Pairings: Destiel, established Balthazar/Gabriel, temporary and sort of one-sided Crowley/Castiel at one point, and mentions of Dean/Jo
Story Warnings: Slash, angst, alcohol use, some sexual content later on, and prostitution later on in the fic, as well.
Word Count: 4,086
Track Five/ It is to You I Give This Tune
/[+]\\
Castiel emerged from his room after awhile, and both Balthazar and Gabriel greeted him happily. They were their usual selves; Gabriel cracking jokes about everything from Dean to Balthazar's near nonexistent acting career, and Balthazar trashing all the latest TV shows, music, and reality TV stars that he deemed "without class or sense."
Castiel found the familiarity to be unbelievably comforting. He also found it pretty easy to forget about the fact that his older brother had been gone for so long in favour of the fact that Balthazar was actually here, so he did. They all talked and joked until Gabriel decided to order pizza, and Castiel was the happiest he'd been in awhile, here with his brothers.
But Dean hung in the back of his mind the entire time, because Castiel knows that how he sent him away earlier was wrong. Dean was a guy who didn't open up for other people; he was the type to simply tell people to get over themselves and their hurts. But he'd actually been there for Cas.
-x-x-x-
Michael comes home at six, like he usually does. What he sees when he walks in is Castiel on the loveseat, watching Titanic with all the concentration in the world. Balthazar is trashing the movie with everything he has and has Gabriel cuddled into his side on the couch. Balthazar's arm is around his big brother's shoulders, and Michael steps loudly to announce himself.
All three of his brothers turn curiously, and Balthazar and Gabriel instantly detangle themselves from each other. Michael's expression is hard, and he doesn't spare his brothers another glance.
"Balthazar," He says stiffly, and his younger brother forces a smile. "Michael. You look great," He quips.
Michael sets his keys on the counter, seeming to pause before calmly continuing.
"You need to leave."
Balthazar blinks in surprise, and Gabriel instantly springs to his defence, jumping off the sofa with his fists clenched. "Hold on, Mikey," He growls, "What the hell is your problem? No 'it's good to see you, bro?' You're just telling him to get out? Really?"
Michael turns with a scowl. "He's been gone for as long as he was, and he just comes home and uses up electricity and space? No. He can just leave. When you start paying the bills, maybe you can have some say in that."
Castiel watches with wide eyes, unsure of whether he should butt in or not, when Gabriel gets that look on his face that says he's about to do something stupid. Balthazar seems to notice, but he doesn't stop Gabe when his brother takes his hand.
"He can stay in my bed. He's not going to take up any space at all." The snarky man says in a sarcastic sweet tone, and Michael's lips twitch when he turns. He's quiet for a long time before he says, with a tone laced with venom, "If you don't like it, you can get out, too."
"Why?" Gabriel challenges, his grip on his lover's hand tightening. "Because I actually care for this family more than you ever could, you heartless bastard? Or is it because I'm fucking our brother?" The man's tone got louder and louder, and Balthazar's face remains blank the whole time. Castiel's mouth opens slightly in surprise, but really. He wasn't too shocked. It was probably more the harsh curse that startled him.
Balthazar and Gabriel are kind of perfect for each other anyway, in his mind. It didn't really weird him out, either. It was kind of nice, people who had always been so close, developing a romantic relationship. Michael obviously doesn't think the same, judging by his dark expression.
"I am well aware of the activities that you have been up to, Gabriel." He informs, and Balthazar finally steps in, anger tamped down impressively. "Don't think that we forced each other into anything. We're both consenting adults, and if you honestly think that this is the same as the trifles I've had in the past, then you are sadly mistaken. Who are you to tell us how we can live?"
Balthazar's face is stony, and Michael's expression now betrays nothing. He looks to gather his bearings before coyly replying.
"…Funny, how you two managed to keep up your 'relationship' over the whole time that Balthazar was gone," He says slowly, and Gabriel instantly stiffens. "Michael, don't-"
"It's almost like you've been keeping in touch the whole time!" Michael speaks with false incredulousness, and Castiel looks to Gabriel and Balthazar, his breath coming faster.
