Big Brother - Kingdom Hearts Edition
By: TokyoFreak and SugarBaby

TF - So, who shall be om-nominated?
SB - I dunno. We'll draw it now.
(Intro Intermission!)
TF - So it is decided!!!! Marluxia and Demyx!SB - Aw, I feel bad for Dem-Dem. Sure, he's a wimp and tried miserably to seduce me, but he shouldn't go home!!!
TF - There's still the veto competition, dumbass.
SB - THEN I'LL COMPETE TO SAVE DEM-DEM AND SEND NO BALLS HOME!!
TF - Uh, you can't.
SB - Why not? We make up the rules - who says I can't?
TF - Kyra Nee-chan.
SB - KYRA'S IN YOUR STORY!!
TF - Since I'm in this story, she followed me. Plus, I got an (insert here) letter from her. She's the producer, after all.
SB - Damn. Lemme see the letter.

Dear (Insert Authoresses Here),
I heard you wanted to enter the (Insert Competition Name Here), and I would like to tell you that you can't. It's for (Insert Contestants' Names Here) participation only.
With No Love,
(Insert Authoress's Niece's Name Here)

SB - I really hate Kyra sometimes...
TF - So do I...so do I. And the challenge was going to be fun today.
SB - Whoop-de-fuckin-doo. What is it?
TF - You'll find out soon enough. WARNI-ING- mild Yuffentine in this chappeh, so all Yuffentine flames will be used to roast marshmallows. OM NOM-NESS!
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Previously on: Big Brother - Kingdom Hearts Edition! A Food Competition was held to see who would have to eat slop (which is really a concotion the authoresses create with a main ingredient of bland and tasteless oatmeal). Cloud, Marluxia, Xigbar, Sora, Demyx, and Axel were set to the slop, and Tifa, Riku, Larxene, Yuffie, Kairi, and Aerith were spared their slop-y doom. Then, the HOH competition was held - a trivia contest about the different worlds and the people of the worlds. Cloud ended up winning, and we rejoin the group to see the nomination ceremony.

Cloud - Everyone in the main room! Nomination time!!
(SB - So we lied a bit!!)

SB AND TF TIME SKIP!!! WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP!!! (SB - Can you tell I like Wayne's World? XD)

Demyx - No! It's not fair that I'm nominated! Why am I nominated anyways?
Marluxia - Because you're annoying.
Cloud - Exactly.
Sam - (random poof and smacks Cloud and Marly) Leave him alone!! (hugs Demyx and poofs away just as Tifa and Aerith lunge for her, leaving Demyx their victim) Sorry, Dem-Dem!!
Marluxia - Why am I nominated, Cloud?
Cloud - Because your stuff supplied the girl party, and I hate you.
Marluxia - (gay man pout)
Rae - Well, know that we know who the nominated party is, go wander and be your freaky selves. Bye!!

Later, in the Tatami Room, Yuffie heard a certain Their Ninja Poof and was called into the darkest corner of the room right next to Larxene's bed.

Yuffie - Yes, Rae?
Rae - Hey Yuffs, I can get Vincent in here if you do something for me.
Yuffie - What would that be?
Rae - (laughs evily) If you can replace his black Materia that Sephy has on him all the time with some of Aerith's white Materia...
Yuffie - No problem! (salute)
Rae - 'Kay. I'll go get Vincent when your done.
Yuffie - Yay, Vinnie!! (skips away merrily)
Rae - Nya ha ha ha!- Theif Ninja Poof! AGAIN!!!

That evening, Sam came on the giant main monitor.

Sam - TIME FOR THE VETO COMPETITION!!!! GET IN HERE!!!

The group filed into the room, taking their places.

Rae - It will be an endurance competition. You have to endure things that are torturous to your personality. This may be hard for some of you, so we'll tell you what it is first, and you can decide to drop out or not.
Sora - Endless Mah Jong.
Riku - Getting his hair dyed blonde w/ pink highlights.
Kairi - Watching 12 hours straight of female bashing.
Axel - Reading every AkuRoku fanfiction on (and that's a lot of yaoi!!).
Luxord - Playing Texas Hold 'Em against a rigged computer.
Demyx - Watching bunnies get mutilated.
Marluxia - Watching 12 straight hours of lesbo porn.
Larxene - Holding her breath underwater for at least 5 minutes.
Xigbar - Going to the shooting range with only blanks.
Cloud - Endless Girl Party.
Yuffie - Watching Materia get smashed.
Tifa - Watching all the CloudxAerith scenes/reading all the fanfics.
Aerith - Watching her death over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
Sephiroth - Chinese White Materia Torture.
Beetlejuice - Listening to Juno's lectures endlessly. (That's his old boss)
Sam - Anyone wanna drop out?

And Sora, Riku, Kairi, Larxene, Xigbar, Yuffie, Tifa, Aerith, and Beetlejuice raised their hands.

