Sometimes life doesn't always go as planned, we get hurt, we get up, and we keep on trudging forward.
Second Instalment: Living In The Shadows
She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act now that he was gone. Not gone entirely out of her life. But he wasn't part of it like he used to be. Hey lay in that hospital room, unmoving, unchanging, locked inside himself, unable to get out. What was she going to do without him now? All the singing in the world didn't wake him from his dream cell. She missed him so much it hurt so badly.
She came home every day to his bed after they had kicked her out of the hospital. Wrapped in his unchanged bed, as gross as it sounded, she emptied his hamper and laid his clothes on his side of the bed. A pillow inside the pieces of clothing making a shape that she could hug and pretend was him.
All her friends at glee did their best to help her through this stage of their lives that was hard for everyone. No smiles would be thrown in her direction, replaced with sorrow and unchanging lines of dried tears she didn't bother washing off any more because they would only be replaced when a memory would trigger another outburst.
People would bring flowers to both their lockers, and flooded in the choir room. It was just constant reminders of what lay outside when she didn't have distraction any more. If she wasn't at school, she was at the hospital, if not there she would be in Noah's bedroom asleep in one of his shirts and hugging one of the Noah pillow's.
As she watched the leaves turn from a bright green to red, orange and yellow. Her most favourite season had arrived. Marking four months since Noah had been injured, and lay in hospital with tubes keeping him going. Apparently if he didn't wake up soon in the next month, they would be officially stating him the states responsibility. And signing a form to turn off his life support and deeming him legally dead, because he couldn't support himself and breathe on his own.
It was like someone had parked a semitrailer over her entire body. She couldn't move when the doctor had sat her and Nancy down that day. She watched as tears exploding out of Nancy's eyes. She couldn't even turn to hug her, even chase her as she ran hard out of the doctor's office. Knowing that she should react in a certain way, but nothing came.
She heard some noise in the back ground, but wasn't so sure any more where it was coming from. Suddenly she heard the loudest wail come from somewhere. She couldn't turn or move. Unable to even reassure that sound that came somewhere in the distance.
She felt something feathery come over her, but she didn't know how to respond to that either. She didn't know what to do. Her thoughts like a blank cave, the recessed of an old memory once thought of.
Flash Back
"Okay I'm going to unplug his life support. Now make sure the heart monitor is on so we can see how his condition is going when we take it out of him ok? We need to make sure everything is done right. A lot is riding on this one! So show me how team work is done okay guys!" The doctor and nurses spoke among themselves.
It was so sad that they were going to do this to such a lovely young man. His girlfriend had been so shocked that they were doing this. They remember her coming in every day and singing songs to him with her lovely voice. Leaving when she was forced to leave, even then she tried to fight them. They always felt so horrible every time they made her leave. Though she would be back again the next day, nothing could deter her or keep her away for long.
Nurse Brace checked his chest as they pulled out the oxygen from his lungs. It usually took several moments before you can see if they will be able to breathe on their own or not. She watched as slow breathes escaped his lips, his chest began to rise up and down on its own. She was mighty happy especially for this young man. He had a very strong heart.
Doctor Ashton looked at the heart monitor in surprise. "This boy has a pulse, but he isn't out of the deep waters just yet. He has to last the next twenty-four hours like this." The doctor checked his chest with his stethoscope to see how his breathing sounded. "It's definitely labouring, but he has a strong heart." He hopes for this boy that it's strong enough to hold on at least, till that beautiful girlfriend can see him.
"Mrs Puckerman, Your son is going to make it!" the doctor was happy to bare such good news to the happy woman.
End of Flash Back
"Hello. Do you remember my name?" a kind voice called out to her. She looked blankly at the familiar face, but still unsure what it was that she was seeing.
"Can you say your name? Try and say it with me ok. Ray-ch-el. Come on, baby just try it for me please!" the concerned voice seemed so familiar but it sent nothing through her.
"Noah is awake! He pulled through Rachel! Did you hear me honey?" the familiar voice asked again. No feeling came to her. "Come on baby come back to us please!" the voice pleaded with her.
"What was wrong with her? Why did she just stare into nothing?"
"It takes time Mister Berry. When someone is in shock like she was. He is meant to be dead. That does a lot to someone. She had forced all that she was told into a place she just doesn't want to deal with. It's going to take time Mister Berry. She has supressed all the memories of Noah deep down that she had forgotten he has ever existed."
She heard no sound in the distance.
The lights from a distance kept shining brightly on her face. Why would they be here at this time of night bothering me again? She tucked her hands over her face trying to rid herself of the offending thing.
