Lost in the Playground

Summary/ Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak came from broken families and broken homes. And honestly, both of them are a little broken themselves. Maybe that's why, when they're together, they don't seem to feel as shattered. They'll figure it out eventually.

Track One/ Late Night Nostalgia

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Castiel Novak loves long car rides.

He loves peering out the window as land and scenery whizzes past, and he loves having his earphones jammed into his ears so that his present three siblings' bickering is blocked out, and he loves Coldplay. What he doesn't like, though, is moving. I mean, he understands why they have to. His older brother Michael's new job at a Lawrence, Kansas paper factory is going to pay better than his older one. But that also means that they have to move their family into a new house.

And as they pull up into the driveway in Michael's old Mustang, Castiel has to admit. Their new place could be nice after some work. It's a brick two-story, and while there's vines growing on the front and the yard needs mowing, Castiel finds the place has potential to feel like home. They got a good deal on it, and Michael used some of the money that their father had left them when the man himself had left.

Their father's name is Chuck Shurley, and he's a rather famous (yet secretive) author who'd written a bestselling sci-fi series and garnered a small fortune. Recently, though, he'd left his children on their own, citing that he needed to find more inspiration for his books. Chuck promised that he'd be back, but most of his children had long ago lost faith in a man who never kept any of his promises.

Castiel is the last to get out of the car, because he's slow to turn off his shiny, light blue iPod. He pockets it with a heavy sigh, and finally opens the door. He steps out and the car bobs at the weight lost before the teenager casts his gaze about his new home. Castiel doesn't have time to gasp before he feels a heavy arm thrown around his shoulders, and it nearly knocks him over. When he looks up with wide eyes, he's staring at his older brother Gabriel's gap-toothed grin.

"Homesick, Cassie?" The brunet asks with his usual drawling tone, and his younger brother ducks his head, shrugging his small shoulders. Gabriel's bigger than he is, and his big brother's weight makes him lean to the side and nearly stagger.

"No," He answers honestly, "I was just thinking." Gabriel groans, and pushes off of Castiel, though not roughly.

"Ya know, there is such a thing as thinking too much. Just roll with things for once. You're always thinking things over too much, kiddo." Gabe waggles a finger in Castiel's face. "Gonna have wrinkles by the time you're thirty!" Castiel pushes the hand away, and it's really hard not to smile.

"Oh, shut up." He mutters, and his attention is caught by his sister waving an arm from the doorstep. Gabriel groans. "Here we go…"

"Castiel!" She shouts, and starts hopping down the steps and towards her brothers. There's a big smile on Anna's face. "It's beautiful! I think it's going to be perfect for us. You and Michael did a good job finding this place, Gabriel." Her praise is obviously given begrudgingly, and her older brother's chest puffs up with pride.

"No probs, sis. And, it's got a basement! I say youngest gets it." Gabriel says with an airy tone, and Castiel shrugs again. "Okay. It doesn't matter to me." Castiel's big brother punches him on the shoulder gently, and grins. "Awesome! That means one less bitch-fit."

Just as Gabriel finishes his sentence, the moving truck turns to rumble down their street, and pulls outside their new house. The two large men inside step out, and Gabriel perks up. "Imma go boss these guys around. Go check out your room, Cassie~" The man waves a hand as he strides off, and Anna shoots the back of his head a glare. She turns to look at her younger brother, and her eyes soften. She then places a hand on Castiel's lower arm, and her blue eyes are filled with concern.

"…You are alright, aren't you, Castiel? I know it's hard to move out of the house you've been in your whole life." Her voice is soft, and Castiel smiles. It looks forced, and she knows it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you guys going to be alright for a little while? I think I need a walk. Just to look around and… You know." Castiel clears his throat, and Anna smiles this time. "Of course. Go and clear your mind. We'll unpack." She stands on her toes to kiss Castiel's forehead, and her brother doesn't even care that there's probably lip gloss left there.

Castiel jams his hands into his baggy jean pockets, and starts off down the drive way. On a whim, he turns right. The only sounds are his flip-flops slapping against his feet, and the occasional squeal of young children. Of course, there's birds singing, but Castiel doesn't notice it, really.

