Again, thank you so much to everybody who reviewed. :)

-

"This is a violation of ethics," Itachi hisses, under his breath.

Deidara shoots him an incredulous look. "What are you talking about? You're Uchiha freakin' Itachi, un. You don't even have ethics."

Itachi takes a deep breath, and tries his best to restrain himself from pushing Deidara off the tree branch they are precariously balanced on.

"Besides, un," the artist whispers, in an attempt to placate his moody teammate. "You're not really doing anything. We're supposedly just here to watch over Tobi and make sure he doesn't do anything retarded, un."

Itachi rolls his eyes; he had sworn never to spend any amount of time alone with Deidara ever again, but spending time with Deidara and Tobi is, actually, even worse. "How much longer?"

Deidara brushes his bangs away from his face, and the metal scope covering his left eye extends as he scans the interior of the building. "Keep your pants on, Uchiha; he's almost here, un."

True to his word, not even a minute later, Tobi approaches the window, clutching the requisite scrolls tightly. "I did it, guys!" he whispers, obviously pleased with himself.

Itachi quickly claims the scroll, sliding it into one of the inner pockets of his cloak. "You were careful to leave no traces of your presence?"

"Of course not!" Tobi slides out of the window easily, joining Deidara and Itachi on the overly-crowded branch. Displaying his usual lack of concern for the need for personal space, he strikes a dramatic pose, forcing the two other Akatsuki members to cringe against the trunk, while simultaneously attempting to keep a significant distance away from each other – which is much harder than it sounds. "I was totally undetectable!"

"You better have been, un," Deidara mutters under his breath. "If the Konoha people all show up at Headquarters tomorrow morning because they've followed the trail of your lollipop wrappers, or whatever – you're dead, un."

Itachi surveys their surroundings, narrowing his eyes. "All clear," he pronounces softly.

Their retreat from Konoha is swift and silent – apart from Deidara's teasing Itachi about whether he wants to stop and pay his girlfriend a visit, the subsequent sound Deidara's face makes when it is introduced to the side of the passing post office building, and Tobi's wondering aloud about whether they really could visit dear Sakura-chan, and perhaps make her some waffles while she's sleeping, so that she could wake up to a delicious breakfast in the morning?

…Much to Itachi's despair, their return to Akatsuki Headquarters actually isn't silent. In the least.

"Why did we do this again, un?" Deidara grouses, as they approach the borders of their territory.

Itachi makes it a point to avoid stepping into a bluebird's nest. "Leader-sama and Konan's orders."

Deidara is less careful; his foot tangles in a few of the stray twigs, and he almost pitches forward, off the branch. "Yeah, I should have known that we didn't just break into Hokage Tower and steal a bunch of copies of S-ranked mission assignment scrolls for kicks, un."

Tobi pauses for a moment, in order to leave an unwrapped lollipop in the nest, as a sort of little present for the cute birdies. "Sarcasm doesn't become you, Deidara-senpai," he chirps. "Besides, it was fun! Like a field trip!"

Itachi smirks slightly. "It would have been more fun if there had been some amount of challenge involved."

Deidara snorts. "I don't know about you, un, but I'd much rather prefer an easy break-in than a long, agonizing, excessively bloody and painfully dragged-out battle between us and some weird little Konoha shinobi that has the potential to end in a grand deus ex machina, anyway. If you feel that strongly about it, un, you could probably tip off your girlfriend and ask her to pull some strings and beef up security, though."

They land in front of Headquarters, and Itachi performs the requisite hand seals necessary to uncover the hidden entrance. "I'll pass. And Sakura is not my girlfriend."

"Whatever you say, un," Deidara rolls his eyes and steps into the main lair.

"We're home, guys!" Tobi sings cheerfully.

"Shut the fuck up and go back to where you came from!" Hidan snarls, from a distant hallway.

Konan emerges from a side room, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "You three took an awfully long time."

"Tobi insisted on rescuing a kitten from a tree on the way there," Itachi deadpans, before extricating the series of scrolls from his cloak and handing them to the Akatsuki second-in-command.

Konan takes them with a nod of thanks, before gesturing to the table. "Please sit; Deidara, will you summon everybody?"