Sam - You ninnys. Alright, fine. Go hide in your rooms. The rest of you have 2 minutes to prepare. GOGOGO!!!

Luxord came out of his room first with fuzzy dice tied around his left wrist.

Sam - Uh, what are those?
Luxord - Good luck charm, love. Got 'em in Vegas.
Sam - Oooh! Rae and I are from Vegas!! Cool!! What casino are they from?
Luxord - The Sahara.
Rae - I love the roller coaster there! And the poker room! It's like That 70's Show!
Luxord - I like her.

Next, Cloud was back in the main room carrying stacks and stacks of Playboy dating back to the 70's.

Rae - Nice. Did you hide those under your matress?
Cloud - No, they were in my big red scarf. What did you think was in all that extra space?
Everyone - (twitcheh de twitch)

Axel was the next one out bringing mysterious pictures of a certain blond antennaed girl while in the shower.

Sam - Yeah, I'm not gonna ask how you got those.
Larxene - PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Axel - I'M FOREVER FAITHFUL!
Sam and Rae - (head shake) Tut tut.

Demyx rejoined the group, clutching a bunny plushie that looked mysteriously like the one in Ouran High School Host Club. (TF - huh?)

Sam - Demyx?
Demyx - YES, SAM!?
Sam - Did you steal Mr. Bun-Bun?!?!?
Demyx - NO!! (shifty eyes)
Rae - Who?

Marly came out, clutching something underneath his cloak.

Sam - Demyx, if you find out what Marly's hiding I won't tell that you stole the bunny!
Rae - :3 who again?
Demyx - (after a brief fight with Marly) It's another thong! (waves it around)
Everyone - (Another twitcheh de twitch)
Marluxia - You little...(mauls Demyx)

Sephiroth came out with his man purses (or "murses") full of "black" Materia, which had been switched out by Yuffie already. Rae had to force back her giggles.

Rae - So is that everyone? Good, lets start! And by random draw, we have...Marly! Get into the Video Room to start your pornographic torture!!

Marluxia slowly walked into the room, holding his thong so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

Sam - Damn, that dude needs a life. Since Marly's takes 12 hours to do, we'll go ahead and start the --

Before Sam could finish, Marluxia came running out, screaming and crying.

Marluxia - The boobs....the BOOBS!!! ASDFGHJKL;!!!!!! (passes out)
Rae - Okaa-aayy....Next up is Sephy!! (narrowly dodges the thrown Masamune, which instead hits the unconsious Marluxia, whom the paramedics/security/firemen take in for surgery.) -Roth. Is what I meant.

Seeing as Sephiroth was now Masamune-less, Sam and Rae attacked him and he was soon strapped to a gurney that was provided by the paramedics/security/firemen.

Sam - Start the Materia!!! Rae, you go ahead and start the next one, I'll monitor Sephiroth.
Rae - Allll-righty. Next, Cloud! Into the Pink Room with you, where Aerith, Tifa, Yuffie, Larxene and Kairi get to have an endless Girl Party!!
Cloud - Nooooooooooo! (dragged away, kicking and screaming, by the group of girls)
Rae - Meh, I trust those girls not to cheat, so we'll get another one going. Demyx, into the video room for your bunny tor-ture.

Demyx went into the room and was right back out in 30 seconds.

Demyx - So...much...bunny blood! (cries)
Sam - It's okay, Dem-Dem!!
Rae - Yeah whatever. Axel, it's your turn. The computer is in the video room, and the paramedics/security/firemen/stage hands/authoress assistants will show you what to read.

And Axel was sent away.

Rae - And that just leaves Luxord! Into the Gameroom with you! (Said with a British accent)
Luxord - With pleasure, love. I'll beat your torture!
Rae - Sure ya will. Sam, how's Sephy coming along?
Sam - (laughing) His black Materia was replaced, so he just dumped a bunch of white Materia on himself, and I think his flesh is starting to melt!Rae - Yuffie did her job. I gotta get Vin-nie!
Sam - Eh?
Rae - LOOK!! AXEL PORNO!!!
Sam - (nosebleeds and faints)
Sephiroth - GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!!!
Rae - Do you forfeit?
Sephiroth - IF IT GETS IT OFF ME, THEN YES! I FORFEIT I FORFEIT!!
Rae - Okay, Sam. Unstrap him and let him clean up.
Sam - (revived)Yeah yeah in a few minutes. (laughs at the melting flesh)
Rae - Axel, how's your yaoi reading coming along?
Axel - (twitch) When did Roxas and I do THAT? What is wrong with you people??
Sam - Oh, there's a lot wrong with the AkuRoku fans.
Rae - Sssshhhh!
Sam - Okay, I guess it's time to save Sephiroth. (unstraps him and he runs off to his room)
Rae - Let's see...how's Cloud doing? (Pink Room comes up on the monitor)
Sam - Where is he?
Rae - Well, there's Kairi...and there's Aerith...and that one is definently Tifa... and there are the other two... so that one's probably Cloud.
Cloud - SAVE ME!!
Sam - Do you give?
Cloud - AUGH!! YES I give!
Rae - 'Kay girls, let Cloudette go. (Cloud runs into his room to fix himself) He has a horrible habit of crossplaying.
Sam - No amount of Playboy could've saved that poor man's masculinity...
Rae - His hair and sword make up for what he "lacks" in size. Or just plain lacks. Heheheh! Let's see how Axel's doing again.