He stands from the loveseat, licking his lips before softly saying "…Gabriel? Balthazar?" in a voice that sounds like he's swallowed gravel. Balthazar's mouth opens and closes, and he seems unable to look his younger brother in the eye. Gabriel's the one to start explaining, though.
"Cassie, look. It's not like that. Bal's acting career isn't as hot as he'd like it to be, and he didn't want you to-" Gabriel looks unsure of what to do as Castiel starts to tear up. The teen hurries to his room before his brothers can even say another word, and Gabriel looks to his younger brother before shrugging uselessly.
"…Well. That's it, folks."
Michael looks disgusted. "Do you think this is funny, Gabriel?"
"Screw you. You're the one who told him, asswipe. If you'd kept your damn mouth shut…" Gabriel trails off, rubbing his face with both hands as he tries to calm down, his small form shaking dangerously. Balthazar takes his wrists, and gives him a serious look before lying a gentle kiss to each of Gabriel's palms. It's a surprisingly romantic gesture for him, and he smiles at Gabriel, looking sadder than he probably meant to.
"Come on. We'll get a hotel for a little while, and figure it out from there," Balthazar smooths back his brother's brown hair. His voice is soothing and soft, and Gabriel nods quickly. "Yeah… Okay," He breathes, leaning up on his toes to place a kiss on the corner of Balthazar's lips. He looks tired and almost gaunt, and Balthazar sends Michael a warning look and an almost mockingly polite nod before steering his lover out the door.
Michael doesn't look back at his brothers once.
-x-x-x-
Castiel doesn't sleep more than an hour that night. When he finally does reluctantly fall asleep, he dreams of Dean and Balthazar. The dreams are bloody and, while he knows that they're just dreams, he wakes up in tears.
-x-x-x-
Anna meets Castiel at school the next day.
"Castiel!" She chirps as she approaches her brother, obviously in a good mood from the sleepover she had with her friend Jo the night before. "…What's up? Hey, are you okay?"
It takes all the self control he can muster not to break down and cry right then and there. Castiel explains all that happened, including Balthazar coming home, and he and Gabriel leaving. Anna squawks about their brother's homecoming especially, calling Balthazar a terrible brother and saying all the things that she probably hopes will make Castiel feel a little better. It does. Castiel isn't a spiteful person though, so he doesn't spill the beans about his brothers' relationship.
Anna also consoles him about Dean, and says that the guy probably feels somehow guilty, since it seems like he's not coming to school today. Castiel automatically feels responsible, and his sister just chuckles and tells him that they'll sort it out.
The school day is long and tedious, and even though they have no glee club practice today, Missouri isn't pleased when she finds that Dean's absent. The way that she looks at Castiel says that she knows that something's happened, but, luckily, she doesn't say anything except for Cas to tell Dean to not be a stranger.
Finally, school is over, and Anna meets him at the front of the school. She suggests walking home together, and Castiel agrees to walk her there, but says that afterwards he's going to head to the cemetery. Instead of laughing or poking fun at him like most people have or would, she simply nods, understanding in her eyes. Castiel is a person who, at times, needs his space. And right now, he needs to be alone.
-x-x-x-
The sun is hot on Castiel's head as he heads to the cemetery. He's grown pretty fond of the place in the time he's been here, and Castiel is so eager to go deep into the graveyard to be alone, he doesn't notice a familiar Chevy parked not too far away.
Castiel makes a beeline for his usual bench near back of the cemetery, after visiting Mary Winchester, of course. The bench he sits on is at the foot of the graves belonging to a mother and her seven-year-old son, both of whom apparently died a couple years back in a car accident. Castiel likes to sit and sing quietly to himself here, and sometimes he'll just walk among the graves, reading the names and wondering who they were and how they lived.
Gingerly, Castiel sits on the cool marble bench, setting his messenger bag on the grass at his feet. He closes his eyes and takes in the smell of freshly cut grass, and he feels so wonderfully at peace that it frees his mind and makes him feel like singing. Castiel is in a rather good mood, despite everything, but he still picks a song that makes him feel a bit sad. The song, somehow, reminds him of his childhood. Reminds him of Dean, too, but he's careful not to linger on that thought for too long.