Deidara grins somewhat evilly. "Team meeting right now, un!" he hollers, his voice echoing through the house, and Tobi, Itachi, and Konan all flinch.

Pein is the first to flicker into his seat at the head of the table, and he casts a jaundiced eye at the lounging artist. "I am fairly certain there are more dignified and appropriate ways to summon fellow members to a meeting," he says levelly.

In the next second, Hidan appears, next to Tobi, clutching a butcher knife in a rather anticipatory fashion. "Who died?" he asks, sounding inappropriately excited.

Kisame is the last to join them; the disgruntled look on his face tells everybody that this had better be important, because he is missing the latest new episode of ANBU Romance.

Konan slides the scrolls over to Pein, and he smiles at her slightly, before opening and unrolling them, so that the entire table leans over in order to read them with greater ease. The Leader's orange eyes narrow in concentration as he surveys the information disclosed within. "It appears that Hyuuga Neji and Nara Shikamaru are assigned to the Takashi assassination operation as well."

Deidara fairly squeaks in indignation. "Double-dealing, un! That operation was supposed to be ours!"

Hidan tests the tip of the butcher knife against his fingers. "Can we kill them?"

"No," Pein replies calmly. "It would not be wise. However, they are scheduled to mobilize two days from now; if you two leave tomorrow morning, you could complete the requisite assassinations, collect the complete fees, and return here by the time the Konoha shinobi even arrive in Mist."

Konan examines the scrolls. "Is that it?"

"That is the only thing that could prove a conflict to our interests," Pein assents, before frowning. "Deidara – what are you doing?"

The blonde missing-nin has pulled one of the scrolls to himself, scanning it with obvious interest. "Hey, Uchiha! Your girlfriend's on here, un!"

Dignity prevents Itachi from immediately and violently taking possession of said scroll, although, correctly reading the expression on his face, Kisame reaches out, obligingly smacks Deidara in the back of the neck, and obtains the scroll. "Hey, he was right," Kisame observes, over Deidara's moans of pain. "She's slated for an S-ranked assassination of some troublesome Konoha missing-nin."

Pein stands up and favors his dysfunctional organization with something that may have possibly been a tiny smile. "As long as said troublesome Konoha missing-nin is not Itachi, you all have license to do as you will about this – provided you act in a discreet and rational manner."

Hidan, Deidara, Tobi, and Kisame all give him dumbfounded looks. Itachi raises an eyebrow.

"Never mind," the Leader mutters, heading back to his room. "That was too asinine and impossible a request to ever work out."

Tobi blinks. "Hey, guys," he says, in a stage whisper. "I think we just got insulted."

"You don't say," Itachi deadpans.

Konan tries her best not to laugh as she crafts a paper lynx from one of the spare scroll copies. "Hidan, Deidara; remember that you need to mobilize at five tomorrow morning. I assume that you are both familiar with the instructions – do you need any last-minute supplies?"

Deidara gives the blue-haired kunoichi his most angelic smile. Hidan attempts to imitate it, but on him, it just looks scary. "Just some more of your wonderful cookies, un!"

Hidan nods in frantic assent.

Konan sighs softly and retreats to the kitchen, mumbling something about the rest of them needing to learn how to make their own damn cookies.

Deidara stretches luxuriously. "Well, un," he addresses the remaining crowd. "Good night, I guess. Try not to blow yourselves up in the two days we'll be gone. Do something artistic for a change. And, Uchiha, un – it would be my advice to take advantage of the fact of Sakura being out of Konoha on her own, if you get my drift?"

"But only if you don't fuck it up by doing something scary and stalkerish," Hidan contributes helpfully.

Itachi leans back against his chair. "I will try my level best," he says sardonically.

Hidan returns to his lair, tossing his butcher knife from hand to hand, and Deidara slinks off to his room surreptitiously. This effort, on his part, is completely wasted; Tobi notices, and bounds off after him, sobbing about how much he will miss his 'best friend forever.'

This leaves Itachi and Kisame sitting in silence; in the absence of Konan's polite company, Kisame flings his feet on the table as he surveys the mission scroll. "So," he drawls, at last. "What are you going to do?"

"I intend to do nothing."

Kisame flicks Konan's deserted origami lynx at him. "Come on, one-sentence replies aren't going to cut it for this particular conversation."

