Hey again everyone! It's great to see more reviews! Thanks to everyone who's reviewing, it gets me to update faster. I've been busy as with work and school lately, so sorry for the prolonged waiting for the new chapters. Hope you guys like this one!
Sorry for the late update, I'm so sorry!
Oh, erm, about the Light not losing his memories. I wasn't sure how to add it into this scene; so I'll tell you now. I wanted Light to keep his memories.. so I sort of tampered with the story a tad, sort of.
I decided to go with that Ryuk let Light keep his memories with a price; a quarter of his life-span. So, yeah. Sorry if it doesn't appeal to everyone, it just seemed to fit with the story.
Enjoy!
"I love you, Light.." L whispered, planting a small kiss on Light's tinted lips, letting himself drift to sleep to the sound of the still falling rain.
Light began to stir, feeling the suns warmth pouring all over his chest. Without opening his eyes, he reached over to the right hand side, his hand searching for L's. Or at least any part of L.
When he finally found L's hand, he grabbed onto it tightly, then loosening his grip, a soft smile playing at his mouth. He reminisced of last night's lovemaking session and felt his heart rate increase, butterflies appearing in his stomach once again.
Am I in love with L?
Yes, Light was in love with L. When he had first said it to L, it wasn't love; it was a kind of infatuation, a desire to be close to the enclosed detective. But now, after sharing such passionate nights together, Light realized he truly was in love with him. His plans of Kira were slowly falling apart as his feelings grew stronger towards L, and he knew that at some point he had to choose. Either Justice, or L. In a sense, they were both the same; L was justice. But a different kind of justice.
The choice was difficult to make, and he didn't think he could ever make it. A better life for the whole world, or his own happy ending? Other people could take care of these criminals; but it gave Light a sense of power when he was Kira, writing names into the DeathNote.
His memories of the DeathNote had not disappeared; they were still fully intact. He wondered why, because a part of him wanted all the memories to go, let him just be Light Yagami with L, not having to worry about the world around him. But he also wanted the memories as well. He wanted people to know he was the new-found God of this world, giving people the safe life they deserved.
His thoughts continued to wander until L finally stirred awake, groaning at the sunlight stinging his eyes. He turned, facing away from Light, shoving his head back into the pillow.
Mornings should be illegal.
Light laughed, pulling L back towards him, wrapping his arms tightly around the older mans waist, snuggling his head into the back of L's bony shoulder blades. His heart was beating even faster by this point, but at the same time he felt so at ease. L gave him a sense of calm; despite the fact that he was out to kill him.
No, I can't think like that.
As easy as it was for Light to say that, it wasn't so simple to do it. L vs Kira, Ryuzaki vs Light.. it wasn't going to end up well. They had both made a silent agreement that one of the two was going to die; it was just impossible to tell who. Even when one or the other won the final battle, would the other truly feel alive after losing their first lover? No. In a sense, it was a lose-lose situation, and it was inevitable. His mind went into shut down mode and his chest began to ache as tears forced themselves to his eyes.
Noticing L's eyes begin to slowly open, Light leant his head down and placed a small chaste kiss on L's forehead, then moved away from him.
L knew something was wrong by now; it wasn't like Light to act so sweet then turn around and be enclosed.
Following suit, L sat up too, looking towards Light with a look of concern on his face.
"Light, what's wrong?" L asked.
"Nothing.. Ryuzaki"
"There's something wrong, Light"
"Well.. what are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?" L asked, still not noticing the obvious problem.
"L.. about us."
L felt a sudden chill run through his whole body as his stomach tightened, his fists clenching into the sheet. About them? What was going on?
".."
Today
is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By
now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't
believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now..
"Don't play dumb, L."
"..I'm afraid I don't understand, Light-KUN" L said icily, adding the honorary onto the end of his lovers name as if to say 'so we're back to this, after all we've done'
"Oh come on, L. Look at us. We're chasing after one another, you're trying to send me to my death, and I'm running away again and again. Yet we're doing.. this" Light pointed to the sheets and their legs entangled underneath the bedsheets still. Light felt his heart break at his words, but he couldn't stop now. He had to do this.. for the safety of both of them.
".. I believe it was you who initiated this, do you not agree?"
No reply.
"I would like to know what you truly think of me, Yagami-kun, before I get into this any further. I advise you not to lie" L said, his voice cold enough to give anyone the shivers.
"Do you really want me to be honest?"
"Yes"
"Alright. For one, your habits are disgusting, and so is your personal hygiene and lack of self care. Your wardrobe could really be updated, the same thing day after day is quite annoying, not to mention unhygienic. Your love for sweets is absolutely repulsive, who eats that much sugar? It's no wonder everyone's worried about you dying, it's all that crap you eat all day. Oh, and another thing.. the way you play with people's lives and act like it's nothing.. act like you're higher than everybody in the world, because you're the mighty 'L'? Frankly, it's sickening."
L listened to Light's words, and he just stared blankly towards the ground. The sinking feeling he had minutes before Light's little speech was returning, but this time it was a completely different feeling. His head was running in overdrive, his heart was aching, and tears we're threatening to fall down his pale cheeks as he took in fully what Light was saying.