Castiel hums the melody for a while until he opens his mouth to take in a breath.
"I walked across an empty land.
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the Earth beneath my feet.
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in.
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin."
Castiel peers at the treetops that sway in the breeze, smiling softly to himself.
"…I came across a fallen tree.
I felt the branches of it looking at me.
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
And-"
"-If you have a minute, why don't we go?"
Castiel leaps up and whips around at the unexpected voice, heart thudding wildly against his chest as his cheeks flush.
Dean is a couple feet behind him, and the other teen waves a little, sheepishly, before the hand falls back to his side. He stuffs the hand in his jeans pocket, and they are both quiet for a brief moment before Castiel starts singing again, wariness in his eyes. Dean sings along, a smile in his voice.
"…Talk about it, somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything,"
There's a look in Castiel's eyes as he sings that says he's feeling a little emotional, but his voice doesn't show it.
"So why don't we go,
Somewhere only we know,"
Dean takes a couple steps forward, smiling when Castiel doesn't back away, and sheepishly offers a hand. His friend, staring with shock and apprehension, takes it gently and allows Dean to guide him as they slowly walk, their singing slowing, almost dragging out the words more, like neither of them wants the moment to end.
"Somewhere only we know. Somewhere only we know…"
The silence between them stretches on for a long moment, with Castiel staring at his shoes, and Dean staring at Castiel. Finally, the shorter teen blurts, "Dean, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's just Balthazar, and he… He was gone for so long, and he suddenly shows up, and then I drove you away when you were the one there for me…" The tears start to slide down his cheeks, and Castiel's shaking. He hates himself a little for crying in front of Dean, but his friend only surprises him by throwing an arm around his shoulders, drawing him into his side.
"Cas, don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean it. You're just… You know. Stressed. It's okay. Really." Dean is a bit awkward as he rubs circles on Castiel's shoulder, and the sniffling teen is happy that he has his contact lenses now, so he wouldn't be fogging up his glasses. He manages to force down his fear and glance up after the tears seem to have stopped, and swallows.
Dean's just grinning at him, all goofy and carefree, and Castiel can't help but smile back. He can't help the laugh that bubbles out of his throat either, and soon enough he's leaning into Dean and the both of them are standing in the middle of a cemetery, giggling like a couple of giddy idiots.
They come down from their high of laughter all too soon, and when they both turn to exchange looks, they're too close. They're close enough that their noses almost touch, and Dean swallows hard, throat clicking.
"…No glasses today." He murmurs, sounding somewhat awkward. He doesn't pull away, though.
Castiel smiles nervously. "No. Got my contact lenses last night. Did you… Dean, do I look weird?" He sounds worried for a moment, and Dean chuckles. Castiel loves how he can feel it, actually touching him like this.
"Nah. You never look weird, Cas."
The pair both look like they want to say something, but neither seems to be able to get it out. Castiel pats Dean's chest with another nervy smile, intending to reluctantly pull away because his friend was probably over the whole "closeness" deal. And yet, instead of pulling away himself, Dean pulls Castiel closer by the hand on his friend's shoulder.
There's a split second of hesitation, and in that fleeting moment Castiel shudders when their breaths mingle between them, but then Dean's free hand finds his waist, and lips are softly pressed into his.
And there's electricity. It's like a surge of energy just runs up Castiel's back, spreading across his body and limbs and making him feel warm and wanted. Castiel can't think about anything except DeanDeanDean, and it doesn't matter that they're standing in a cemetery, or that it's not on a beach with the sun setting behind them. Somehow, the uniqueness of this moment gets Castiel even more caught up in the magic of the moment, and he feels like his heart's going to get lodged in his throat somehow.
It's indescribable, and Castiel knows that, as long as he lives, he'll never forget his first kiss that was shared with a smart-alecky, street-smart boy named Dean Winchester.