Itachi sighs, easily deflecting the lynx. "…Fine. I do not see why performing any actions should be necessary; my correspondences with her are completely adequate, and have been recently approaching a state of civility."

Kisame smirks, and leans toward his partner. "You're telling me you wouldn't like to actually see her again?"

"…I feel no particular need for it." The Uchiha prodigy fixates his gaze on a particular spot on the ceiling.

The shark-man clasps his hands together, assuming an innocent posture. "Really?"

Itachi looks over at him, his normally impassive composure cracked. "Did you just question me?"

"Me?" Kisame asks, widening his eyes. "Question you? Never."

"You had a tone," Itachi glares. "A tone of skepticism."

Kisame gasps dramatically. "But I've known you since you were a mere sprog of thirteen! I would never be skeptical of your word or abilities!"

Itachi buries his head in his hands, unable to stand it. "Kisame," he says dangerously. "You are disturbing the natural order of things. I will not have it."

Kisame stands up, giving him a decidedly shark-y smile. "I'll stop disturbing the natural order of things after you give me all the details about your lovely date with Sakura."

"What—"

Kisame flutters his fingers at him in a farewell. "Remember, she leaves tomorrow morning, and I'd say she should be done by tomorrow night. The Rusty Hangnail is a great dinner place, by the way."

Itachi glares at Kisame until he leaves the room, chuckling softly to himself as he goes. Then Itachi settles for glaring at the offensive spot on the ceiling, while cursing every aspect of his life.

When this gets repetitive and redundant, he proceeds to the kitchen in search of some Vitamin Water; instead, he finds Konan, carefully crafting a set of very realistic-looking paper chocolate chip cookies. Itachi raises an eyebrow inquisitively, and she ceases her careful arrangement of a brown tissue chocolate chip. "We're out of cookie dough," she says in explanation. "The amount of funding we spend on it is just slightly frightening. Besides…" she gives him a tiny smile. "Envisioning their reactions is amusing."

Itachi nods in assent, pouring himself a glass of Vitamin Water.

"I assume you'll be seeing Sakura tomorrow night?" Konan inquires, putting the finishing touches on her pseudo cookie.

The Uchiha frowns through his special Acai-Blueberry-Pomegranate mix. "I suppose," Itachi says, enunciating each word as if it is in a foreign language. "For…dinner. At the Rusty Hangnail, apparently."

"I see. Have you asked her?"

Itachi is unable to suppress a small twitch at the very thought. "Hardly."

Konan slides the batch of pseudo-cookies into a plastic container. "You know," she says mildly, "If he was so inclined, Pein could tell you that surprising an S-ranked kunoichi when she least expects it is hardly – wise."

Itachi considers it, while deciding that desperate times call for desperate measures, and measuring himself a liberal amount of the Dragonfruit formula. "Would he be able to tell me this out of personal experience?"

Konan's lips quirk up at the corners. "Perhaps. But it is up to you."

Itachi leans against the counter wordlessly. "If she had any inkling of this, however," he comments at last, "I have reason to believe she would barricade herself within the safety of Hokage Tower and never come out."

This time, Konan cannot repress a soft laugh. "Give her more credit than that, Tachi-chan. Now, go and get some sleep."

With these words of wisdom, the kunoichi glides out of the kitchen, leaving Itachi very much alone, with the beginnings of a plan brewing in his head.

-

Konoha

-

It is five in the morning, and Sakura is being slowly strangled to death.

"Ino," she gasps. "Let. Go."

Despite this impassioned plea, her best friend only holds on tighter. "During your last mission, you got captured by the Akatsuki and Uchiha Itachi fell in love with you! Who knows what you're going to get up to now?"

Sakura claws at her, to no avail. "Don't yell it like that, and he's not in love with me, Ino! He's just being – confused and weird! I can't freakin' breathe!"

Much to her relief, Ino finally lets go, looking very, very worried. "Are you sure you'll be back by tonight?" she asks anxiously.

"Yes," Sakura assures her. "Come on, it's just the routine hunter-nin type stuff. I've done it a million times before; I'll be fine."

"If you're not in your apartment by tomorrow morning," Ino proclaims, poking her in the forehead. "Kakashi-sensei, Yamato, Sai, Naruto, and I are all starting a rescue expedition, no matter what."

