Fight
Joey's POV
I feel Yugi watching me and Seto while I get some firewood from the small tree that is close to the waterhole. I look over at Seto every now and then while he readies the tents for the night. I know that I shouldn't have fought with him and that it hurts Seto that I once again put someone else's well being over my own, but I can hardly let a little child die just to have it safer.
I know that Seto would protect the innocent little boy if it was only his life at risk too. Even if everyone else here would be there, apart from me, and I really don't want him to make such a difference even though I understand it. But I want Jaden to stay even though it puts Seto in as much danger as it does with me because I trust Yugi to lead us safely from one waterhole to the next, and that was the difference. Seto never trusts anyone but himself, not even me.
But even though I'm mad at him, I still long for his arms to hold me and his hands to touch me. I hate fighting with him as much as I love to fight with him a little when it isn't serious; it's more like a lovers quarrel while this feels much more serious. I know that he won't give in and I can't, not while we're here and I have a bad feeling. I keep seeing strange things that I don't understand yet. I know that the necklace is trying to show me something, but I don't get the meaning of it yet. All I know is that I might not be able to make up with him at all, but I really hope that I'm wrong.
Once the fire is done I sit down close to it and it doesn't take long for Yugi to sit next to me. He probably knows that I'm down without Seto. Aknamkanon is also with us and cuddled against me.
"You aren't going to fight with Seto for too long are you?" Yugi asks, and I see on his face that he doesn't doubt it even though I'm not sure if I'll get a chance to ever make up. Because even though I don't understand it all, I did see my dragon with a big piece of wood, that must be from a cage, in his chest standing next to me and I know that I have to prevent it from happening someway but so far I don't even know how it came to happen.
"Of course I'm not," I say with a smile in the hopes that it will comfort my friend. "But it was the only way to have Jaden with us. He won't risk angering me further by sending the child away since we're already fighting."
"Are you sure?" he asks, and I see that he doubts the truth of my words.
"Sure I'm sure," I say and smile at him just like he is smiling towards me. I'm really happy that I have him as a friend and don't want to worry him.
It seems like an eternity now since the both of us were nothing but bed slaves and belonged to two different guys, and I know that by now Yugi is at a much higher position than I'm in even though I'm not a slave anymore. But he still is the best friend I could ever have hoped to get.
"Jaden shouldn't play with him," Aknamkanon suddenly says to my surprise and I look at him.
"Don't worry. Jaden can mind himself and nothing will happen if he plays with her," Yugi says and emphasizes the 'her' in the sentence because he probably thinks that Aknamkanon accidentally said 'him' instead of 'her', but I wonder if that is the case.
Aknamkanon blushes and mumbles, "But Jaden doesn't know what he's capable of."
I look at him and wonder why he made the same mistake again. He does that quite often, but until now I never thought much about it. I don't know if it is because I recently notice that he seems more mature when he might be controlled but I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with that. Maybe he knows who is controlling Mana and that person is a guy. I make a small movement of my hand to stop Yugi from correcting the boy again.
"What is he capable of?" I ask and hope that he will give me another hint to this puzzle. He gives me one after the other very slowly. He does the same with whatever he might have done and was sorry for now.
"You should know better than most," Aknamkanon says and I look at him in surprise. I see the boy look at me, but not really in the eyes, and then I notice where he looks at and suddenly I know what he is sorry for, or rather she. Aknamkanon looks at the scar on my stomach, the one I got from my mother, and there is only one 'he' who tortured me and my mother so badly that the sentence Aknamkanon said makes sense. It isn't a person who controls the twins, and there aren't two persons to do so either. They're possessed by two ghosts that are connected to each other, as well as to the children and to me.
"You were wrong," I still mumble. "I love you even after what you did… I never stopped. You should know that. Didn't Seto tell you?"
I notice from the corner of my eyes the confused and concerned look on Yugi's face, and I feel that I paled considerably when I noticed who is in front of me and possessing my nephew this very moment. "Listen, we need to keep this a secret though, Seto isn't going to like this at all and I don't even want to imagine what he'll do when he figures this out."
"Shadi will find out and he'll tell, won't he?" Aknamkanon asks.
"Yeah, he will, but I'll think of something. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you," I say and I know that Yugi must be really confused right now, but I don't have the time to talk to him. Mana, or rather the ghost of my father, is close to an innocent child and I know all too well what father did to me when I was a child and understand the worries of my mother's ghost inside of Aknamkanon. "And don't worry, I'll talk to him and won't let anyone hurt you. I can protect you," I say to her to make her feel better. He is in the body of a child, a girl's body nevertheless, and not a strong man like he once was and I fought and won against him back then. His monster has also been sealed away, so I doubt that he can still use it.
"I know," Aknamkanon says, but still looks upset. "I'm sorry for what I did… I really am now that I know you better."
"Can you tell me why?" I ask, hopping that it will help me when I try to talk to him. I need him to come to his senses and I need to find a way to make both of their ghosts move on to the next life and leave the children. I can't let them be possessed forever. "I mean why are you two possessing your own grandchildren?"