Castiel immediately wraps his arms around Dean's neck, eyelids sliding shut as he hesitantly returns the kiss. He's never kissed anyone before, and here he was, with Dean Winchester kissing him like he's the only one in the world. A guy who's probably been around the block more than a few times. It's more than he could have ever hoped for.
And damn it, he's not letting Dean get away.
In response, Dean squeezes him tighter and hums lightly as their lips move together, and Castiel's kisses, while lacking technique, make up for it with his enthusiasm. It's short and sweet, and although it seems like Dean wants to make the kiss deeper, he's the one to pull away. The teen opens his eyes and smiles sheepishly at Castiel, but looks confused at the tears that prick at the shorter man's eyes.
"Hey… What's wrong?" Dean's voice is wrecked and he looks like he's not sure what to do, and Castiel laughs breathlessly. Wiping at his eyes, he shakes his head, smiling up at Dean.
"Nothing. That's the thing."
They both crack into grins, and Dean kisses Cas again, this time a little more forcefully, and Castiel sighs in contentment.
They stand together like that, arms wrapped around each other, kissing, touching, and talking about all the normal things, until Dean says that they should head back for Castiel's bag. The teen agrees.
They don't hold hands or anything, but the appreciation Castiel feels for Dean opening up to him makes him think. When they reach the marble bench again, Dean picks up the bag, slinging it over Cas' shoulders for him, and Castiel hesitantly clears his throat.
"Dean…" He says slowly, and Dean raises his eyebrows.
"…It's just… I don't understand. You're not the type of person to do this kind of thing. You don't open up to people." The young man flushes, desperately wanting to not mess this up, whatever "this" was. But Dean only nods, tongue in his cheek.
"I know it. I dunno, Cas... I mean, I don't even open up to Sammy about some things." Dean licks his lips, snorting. "Guess I think I've gotta be this big, tough guy when he's around. You know? He's my little brother. It's always been my job to protect him. Make sure he's taken care of. I can't sit with him and talk about my feelings or whatever, 'cause… I dunno. I guess I think he'll see me as weak?"
Dean's eyes have a faraway look to them. "And… I guess I know that I need him more than he needs me. But with you… It's kinda different. 'Cause you need somebody, and you need somebody to be strong. …It's just good to feel needed, Cas. I can talk about stuff like that with you." Dean looks entirely out of place, talking about his feelings and fears, and Castiel's chest tightens in the realization that Dean, most likely, hasn't discussed something like this in quite a long time.
It's a big responsibility that Castiel is taking, he knows. Being there for Dean through whatever, through thick and thin, no matter what won't be an easy job, sure, but he knows that he needs Dean just as badly (if not more so) as Dean needs him. Castiel manages a smile and nods, his throat feeling constricted.
"I know. I know, Dean…" He wraps his arms around Dean's middle, lying the side of his face on one of his friend's shoulders. Dean seems to relax some. However, he simply stiffens again when Castiel whispers, quite obviously nervous, "So… Um… Dean, what are we…? What is… This?"
"Cas… Maybe we shouldn't hurry to slap a label on it. We'll just keep doing what we want. Don't need nobody to tell us how the hell to do something."
Castiel tries to ignore the pit in his stomach. "…Sorry." Dean instantly seems to feel sorry for his irritated tone, since he tenderly kisses the spot behind the other teen's ear before slowly pulling away. His face is sad, and a little sheepish.
"Hey, forget I said it. It's just…" He pauses, eyebrows furrowed as he searches for the words, and he chews on his bottom lip. "…We can't say anything about this at school. You know? I-I don't want you to get hurt. If anybody said anything to you, I…" Dean's fists clench in Castiel's t-shirt, and the smaller man gives his friend a reassuring squeeze, closing his eyes.
"I understand, Dean. It's okay, really. I know how you feel. I don't want people to treat you differently, either. It's a miracle you got people to look at glee club in a semi-positive light," He smiles, and Dean can't help his twitching lips.
"Hey, man. I'm a glee stud!" He says it in his usual cocky tone, a grin on his lips. Castiel laughs softly.
"Oh, really. Sorry, but you look more like a football jock, Dean." Cas giggles, and Dean looks mildly offended as he gently shoves his companion's shoulder. "Aw, shaddup."