Sakura rolls her eyes affectionately. "Whatever, Ino-pig. I'm out of here."

She makes her escape quickly, her feet making light contact with the rooftops as she seeks the quickest route out of her village. The sun is just slipping over the horizon, punctuating the darkness with soft golden light, and Sakura blinks as she passes the post office building. There seems to be an impression of a face on the side of it.

In a moment of curiosity, she hops over there, observing the impression. Whoever had done that must have been pretty pissed off – and strong, too. The features of the impression are vaguely familiar—

When the realization hits her, Sakura's jaw drops. She hadn't realized that she had hit Sai that hard. And she could have sworn his face had made an impression on the side of the Academy, not on the post office…

Feeling more than a little puzzled, Sakura continues on her way. Neji has been assigned to guard duty; he waves her through security easily, and it is a matter of minutes before she has reached the great forest outside of Konoha. Sensing this particular missing-nin's chakra signature is a simple matter, and it isn't long before Sakura is following a trail due north, intent on the hunt.

-

Simple matter.

Sakura curses herself for thinking those stupid, mission-jinxing words in the first place, and swings a vicious right hook toward the Konoha missing-nin.

Through some nasty fluke, he barely manages to dodge it, and disappears into the twilight shadows that cloak the forest.

Sakura barely manages to restrain her snarls of utter fury – the bastard had managed to cut a nasty gouge in her upper arm, and she is pissed.

-

The Konoha missing-nin that is currently the target of the pink-haired kunoichi's considerable ire makes his escape as he winds through the dark, dense forest, barely able to believe his good fortune.

That is, until a very familiar figure steps out from the shadow of a nearby tree, and Yamazaki Koto is unable to stifle his gasp of horror, promptly retreating into a tree. He had left Konoha a year ago, but every shinobi who had ever looked at a bingo book knows this guy's name –

"I'm not affiliated with Konoha anymore," he babbles rapidly, pointing to the slash through his forehead protector. "If you want anyone to wreak your horrible vengeance upon, look that way. Really scary Konoha kunoichi with pink hair, freakishly strong but I'm sure you could take her—"

His voice trails off abruptly, likely due to the icy hand that has curled mercilessly around his throat. "Get back there," the owner of said hand says, dispassionately.

Koto chokes. "What the – are you crazy?"

The hand tightens, and he gags. "It depends on whom you ask."

Then, Koto is lifted bodily off his feet, and he realizes, terrified, that he is being steered back toward the clearing. And the scary girl. "Why?" he rasps.

Itachi chooses not to answer that particular query; it would be far too troublesome. He throws the Konoha missing-nin back into the clearing, and the frightened man reaches up to massage his severely bruised throat.

"Do not put up too much of a fight," Itachi instructs impassively. "I have dinner reservations at eight."

Despite the fact that his neck feels as if it is on fire and breathing is quite difficult, Yamazaki Koto looks up at the notorious Akatsuki member incredulously. "What—"

Itachi vanishes into the shadows, as if he had never been there, and Koto turns around, hearing, with a dawning sense of horror, the cracking of a pair of very familiar knuckles.

"So you've decided to come back, I see." Haruno Sakura steps out of the other side of the forest, her injuries completely healed, and her green eyes glittering menacingly. She lifts her right fist and blows on the knuckles lightly, her gaze meeting his. "Big mistake."

-

"One gin and vodka martini, shaken not stirred, please." Sakura sighs to the bartender wearily, throwing herself down on the high wooden stool and burying her aching head in her hands.

The elderly man ceases in his wiping of several dubious-looking glasses, obviously surprised that such an elegant order would come from the mouth of such a bruised and battered shinobi. "Coming right up."

The martini is in her grasp within a minute, complete with an olive of suspicious quality bobbing on the surface. Sakura sips it, too exhausted to be picky. The Rusty Hangnail, indeed – an establishment of debatable quality, to say the least. Normally she would keep a five-mile distance between herself and such an odd place, but she is starving and running low on chakra, and this is the only restaurant within decent traveling distance.

