Hey! Long time no see, right? Sorry guys!
The good news... this is finals week (that's not so good) but then, I have 3 weeks off from school! I hope to write like a mad woman!
As usual, this wouldn't be going up with out whatobsession17, Kimcarr, and Jessypt's hard work. Love you ladies!
Huge thanks for all the reviews. I read everyone and they are so encouraging!
Theres been some confusion (and panic) about the chapter titles. The titles are chapter titles are just the titles of the songs I use in the beginning of every chapter. The actual name isn't a representation of what's held inside the chapter. So... Are We Really Through doesn't mean they are breaking up, it's just the song for the chapter :)
Ok, I will shut it now so you can read!
Is the sun
Ever gonna break
Break on through the clouds
Shine down in all its glory?
Onto me
Here upon the ground
'Cause I can't hear a sound
Sept' my own sad story
I get so tired
A starin' at the walls
Weight so heavy
Mountain so tall
-Ray LaMontagne
EPOV - Day 6 in Forks
I don't know why, but I'm nervous. It's stupid. Bella and I have been together for months; we spend every day together and love each other, but I'm still nervous. I've never been on a date before, and I know Bella hasn't been on one either. I want to make this perfect for her, and I'm just unsure how to do that. As I pound the last nail into the shed, I look over at the house. I can see Bella moving around in the room, and I wonder what she's thinking. Is she nervous? Is this a big deal to her?
She seemed excited when I told her yesterday; she brought it up three times before we went to bed. The idea seemed to take her mind off her panic attack, her dad and the hospital. Even though I'm glad she seems happy, I'm worried she isn't facing what happened. I guess that's what her therapy is for.
Putting all of Carlisle's tools back into the box, I step back and take a look at my work. I'm proud of how it turned out. It wasn't a hard job, but I don't have a ton of background in building. Thankfully, I've picked up enough basic skills to build this well. I think Esme will be happy with it - I hope she will.
I need to go in and shower, but by the end of the week I plan to paint it to match the house and I want to add some indoor shelving for her too. It's my way of saying thank you.
I know I'm not good at accepting help or saying thank you, but this is a way I can show it. I am thankful for what Carlisle and Esme have done for us, even though it hasn't been fun or easy. I know they care about Bella and really are trying to do what's best.
Having everything cleaned up, I make my way to the house to clean myself up. When I get close enough to see up into our bedroom clearly, what I see makes me smile. Bella's standing facing the mirror by our dresser holding up two different outfits. Her head cocks to the side as she observes herself in the mirror. Setting one outfit down, she uses her hand to pull her hair back while taking a closer look at the outfit she's pressing against her body. I feel myself smile. I'm happy she's so excited for this and for the first time in over eight years I feel light. I feel happy and normal. I know Bella and I haven't had the typical experience together, but I'm not going to let this get in my way today. Opening the front door, I go in to get ready for my date.
~*E&B*~
I check my wallet one more time to make sure I have enough cash. I brought all I had with us but know better than to keep it all on me. I have what I think will be enough to take Bella out and the rest is hidden in a vent in the house. I know Carlisle and Esme would never steal from us, but I can't kick old habits - not yet, maybe not ever.
I've been thinking all morning about where to take her, but I keep coming up blank. Bella's still getting dressed, so I decide to find Carlisle to see if he has any suggestions. I feel weird wandering around the house looking for him. I'm afraid no matter how many times they tell me, I will never feel at home here.
I find him in his office pouring over some paper work. I knock on the wall and his head pops up.
"Hey, Edward. Come on in," he says with a smile, taking his glasses off.
"If you're busy I can -"
"Oh no, not busy. Just filling out some paper work on Bella's behalf, trying to get her signed up for some state insurance; nothing that can't be done later. What's up?"
I walk in and sit down across from his desk that seems even messier than the last time I was in here.
"Well, I was going to take Bella out today, but I don't know this town. I was hoping you could suggest a couple places?"
"In Forks?" he asks.
I nod. "Yeah, I mean... walking distance." I will not have Carlisle and Esme drive us around.
I get a sick knot in my stomach and feel so stupid. Here I'm trying to take Bella out on her first date, and because I'm such a fucking loser I can't even drive her.
