Chapter Five
When she entered The Dal she looked around the room, and saw only a few stragglers still clinging to the bar. She'd been half-hoping that Bo would be there, as she always did when she came in here. Sometimes she'd been lucky but not tonight. Trick smiled at her when she entered and was already pouring her a beer before she could reach him.
She held out a hand, trying to smile at him. "Sorry, but I can't stay for a drink. I need to talk to you about something pretty urgent."
His expression immediately became serious as he pushed the glass away and leaned towards her, all ears.
"How much do you know about the Mnemosyne?"
Trick did not react much but Lauren saw a faint expression of surprise. "Are you leaving us?"
"Maybe," Lauren confirmed, feeling relieved that he obviously knew quite a bit. "Is it safe?"
"I'm sorry to see you go. But yes, it is safe. It can become complicated depending on the length of time, just because of the volume of memories that have to be implanted. You've been with us for about five years?" Off Lauren's nod, he thought about it and then nodded back. "I've heard of it being successful in cases where the time was longer. I've got a good book on the subject, shall I go back and get it?"
Lauren nodded her assent gratefully. As he walked away she realized that she was actually disappointed. In some respects it would have been easier if he'd warned her off; then the decision would be made for her.
"Thanks, I'll return it tomorrow," Lauren said, already walking away.
"Lauren, wait. You can keep it. If you've already began discussions then you probably don't have much time."
"Thanks," Lauren said meaningfully. She ran back and leaned over, hugging him awkwardly over the bar. "You've always been kind to me. Thank you." She felt a surge of emotion – nostalgia for someone whom she hadn't even realized was important to her - as he pulled away and looked at her compassionately.
"Does Bo know yet?"
"No," Lauren confided. She looked away from him for a moment. She supposed it was obvious to everyone how much feeling there had been between them, and Trick did seem to know everything.
He took her hand and squeezed it. "Lauren, listen to me very carefully. Word will be sent through the fae world that you're lost to us, and none of us would put that at risk. But Bo is different. You're going to need to explain this to her well, and be convincing. Consider that she'll remember you but you won't remember her. Bo's very stubborn, and she doesn't play by our rules. You're going to have to make sure she respects your decision or the whole thing could go awry," he explained.
"Thank you, Trick," she said, grasping the book in her hands as she turned to walk away.
She read into the night, skim reading for relevant passages while Nadia lay beside her staring up at the ceiling. Every now and then she would read a paragraph aloud. Over the course of the hours she started to settle into a feeling of resignation. In a way, just as she had when she spoke to Trick she'd been searching for a reason to not go through with this. She had to concede that there wasn't one. The book appeared to be a reliable source and there were many, many well-documented cases of the memory implanting being successful. They'd even had fae psychologists run experiments and longitudinal studies on humans. Additionally she trusted Trick's word more than any book, and he didn't seem to know of any reason why they shouldn't do it.
When she put the book down at last she rolled over and looked at Nadia.
"Well?" Nadia said. Lauren could sense that she'd been biting her tongue for the past few hours.
"I'm satisfied that it's safe. It sounds like people just go on with their lives."
"Lauren. I know you think you'll miss everyone, but really think about it. You won't know what's happened, you'll have no knowledge of it at all. And we can be happy together again. What kind of life is this going to be?" Lauren watched as a tear escaped from the corner of Nadia's eye. She had never fooled her one little bit; Nadia could see how dissatisfied she felt and it must cut her to the bone.
"That sounds nice. It sounds more than nice, Nadia, doing all the things we always talked about. But I just can't escape this feeling that it's wrong, somehow. It's like The Matrix, like taking the blue pill and just turning your back on reality. Do you understand what I'm saying?" she brushed Nadia's hair tenderly to soften her words.
"Honey, this is what's wrong. We are just animals to them. I'm telling you, I can't live like this. I didn't want to give you an ultimatum but I'm doing this. You can come with me or stay here," Nadia said.
Lauren's stomach plunged. For a moment she actually considered it. She hadn't allowed the thought to cross her mind until Nadia said it aloud. Nadia would hate her but then she would be gone. Lauren's life would not be so different to how it had been before Nadia woke up, only she would know that Nadia was walking around safe and happy.