I see Yugi pale considerably now and he even moves away reflexively. I know that he's terrified of my father and still has nightmares about him every now and then, and that he also still fears my mother and finds it especially bad that both didn't only try to kill someone, but they tried to kill their own flesh and blood, which is a terrible thing to do. Even slave children aren't forced to do anything while they're still as young as I was when it started. Children shouldn't work too much or too hard and are protected.
"I was afraid. Of the underworld and all I wanted was to hide, but so did he once he died. He hunted me all the time and I was so afraid to be hunted by him again and I found the twins and was able to hide for a while in Aknamkanon without him notice me, and you were there and protected me, which was so strange after all that happened and what I did but then he came and yet you protected me. I can't hold on all the time, but he tortures me. I'm not sure how but I feel such a terrible pain and loneliness whenever his soul gets close to me when I'm not here and have you to keep me safe. I'm sorry, but I don't know what I can do. I'm scared of leaving," Aknamkanon says and I start to understand.
If I can get my father to stop hurting my mother this won't be necessary, and maybe both can move on and have a better life in the underworld. Maybe Osiris will understand that they're scared and had a bad life, but aren't evil at heart.
"SETO!" I hear Yugi scream and I stare at him.
He can't tell Seto or everything will be over! He'll scare both of my parents, after all he sort of is responsible for both of their deaths.
"No, please, Yugi you can't tell him!" I beg quickly and look at him, terrified, while Seto runs over upon hearing the fear in Yugi's voice. "Please, Yugi, let me figure this out first. I need to talk to him. I need to try and help him, please."
"You can't help him," Aknamkanon says, and I know that Yugi is going to agree but I don't really have the time to fight with him.
"I can," I insist. "Remember at the fire? He's scared of dying just like she is, but he doesn't believe he has another chance. I need to give him hope. He never had any hope to get a better life; he was always depressed and down. Give me a chance. I understand him… I'm the only one to understand him."
I watch Yugi, who just watches me. I know that he wants to talk to Seto to stop me from talking to my father's ghost and just wants to get rid of them, but I'm sure that this is the only way that can be done without harming them and I'm the only one who can do it. Even though I also know that Seto will be upset that I'm keeping this from him, but he'll only worry about me pointlessly. My father is currently a ghost who doesn't seem to be able to interfere with our life very much unless he possesses someone, and he possesses a four year old girl. He can't hurt me, not now that I know what he might be capable of.
"What is going on?" Seto asks, taking in the atmosphere once he's there.
"Nothing," I say, and I pray to all the gods that Yugi won't tell Seto the truth. He must have gotten it right after what he heard us talking about, and I wish I'd been alone with Aknamkanon.
"Joey, please," Yugi says, obviously hoping to persuade me to tell Seto the truth. "You have to tell him."
"It's nothing," I say, uncertain of myself. I know that Seto would want to know this, and I understand why he wants to know this, but I still fear for the souls of my parents and I'm the only one who can help them. "But you can look after Aknamkanon for a moment. I need to talk to Mana," I add with a smile at Seto, and then look at Yugi "One chance, Yugi. Just give me one chance."
I walk over to where Jaden and Mana are playing with each other, and pray to all the gods I know to keep Yugi's mouth shut at least until I had a chance of talking to him. Once there, I ask Jaden to go over to Yugi because I needed to talk to Mana.
Once he is moving away I sit down close to the child and look into the face of my little niece. I see hate, but also fear, in those young features, mostly hate though. I watch her face grow more and more angry while I simply look. "What do you want from me?" the voice of the little girl asks me, and I know that it is my father who is speaking to me again even though the voice and the looks are that of a four year old girl.
It is strange but I'm still happy to have one more chance to make up with my parents. I always wished to be able to help them both, and now I have that wish. I wonder if Anubis is letting their souls roam the world of the living a little longer for my benefit; this god who did so much for me in my life that I thank him in a silent prayer. "Stop staring at me," he says again and I smile a little.
"Sorry, but I just find it hard to believe that I really am in front of you again, father," I say and see his face grow pale.
I watch his face change more into fear than hatred and wonder if it's because I was the one to defeat him. I wasn't involved in sealing his monster and killing him in the process, but I was the one responsible for his capture. And now he is a defenseless child and I'm the grown man, and he must know that I could easily do the same things he did to me now. I watch him turn to run, but I was expecting it ever since his face paled, and I grab the slender arm of my nice softly. I pull the small figure close to myself and just hold the body that holds my father's soul and whisper, "I'm sorry for everything… I'm sorry for leaving you and going to Seto… I'm sorry for being too weak to help you when you couldn't cope with the guards… But most of all I'm sorry that I couldn't show you how much I always loved you, father, no matter what you did," I say this slowly to give him time to absorb what I said to make him feel safer.
"You don't mean it," I hear the shivering little voice. "You can't love me. I couldn't love me after that, and I don't care either. No one ever loved me. No one ever will and I don't need anyone to love me anyway."