"There's really not much here. There's the diner, but I'm sure that's not where you want to go." No, it's not. It's a run down, shitty little place, and I wanted to do something more for her.
I shake my head. "I was hoping for something a little... nicer, I guess."
"Well, I'd be happy to drive you guys into Port Angles and wait until you're done. I have to work the night shift so as long as we're back-"
"No. I mean, I appreciate it, but I... I just -"
"You want to go on a date and you're an adult. You don't want an old man following you around?" he asks with a laugh.
I shrug, feeling a little bad.
"I really do appreciate the offer," I say. He laughs harder.
"I know you do. I was twenty-one once, a very long time ago. I know how it is."
I'm glad he understands.
"I'd let you take my car, but you don't have a license," he says, talking out-loud trying to find a solution.
"Do you want to drive?" His question throws me off guard.
"Uh, I guess. I've never really thought about it. This is the first time I've really needed to."
"I'll teach you," he says excitedly.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I tried to teach my kids but they were little brats about it," he says, laughing.
"I mean, yeah... if you want to. I won't be a brat," I laugh.
"That's what I'm hoping. That I can teach one kid who won't act like I'm a complete moron," he laughs.
"You'll see when you have your own kids. In their eyes, you will know nothing, and at sixteen, they'll know everything," he says, rolling his eyes.
My chest gets tight. I don't have a clue what he's talking about, because I never got to be sixteen with my mom. I never got to be like that with her - with anyone. I've also never seen it. I spent my entire adolescence with other orphans on the streets. We didn't have people who wanted to teach us to drive - to teach us anything. When I don't answer, he sees I'm a little uncomfortable and goes on.
"I have tomorrow off. We can start then if you want."
"Sounds great. Thanks." I'm actually more excited to learn to drive than I thought I'd be.
"So now back to today. Jeez, there's just really nothing to do here."
He leans back in his chair, tapping his pen on the desk.
"Oh, there's one thing. You probably haven't seen it yet, but you could hear it the other night in the meadow behind the house. There's a creek, well more like a small lake, that runs behind the house. We have a little fishing boat back there. Emmett and I used to mess around and fish a little. It's nothing fancy but you guys could have a picnic on the water."
It's perfect. I wanted to take Bella to a fancy restaurant and spoil her but right when Carlisle says it, I know this is perfect for us.
"That's perfect. Thanks," I say, feeling really excited now that I have a plan. "Would you mind... I mean if you have time - could you run me to the store, so I can buy stuff for the picnic?"
I feel bad asking for him to take time out of his day, but if I walk there and back now, it will take up a good part of our day.
"Not at all. I'm sure there's something Esme needs as well. Just let me ask her, and I'll meet you out front," he says.
I don't tell Bella where I'm going; I want to surprise her. My paranoia gets the best of me though and following behind Carlisle, I check the alarm, like Esme showed me, and check the locks on the doors - twice. I'll only be gone a few minutes but a lot can happen in a few minutes.
I make a list in my head on the way to the store. I can't cook, and I hope there will be something easy I can get that will still be nice.
"Do you know what you want to get?" Carlisle asks as we drive.
"No clue. I can't cook for shit, so that narrows it down quite a bit."
He laughs. "Yeah, without Esme, I would be one very skinny man. We'll find something."
~*E&B*~
Five minutes into our shopping excursion I realize what a bad idea it was for us to go. We are both completely clueless. Carlisle can't find the three things Esme asked him for, and I have no idea where to even start.
"What about donuts?"
"Donuts?" he asks incredulously.
"Yeah donuts," I say defensively. "What's wrong with donuts?"
"I... I don't know. I'm just not sure if donuts are a picnic food," he shrugs. I don't know either, but I do know they're good and throw a dozen in the cart.
"What about those? Those look good."
I follow where he's pointing and see a bunch of chocolate covered strawberries behind a glass case.
"Yeah," I say. They do look good, better than my donuts, but I'm still keeping the donuts.
"Can I help you?" A girl comes up to the counter.
"Oh, hi Dr. Cullen," she says, surprised. "Is Esme ok?" All of a sudden the girl looks worried.
"Hi, Jessica. Yes, Esme's fine. Why wouldn't she be?"
"Well... it's just, I've never seen you here before. Esme is always the one to come."
I laugh out loud, and Carlisle blushes bright pink.