"Rachel wake up! We need you to go see Puck!" she heard a familiar voice asked, it sounded like Brittany.
"Come on haul ass midget! Time to hang out in the time of the living" snapped an annoyed voice that was obviously Santana.
"Come on! Before they see us" Tina urged her on!
"We can't carry you, you know!" Mercedes said with an annoyed voice to match Santana's.
"Midget now! Dammit! We need to go see Puck! It's our fucking last chance before something bad happens to you Rach"
"Get the hell up Rach!" Finn hissed at her.
"Nice timing Hudson! Now pick her the fuck up! And haul ass!" Santana and everyone crept towards the door. Half of glee club was in here. And where the hell was 'here' and how did they get in 'here'?
"We have a surprise for you princess! You will never believe if we didn't bring you up here ourselves!" Tina said excitedly as she tugged on her arm.
She was being lead to a dark corridor, with minimal light just enough so she could see where she was going.
"Hurry up! Someone will find us!" came a whisper behind us.
"Keep your voices down!" whispered another.
They entered a room with the light that lay low. A figure was sitting up unable to move much. She didn't recognise the face. But the look in those brown eyes told her he knew HER. She felt a sense of like she had met him before, but she wasn't so sure.
"Hey Rach" the voice said to her. Urging her forward, she wasn't quite sure what she was meant to do with this stranger before her. He looked like he had been through a lot. He just kept smiling at her like he was expecting her to say something.
"Hey" she said meekly, feeling very awkward, really wishing she could go back to where ever her friends had found her.
"Rachel what's the matter? Aren't you happy to see me? Cause god only knows I have been missing you like crazy!" the boy must be close to their age. But boy was he handsome. She liked his unusual hair style, she can't recall ever seeing anyone look like that before.
"Wow slow down tiger!" she held her hands up. "I don't know what kind of joke you're playing. But please stop. You're kinda freaking me out ok. It's creepy when a stranger... well cute stranger guy tells you something personal like that. Like how do I respond to that? You're in a freaken bed injured for goodness sake. Why did you ask my friends to bring me here?" she rambled on and on. The room was silent. No one knew how to react to this.
He looked credulous at her. 'Why in the world was she acting like she had no idea who he was? He had to ring his mom, like right now.'
"Well someone before did mention that she went in kind of a shock when she was told they would be taking off his life support. She probably thought him to be dead or something, and has completely blocked him out of her mind." He spoke his mind aloud.
"Sorry to hear? I hope she gets better soon…" she says slowly. Thinking how hard it must be for him to be incapacitated in that bed and not be able to help the 'she' he was referring to.
"Yeah I hope to! I hope you do visit again Rachel. I'd love to get to know you…" He was hoping that she wanted that too. She looked at him weirdly. The whole room was just shocked to what took place.
Flashback
"Rachel count to ten, and then come find me!" teased a ten year old Noah to a sulking young Rachel. She was sulking because she wasn't allowed to go and play with the new things that her parents had brought over from Europe. Just so she couldn't even get to it, they put it way up high so she couldn't reach it.
She worked hard on a plan on how to get it. She needed to play this dumb game Noah wanted her to play first. Weren't they like way too old to play this kind of games now? Noah always knew how to turn her to his way of thinking. She sighed as she called his name. He always played her games. So she caved and went with it. He was way too good at this game, or was it that she wasn't really trying?
Noah was hiding inside one of the boxes her fathers' had brought back. She wondered if he had the same idea as she did.
"Hey Noah" she said sweetly, just the way he couldn't resist. "My daddies won't let me play with their new things. They're really scared I might break it. Do you think I'll break it Noah?" she had that sad pout thing she did with her lips. He hated that look. It made him want to do something to make her all happy again and smiling at him like always.
"I'll get it for you Rach!" he jumped out of the boxes the way only her Noah Puckerman could do. "Noah to the rescue!" he charged towards the room her father's kept the things they didn't want her to play with. "Where to princess? Tell me where your treasure lies?" he made a pirate voice.
"Up there Noah, can you see them? They didn't even tell me what it is! So unfair!" again he saw that pout resurface. She watched as Noah climbed steadily on each shelf, not caring about the books that crash landed to the floor, all he carried about was the little girl who was jumping up and down on the landing.
Before they knew what was happening, the book shelf came tumbling straight down towards Rachel, Noah coming down with it. She did her best to try and catch him.
Her fathers' ran into the room, and saw a part of Rachel's arm poking out from under the shelf.