In all honesty, it isn't that terrible, she supposes. It has the simple wooden décor typical of many small eateries, although this room is crowded with tables and chairs in various states of disrepair. There is an unusually elegant silk screen separating this room from another, though, and Sakura thinks that it's probably nicer over there – for customers willing to pay a greater amount of money.

She fidgets on the uncomfortable barstool; the intense taijutsu had, as always, taken an indecent toll on her muscles. Staring down into the depths of her pale green martini, Sakura winces at how tired she looks.

Sakura vaguely notices the presence that slips into the stool beside her, almost too tired to even keep her head up – until said presence places one hand lightly on the small of her back. "Shiskikura-san," a dreadfully familiar voice says, in a smooth, even tone. "I believe I made reservations for a table for two at eight?"

Sakura freezes suddenly, half believing that this is some kind of twisted hallucination brought on by extreme stress.

Oh, fuck, no. This is some other guy. Some random guy who just happens to sound like – him.

Sakura looks up, and finds her eyes making contact with none other than Uchiha Itachi.

Shishkikura Hokisai, owner of the Rusty Hangnail, looks around sharply, alarmed to see the pink-haired girl from earlier choking violently on her martini. "Is she alright?"

To her horror, Itachi moves his hand slightly up her spine; the image of a gentle, reassuring young man concerned about his girlfriend. "She is fine," he assures Shiskikura calmly. "Just a little – startled." He smiles a little. "It was intended to be a surprise."

Underneath the table, Sakura kicks Itachi viciously and repeatedly in the shin, as her choking fit subsides. His expression never wavers. "Our table, please?"

As if things couldn't get any worse, as Shishkikura hastens to escort them from the bar to the room behind the silk screen, Itachi moves his arm to drape it casually around Sakura's shoulders. It is the kind of unthinking gesture that any guy would do while out with his girlfriend – and also, a calculated reminder that she has three pressure points that are completely vulnerable to him at the moment.

"What are you doing here?" Sakura hisses softly, between clenched teeth.

Itachi smirks his amusement as Shishkikura slides the silk screen aside for them. "I happened to be in the neighborhood."

"Your table," Shishkikura announces, gesturing around the room. True to Sakura's original prediction, this area of the Rusty Hangnail is considerably fancier than the exterior; it is the picture of luxuriously exquisite décor and taste. He bows to Itachi fawningly. "I hope everything is to your liking."

"Oh, it is," Itachi murmurs. "My thanks."

In the few seconds she has before the guy goes back to the front of the restaurant, Sakura tries her best to communicate to him, with her panicked eyes, that everything is not right here, that she is not just some girl out with some guy, that she is being forced against her will to be alone with an S-ranked criminal and that this is probably going to end in some kind of freakish kidnapping attempt—

The expression in Shishkikura's eyes soften, as his gaze meets Sakura's. "Ah, the beauty of young love."

Thankfully, Shishkikura turns and leaves just in time to miss Sakura's attempts to bash her brains out against the nearest wall.

"Oh, no," Sakura says, taking a ragged breath and recovering herself, turning to face the man who is, right now, nothing less than her worst enemy, "you didn't."

Itachi raises an eyebrow at her, gesturing to the booth with a kind of languid grace. "I believe I did."

Sakura has no choice but to slink into her seat, glowering, as Itachi slides in across from her. He is dressed impeccably, if a little monochromatically, in black pants and a turtleneck in such a deep shade of blue that it is nearly black. For obvious reasons, the slashed forehead protector is nowhere to be found, and the Sharingan is, for once, absent from his gaze. As she watches him warily, he lifts one of the elaborately designed little square plates and offers it to her. "Sushi?" he inquires calmly, as if the fact that she is dining with the number one enemy of her village is completely normal.

Sakura attempts a smile, and accepts the offered sushi roll delicately.

Itachi blinks once. Success?

Then Sakura pelts him with the sushi roll in question. "What. The. Hell?" she asks, in an outraged whisper.

Itachi realizes, dazed, that he has rice on his shoulder. "…You willfully assaulted me with a culinary dish," he manages, at last. "People have died for lesser offenses."

Sakura takes a sip from her new and much fresher martini, slamming it down on the table. "You – you willfully kidnapped me and forced me to heal your eyes and wrote a book where I died and cornered me in a shady culinary establishment for unknown purposes! I've castrated people for lesser offenses!"