The houses are all pretty much well-kept, and he has to appreciate the small community feel. There's a park, and a small general store that's probably been there for generations, but Castiel doesn't stop at them. He keeps going, and he's been walking for only about fifteen minutes when he sees what he was looking for: the cemetery.

He walks through the big, rusted, iron gates quietly, glancing around the area as he moves further into the cemetery. It was quiet and peaceful, and exactly what he was looking for. In Kansas City, it was a lot bigger, and people were always in and out. Funerals were always going on.

Here, there isn't anyone. It's utterly quiet, except for the rustling of the many trees overhead. Castiel was missing his old cemetery, but this one would grow on him. He could feel it.

The grass is damp with dew in shady places, and it catches on his feet as he trudges through the short-cut grass. It's not exactly a pleasant feeling, but Castiel ignores it. He eventually finds a stone path, but instead of taking it, he looks to his left, and there, under a rather large oak tree, is a man. He thinks. At least, it looks like a guy from here. The man's standing with what looks like a bouquet in his hands, and Castiel, curiosity getting the better of him, can't help but watch.

The man kneels, and Castiel briefly wonders if he's talking to whoever is buried there. Before he can think better of what he's thinking of doing, he's walking towards the other man quickly, but quietly. He's just curious, that's all.

Soon enough, Castiel is close enough so that he can hear, and his walking speed slows dramatically as he strains to listen to the other's deep voice.

"…Sam's been doin' alright. I mean, he's a big nerd, but I bet you'd be real happy about it." Castiel can hear the other clear his throat. "And Dad… Well, you know how he is. He's still drinking." The man's voice is wavering, Castiel can tell. And Castiel is really itching to see the name on the headstone that this guy's in front of, so he steps forward, and-

Snap!

It was like God (not that Castiel believed in something like that; that was Michael's thing,) had set that stick right there, just so Castiel would step right onto it. His heart sinks at once, and his blue eyes are wide and wild. The other man immediately turns, and there's a quizzical look on his young face, and Castiel's breath catches. This guy, to be blunt, could be a fucking model.

The two males stand and kneel there for a near minute, until the man at the grave clears his throat, obviously uncomfortable. "…So, uh… You lost?" He asks awkwardly, hurriedly wiping at his eyes. Castiel flinches before straightening some, hands flexing at his sides.

"I… My name is Castiel," He starts awkwardly, "Novak. Castiel Novak, I mean… I-I just moved here." As if that would explain what he was doing in a cemetery. The other guy seems to be thinking the same thing, and he sets his flowers down slowly before standing. He's about Castiel's height, and definitely around his age.

"'Castiel'? Never heard anything like that before." He brushes his hands off on his jeans, and extends one of them. "Dean Winchester. You must be pretty lost to end up in a cemetery," Dean's tone is teasing, and Castiel's face goes red as they shake hands. His head drops so that he's looking at his feet.

"…I like coming to places like this. It's… Peaceful." Castiel's voice is quiet, and he picks up his head to fix Dean with his stare. "So… Who's that?" He gestures towards the grave, and the other man tenses. Dean is quiet for a long while, and Castiel begins to wonder if he's ever going to say anything, before Dean finally replies.

"My mom." He says simply, and shoves his hands in his pockets. Castiel's heart gives a little lurch; even more so at Dean's laugh, which is an ugly, bitter-sounding thing. "Died when I was a kid. House caught on fire in the middle of the night, and…" He trails off, eyebrows slanting downwards in a scowl before shaking his head. Castiel wrings the bottom of his too-big oatmeal sweater in his hands, and swallows thickly.

"I'm sorry." Castiel's voice is sincere, and Dean seems to believe him, because his expression softens, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. Finally, he looks up and flashes a sad smile at the other man. "Thanks, man. But it's okay, ya know. I'm seventeen; got over this a long time ago."

"You never truly get over a death like that." Castiel's voice is firm, and Dean looks curious. He replies slowly, but the curiosity is there in his voice. "How would you know?" Castiel scratches his cheek, and his smile is bitter.

"…My mother died, too. I never knew her, but my brothers and father tell me she was the best woman they've ever known. They tell me she was… Kind." Castiel shuffles on his feet, and it gets very quiet. When he looks back up, tentatively, Dean is looking at him with a hard-to-read expression. Finally, the other man exhales and fixes him with a soft smile, and Castiel relaxes some.

