Word Count/ 3,338
Pairings: Destiel, established Balthazar/Gabriel, temporary and sort of one-sided Crowley/Castiel at one point, and mentions of Dean/Jo
Story Warnings: Slash, angst, alcohol use, some sexual content later on, and prostitution later on in the fic, as well.
Track Four/ Closest to Heaven That I'll Ever Be
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Gabriel manages to pull his younger brother into the house as they kiss and paw at each other's shirts, and Balthazar backs the shorter man into the couch. The backs of Gabriel's knees hit the furniture, and he falls back onto it, Balthazar quickly dropping on top of him.
They giggle into each other's mouths, Balthazar's stubble scraping against Gabriel's jaw line, and arms are wrapped around his broad shoulders.
"…Cassie's been asking about you," Gabriel informs slowly, carefully, as he rubs circles onto his lover's back. Balthazar freezes, and gets a hard look on his face. He pulls up some, but Gabriel pulls him back down by his shoulders, eyes firm.
"You are staying, aren't you? For a little while?"
Balthazar is quiet for a long moment, one hand holding himself up while the other pets Gabriel's hair back. Finally, he gives a long-suffering sigh and smiles gently.
"…You got me. Yeah, I'll stay, Cupcake. Just to say hi. He's probably really pissed at me though." Balthazar's tone says that he feels guilty and angry at himself, and Gabriel grunts. "Yeah… he kinda is." He places his hands on the side of Balthazar's face, guiding his face back when the man looks away. Gabriel smiles knowingly at his brother.
"But it don't mean he doesn't wanna see ya." His tone is gentle, and Balthazar's eyes soften some. His fingers fiddle with the gold chain around his brother's neck as he obviously thinks about his youngest sibling, and Gabriel leans up on his elbows to kiss his lover tenderly. The gesture would have been surprising to near anyone else, but Balthazar saw these small displays of affection fairly often. It was probably the fact that they very rarely saw each other in person, but the shorter Novak was naturally a very touchy-feely person.
Not to say that Balthazar wasn't, either.
But all they could do now was cling to each other, fingers dragging across cheeks and forearms that haven't been explored in longer than either of them liked, and they were content to simply hold each other and share the same breaths for just a little while. It was rare that they'd have moments like this, especially in a place that they shared with their family.
They wouldn't understand what Gabriel and Balthazar had. …Maybe Anna. Maybe Castiel. But definitely not Michael. To him, it'd just be breaking several of the Bible's clearly-stated rules. Gay incest? Michael would probably force them out of the house himself.
The thoughts must have shown on Gabriel's pretty face, because Balthazar showers his whole face with butterfly kisses. "C'mon, love," He murmurs with a toothy grin, "Smile. I'm here, and you look so grim. It's hurting my feelings."
Gabriel can't hide the smile that makes itself known, and he hurriedly kisses his brother's lips like it's the last time they'll ever have the contact.
-x-x-x-
"It's not much, so don't be too disappointed, okay?"
"Dude, I live in a trailer. I doubt it's gonna put me off in any way. Unless you like, live in a sewer."
Castiel smiles at Dean over his shoulder. They're walking to Castiel's home from school (Anna left with a friend,) and Castiel is a bit ahead because Dean's bowlegged stride is a bit shorter than his own. And, well, he seemed to want to hang back some. Which was fine with Castiel, since they were still talking the whole way.
"Nope. Guess we're good, then."
They reach Castiel's home soon enough, and Dean looks pleased as he stares up at the old house.
"Pshh, and there I was, thinking that you lived in some little apartment or something." He grouches playfully, and Castiel gives a tiny, breathless-sounding laugh.
"That's impossible when your family's as big as mine." He says quietly, fishing in his jean pockets for his house keys. Dean comes up beside him, cocking an eyebrow with a grin that makes Cas weak in the knees.
"Can't wait to meet 'em."
Castiel pushes the door open and kicks off his sandals, telling Dean that he didn't have to do the same before shuffling into the kitchen, where the door to his "room" was. What he sees freezes him in place.
Gabriel is washing dishes, long sleeves pushed up past his elbows, and he's giggling. He's giggling because there are arms wrapped around his middle, and he's being rocked back and forth. There's a face hidden in his neck, and although Castiel can't see that face, he doesn't need to to know who it belongs to.