She hated herself for even entertaining the thought. She couldn't just let Nadia submit to a memory suck alone. And in fact, she didn't even know if Lochlyn would allow it because the deal had been offered to both of them. He hadn't mentioned the possibility.
I won't remember Bo, and all this hurt will be gone. It won't take her long to move on and find someone else. Nobody else will even notice or care that I'm gone. Hell, people like Kenzi and Dyson will be glad to see the back of me.
"No," Lauren said firmly. "Let's do this."
"Really?" Nadia said tearfully.
"Yes," Lauren confirmed.
She was in Lochlyn's office by nine the next day, and true to his word he sought her out soon after to tell her arrangements had been put in place. They were to meet with the Mnemosyne and her handmaidens at noon that very day.
They were four of the most beautiful women she'd ever seen, each of them with porcelain skin and rose colored lips. One after the other they put their hands over Nadia and Lauren's hands and hearts. Lauren noticed one of them eying her critically when she did so, but perhaps she were just being paranoid.
"We'll begin the process before dawn, we'll be at your living quarters at 4am. If you have any business to take care of you'll need to do it before then. You'll go to sleep and when you wake up, it will be done," one of the Handmaidens explained in her silky voice. They hadn't offered names and Lauren wasn't sure that they had them. This one ran through some of the affairs that needed to be put in order – removing any fae artifacts from the house, for example. Lauren nodded along; there was nothing that she wasn't already aware of from her reading.
She would need to go and see Bo as soon as they were done. There was no room for error; she'd already called and made sure she would accept a visit from Lauren. Now it was just up to her to explain it all enough for Bo to agree to leave her alone.
"Why does it happen like that? I mean why when we wake up in the morning?" Nadia asked. She'd asked similar questions of Lauren the night before, but it seemed to comfort her to hear it directly from the source.
"It just makes the transition more seamless. If you didn't wake up in your own bed it wouldn't work. Shortly after you've made the pledge we will begin with the implants. First of all, you're going to need to supposedly be in an entirely new city, you will have just moved here so that you can begin creating new memories. We'll have to match reality to these implants seamlessly, so we need to go over contact you've had with your family and try to work out different explanations for your stories."
"Wait, but how can you know what other people are going to remember? What if they contradict something you've implanted?" Nadia asked. Lauren had to admit she was starting to become frustrated. Nadia had just wanted to go full steam ahead, she didn't know how she could have consented to this when she didn't even understand the whole thing.
"Memory is a strange thing. We can all remember the same event very differently, and if someone were to contradict them you would simply be certain that they were wrong," the Mnemosyne said, her tone somewhat patronising. She was gazing at them hungrily, and Lauren had to look away.
"Now for the pledge. It's common for humans to get cold feet once we've begun the process, you can be fickle creatres. But you see we can't spend our whole afternoon working on this to have you change your minds. Before we commence I need you to be bound to us, you must promise it. If after you make the pledge you try to go back on your word, you won't be able to. You'll be bound to us. If you try to run we'll find you, and believe me when I say the process would be much less pleasant under those conditions. You must be in your beds when we've said it, or you may not be left alive. Do you understand?"
This was the part that Lauren had been dreading most of all. But when it was time and Nadia kneeled on the ground in front of her, she went to join her.
Lauren and Nadia stepped back into their apartment. Lauren looked fretfully at her watch – it was already five in the afternoon. It had taken hours to construct the plans for the implants, and the Handmaidens had spent a great deal of time just touching them to read their pasts and natures. Lauren pointed over towards the cabinet filled with medications against the wall. Nadia had agreed to clean out the apartment while she went to speak with Bo. She'd already stopped by the lab to type up instructions for Bo's formula, and gathered up enough of the ingredients to get her through for a while.
"Just throw all of that stuff out." Lauren gestured towards her bookshelf. "There are texts in there that will need to go. And um, I don't know what else, I hope it will be obvious."
Nadia came over to her and put her hands on Lauren's shoulders. "I've got this. You go and do what you need to do."