They glare at each other for a few moments, before Itachi sighs, lifting his chopsticks and twirling them through his long fingers, before abruptly switching gears. "Tell me, Sakura, are you hungry?"

The question takes her for surprise, and Sakura blinks at the non sequitur. "…What's it to you?"

"Look at your plate," he drawls.

When Sakura, does, indeed, look down at her plate, Itachi has the satisfaction of seeing the expression in her eyes melt from anger into one of pure, unadulterated desire and longing, before she looks back up at him. Thankfully, the look of desire and longing is still in her eyes, and if Itachi tilts his head slightly to the right, he can almost believe that said expression is directed at him – and not at the plate of lightly grilled chicken bites served with slow-cooked noodles and hoisin sauce in front of her.

"Itachi," Sakura says, and she is mortified to hear that it comes out as more of a moan, and less of a threatening snarl.

"That could be severely misinterpreted if taken out of context," Itachi observes smoothly, channeling his inner Deidara – which is a frightening thought indeed.

Sakura blushes fiercely, relieved that her voice has returned to its normal tone. "This is manipulation," she bites out. "Blatant, base psychological manipulation."

"It is nothing of the sort," he counters. "It is just a special order of your favorite dish."

"How very considerate of you," Sakura mumbles, looking back down at the tempting plate in front of her.

She glances up to find Itachi surveying her, a look of subtle amusement playing about his face. "You could eat," he offers, taking a delicate bite of his shrimp tempura. "You would not betray your village by the simple act of taking your chopsticks and twining them around some of those hot, steaming noodles—"

"Close your eyes," Sakura snaps.

"Pardon?"

The kunoichi flails agitatedly, almost upsetting a good deal of the lit candles that have been distributed around them. "Just do it! Please!"

Itachi closes his eyes without further comment, but the length of his eyelashes enables him to survey his unlikely dining partner discreetly. Despite her ravenous hunger, she takes a polite bite of the noodles and lightly grilled chicken bites and chews them slowly, an expression of the deepest bliss spreading across her face.

A few moments after swallowing, he watches her attempt to school herself back into a poker face, amused. When Sakura is satisfied with her efforts, she clears her throat lightly. "You may open your eyes," she decrees, and Itachi does so, fixing her with his dark gaze.

"How did you find them?" he asks inscrutably.

"…Passable," Sakura lies.

Itachi arches an eyebrow, knowing better. "Better than the ones you had previously?"

Sakura gulps nervously. "I would say they're about even – argh!" she shrieks, jumping back, only to find that she has nowhere to go. "Your foot touched mine!"

Itachi smirks, rather enjoying himself. "We have a limited degree of foot space, obviously," he deadpans. "Let's be mature about this, shall we?"

Her face burning, Sakura downs the rest of her martini in one go, before turning back to her food. She stabs a serving of noodles viciously. "So," she begins, looking back at up at him; he gazes at her with the utmost attentiveness. "How are your friends?"

Their conversation follows a predictable path after this; Itachi attempts to convince Sakura that they are most certainly not his friends, Sakura mocks him cruelly, and then they engage in idle and surprisingly civil and enjoyable conversation. This is even more of a Big Deal than it had been previously, because this time, they are engaging in idle and surprisingly civil and enjoyable conversation over a fancy dinner at an equally fancy restaurant. Which, technically, would make this an official date.

When Itachi realizes this, he discreetly chokes on his specially ordered Vitamin Water.

When Sakura realizes this, she turns several different shade of red, just barely restrains herself from overturning a bottle of horseradish sauce on Itachi's head, but settles with kicking him in the shin, due to a random and inexplicable physical spasm.

A pained expression flits over Itachi's well-bred features for about half a second. "May I ask what that was for?" he drawls.

"Random and inexplicable physical spasm," Sakura replies automatically. Throwing caution to the winds, she leans in a little, unable to stop herself from fidgeting. "Um…Itachi?"

He eyes her curiously; she had seemed rather comfortable prior to this. "Yes?"

Sakura fidgets some more, unable to believe that she is even in this situation in the first place. Honestly, out of all the kunoichi in Konoha, she has the worst luck. Maybe she shouldn't bring this up right now, but honestly, somebody can't expect to be conned into a date with an Akatsuki member and act in a sane and rational manner afterward. "…Doyoulikeme?"