Gabriel sees Castiel and Dean two seconds later, and his eyes widen as he gently pushes Balthazar off of him.
"Cassie," Gabriel says it too quickly, and Balthazar's eyes rest on his younger brother. He manages a smile, and picks up a hand to wave it. "Hello there, Castiel."
Castiel's blue eyes are wide and his tongue feels like cotton in his mouth. He looks torn between crying and running away, and Dean places a hand on the teen's shoulder, squeezing gently. Castiel doesn't even jump, and forces out after a moment, "…Balthazar… It's been over a year."
Balthazar ducks his head as he takes a step forward, his lips a drawn, tight line. It cracks, though, into a faltering smile. "Surprised? I don't even know where to begin, Ca-"
"No," Castiel growls, taking a step back. He bumps into Dean in the process, but he doesn't seem to notice. Gabriel stares into the dishwater as Balthazar stiffens. "Castiel. I know I've been a really shitty big brother, but I swear to you, it's not like I was out doing drugs or something stupid like that-"
"And you couldn't let me know that?" The youngest Novak's voice is rising, and he whips around, grabbing Dean by the elbow in a move that's uncharacteristically bold.
"Balthazar, I don't want to hear it right now… I'm sorry, but…" He pauses, wavering, "…Dean and I are going to study. If you leave before we're done, at least yell that you're leaving us again."
Dean follows Castiel with an expression that's half confused and half impressed down the stairs and into the basement, and makes a surprised sound when Angel darts from the bed to Castiel's feet. He smiles, but it falls some when Castiel doesn't notice it. He still looks so tense.
Dean clears his throat. "…So… Brother problems?"
"Balthazar and Gabriel," Castiel answers a bit stiffly as he picks up his tuxedo cat. "They're two of my brothers."
Dean's eyebrows inch up in obvious surprise.
"…Oh. Sorry, I thought the short one might've been what's-his-name's… You know. No offence." Dean scratches the back of his neck, glancing around the room at the music posters, a little disappointed that there's no AC/DC or Metallica posters. Castiel nods as he lowers himself to sit on his desk, stroking the animal in his arms.
"They've always been like that," He says quietly, and Dean "hms" in response, deciding not to pursue the matter any further. Castiel obviously doesn't want to talk about it, so he decides not to press it. But it's Castiel who breaks the silence.
"My brothers, they…" Castiel pauses, searching for words, "Balthazar left. Without telling anyone." The brunet pulls at a fraying string from his duvet, unaware that he has Dean's full attention. "We were close, once. I only wonder what I did to make him hate me so much."
"It's not you," Dean interjects, and the other teen picks his head up curiously, doubt in his soulful eyes. His friend scratches his nose, not pleased with how his face feels hot all of a sudden. Damn chick-flick moments.
"You said you were close. I doubt you had any kinda falling-out, so he probably just has his own issues that he's gotta deal with. Sure he loves you, though." Dean's uncomfortable with moments like this, but he deals for his friend's sake. Castiel sits up some, a troubled look crossing his features.
"…He hasn't called once. I thought he was in trouble or worse, but Gabriel always insisted that we didn't need to call the police… Apparently Balthazar told him that he'd be back soon, and not to worry." He pulls his knees up to his chest, looking for all the world like an overgrown kid, especially with his too-big sweater and clunky glasses.
Or maybe he just looks like a lost kid.
"I've missed him so much… And how I acted up there? Wasn't that too much? I want to talk to him and ask him what he's been doing and if he's gotten any good acting roles, and I pushed him away. He's probably already gone…" Castiel's small frame starts to shake, and he starts to breathe quickly as his lower lip wobbles. Dean hurriedly moves over.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa… Take it easy, Cas. He's still up there, I guarantee you. He's probably just wondering why the hell he did what he did." The teen gives Cas' shoulder a friendly squeeze. "Do you wanna go talk to him? I know I came over here to practice, but that can wait. This is kinda important to you, so…" Dean's hand slips away, but it had been on Castiel's shoulder long enough to give him some confidence. He looks up at his friend gratefully.