"But I do," I say, remembering how alone he must have been. My mother's parents were both slaves, like it was with most people there. I never thought much about it and always looked at father like it was the same for him, but after finding out about Yugi's story long after I married Seto I did some research and found out that he wasn't born a slave, and he wasn't a nomad either.
His father worked in inb-hD for a trader on the market, but he was poor and father had a younger brother who needed to be fed too. Once father was old enough to be sold as a slave his own parents had seen no other choice but to sell their eldest son. They didn't know how to keep both of them alive if they didn't. I don't even want to know how it must feel to be free and then get sold by your own parents, and he carried that pain around with him for years.
He was beaten by the guards and forced to do hard labor from a young age onwards. He always worked at the pyramids, having to climb into small passages and do work in them. I understood him even more once I found all that out. He just couldn't deal with all the darkness in his life. Maybe his shadow monster was once like my dragon but it was consumed by darkness, the same darkness that tried to consume me and maybe would have killed me if it hadn't been for Seto.
"You don't. No one ever wanted me, and no one ever cared," he says and struggles to get away, but less forceful than before.
"You're wrong," I say and hold the little body close to me. "I care, and I always will. I pray for both of my parents' souls every day at sunrise and sunset. I love you father, and if you hadn't threatened my little sister I would never have fought you. I would never have hurt you, father. I love you and I'm happy to have you back, and I'll do anything to give you another chance. I truly believe that Osiris can forgive you too. After all I did, and I'm the one who was hurt by you the most wasn't I?"
I still feel him fight me a little, but not nearly as strongly. I wonder if he is just resenting it or if he starts to hope that I really do still love him after everything that happened. "I understand you, father. I know how much the darkness around someone can hurt and how bad it can get, and I understand that you had to find a way to deal with it. I don't mind that letting it out on me was the only way for you to survive. I might not have done the same thing, but without Seto's love I couldn't have survived it. I wanted to die the day I met Seto, and longed for death for a long time. You were strong to fight that wish, and I understand that you had to find a way to cope to stay alive. I don't resent you for it, father. I understand that it's hard to believe, but let me show you how it is to have some light in your life."
I feel his arms rest at his side and say one more time, "I love you, father ,and I'll protect you, I'll keep the darkness away from you." And then I feel his arms move around my neck and hear the soft little voice cry quiet sobs, and feel the little figure shiver under those as well as the warm tears that start to drop on my shoulder and run down my skin. I try to ease the pain a little by still holding on gently and rocking the little body in my arms a little while whispering, "I love you, and I'll protect you as well as I can. I promise", into the small ear and I wonder for how long he had this sadness inside himself and how much it must have hurt him. It still was wrong what he did, but I understand that everything that happened to him was simply too much.
It takes a long time before he calms a little. "You don't mean to hurt mother now do you? But she feels your pain whenever she's close to you, doesn't she?" I ask him.
"I can't stay away," he confesses to me with tears still on that small face. "Being with the person that once loved me enough to marry me eases my pain, and I feel a little better."
"I understand," I say. "I'll try and help you two, but you have to promise that once you can bare it you'll leave my niece's body. Your granddaughter needs to have control over her life, and in return I promise that I will never stop to think of you and love you for as long as I live and long after that."
The moment I promise this I see another of these confusing visions. I see myself in a strange place with many huge and strange buildings like I've never seen them before. Even my skin looks strange and pale in that vision, but I'm not alone. My father is with me and smiles at me weakly, looking a bit like he had a little too much beer, but at least it doesn't look like he is about to hurt me. I wonder how that can ever be possible and what it means, but I don't say anything now and don't have the time to think of it too much. It makes me feel a lot better to know that he might one day be much better, even if not perfect. Maybe we'll both will have another chance at life one day, and have it a little better at least.
"I have one more question though," I say and hope to get an answer that I can work with and help him with. "Why are you trying to harm Aknamkanon when you're both possessing one of the twins?"
"I need to before he really gets hurt," he says and I look at him for a moment. I think I know what he means but want him to say more so I just look at him questioningly. "He lives like I did, with parents and a sibling and people that care. I don't want him to lose that light like I had to and like I know you did on the day your mother left. I saw the pain in your eyes, and I hated the gods for hurting you too. I know I did too probably more then anyone else. But I also knew that if anyone could keep some light in your life it was them, and I hated everyone for hurting you, myself included. I never want to see the same pain on the face of my grandson."
I smile at him, "It is different. His parents aren't poor and can feed both with ease. They'll be ruling all of Egypt, and they have me. I never stop loving someone, and I won't let the darkness ever reach him or her. I promise." I hope he believes me and stops trying to kill the boy just to save his soul from meeting the same fate he had in life.
I watch him for a moment and then have to ask a favor of him. "I promise that from now on I'll be your light, just like mother and Serenity were mine once upon a time and like Seto is my light now. I will light your world no matter how unbelievable that seems right now, just give me some time. But right now I need to talk to Seto and Yugi to give me a chance to help you. Trust me. I'll make them understand." And I hope I really can make them understand.
Authors note: Thanks to dancing elf for the review.
Next chapter will be really sad but I'll probably upload the last one with it right away because I don't want to torture you with the wait for the happy end.