Itachi blinks. "…Pardon?"

Sakura takes a deep, steadying breath, forcing the words to come out coherently; there's no going back now. "Do you – like me, or something?"

Itachi cannot stop himself from recoiling slightly; he had hardly expected that. She was not supposed to know – damn it, did his naturally inscrutable and mysterious personality carry no weight with her? "I would appreciate a little more clarification in regards to your meaning," he deadpans, trying his best to hold on to his usual composure.

Sakura shifts impatiently and crushes a complimentary fortune cookie to dust in her right hand. "Do you like me?"

For once, Itachi utilizes the breathing exercises that Kisame is always going on about, as he tries to figure out what on earth the slight fluctuation in intonation and enunciation on the word like is supposed to mean. "…What is the slight fluctuation in intonation and enunciation on the word like intended to signify?"

For a few moments, Itachi thinks that he may have inadvertently given the pink-haired kunoichi some sort of silent heart attack. After some very deep breathing, though, she manages to recover herself. To his surprise, she doesn't screech at him, instead, lowering her voice to a softly dangerous tone. "Itachi. Do you want to go out with me?"

Itachi blinks again. "Are you—"

"Don't look like that, because I am not asking you out!" Sakura screeches, before she reaches out, grabs him by the shirt, and pulls him alarmingly close to her, empty plates be damned, and searches desperately for terms that would make sense to somebody of his socially retarded nature. "Do you have feelings for me that are more than platonic?"

He says nothing, but Sakura notices the color rise against his pale cheekbones – Itachi. The Uchiha Itachi. Blushing. She would laugh hysterically if it were not for the fact that, in one fell swoop, her life had just got three million times more complicated.

"I hate to interrupt your moment," Shishkikura Hokisai, owner of the Rusty Hangnail, says apologetically, and Sakura hastily lets go of Itachi; the two of them settle back into their respective seats, looking rather abashed. "But it looks like you two are ready for dessert!"

"Mango ice cream," Sakura replies immediately.

"Vanilla," Itachi manages.

The owner bows. "I will be back with them in a moment!"

He departs hastily, leaving a highly awkward silence in his wake.

"Um," Sakura mumbles, pushing a few stray noodles around on her plate and trying determinedly not to look at the man across from her. "As far as psychopathic mass-murdering S-ranked criminals go, I can say with all fairness, that you're the nicest one I know. But dating – don't you think that would be kinda irrational?"

When she sneaks a look up, she finds Itachi looking at her unblinkingly. "Why?"

The question throws her enough to make her meet his gaze eye-to-eye. "Because," Sakura says, gesturing into the air. "You're the most notorious criminal to come out of our village, second only to Orochimaru. Your organization has sworn to bring the world to its knees before them, and my village has sworn to stop you at any cost. Hell, you guys want to extract the Kyuubi from my best friend, even though it would kill him." She hesitates. "It's primarily a conflict of interest. To say the least. Like I said – irrational."

It takes a moment for Itachi to counter this; he leans against the back of the booth, considering her. "You have naturally pink hair and can create a major earthquake by punching the ground," he observes mildly. "I became an ANBU Captain at eleven years of age. Your shishou, the Godaime Hokage, was once renowned for facing an entire army, unarmed – she plucked a tree out of the ground and literally swept said army off the face of a cliff. Kisame is a human and shark hybrid. Your friends Hyuuga Neji and Nara Shikamaru, respectively, have three-hundred-and-sixty degree vision and can make enemy-nin strangle themselves by manipulation of their shadows. Leader-sama has split himself into five bodies." He pauses for a moment, taking a small sip of his Vitamin Water. "Need I continue?"

Sakura watches him, honestly curious. "Where are you going with this?"

"In case it's escaped your notice, we live in a completely irrational world, Sakura," Itachi points out dryly. He indicates the table between them. "This would hardly be the most shocking and sensational thing to happen within it."

Sakura is dismayed to feel a blush creeping over her features, and she nearly jumps with gratitude when Shishkikura appears, smiling in his overly cheerful fashion, and distributing two large bowls of ice cream in front of them. "Mango and vanilla for two!"

