Hello peeps, your reviews are as always muchly appreciated.
And M.A. it's totally not pushy at all, just flattering. I can promise this fic will be completed - I'd written a rough draft of most of it before I started posting it, it's just a matter of tinkering & proofing the rest.
Oh and I just realized I'm really bad at remembering to fix up page breaky things where I change the scene, I'm sorry if that's been annoying :P
Chapter Eleven
"It's so bizarre," Kenzi said. "I keep expecting her to suddenly snap out of it and remember me. Like she's going to start lecturing me about breaking things or whatnot."
"I keep telling you, I feel like that all of the time. Only without the lecturing. And you need to stop staring at her all of the time, she's going to think you want to get into her pants too."
"I can't help it! I feel so sorry for her, it's just not right," Kenzi said. She'd seen Lauren quite a few times now, but she couldn't shake the weird feeling it brought on.
"Shhh," Bo hushed her as Lauren came back into view.
"So, shots?" she asked as she passed the table. Bo and Kenzi simultaneously put their thumbs up in confirmation and Lauren nodded back to them in a business like fashion as she headed for the bar. Bo turned to watch her walk away – her ass looked amazing in those jeans.
"Can you please fold your tongue back into your mouth?" Kenzi commented, rolling her eyes.
"I can't help it. She's so delicious. Do you know how much torture this is? I mean, I've slept with her, I know what I'm missing," Bo complained and Kenzi made a gagging noise.
Over the last few weeks Bo and Lauren had become inseparable; she both loved and hated the way things were. Most of the time they ate lunch together at work, and they'd started spending large chunks of their weekends together. Bo was struggling to keep her hands to herself. She found herself always searching for reasons to touch Lauren. She could never keep her gaze away, could never stop herself from stalling whenever it was time for them to part company.
Often she would feel a wave of sexual interest wash over her from Lauren and it was all she could do not grab her and kiss her. Although Lauren had not yet given her any definitive 'go ahead' signals, Lauren still had the maddening trait of blurting out what was on her mind half of the time. As a result Lauren was forever complimenting her, telling her how amazing she looked, and so forth. She enjoyed it but it drove her nuts. She was positively starving and fed on other people out of necessity, but because it just wasn't what she wanted she still felt like she were climbing the walls half of the time.
"So when are you going to finally make your move and talk to her? You've been doing this friend thing forever now."
"I don't know yet. I hope I'll know when the time is right," Bo said. She had been waiting for the right time and while waiting she had started to enjoy their situation against her will. Although she would give anything to change it, there was something beautiful about getting to know Lauren all over again without the obstacles brought about by Lauren working for the Ash. She found that she could spend hours just listening to Lauren talk; she had discovered more about Lauren's past than she had ever known before.
"You should do it soon. It creeps me out," Kenzi said. "Listen, I know you like spending time around her but I think you're enjoying it a little bit too much."
God, why did she have to have such an annoying habit of reading Bo's mind? "What do you mean?" she said, deciding to play dumb.
"You know what I mean. I think you're dragging your feet. What's with the procrastinating?"
Bo shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. It's nice. I get to just be a regular woman hanging out with someone who thinks I'm a regular woman. No weird fae-slash-human interspecies dating weirdness."
Kenzi was watching Lauren at the bar. "I get you hun, but it's not fair to her. You owe it to her to get this shit sorted out sooner rather than later."
Bo read the expression on Kenzi's face, realisation dawning on her until she narrowed her eyes. "You like her now."
"No I don't," Kenzi corrected, shaking her finger.
"Yes, you do. You totally like her." Bo laughed.
"Oh alright, I like her better now. She's different, not as stuck up. I guess I never thought about how hard it was for her, having to be a slave and all that," Kenzi said, caving in.
"Yeah, cos slavery always looked like it must be so much fun."
"You know what I mean," Kenzi frowned at her.
They quietened down as Lauren returned to the table carrying a tray of shots with enough for two each. Kenzi looked at Bo as if this proved her theory that Lauren was in fact more fun to be around in her present state. Bo shook her head at Kenzi and picked up a shot glass, shaking her head.
x x x
The next morning Bo felt Lauren get up to head for the shower. They had developed a routine of sleeping in the same bed; it had become an unspoken rule when they had consumed just enough alcohol for it provide a good enough excuse.