They quickly ran to each side of the shelf, pushing hard with all their might to rid if off the children.
Nancy came in hearing all the yelling and commotion; luckily she had come home just in time, running from her car.
She called the ambulance and the two children were carried to hospital, one with a broken arm, the other with a broken leg. They would be in cast for the longest six month in their lives because they were grounded and forbidden to see each other, and only on weekend they could play. That wasn't so bad right?
End of Flashback
It was like any other day. She attended class, went to Glee club and back home again. Though people would give her strange looks instead of the looks she usually received from everyone, where everyone thought she was a freak. She dismissed this and grabbed her books from her locker, and suddenly bumping into a figure in front of her.
"Oh sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going..." she looked up to see the most incredible brown eyes she had ever seen. Her breathe caught in her eyes. A kind of flush travelled all through her, like she knew this boy from where. But that couldn't be. She knew every ones face that came to their school.
The boy with the mow hawk just grinned at her like an oaf. 'Wow he is cute' she told herself. Before he could say anything she walked past him and towards her next class.
'This was so hard' he told himself. She looks at him like he is a stranger. But he did see the flush that came and went in her face. Her eyes lit up like she was trying to remember something? Then she was gone. He leaned against her locker, watching her walk nicely to her next class. 'God how he loved this girl so much, he just wished she didn't push him out of her head like he didn't exist. Like literally.'
It's been three months now since he awoke from his coma state. Three months of physiotherapy, three long months of living right next to her and only being able to gap at her every time they saw each other.
The doctors said if he could come out of a coma like the way he did, which only happened with the strongest of hearts and was one in a million. And do all that physical trauma he had to put himself through to get strong again, which he was still continuing now, he could be patient and wait for her to snap out of this little bubble she has created for herself.
He had to start off slow with her. Get her to remember him somehow, try and be her friend in the process. This was going to a very difficult thing because they told him that she may never remember him like that again, and that really unnerved him. He was just very fortunate that he had such true friends that were very supportive of them in every way they possibly could.
Come back to me the way I know you could
I've knew you before I could even talk
You're brave and true
You stand so tall
Baby if you can open up your eyes
I bet you will see me waiting in the stars
Baby I love you
Baby know I am here to stay
Baby know I will never be far
Cause you make me want to be all you are
You use to tell me that we would never be apart
Then I broke your heart and you ran so far
It took me a while to realise you were it for me
I'll never ever stray again I promise you my dear
Baby I love you
Baby know I am here to stay
Baby know I will never be far
Cause you make me want to be all you are
Come and tell me now that you remember me
Throw your arms around me like you use to hon'
Just do your best to come home to me
I know you will find the door soon baby
Baby I love you
Baby know I am here to stay
Baby know I will never be far
Cause you make me want to be all you are
He had the sweetest voice she had ever heard. She couldn't believe he had written than song. He must have really loved that girl he wrote the song for. She hoped that she came back to him soon. Everyone clapped and hoorayed, the choir room was filled with other students who were walking past to hear Noah Puckerman sing and play his guitar. It sent thrills down her spin. 'Like wow' she told herself.
She watched as he put his guitar next to his leg, and he actually winked at her. Her heart fluttered like a butterfly wanting to fly over to him and be that girl to come and wrap her arms around him like that song said he wanted to do to that girl.
She couldn't take her eyes off him as she watched him smiling back at her. 'WOW Noah Puckerman! Can I be your woman?' a voice asked inside her head.
Flash Back
"Noah will you love me forever?" a little Rachel asked Noah one afternoon. They were lying on a blanket looking at the clear blue skies, trying to make pictures out of the clouds.
"You know you're the only girl for me Rach! You're my best friend! No one can ever change that!" he drew her close and hugged her tightly to him.
"Really Noah? Do you promise with all your heart and soul" she looked at him seriously as a six year old only could.
"It's me and you now baby" he quoted from a movie he had watched with his mom one night when Rachel had gone home to her place to sleep.
That brought a smile to her lips and he held her even tighter.
Flash Back Finished
She actually looked like she wanted to say something to him. Did she remember? His heart skipped a beat as everything that he has been hoping for came to light. Her eyes looked at him like they use to, happy and with love. The thought of holding her again in his arms, warmed his heart.
"Noah that was such a beautiful song! I wish I could write a song as good as that!" she said shyly, a deep pink rising up her cheeks. God she was beautiful.
"I hope the girl you wrote it for comes back to you like you want her too!" tears stained her face as she tried to hold back on some emotion that was buried deep inside herself. He realised that she had no idea why that song held so much for her.