"Well, yes, but I'm capable of shopping too, Jessica." She looks into our cart then smiles and nods obviously thinking, no, no you're not capable. Instead of saying the obvious, she introduces herself.
"I'm Jessica." Reaching across the counter, I shake her hand.
"Edward," I say.
"I went to school with Bella... would you tell her hi for me? I would love to see her," she says with a big smile.
It seems like news spreads fast. Only a week back in town and everyone knows.
"Sure," I say with a tight smile. This girl seems nice, but I know Bella isn't ready for a big meet and greet.
"Great! Now, is there something in the case you wanted?"
"Yeah, can I get like... six of these?" I ask pointing to the strawberries.
"Sure. Are these for Bella?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows. I laugh a little and nod.
"She'll love them! Wait, I'll be right back." She takes the box with her and disappears in the back room. When she comes back there's a big bow on it.
"Just to make it a little more special," she says with a smile handing it to me.
"Thanks."
"I uh... put a little note there, with my number. Would you give it to her?"
"Sure," I say and I will. This girl seems really nice and was probably a friend of Bella's.
We leave with two of the three items Esme needed, and I have donuts, strawberries, some pre-made salads from the deli and fried chicken. On the way out, I see some flowers and grab a bunch of bright ones the lady keeps calling Gerbera daisies. It's all really random, and I know it probably isn't right, but I just hope Bella will appreciate that I tried.
~*E&B*~
While I'm waiting downstairs for Bella, all my nerves are gone. Everything is in a basket and ready. I asked Esme if there was a bathing suit Bella could borrow and she said she'd find something. The day is beautiful and warm; I want to teach Bella how to swim. I know she'd like that.
I hear our door open and footsteps on the stairs. When I walk around the corner I see Bella making her way down. She's wearing navy blue shorts that show her long, sexy legs and a white and navy blue stripped shirt that matches. I've never seen this outfit before, and she looks gorgeous.
"You look beautiful," I say, kissing her.
"Thank you. It's all Rosalie's... she uh, snuck over while you were gone. I didn't really have anything nice to wear."
"You look beautiful in anything, but we'll get you some new clothes, ok?"
I want to make sure she always has whatever she wants. I'm wearing the new outfit Esme bought for me; she was able to get the mud out of it from yesterday.
"You ready?" I ask.
She nods excitedly and heads for the door.
"Wait, did you get a swim suit?" Her face flushes.
"Yeah, I'm wearing it underneath."
My eyes widen. All I can think about is how tiny it must be for it to be under her clothing without showing. I swallow hard and nod, following her outside.
"So..." I say. I'm not sure why it's so awkward, we hang out every day. "I... uh, thought we could have a picnic?"
"Perfect," she sighs and stands on her toes to kiss my lips.
I blow out a breath, relieved she seems pleased. I grab her hand and we start to walk through the forest behind the house.
Before I came inside, I ran down and found the boat. I cleaned it out as well as I could and set the basket up with the food and laid the flowers on one of the benches. When we make it to the water Bella gasps.
"You set this all up?" she says, looking at the little boat. I nod, feeling my cheeks getting red.
"It's perfect."
I take her hand and gently help her from the dock into the boat. I almost land in the water trying to get in the damn thing myself and she laughs at me.
"Think that's funny?" I ask, placing both hands on the sides of the boat and start to rock it. She screams loudly.
"Edward, don't! I can't swim!"
"Like I'd let you drown," I say, leaning across the boat and kissing her passionately, not being able to stay away anymore.
"Sorry," I whisper, pulling away from her. "I didn't mean to scare you."
I untie the rope and start rowing us out into the water. It's more like a lake; the exits for the water are too small for our boat to fit through, so I don't have to worry about us floating too far away. This is a good thing, considering I have no idea what I'm doing.
Rowing awkwardly, I manage to get us in the center of the water.
"Have you ever done this before?"
"What part? The picnic, the boat... or the date?"
"Any of it," she asks.
"Uh, no. This is my first picnic, boat ride and date," I say.
She smiles sweetly, "Mine too, and it's perfect." She makes her way to my side of the boat and we spend a long while enjoying the sun and each other. I've never felt so relaxed.
"Hungry?"
"Very. I can't wait to see what you have prepared!"
