Thanks again for your reviews and yes I'm sorry I left it there . . . no I'm not ;) Kicking this up to M for obvious reasons.
Chapter Seven
The first time they made love they didn't quite make it to the bedroom. Having torn the clothes from one another's bodies as they went, they wound up on the floor somewhere close to the doorway. Their bodies had become steadily more entangled as they moved until they had been on their knees together kissing forcefully and pushing against one another, trying to get their fill.
The thought went through Lauren's mind that it had always been like this between them; always so desperate that it were never enough. It felt like she was always pining after Bo to the point where touching felt like a miracle, like she were a piece of kindling ready to burst into flame. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have Bo enough that she could even begin to get used to it. But it seemed highly likely that they could do this a thousand times and it would be no different – it could never be routine.
Now Bo lay on top of Lauren thrusting into her, taking everything that she had been wanting so much after weeks of being denied. She pressed one hand down against Lauren's shoulder to brace herself and ground against one of Lauren's parted thighs, almost coming from the pressure and friction between her legs and from watching Lauren's face.
"Did you think about me while you were away?" Bo asked, smiling when Lauren nodded that she had through a moan. She had wondered if Lauren had re-lived their last time together as often as she had done. Bo had thought about it constantly, touching herself to the memory. There was nobody like Lauren – nobody smelled like her, tasted like her, had a body like hers. Nobody made her feel the same sense of connection.
Lauren was overcome with it when she came. Tears escaped her eyes and she tried not to let Bo see - but Bo kissed Lauren all over her face - holding it in her hands while she chased away the tears at the corner of her eyes. For a moment Bo lay half on top of Lauren with her head on her chest. She wondered if she should speak; the moment felt too big for words.
Then impatiently Lauren pushed her back, moving them towards the bed. She sat on its edge and guided Bo to straddle her, gathering Bo's legs around her waist. She pressed her face between Bo's breasts, cupping them with her hands and running her tongue over the tips one at a time. She could feel how wet Bo was as she rocked her hips against her and Lauren didn't wait. There was no time, so she slid her fingers inside, watching Bo's face as she cried out. She started a steady rhythm and Bo put her hands around Lauren's neck, moving along with Lauren's thrusts.
They were looking into one another's eyes, connected by their gaze as intimately as they were by touch.
"I love you, Lauren," Bo said softly barely able to speak.
Lauren's hand stilled for a moment as she looked at Bo in shock. She had just been thinking the words, but never imagined that she would hear them from Bo's mouth.
"I love you too."
She kissed Bo urgently, then buried her head against Bo's neck. It was such a relief to finally say it aloud. All of this time she'd told herself that Bo didn't feel the same way and that she would make a fool of herself if she ever said it, the words bound to go unreturned. The two times they'd made love - and many times in between - they had been on the tip of her tongue and she'd bit them back.
"Please don't stop," Bo said, a slight sad smile touching the corner of her lips. When Lauren resumed her movement Bo dropped her head and started biting softly at Lauren's shoulder.
"Kiss me," Lauren whispered, her hands playing over Bo expertly, drawing out shudders from Bo as she moved her hand.
"I can't, too hungry," Bo explained breathlessly, licking a trail against Lauren's neck, taking Lauren's earlobe between her teeth.
Lauren took the hand she'd been using to hold Bo steady by the waist, and took Bo's face in her palm.
"Then feed from me," Lauren said. It might have sounded corny, it might have sounded like she were a girl in a vampire movie, but right now she didn't care one bit. Bo looked hungrily at her but shook her head, her eyes unfocussed with desire.
"Come on. I know you can do it without hurting me, just take it," she prompted. It had always made her blindingly jealous to think of Bo feeding no matter how much she acted matter-of-fact about it. She knew that she herself couldn't be enough to sustain Bo, but she at least wanted Bo to taste her, to give her that part of herself.
"I know I can do it now, but I don't know Lauren . . .you're not just about that to me," Bo hesitated.
"I know that, but I've always wanted you too. I want to know how it feels."
That was enough for Bo at last and she practically leapt forward to kiss Lauren. Lauren felt a pulling, a tugging at her centre as Bo started to feed. Pleasure spread through her beyond anything she could have imagined. Bo broke away abruptly, putting a hand over Lauren's mouth then a hand over her own. Lauren turned them around, pushing Bo onto the bed. She lay behind Bo take her from behind. They didn't need to talk about it for her to know that Bo couldn't take their mouths being close, not now that she'd begun to feed.
Lauren felt a tiredness in her limbs, but it didn't feel bad. She slid her hand more slowly into Bo, using her thumb to tease at her clit, and grasped at a breast with other hand. She kissed the arch of Bo's shoulders and spine, while Bo thrust back against her. Then Bo was clenching around her hand when she came, calling out her name.
Lauren lay down next to Bo and Bo propped herself up on her elbow. Lauren thought Bo was going to kiss her, but instead she felt a strange sensation as Bo blew chi back into her mouth. She could literally feel the energy entering her body. Bo stroked the sides of her face.
"You didn't have to do that, I'm okay really," Lauren said. She felt almost shy, smiling up at Bo.
"Did you mean it? You didn't just say it because I said it first, or because you're leaving or anything?" Bo was drawing her fingers over Lauren's breasts and stomach now, looking down at her seriously.