Bo routinely spent long portions of the night lying on her hands in an effort to stop herself from putting them on body parts she shouldn't. A couple of times she'd felt absolutely ecstatic when they'd woken up to find themselves close enough to be almost hugging or better yet spooning. Unfortunately Lauren always jumped out of bed quickly on such occasions, before Bo could get any closer.
Bo rolled over and stretched, then got up and padded across the room. She should have a shower too, but she wanted to go out and get them coffee first. It was the weekend and neither of them had to work; she relished the thought of them being able to spend the whole day together and if she were lucky maybe even another night.
Despite her intoxication she'd managed to dress properly for bed this time. She pulled off her shirt and sweat pants and was standing in her underwear looking down into a drawer when she felt a presence behind her.
Turning, she jumped to see Lauren standing in the doorway. Lauren's eyes raked over her body and she felt Lauren's level of arousal go off the charts. Bo stood looking back at her, letting her just stare. She had no desire to cover herself up, not when Bo could feel the intensity of Lauren's look like a touch. Lauren was openly staring at her breasts, at the curve of her hips, and then lower as though wishing Bo were fully naked. The moment stretched on forever.
"Shit, I'm sorry," Lauren finally realized what she was doing and turned to walk out. Bo smiled to herself and quickly got dressed.
When Bo emerged from her room, Lauren was standing in the kitchen. She was fairly certain that if Lauren were the type to blush she would be doing so right now.
"So what should we do today, movie marathon? Followed by a few drinks? Only way to cure a hangover, and you know that cos you're a doctor," Bo joked.
Lauren shoved her hands in her pockets. "I don't know, I was actually thinking I should go home and do some stuff around my apartment. I've been neglecting it, it looks like a bomb site."
Bo looked at her, trying to keep her expression neutral. She knew Lauren wanted to spend time with her as much as she wanted it. It was evident in the way Lauren had started to let her in, had started to really seem to trust her.
"Alright, show me your tits," Bo said matter-of-factly, and Lauren looked back at her in shock.
"Excuse me?"
"I don't want you to be embarrassed around me, so show me yours and we can call it even. Although really I'm the one who's supposed to be embarrassed," she said. A slight smile had started to appear on Lauren's face. Bo walked towards her, and Lauren started to back away but her movement was stopped by the obstruction presented by the kitchen counter. Lauren put her hands out but Bo kept advancing.
"Come on, let's see them," Bo said with mock resignation. Soon she had Lauren pinned to the counter and had started working at the buttons of Lauren's shirt while Lauren tried to swat her hands away, laughing nervously. Bo could feel Lauren's body against her own, their legs entangling while Lauren struggled against her.
"Alright, alright. You're right, I'm being silly. I'll stay and hang out," Lauren finally agreed, her voice shaking a little.
"Good," Bo nodded, pleased that her mission had been accomplished. She had managed to undo two buttons, but unfortunately Lauren was wearing a tank top underneath. Bo set about putting the buttons back in their holes, deliberately brushing against Lauren as she did so and enjoying the subtle catching of breath she heard.
Bo hadn't thought it were possible for the sexual tension to intensify, but she found out how wrong she was as the day wore on. They'd settled onto the sofa with a bucket of popcorn and a pizza; Kenzi mercifully had made herself scarce and wasn't at home. Bo had no interest whatsoever in the movie they were supposed to be viewing and spent most of her time secretly watching Lauren.
She got up to get them cans of soda from the kitchen and when she came back Lauren had reclined along the length of the sofa.
"Are you quite comfortable?" Bo said teasingly. There was no room at the end of the sofa for her to sit back down. Lauren smiled up at her, somewhat nervously.
"You can lay down with me if you want," she said, motioning to the empty space in front of her.
"Oh, okay," Bo said, trying to act like the offer was no big deal even though her stomach had just flip-flopped. She put the drinks down and settled herself on the sofa, Lauren arranging the cushion so that she could still see the TV.
Bo closed her eyes, revelling in the sensation of having Lauren so close to her. She could feel the warmth from Lauren's skin through their clothes, the softness of her breasts pushed into Bo's back.
She felt overwhelmed with it – if only Lauren could feel what she was feeling - if only she could remember that they were in love.
She felt a hand being placed hesitatingly on her hip and she held her breath, hoping that it wouldn't be pulled away. They lay like that for a while, Bo's mouth dry as she stared unseeing at the television. She felt desperate to be touched, like something in her would snap if Lauren were to move.