He was in love with Light, he knew it. He had barely liked anyone, even in a friendship way. The only other person in L's life he genuinely cared for was Watari, and he was like a father figure to L. Light had been more.. so much more. He knew he was taking risks by getting involved with emotions, but he had never expected it to come to this. He knew now why girls got so thingy about boys breaking up with them; and said they had a broken heart. Somehow he couldn't help but think that this was what they meant.
People had always insulted L, and it never once affected him. Everyone was entitled to an opinion, and frankly he didn't care about anyone elses. Until Light. As the words continued to pour from Light's mouth, L felt his heart shatter again and again, until finally he couldn't take it anymore. He let the tears run down his face, and he let his body shake. Let his heart speak for once, and not his mind.
"If you mind me asking, why in the fucking hell did you do this to me, Light? SOME SORT OF SICK FUCKING JOKE WAS IT?! 'Let's make L fall in love with me then let's hurt him.. What fun!' Was that it?! All those times.. all those times you said you loved me.. a lie..?"
L found himself screaming; he had never thrown tantrums. If he did, there was always cake. Or Light.
But right now, he had neither. Therefore shouting was his next best option.
"…"
Light said nothing, and looked down at his lap, guilt bubbling at the pit of his stomach. What gave him the right to do this to L? Everyone in L's life had insulted him, and Light had just done the same, but this time it was magnified by about 100 times; he could see it in L's eyes as they brimmed with constant flowing tears.
Backbeat
the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had
a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about
you now
"Oh? Nothing to say? Am I right? I am, aren't I? The GODLY Light Yagami ever feeling anything except for his stupid fucking ego, is that too much to ask of you? I gave my innocence to you, and you made me fall in love with you.. is that honestly fair? I know you're Kira, don't bother denying it anymore. Yet I put myself out there, hoping for one god damned minute that you wouldn't kill me, you bastard! But no, you haven't crushed my body, only my heart. Thankyou, KIRA-kun, for the best fucking ride of my life, kill me now why don't you? Get it over with."
"…"
Again no reply.
By now, L's face was covered in glistening tears, his breathing uneven and catching in his throat, as he choked out each word. The pain he felt was etched in his pale features; and it broke Light's heart to see him like this. But what other choice did he have?
"You know what, I change my mind. Just get out of here Yagami, before I lose my temper further."
"No"
"Excuse me? I said, get out"
"I heard you. I said no"
"What, are you gonna try and kill me with your hands now? Is that it? I welcome it. Go on, do it. I'd rather die at the hands of my LOVER than any other way"
And
all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the
lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that
I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
"L, calm down"
"Calm down? CALM DOWN?! I'VE BEEN FUCKING SLEEPING WITH A BASTARD THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME AFTER TELLING ME HE LOVED ME, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME CALM DOWN?!"
L began screaming again, but this time it wasn't from pain. He was hurt like hell, yes. His heart was shattered, yes. But now, right now at this moment, he felt rage, pure fury running through his veins. He got up and stared down at Light, who was still on the bed.
"… I'm not sure what to think of how you're acting right now, L."
"Don't bloody think about how I'm acting.. think of how you're acting. Did you ever mean a word you said?"
"Yes"
"Oh, so you did now? Hmm, I seem to recall you saying I was 'sexy' in my usual attire, and yet at this moment, you find it disgusting? I find that hard to believe"
"… L"
…
"Please listen. Do you see us being together, L vs Kira? I don't care anymore, I am Kira. I am. I always have been. But do you know what I did for you, L? I gave up the DeathNote. I let it go. I let Kira go. And yet, after all the things I said to you, I still love you. You should know that. But even if I gave up being Kira, do you think we could work? Be honest with me for a second."
"These things take work, and I know it. You made me fall..
Because
maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
..but don't you at least want to try with me?"
"What if we try and fail?"
"Then we walk our separate paths."
Today
was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By
now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I
don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
"No.. I won't leave."
"I believe you just tried to"
"That was before I told you I gave up being Kira."
"Yes, but it was still in your mind.."
"L, I love you."
"…"
"Please, L. You know I do, you know it as well as I do."
".. I cannot forgive Kira for his actions"
"But L.. without Kira, we wouldn't have met."
"…"
And
all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights
that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I
would like to say to you
I don't know how
"I know that."
"…?"
"Thousands of murders bound us to love each other. Don't you find that a bit sickening?"
"…Not if I'm with you."
I
said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
L let himself smile now; Light was actually being honest. His heart still ached and tears we're still pouring down his cheeks, but he couldn't help that.
He watched Light's eyes slowly change from a light brown colour to a deep brown, and knew that he was being sincere. As L had always said, eyes were the windows to the soul; they told everything. Even his told a story.
Light slowly rose up and joined L standing, then wrapped his arms around L's waist and tugged him into a tight embrace, warming L's cold skin. He felt L relax in his arms, and Light closed his eyes, breathing in his scent.
Both detectives let themselves slip into each others thoughts, finally moving back towards the bed and lying down side by side. Light kissed L tenderly on the forehead then slid his arms back around the older man and closed his eyes, thinking that maybe this wasn't so wrong after all.
I
said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall..
Little did either know, there was much worse in store for them when the next morning came.
Okay, so I made a cheesy chapter. I debated on Light actually leaving L, but decided against it. It'd stuff up my ending. Which isn't for a long while, I admit, but still.
Anyway guys I hope you enjoyed it, see you next chapter!