"…Thank you, Dean."
His taller classmate shrugs like it's not a big deal. Both of them, somehow, know better. "Sure. Now, let's go see… What was his name again? Jeez, some of you guys have the weirdest names."
-x-x-x-
"I fucked up, Gabriel!" Balthazar barks thickly, and his lover follows him into the living room, trying hard to get him to calm down.
"Just give him a little while, hun. He's going to act like that at first. Give him some time, and he'll be right back up here-"
"And how do you know that?" Balthazar hisses, whirling around to face his brother, chest heaving as his fists flex at his sides. Gabriel looks mildly peeved, but the look leaves his eyes almost immediately. The irritation makes way for fond amusement as the young man places a small hand on Balthazar's upper arm.
"Because I know for one that I can't even stay pissed at you. Much less sweet Castiel."
Balthazar is quiet for a long moment as he and his brother simply study each other's faces, and his eyes must prick with tears because he lowers his gaze, unable to look at Gabriel any longer. He gently pulls his older sibling into a tight embrace that's probably as much as an apology as it is a means to comfort himself.
"…I'm sorry," He croaks out, and Gabriel smiles as he wraps both arms around Balthazar's neck. "Don't worry about it, sweets. Just stop your cryin'." They pull away from each other a few inches, and Gabriel leans up on his toes to place a quick peck to Balthazar's lips before gently pushing himself off and away. His hands still linger on his brother's chest though. Gabriel is about to suggest that they go and watch a movie or something when he watches as his younger brother's eyes widen some. Gabriel turns his head.
Castiel is standing in the doorway, looking scared and sheepish and out of place, and he's doing that thing where he wrings the bottom of his shirt in his hands. Dean is a few feet away, and is probably simply there for support. Balthazar stiffens, and Gabriel drops his hands from his taller lover's chest, turning and clearing his throat. Castiel drops his head.
"Balthazar, Dean and I… We are going to practice for glee club in my room for a little while. Are you going to be… Are you gonna be here when we're done?"
Everything goes quiet for a long moment, and everyone is tense until Balthazar relaxes and smiles. The smile is sad and anything but mirthful, but it's enough to put Cas at ease.
"…Yeah, Cas. I'll be here."
-x-x-x-
With that settled, Castiel had left for his room with Dean, in obvious high spirits. It occurred to Dean that his friend is probably the type to forgive people for most anything, and as much as it confuses him, it doesn't surprise him.
The pair are back in Castiel's room, with Dean sitting on the bed while the other teen sits at his desk. They chat about everything from what they had for dinner last night to schoolwork (and Dean's only missed one day out of the two months that Castiel has been attending the school,) and eventually they reach the topic of show choir.
"…Me and Ruby are actually training for that duet, ya know? We're singin' that song "At the Beginning" for that Anastasia show we're doin'." Dean's face drops some, and he laughs nervously.
"Sorry. That's just stupid, wanting you to be singing a girl's part-"
"Dean, I don't care about that." Castiel replies with a chuckle, smiling wide as he sits up some. His friend flushes, and nods quickly.
"Oh… Good. That's great. You uh, you know the lyrics?" Dean scrubs a hand over his hair, and Castiel pushes his glasses the bridge of his nose. "Yeah."
The two stare at each other for a second or two before Castiel gets up with a small sigh under his breath. He opens his laptop and heads to YouTube, letting the video load for a minute as he sets the computer up on his desk. Dean and Castiel peer at each other as the teen with glasses starts the music, and he licks his lips as the piano plays, opening his mouth after closing his eyes.
"We were strangers, starting out on a journey,
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through.
Now here we are, and I'm suddenly standing at the beginning with you,"
Castiel doesn't try to sound the part of a woman, and is merely himself. Himself is definitely good enough. Dean has to tamp down a smile when the other boy throws a shy one his way, and picks up his part easily.
"No one told me, I was going to find you. Unexpected, what you did to my heart.
When I lost hope you were there to remind me-"
"This is the start…"
Castiel sings along carefully, lacing his fingers behind his back as they start singing the chorus, almost wanting to take a step back when Dean stands. He doesn't, though.
"And life is a road, and I wanna keep going.