The two are quiet for a long moment. They avoid each other's eyes, and eventually Dean slaps his thigh.
"Well… Cas, I better get outta here. Was gonna watch a movie with Sammy. You want a ride?" Dean looks a little hopeful, and Castiel almost opens his mouth for an enthusiastic "yes," but a reluctant expression flashes across his face before he can even attempt to conceal it. After what had happened at his home last night, Cas is extremely reluctant to face Michael and Anna. He feels like a failure, somehow.
Dean gives Castiel a knowing look. He's been there more times than he can count. Not that he'd tell Castiel that. At least, not yet. "…Something happened. Y'know… Not to sound weird or anything, but you can stay at my place for the night if you need some time off from the fam." He smirks. "I'll let you crash on the couch, 'cause I'm a real generous guy like that."
Castiel instantly lights up, laughing at the other teen's words. "That would be great. I really appreciate it, Dean." The young man's voice sounds strained, and Dean nods quickly, slipping a hand onto Cas' shoulder before steering him towards the Impala.
"Good. And just so you know, we're listening to some good music tonight. None of your sissy stuff. I'm talking Zep and Sabbath, baby."
Castiel groans, feigning a pained grimace. "Dean, come on… None of that loud stuff you listen to."
Dean cackles. "Oh yeah, pretty boy."
When the boys are safely in the car, Dean turns the key, and Castiel jumps a mile, even with his seatbelt on, as a guitar rift was blasted in his ears by the tape that was no doubt in the cassette player. Castiel turns to give Dean a pouty look, and the other teen laughs out loud, and laughs even harder when Castiel tries to talk over the music.
"Dean! Turn it down, please? My ears are bleeding…" He begs, and Dean waggles his eyebrows.
"Come on, man! You love this song. Don't act like you don't."
While Castiel couldn't deny that this is one of his favourite older songs, it's still too loud. But when Dean grinned at him and started singing along, all goofy, he couldn't help but laugh. Dean slaps the steering wheel as he puts the car in reverse, and sends gravel flying. Castiel sends a mental sorry to all the poor people buried in the cemetery for the disturbed peace, and grins as he watches Dean, content to let the wind tousle his hair even further as Dean sings.
"Hey lady, you got the love I need.
Maybe, more than enough.
Oh Darlin', Darlin', Darlin', walk awhile with me.
Oh you got so much, so much, so much."
Castiel feels his cheeks go hot when Dean winks his way, but laughs out loud at the stupid singing Dean is doing, since he's jokingly trying to imitate Robert Plant's vocal highs. It's still sweet, all the same.
"Many have I loved, and many times been bitten,
Many times I've gazed upon the open road.
Many times I've lied and many times I've listened,
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know.
Many dreams come true and some have silver linings.
I live for my dream and a pocket full of gold."
Watching Dean loosen up, singing and driving and the most carefree that Castiel's seen him in a long time makes Cas smile softly to himself, elbow propped up on the bench seat. Dean looks so… He wants to use the word "natural," for lack of a better word, here in his classic Chevy, singing his heart out (of course, not in his actual singing voice) to Led Zeppelin. It's heart-warming.
"Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missin',
Many many men can't see the open road.
Many is a word that only leaves you guessin',
Guessin' 'bout a thing you really ought to know.
You really ought to know.
I really ought to know."
The guitar's bluesy-rock tone fills the air, and it's like medicine that they both need, after what they'd been up to and talking about in the cemetery. Luckily, medicine like this certainly goes down easy, and Dean nods his head to the beat. Smirking, Castiel reaches to turn the music down just enough so that he won't have to shout.
"I'm not a lady, you know." He says coyly, and Dean snorts. "Who says I was singin' about you, huh?"
His only response was Castiel leaning across the bench to kiss him on the cheek.
And no, Dean totally didn't blush.
Gotta love Dean and Cas. ;D I love this chapter, 'cause it has my all-time favourite song, along with my favourite Led Zeppelin song. Let me know what you think of the fic if you have the time, and maybe what songs you would like to see.