The Video Room showed up on the monitor, catching Axel with his back turned to the camera and computer.

Sam - Axel, what in the name of all that is chocolatey are you doing?
Axel - Save me...too much yaoi....
Sam - So is that an official forfeit?
Axel - Yes, yes!! Just save me!
Rae - Okay Super People. Let him out.

And Axel was carried out by the paramedics/security/firemen/stage hands/authoresses assistants, now nicknamed the Super People.

Sam - So Luxord wins by default!
Rae - (brings up the Gameroom on the monitor) So what-cha doin' Luxord?
Luxord - Kicking this computer's sorry ass!
Rae - 0.o So he wins by default and by winning...Okay, Luxord, you have an hour to decide what to do with the veto. Until then...
Sam and Rae - BE HAPPEH AND ENJOY THE BACON SOAP!!!

SB AND TF TIME SKIP!!! WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP!!!

3 Hours later.

Luxord - And that is why I'm not using the veto.
Everyone else - Zzzzzz.....
Luxord - WAKE UP!!!
Rae - GAH! Not the Zombie Kyras! Wait, what? Oops. Musta' dozed off there.
Sam - Fai' moar mins....
Demyx - (Actually awake) WAAAHAHH!!! Why won't you save me?!?!
Axel - Cuz you're annoying.
Beetlejuice - Yeah, what the pyro over there said.
Axel - I'm NOT a pyro, you old fag!!!
Beetlejuice - I age well, don't I?
Marluxia - Not down there, Joe....
Larxene - Wake up, you gay dumbass! (shocks Marluxia)
Marluxia - OWCH! That hurt! Oh, crap.
Aerith - Not the Temple of the Ancients... I die there.... ZZZZZ...
Sephiroth - Yes, Mother... Meteor is ready...
Luxord - Am I THAT boring?
Rae - Not usually, but your speech took three fuckin hours.
Sora - Mmmmmm... Kairi cookies....
Tifa - (glomping Cloud) I love you, Cloud.
Cloud - (Tifa's boobs are in his face) Heheheheh.... Thanks Luxord.
Riku - Not my hair... It took so long to get it ri-- huh? (wakes up) uhhhh... nevermind.
Kairi - Hurry back Sora, or I'll maim you..... Nami-chan...HE FORGOT ME!?!?! zzzz...
Sora - Doesn't that sound fun.
Sam - Huh.. OH!!! WAKE UP, FAGGOTS!!!
Everyone who is asleep - GYAAAHHH!
Tifa - Eeek! (runs away)
Sora - Kairi, don't maim me. Please.
Kairi - Huh? Why would I do that?
Rae - Yuuuuuuu-fieeee!! I have a surpriii-ise for you!
Yuffie - Finally! REUNIONNNNNN!
Sephiroth - MOTHER!!! (glomps Yuffie)
Yuffie - GAH!! Save meh!!
Rae - (stabs Sephy with an ICC-ZA needle.) Com'mon, Yuffs.

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In a dark Tatami room, which was illuminated only by a small night-light bell (read Aqua), three dark figures stood out. One was tall and had what looked like a cape, two others were skinny and, well really skinny. The first figure stepped into the light, revealing himself to be Vincent Valentine. The other two were none other than Yuffie and Rae.

Vincent - Why am I here again. I have to go and atone for my sins.
Yuffie - VINNIE!!! (Glomps Vincent)
Vincent - Hello, Yuffie. Now, please explain this.
Yuffie - I made a deal with Rae.
Rae - Ya got that right XD! We're the best thieves in teh WO-OORRRRLLLDDDZ!!
Yuffie - We replaced Sephiroth's Black Materia with White!!!
Vincent - ........
Rae - I'll just go now. Wouldn't wanna waste your time. (whisper) Can that man say anything but "......."?
Vincent - Yes, I can.
Rae - Gak! BAI!!

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TF - Seeing as we are all outta ideas, I'll just end this here. BAIBAI!
SB - JOHNNY!!!!
TF - I am thinking of writing a Yuffentine story, so if you support me, go review saying so on my story, Kingdom Hearts Therapy.
SB - She is so shameless at self-advertising.