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing.
Life is a road, now and forever, a wonderful journey.
I'll be there when the world stops turning, I'll be there when the storm is through. In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you."
Dean's voice is smooth and easy to listen to, and although Castiel can't quite admit it to himself right then and there, they sound amazing together. They really do, and Dean really thinks it, even though Castiel can't imagine his friend thinking so. Even if there's that gleam in Dean's eye that says he's doing what he loves right now, and there's not a trace of discomfort or awkwardness anymore.
"Knew there was somebody somewhere, not me alone in the dark.
Now I know my dream will live on,
I've been waiting so long.
Nothing's gonna tear us apart…"
The louder music fills the room and Castiel feels absolutely exhilarated, and grins with his companion. His eyes widen in surprise when Dean's hands move to take his own, which had been lying on his chest, and gasps when the other teen swings their clasped hands side to side. He manages to keep up with Dean, though, as they open their mouths to sing again.
"Then life is a road and I wanna keep going,
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing.
Life is a road, now and forever, a wonderful journey.
I'll be there when the world stops turning,
I'll be there when the storm is through,
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning…"
Dean stops their swinging side-to-side arms, and swallows as his face grows serious. Castiel can't help but stare himself, and while his friend is staring down at him, he's staring up at Dean.
"With you."
The last notes from the piano fade away into the air, and Castiel somehow can't pull his gaze away from Dean's. It's like the movies, like even Anastasia, where time stops and there's magic in the air. Dean and Castiel's hands are still clasped between them, and for a small, fleeting moment, as Castiel peers up at his friend, he wants to think that Dean's actually going to kiss him. Just like in the movies.
It doesn't happen. Dean seems to force a smile before squeezing his shorter friend's hands, and then he takes a big step back, turning away with a heavy sigh. Castiel watches him with wide, confused eyes, and tries to push down the feeling of disappointment growing in his chest. Dean finally turns back to him, his face and eyes almost robotically blank, except for a fixed smile.
"That was awesome, Cas. I mean it. You're as great as always."
The praise only makes the pang in his chest hurt more, and Castiel nods forcefully, false smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. It hurts. It hurts because Castiel thought for just a second that he, a geeky, awkward, glee club kid, would actually have a chance with Dean, who was the boy-next-door type of guy that every girl wanted.
He shouldn't have done this. Dean shouldn't be here with him. He should be off with the girl from the lunchroom, or some other girl who had her whole normal future ahead of her. Not a Broadway-hopeful boy who doesn't have a clue about the world.
"…Thank you, Dean. I thought you were amazing too." Castiel isn't looking at his friend, and he turns to shut his computer with a snap. "Dean, I think… I think I want to talk to my brother now. I think you should leave."
Castiel's voice holds a strange emotion, even if Dean can't see his face. The taller man blinks in surprise, and straightens with a bit of a hard (but mostly serious) look.
"Cas. Look, sorry I asked you to sing a girl's part, man." He says with a bit of a grudging tone, and Castiel whips around, an almost wild look in his eyes as he rushes to explain himself more.
"That's not what I- No! I don't care about that. I thought we did great. It's just…" The laugh that Castiel huffs out is anything but brought about by humour, "…Sorry. It's stupid. I'll see you at school, okay?" Castiel fixes his friend with a pleading look from behind his glasses. His chest was moving up and down in quick breaths, and he really looked like he's about to start crying.
"…Please." He says with a strained voice, barely above a whisper. Today's been too much for him. First Balthazar, and now this? Castiel can't deal with it all at once.
Dean stares at him with eyes that are inscrutable, and finally the other man nods slowly, licking his lips.
"…Okay, Cas," He says quietly after a long moment, "You got it. See you at school."
Dean is slow to leave, and Castiel manages to focus on his breathing and not cry as he listens to the "clang, clang" of his friend's boots on the metal stairs. Once the door swings open and shut, though, he can't hold it back anymore. The lump in his throat starts to hurt, and salty tears start to roll down his cheeks, fogging up his glasses in the process.
And for the first time in a long time, Castiel feels truly sorry for himself. He sobs uncontrollably, his whole body shaking with the force of his grief and inner turmoil.