie and the police will make her more comfortable when she's ready to do it herself."
"Well, if Bella doesn't mind, I'll go with you," I say.
I want to make sure we don't start making decisions for Bella. This is her life. I love her, but I'm not her dad. I'm her boyfriend, and it's not my job to make her decisions.
"If Bella wants to, I'm going to take her to see her mom tomorrow," I say quietly. Not sure why I'm sharing this information.
"I think that's good," he replies.
"Well, it's the reason we came here. We've been here for almost five days now, and I still haven't taken her."
"I'll be around tomorrow and happy to drive you. Her gravesite is just about a mile down the road, though. So if Bella just wants you to be with her, it's an easy walk."
I appreciate him understanding our relationship and not trying to change it.
Before long, the ladies come back out. Alice scoops up her sleeping kid and makes promises to call Bella, so they can see each other soon. After all the goodbyes, we all retreat to our rooms. After the doctors visit this morning and then the reunion tonight, we are all exhausted.
"I am so tired!" Bella exclaims, throwing herself backward on the bed. I take the opportunity to jump on top of her. She giggles and throws her arms around me. I start kissing her neck and she moans. Between kisses, I ask her about the night.
"Did you have a good time?" I trace her ear with my tongue.
"Mmm, yeah, I did. You?" She rubs her hands up and down my back.
"It was nice to meet everyone." My hand slips up her side, and I lightly brush over her breast. She moans.
"You seem happy." She can't answer because my lips are on hers. A long while later, after we separate, she responds.
"Very happy." She pushes me on my back and straddles my waist. We kiss for a long time then she rolls off me and stands by the bed. I don't like it; I want her back. I sit up on my elbows trying to figure out why she stopped us. She didn't seem like she was panicking.
What I see makes me happy.
Bella is peeling her shoes and shirt off in a rush. I smile and raise an eyebrow at her. She walks back to the bed in only panties and a bra and grabs my shoes taking them off. She crawls back up me and helps me out of my shirt. I love this new assertive side.
We continue to make out but not going passed the level we've already reached. I definitely want more, but I'm not trying to have sex for the first time with Bella in the Cullen's house. She's shocking me with her forwardness tonight though.
She's taking the lead. She took our clothes off. She's placing my hands on her breasts, and she's loving this. Her loving it is making me harder and making me want her more than I ever have before.
Once the frantic pace has slowed down we continue with slower, softer motions.
"I love you," she whispers.
"Mmm, you too," I say not separating my lips from hers.
She pulls back a little and lays her head on her arm, looking at me. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes dilated with lust. I reach over and brush some hair off her face.
"I don't know how to thank you, Edward. I never even dreamed of this... because I never thought there was a chance of me ever being here again - feeling like this again." I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I just lean forward and kiss her.
I feel her hand hesitantly slide down my bare stomach. It rests at the waistband of my boxers, and I freeze a little. She's never been this bold.
Her hand slips inside my boxers and she grips me lightly. I moan and bury my head in the crook of her neck. We don't speak, and she doesn't move, nor do I. She squeezes a little tighter and it takes everything in me to not pump my hips like I want to so badly. I can hear her breathing increase in panic and then her hand is back on my chest.
"Sorry," she says. She looks ashamed, because she wasn't able to continue what she started.
"No, not in here. Not like this." She looks at me surprised.
"I don't want to hear apologies when were in bed, Bella. This isn't something you have to do and when you don't or can't, its not a failure. Just be with me. Do what you want and don't when you don't want to. I love you. This isn't a requirement." I hate this. I just want her to be comfortable... and her hands back in my pants, but I'll keep that to myself.
"I know. I just want to so bad, and I hate that I can't." I understand. She's frustrated and that her body wants things her mind can't give her. We'll get there though. I have no idea when, but I know we'll get there. We continue to kiss. I'm done letting what's happened to her keep her from enjoying herself.
~*E&B*~
After we've showered and are in bed, Bella tells me about the night and what she and Alice talked about. When she tells me about how Seth came about and some about Ryan, I act surprised and don't let her know Carlisle and I already talked about it. Not because I'm keeping it from her, because I'm just enjoying watching her relay her night. There is a spark in her eyes I've never seen before.
"So if you want, we can go over on Sunday," she says. She just finished telling me about a barbecue at Emmett's house. Just Emmett, his wife and Alice, nothing too overwhelming for Bella.
"Well, you know Carlisle is going to meet with your dad," I say, testing to see how she'll react. Her eyes lower and she nods.
"I was thinking, if it's ok with you, I would go with him." Her head pops up.
"Why?" Her voice gives away how surprised she is.
"I just feel like I need to. If you want to go, I'll go with you. Charlie's going to be involved. He may have information, and I'd like to meet him." Then I can decide for myself if it was a huge, sad, tragedy, or if he is just a neglectful father who let Bella down.
"I don't know if I'm ready for that, but... honestly, I trust your opinion the most, more than Carlisle or anyone else. I'd like to hear what you think." That solves it.
"Okay, well you go to Emmett's, and I'll meet you there after." She agrees and I'm glad that's out of the way.
"I was thinking, maybe we could go see my mom tomorrow?" She asks quietly to my chest. My grip tightens on her; I know this will be hard for her.
"Sure," I say. I'm glad she's the one who brought it up; it means she's ready for it.
We lay back to go to sleep, and I can't help but wait for this weekend to be over with.
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