Itachi inclines his head at the restaurant owner. "Thank you."

This time, the silence left behind is only slightly less awkward, as Itachi and Sakura turn their attention to their respective dishes of ice cream.

Itachi is completely immersed in carving the kanji for "death" into his vanilla ice cream with the tip of his spoon, so that when Sakura clears her throat softly, he looks up at her, somewhat startled.

She slides her bowl of mango ice cream toward him. "Here," the kunoichi offers. "Try some."

Itachi looks her over, weighting the possibility of her managing to discreetly slip some compact form of poison onto the innocuous dessert.

As if reading his thoughts, one of Sakura's eyebrows quirk up, and she actually coughs to hide the bubble of laughter in her throat. "Don't worry. I didn't poison it or anything."

Wordlessly, he slides his bowl of vanilla ice cream over to her.

Each of them keeping their gaze trained on each other, Itachi and Sakura take hesitant bites of the other's ice cream.

"Mm, it's good," Sakura manages, around her mouthful of the sweet, chilly dessert.

Itachi nods as he grudgingly acknowledges the merit of another ice cream flavor besides his favorite. "Indeed."

This time, their plates meet in the middle, and they share the rest of the two scoops between themselves.

-

After they are done with dinner, Sakura tries to assure Itachi that she doesn't really need him to escort her home. He gives her a look that implies that she should know better. "Either we go together," he informs her, in a tone of complete seriousness, "or I pretend to return to Headquarters and then follow you at a distance."

Sakura can't help but laugh as she throws her small mission pack of survival supplies at him. "You are such a creepy weirdo."

Itachi raises an eyebrow at her. "After all, it is what I do best," he deadpans.

-

And that is how Itachi makes his second trip to Konoha within two days; although traveling with Sakura is infinitely preferable to traveling with Deidara and Tobi, which makes the entire endeavor completely worth it.

However, (thankfully) with Deidara and Tobi, there had been no awkward moments while standing outside of apartment doors.

"So," Sakura says at last, fiddling with her keys as she looks up at him. "Here we are. Again."

"Yes," Itachi acknowledges, his hand unconsciously drifting up to rub the previously bruised section of his jaw.

Sakura winces, and, without quite thinking, she reaches up to touch the jaw that she had punched. "I would say I'm sorry. Except that I'm not."

Itachi purposely leans his head slightly into her touch, his eyes never leaving hers. "Your honesty is admirable."

Sakura blushes again, pulling her hand back as if his skin is in danger of burning hers. "Yes! Well, I try. Or…something."

Itachi watches her, hiding the amusement from his gaze. "Hn."

Sakura paces in a small circle, no longer bothering to hide her frustration. "Oh, Buddha damn it! Look, you," – she stops in front of him abruptly, poking him in the clavicle – "Itachi. This was not a date, okay?"

"Definitely not," Itachi fairly purrs in acknowledgement, as he advances toward her.

Sakura backs away, feeling vaguely alarmed. "You're looking at me funny. Stop it."

Her back collides with the door, and she squeaks.

Itachi steps forward, his hands gently curling around her elbows, and before Sakura can do so much as blink, his lips press against her cheek, and she freezes.

Itachi draws back, obviously satisfied with himself.

"You better not punch me now, damn it," Sakura manages, feeling somewhat dazed.

Itachi smirks at her. "I was not intending on it, Sakura. Good night."

And just like that, he is gone, leaving her standing on her doorstep, with two fingers pressed to the spot he had kissed her.

-

Yamanaka Ino is curled up on her sofa, watching the latest episode of ANBU Romance with wide eyes, when her phone rings. She shrieks with surprise, mentally berates herself for being so jumpy, reaches for said phone, notes the Caller ID, and, this time, shrieks with anticipation.

"Sakura!" she fairly yells into the line. "You're cutting into ANBU Romance time! Hang up unless you've got something really good!"

"Oh, Ino," her best friend says, in an uncharacteristically shaky voice. "Believe me, it's good."

-

When Itachi knocks on his bedroom door, Kisame opens it a crack and sticks his face out. "You're cutting into ANBU Romance time," the shark-man observes. "I'm not even letting you in unless you've got something really good."

Itachi smirks. "Trust me, Kisame – it's good."

To be continued. :O

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