I laugh, "Well, it might be a little different than you're thinking."
"I'm sure it's great."
I'm not.
I start with the strawberries, because I'm pretty sure she'll love them. She does.
"These are so good," she says eating another one. I think about feeding her but push the cheesy thought out of my mind; it's just not us.
"You made these?"
I laugh hard. "No. I bought them at the store. Actually, from your friend, Jessica." Bella's face goes a little white.
"What?"
"Nothing, we were kind of friends in school, but I guess she was really nasty to Alice when she got pregnant."
"Ah, well, she sent home a note for you. She was hoping you'd call her." I let the subject drop, because this isn't what I want to talk about on our date, and I understand loyalty.
If there's anything you learn on the streets, it's loyalty. I respect Bella for sticking by Alice's side.
"What else do you have in here?" she asks, looking in the basket.
She laughs at me for my selection of food but she eats a donut and fried chicken like a champ.
"When we're done eating, I was going to teach you to swim... if you wanted?"
"For reals?" I laugh, not used to hearing her so carefree.
I nod. "If you want."
She thanks me with tears in her eyes for the perfect date.
~*E&B*~
My breath catches in my throat and my pants get tighter. Bella's standing at the edge of the water after taking her clothes off, leaving her in the tiny, pink bikini Alice had at the house from her high school days. The scars littered on her perfect body make me sad and angry, but she's beautiful.
"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day or join me?" she asks with a smirk.
I grin and shrug. "So far, I'm enjoying the staring quite a bit." It's not a lie, and I'm afraid if I get any closer to her I'll jump her.
She laughs, shaking her head at me. She turns her back to me and lifts her chin toward the sky. With her arms reaching out she stretches. She looks so relaxed - so happy. I take a mental picture, not wanting to forget her in this moment, this moment of peace.
"I'm serious. Come down here with me," she says after a bit.
Slipping my shoes and shirt off I join her down by the water. Walking up behind her I slip my arms around her waist. Her skin is hot from the sun and she smells of a fresh shower. Nuzzling my head into her neck, I place kisses on whatever exposed skin I can get to.
"Mmm," she moans, moving her head to the side giving me more access. I take advantage of the angle, moving down her neck, loving the sounds she's making. I love how comfortable she is around me.
Before, we did whatever we could to hide the physical marks of our pasts from each other. Now, we've accepted each other, and there's no shame or hiding.
Reaching up blindly, I slip my hand inside her bathing suit top. Her nipple perks instantly, and her arm reaches behind her and locks around my neck. Slipping out of my grasp she turns her body to face me. Her eyes have a spark in them I've missed, and her skin is flushed. Reaching up she pulls me down to her and kisses me.
The kiss is slow, soft but extremely erotic. I'm surprised when she takes a more dominant role, sucking on my bottom lip, she gently nips at me. I feel her grind against me, and it's almost more than I can take.
I have no control over my hands as they ghost over her sides and meet each other where the strings of her bathing suit top come together behind her neck. I also can't control them as they grip the two little ends, pulling them apart, letting her top drop down.
Even though I know we're alone I still can't fight the urge to keep her hidden, to keep her to myself. Pressing my chest to hers I bask in the sensation of her bare chest against mine. Bask in the way she molds herself to me and the sounds she makes as I slip my hand between us and grasp her bare breast.
Her kissing grows more frantic, as does my groping. My hands undo the strings that meet in the middle of her back, the pink top falls to the ground quickly forgotten. Pulling myself away from her kiss, I bend, placing kisses over her exposed breast. Her hands fly to my hair as I kiss, nip, and lick my way across her chest.
"Edward," she says in a breathless whisper. With gentle pressure she brings me back up to her, kissing me again. I wrap my arms possessively around her. Sitting, I bring her with me. The grass is warm on my back and Bella is warm on my chest. Everything in this moment is perfect.
We spend the rest of the afternoon in the water. I teach her to swim as she teaches me more Italian. We splash, kiss, and play. All of our issues in those hours are forgotten. We don't think about our past horrors or the surely difficult therapy session Bella will face in a few hours. We just enjoy each other, and for once, don't worry about anything else.
There you are! They finally had a date!
The next chapter is with the beta's and should be up in a more timely manner. There's also a time jump next chapter, so no more day-to-day events.
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