Then the hand moved higher, underneath her shirt just at her waist, stroking the skin it found. Bo didn't mean to react so strongly but she arched backwards, pressing herself into Lauren. She became aware that Lauren was breathing against her neck, a little harder than normal. Obviously she wasn't the only one feeling affected out of proportion to what was actually happening.
Lauren's hand moved higher still, tracing the lines of her stomach muscles. Her touch was gentle and insistent, feather light and then harder, blunt fingernails scraping against Bo's skin. Bo put her hand over Lauren's, just resting her fingers on her wrist in encouragement.
"Turn around," Lauren whispered in her ear, and Bo couldn't do it fast enough. She rolled onto her back and was met with Lauren's face looking down at her. She put her hands around Lauren's neck and although she was dying to pull her downwards she waited, wanting Lauren to be the one to come to her. Their eyes were locked to one another's, and Bo could swear she could feel the old love and understanding stretching out between them.
When their lips joined Bo tried to keep her mouth soft, tried to not be too over eager. She tried to just pretend that they were just two people who'd met and were hanging out and were beginning to really like one another.
It felt like anything but that. Lauren was stroking the side of her face, all tenderness and gentle strength. Lauren opened her mouth, her tongue gently moving against Bo's. Bo sighed, her body coiled tight with desire, feeling like she were swimming in it. Before long Lauren was kissing her harder and deeper as they moved against one another on the sofa. Lauren had slung a leg over her and Bo reached down, putting her hands tentatively on Lauren's ass, pulling her closer.
When they broke apart Bo was breathless, her heard thudding in her chest like a freight train. She smiled up at Lauren, who was looking down at her with the strangest expression on her face.
"Are you okay?" Bo asked, afraid of the answer. She pressed her fingers to Lauren's neck and collarbone, wanting to touch her before she could pull away. Lauren was already regretting it, that much was obvious.
"Yeah - yes, I'm okay," Lauren said. She did not look okay, and this was confirmed when Lauren sat back, disengaging them from one another. Bo sat up with a feeling of dull resignation in her chest. It had felt too good to be true, so it was.
"What's wrong? Is it because of . . . your ex or something?"
"I don't know, I don't know," Lauren said. She covered her face with one of her hands and Bo noticed that it were shaking. Lauren was not the type to move on guiltlessly. She should have gone slower, she shouldn't have let things get so hot without talking about it first. It didn't matter that Lauren had made the first move, she should have taken control.
Bo moved closer to her and tried to pull her hand back from her face. "It's alright, Lauren, it's alright. We can just be friends if you want, please don't go though." She felt like she was going to cry. It was not a good feeling to see that kissing her had made Lauren feel so terrible. It had been selfish of her to try to get close to Lauren in this way, just because it was what she wanted so much.
"I feel like I'm going crazy," Lauren whispered, and when she finally pulled her hand away Bo was shocked to see that she had tears in her eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know how to explain it, you're going to think I'm so nuts," she said, throwing her hands in the air.
"I'm not going to think anything like that," Bo said soothingly, putting her hands on Lauren's shoulders and looking into her eyes. "Just tell me what it is, please."
"I've just been getting this weird feeling. I've had it before when I've been with you, but it's been getting worse. I think I need to go and see somebody, have it checked out, I mean there could be a lot of different causes for it. I've done some research but I couldn't come to any sort of conclusion, it's really not good for a doctor to try and diagnose themselves, and I don't have any psychiatric training," Lauren rambled.
"Slow down. Tell me what you're feeling."
"Deja vu, that's all I can think of to call it. It can be indicative of epilepsy, which I don't have. And I read a theory that it's a fatigue symptom, but that doesn't make sense to me either," Lauren explained anxiously.
"Deja vu?" Bo asked. What had they done to her?
"It's not how it sounds. It always seems to be about you, and it won't go away. At first I thought you just really reminded me of someone. This morning when I walked into your bedroom, I could swear that I'd seen your body before," Lauren said, looking away from her in embarrassment. "And when we were kissing just now, it came on so strongly. I know it must so sound like no big deal to you, but I just can't put into words how real it feels."
If she had been waiting for a right time, then surely this was it. She couldn't let Lauren walk around thinking that there was something wrong with her. And maybe - just maybe - if Lauren trusted her enough to initiate that kiss, and if she felt close enough to her to talk to her like this, then it was time to talk back.
Bo took Lauren's hands between her own. "I need to tell you something."