"Guess we're kinda alike, then." Dean says thoughtfully, and Castiel manages a teeny smile himself. "I wasn't eavesdropping, but I heard you say something about your father… That he drinks." Castiel pauses and cocks his head, bottom lip caught between his teeth. "We may be more alike than we think."

Dean returns the smile with a grin, and he gives his mother's grave a last glance before moving to clap Castiel on the shoulder. He ignores how the other teen jumps. "…You're gonna be going to Westwood High, right? I'll see you there." Dean flashes another handsome smile Dean's way, and Castiel manages a nod.

"O… Okay. Goodbye," He forces out, and Dean stalks off, waving a hand.

"Laters, Cas~" Castiel watches Dean leave with wide eyes, and slowly turns to Mary Winchester's grave. He says a prayer to no one in particular for her, and sets a hand on the cool granite before turning away. Cas bundles up more in his sweater, and starts off, a bounce in his step.

-x-x-x-

When Castiel finally gets home, there are boxes everywhere, and it's chaotic because Gabriel and Michael are fighting over how to arrange furniture. Anna's playing referee, and as Castiel hurries to the kitchen, he catches snippets of the conversation.

"…All I'm saying, Gabriel, is that it would make more sense to have the loveseat turned this way. The colours won't match if we arrange the room as you are suggesting." Michael's trying hard to keep calm, but he's obviously incredibly irritated. Gabriel laughs out loud. It almost sounds like he's objecting to whatever Michael suggests just to be a jackass. He probably is.

"Mikey, that is the gayest thing you've ever said. Does it really matter if the goddamned colours don't mat-"

"How dare you! I told you not to blaspheme in front of me!" Michael's really showing anger now, and Anna bravely gets right in between her brothers. "Gabriel and Michael, stop! Why don't we do it like this…" And so she went on to settle a compromise, and Castiel hid a smile as he moved into the kitchen. He browsed the half-unpacked boxes, unpacking silverware and small appliances, before he feels a familiar presence against his legs.

"Mrowr?"

Castiel looks down and cracks a grin when he sees his cat, Angel, who's peering up at him with her bright green eyes, tail curling question marks in the air. He bends to scoop her up, and cuddles the feline against his chest.

"You'd think you'd be somewhere hiding," He murmurs as he scratches her head, and she head butts his chin, purring seeming to have gained a turbo boost. Cas leaves the kitchen for his room, and luckily isn't noticed. He descends the stairs and into the basement, (stepping over what he presumes are his boxes on the way,) which has a stone floor and nice walls. Most of Castiel's boxes are already on the floor, and so is his bed and furniture.

Angel wriggles out of his arm and hops onto the floor without a sound before inspecting her new home. Michael doesn't like the cat, so Castiel promised that he'd keep her in his room. Luckily, it's spacious, and there's nothing that the kitty can get into that'd hurt her.

In the corner, there's a water heater, but Anna had suggested that they could hide that with a curtain. There's even a nook that could serve as a closet. Castiel doesn't even care about the pipes that can be seen overhead, and simply starts to unpack, starting with the rugs that he'd brought.

After a couple hours, Castiel has everything set up, and he stands with a satisfied sigh after setting his clothes in the dresser and hanging Celine Dion, Wicked (the musical,) and Michael Jackson posters. His room is pretty nice, and he can't help but be a little bit proud of himself. Music's a big part of his life, and he's relieved that the walls are thick so that he could sing down here without Gabriel teasing him.

Castiel sits in the edge of his freshly-made bed gingerly, and exhales a breath. He crosses his hands in his lap and closes his eyes, humming to himself softly, until soft words are leaving his lips.

"The world is too heavy, too big for my shoulders.

Come take the weight off me, now…

Thousands of answers to one simple question.

Come take the weight off me now.

I'm like a kid who just won't let it go.
Twisting and turning the colours in rows.

I'm so intent to find out what it is.

This is my Rubik's Cube; I know I can figure it out…"

Castiel would have sang longer, but his voice trails off when he hears a small commotion and something shattering upstairs. It sounds like Gabriel may have broken a plate, and he can hear Michael's voice rising. "…So clumsy!" and "troublesome!" being his favourite phrases for the moment. Castiel could swear that he hears Gabe chortling.