"No . . . you must have known how much I feel for you," Lauren said.
"I hoped. I didn't know," Bo replied. Maybe she wanted to ask how she could have known with Nadia in the picture, but the time for talking about Nadia had passed. Now she just wanted to pretend that there were only the two of them, there was only this.
Lauren looked up at her, gasping. Bo was reaching between her legs, already touching her again. She moaned as she was stroked softly, all of her nerve endings seeming to bunch in one place.
"God, you're so beautiful," Bo told her, and then began kissing her way along Lauren's stomach muscles, and further down. Bo parted her thighs, putting one of Lauren's legs over her shoulder as she started licking at the centre of her.
When they were finally spent, Lauren cradled Bo in her arms. Bo was lying with her head on Lauren's chest. "It terrifies me to think of all the trouble you're going to get yourself into, when I'm not here."
"When have you ever been able to stop me?" Bo pointed out.
"That's true," Lauren agreed. "But I wouldn't have you any other way. They lay in silence for a while, neither of them sure what to say. She would give anything to be able to curl into Bo and to have them drift off together.
"It's late, I should shower. It's nearly time for me to go." She kissed Bo's forehead, and tried not to cry. If she could she would make love to her again – she'd lost count of how many times they had brought one another to orgasm and still it didn't seem like enough. Her body felt sore and tired, and her heart felt sick.
Bo followed her into the bathroom, and they held one another underneath the water. Bo dried off her skin, tenderly wrapping the towel around her, and then she dressed while Bo watched her.
"I don't know how to say goodbye to you," Bo said, her voice choked. She was frowning, her expression desperate.
Lauren took Bo's face in her hands. "Just remember, somewhere inside of me, there's a part they can't take away. You've meant so much to me Bo. I don't believe that could just disappear."
Bo was staring at her, and Lauren could see that she had begun to shake. They both were. "Do you really want this, Lauren?"
"Of course I don't," Lauren said.
"I mean, do you really want me to ignore you if I see you again? Just tell me one more time, and I won't ask you again."
"What are you saying?" Lauren said, a shred of hope starting to nose its way into her consciousness.
"I'm saying Lauren, that if you tell me you want me to fight for you I will," Bo said.
An icy cold feeling of dread and panic had descended over Lauren. It had always been there, she'd just been good at ignoring it, especially for the past couple of hours. She knew with absolute certainty that she'd made a mistake. She hadn't even tried to see if Lochlyn would grant freedom to Nadia and let her stay, and that now struck her as the biggest error of her life. It would have been hard for Nadia to hear, but it was what she wanted.
Maybe it was crazy, and she was a fool for wanting to stay in a world that she didn't belong in – but it felt like there was no turning back for her now. She didn't want to leave, and most of all she didn't want to leave Bo.
She had started to let go of Nadia a long time ago, and had been staying out of guilt. In her trying so desperately to do the right thing, she'd done exactly the wrong thing. It wasn't honest, it wasn't true to her heart, and it wasn't even fair to Nadia. She might not remember it but it would always be a lie.
"Yes," Lauren said. "I can't undo it now, it's too late. I have to go there, I have to submit to it. But if you can find a way, please help me. I want to stay in this world, I want to be with you. I swear on everything I am, I want to come back here. This was a horrible mistake, I knew it even when I was agreeing to it. I wish I'd come and talked to you first like you said."
Bo clutched at her hands. "I swear Lauren, I'm going to fix this. No matter how long it takes, this is not going to stick."
"Promise me you'll be safe. Don't risk yourself for me in any way," Lauren said, and Bo swore that she would.
They kissed once more, desperately, and then Lauren left feeling like her heart was breaking in her chest.
On her way home she felt like she were trying to relive every moment from when she'd met Bo until the last half an hour.
The first time she'd seen Bo, the shock of instant sexual attraction when she'd felt like that part of her was dead. Finding any excuse to see one another, to touch and pretend it was innocent. The first time they'd made love, when she'd never experienced anything like it. The sadness when Bo was angry with her, the utter desolation of seeing her with Dyson. Those days when she'd been hiding from the Ash. The simple pleasures of domesticity, Bo making her breakfast and the two of them drinking coffee while they watched TV. Bo's hands all over her and inside her. And tonight - Bo saying that she loved her.
Lauren walked back into their apartment. Nadia sprang up from the sofa, where she'd been waiting. "I was worried you weren't coming back, they'll be here any minute."
All of the way over, she'd felt like she a dead man walking. But the seed of hope had been planted in her and she clung to it. She knew how tenacious Bo could be, and how fearless. If anyone was able to help it would be her.
Seeing Nadia again only confirmed the way she'd been feeling. When she looked at Nadia she saw a face that she loved, but not the person that she was in love with. She could not bring herself to go to Nadia and kiss her, so she stood rooted to the spot while Nadia stared at her. Nadia deserved better than this; she should be with someone who could feel something more for her than a sense of responsibility.
She jumped at the sound of the knock on the door. Wearily she let them in, the Mnemosyne and her Handmiadens trailing behind her. She and Nadia were led to the bedroom to lie next to one another while they crowded around the bed. She looked over at Nadia and kissed her once on the forehead, blind terror gripping her.
"Go to sleep," was said, and dust was sprinkled over each of their faces. The last thing she felt was Nadia clutching her hand, and then she lost consciousness.