"Rachel. Would you like to go on a date with me?" he asked her nervously before he could stop himself. He had wanted to ask her for such a long time, that he was just waiting for the right moment to do so.
"I'd love to Noah. But I'd have to ask my dads' first, they like to know where I'm going at all times. You see they're very protective of me for some reason" she said with embarrass amusement.
"Okay well I'll follow you home after school, is that okay? I mean we do live next door to each other" he added quickly not wanting to scare her away, which was always her initial response to anything to do with him, even though she unconsciously did it.
"Sure. My car is in the parking lot" they both stood up as everyone started to file out of the choir room. 'Yes a step forward', he said to himself. Finn gave him a knowing look and nodded his head with approval, having heard the whole conversation. He made the actions that he would give him a call later on tonight, Noah just nodded.
Of course Rachel's parents had agreed straight away when she asked them she was going on a date with Noah their neighbour and classmate. They didn't seem to have any qualms like they use to say when she was dating Finn almost two years ago. Why the change now? She put it down to him being his neighbour and being able to track him down if anything bad happened to her and two he is Jewish, which she knew they loved even more.
She got his number from her fathers' phonebook that they kept by the phone, and dialled the number to the Puckerman household. A surprised Nancy picked up, playing along with Rachel not knowing she knew her, her whole life.
"Nancy Puckerman speaking. How can I help you?"
"Hello, Mrs Puckerman. I'm Rachel Berry. I live next door and also go to school with your son Noah. Do you mind if I can speak to him please?" she asked so shyly, the older woman could picture the young girl to have pink stained cheeks like she use to get when she was embarrassed.
"Oh Rachel, please call me Nancy" she was so happy to be hearing Rachel's voice again. "I'll go and get Noah" in that moment Noah had been standing in the hallway the whole time, having run towards the phone every time it would ring. And the phone had rung ten times already, he was very anxious she would change her mind.
"Here he is now Rachel, nice talking to you" and with that Nancy handed over the phone to her anxious son, a smile creeping up to her face and quickly hugged his son for support.
"Just breathe honey" his mother whispered in his ears before she left him alone to talk to his beloved girl.
He picked her up an hour later. They were going to go to a fair that was being held just outside of town, which they had been to, so many times before as children. He recalls every moment and smiles to himself, wishing he could share the moment like they had been since they started hanging out again before the accident and everything turned to shit.
"Can I hold your hand Rachel?" it felt weird to ask, because that had been an action that would have happened automatically without them even having noticed it. She nodded and he took her hands in his and they walked towards the fair. Its shinning lights so inviting, that he felt overwhelmed with such raw emotions.
"I love the fair! I'm glad you brought us here. I don't think I've ever been to this one before though" she gripped his hands with happiness. He gripped her hands back wishing he could lean over and kiss her cheeks like he use to as children.
"I use to come to this every year as a child. My best friend and I would beg our parents to take us every year, and they would cave, because they knew we could be trusted" she saw him go into a memory inside his head.
Mistaking what he said she asked innocently "So what age did you and Finn start hanging out?" he flinch for a second remembering the moment they had stopped being friends as children.
"Since I was eleven and he was ten. We met at football camp. We were drafted into the same team after that and have been friends ever since." He smiled at the moment he had met Finn.
"It's good you have such nice friends like that. I wished I had a childhood best friend like yours I could always go to when I wanted a friend." He watched as she looked around, credulous that she had no memory of their friendship or even knowing their past together.
"Yeah I wished that for you too" he said softly. They stood in front of the Zooper Dooper. Their most favourite ride as children, she squealed with delight, and he beamed. That was always her initial reaction every year they would take the same ride.
Flash Back
"Rachel you might get scared! I don't want to see you scared and screaming!" he was worried when she had suggested that they take the ride. She had convinced him like she always did.
"Oh Noah! Don't worry so much, you're sounding more like a worry-wot every day!" she teased because she knew just how much he cared about her and her safety. She saw the look in his eyes that told her that he would do anything for her, and she kissed him and hugged him tightly.
"Come one Rach" he grabbed her hand and helped her into the ride, making sure she was secure before going in after to seat himself next to her. He had watched her the whole time, and realising she was enjoying herself, that he was finally able to relax and enjoy the ride too, laughed and saying 'woohoo' just like she did. It had become somewhat a tradition after that.
End of Flash back
As he attached her on to the ride, she suddenly crumbled in his arms. He yelled for help as she lay listlessly in her arms, tears streaming down his face, as he couldn't lose her again.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.