Greetings from Pink Wolf Princess!

I do NOT own HP; otherwise far fewer people would have died. Things will be getting more and more off the canon track as time goes on- just giving you fair warning. So any characters being OOC are a combination of this being AU and me messing with them. :D

Chapter Three: And the trio began to plan a large-scale prank as the evening faded into night.

It took exactly four days for the trio to realize that something off was going on with Harry Potter. After a luncheon of PB&J sandwiches Potter had retreated back to his secluded quarters to resume his summer homework. Considering how on occasion he went to Lupin for assistance they knew he was really doing it. So the three wizards sat at the kitchen table; while Lupin sipped his warm tea Snape had a bottle of butterbeer and Black had gotten a can of Muggle soda from Snape's fridge. So far no duels had erupted, mostly because Lupin and Black had been spending most of their time catching up while Snape worked on his potions in the basement.

"I have to admit, Potter isn't being as troublesome as I thought he would be," Snape conceded. "Perhaps he's just not used to living with you two yet?"

"And you," Lupin reminded him. "Perhaps… I don't ever recall James or Lily acting this quiet."

"I remember a time when I acted rather like Harry is now," Sirius noted, sipping his soda. His eyes narrowing he growled, "But if that's what's wrong with Harry…"

"It couldn't be that bad," Snape refuted. But Black's face was bleak. "Oh, but it was. I was a couple of years older than Harry at the time."

All the color drained from Lupin's face. "Wait… no! No, I refuse to believe that. Harry just needs some time to adjust, that's all. You're overreacting, Padfoot."

"For Harry's sake I hope I am."

Snape looked back and forth between the two but they refused to resume that particular conversation to his great annoyance.

That evening Snape had made a cheese pizza with pineapple chunks on it for dinner for no real reason other to annoy Black because he knew Black loathed pineapple. And Black's vague comments after lunch had aggravated him because they had made no sense!

Like all major happenings it had started out small. They had been eating their slices of pizza (Black disgustedly picking off the pineapple) when Lupin asked, "Snape, do you have a house elf?"

"What?"

"Well, that or there's been an upswing in house cleaning spells."

All three men noticed Potter's fixed expression on his pizza slice. Snape eyed the teenager doubtfully. "What did you do, Potter?"

Potter flushed and mumbled something under his breath. Snape sighed, "You really shouldn't mumble, Potter."

Potter just hunched down, having finished his piece of pizza. Black plopped a second piece onto his godson's plate. "Really, Harry, you need to eat more if your metabolism is anything like your father's."

"Or his mother's," Snape interjected quietly. Lupin was busy chewing, but he seemed on edge slightly. Warily Potter began eating his second piece of pizza. Snape realized that Potter always needed pushed to have second servings- and usually his first servings weren't all that large. That didn't quite account for his eating habits at Hogwarts. Something was indeed 'up' with Potter, and as one of his three new guardians it was partially Snape's responsibility to figure it out. How lovely.

So he sighed, "What is it, Potter?"

"Nothing!"

Lupin and Black exchanged a doubtful look. Snape drawled, "And that's why you've been acting so oddly of late?"

"Er…" Potter refused to meet any of their eyes. Black frowned, "Prongslet?"

"It's nothing," Potter insisted, immediately biting into his pizza to delay further questioning. Black and Lupin had insisted on using 'Prongslet' as a nickname for Potter. Snape sighed, "I am a legilimens, Potter. Don't make me use it."

"Huh?"

"Basically he can read your mind," Black replied through a mouthful of pizza. Potter looked suitably disturbed- or maybe his expression had been brought on by his godfather's eating habits. Of course, Snape decided it might be a combination of the two. Lupin suddenly looked at his pizza slice like he had never seen one before. "Snape, I didn't know you could make pizza."

"So?"

"It's not a very wizardly food," Black clarified. "Trust me- I snuck in pizza to annoy my mother."

"So hex me, I grew up in a Muggle neighborhood," Snape snapped at the pair. Quietly Harry looked over at him. "Like me?"

There was a long pause.

"Yes. Now, Potter, what is wrong with you? Quiet and unobtrusive has not been your strong suit at Hogwarts."

Potter shrugged. Snape growled, "Potter."

"It's been great," the teen hurriedly assured them. He looked back and forth between the trio. "Why are you guys worried about me again?"

"Merlin, you don't get it, do you?" Black exhaled, fretful. "We're your guardians, Harry. We're supposed to worry about you, whether you need worried about or not."

"And right now you need worried over," Lupin added quietly. "So, Harry, have you been behind the sudden cleanliness of Snape's house?"

"Maybe," he muttered. Snape's eyebrows went up. "Why?"

"Well," Potter replied, discomfited, "they were all chores I did at the Dursleys… was I doing them wrong?"

"No," Snape had to admit.

"Wait, you did all those chores at the Dursleys?" Black asked flatly. Potter nodded, "And some cooking."

"Are you serious?" frowned Snape at the boy, remembering the times he had shooed Potter out of the kitchen around mealtimes. He had thought Potter was looking for freebies… but something warned him that Potter was not lying. Trying to lighten the mood Black noted, "No, I'm serious."

Both Lupin and Snape gave Black a dour look. The former informed him, "That joke was old before we left Hogwarts…"

"I know but I haven't used it in twelve years; just bringing it out of the closet."

To fortify himself Lupin took a fourth piece of pizza. Snape complained, "Lupin, you're going to eat half the pizza by yourself at this rate."

"A high metabolism is a side effect of being a werewolf," Lupin acknowledged with a sheepish smile. With a frown he stated, "But back to Harry."

Potter looked stressed. "What about me?"

"Why did you do all those chores at the Dursleys?" Lupin pressed.

"Because they told me to. Mostly Aunt Petunia."

"What chores did Dudley do?" Black questioned. Potter's snort was answer enough. Dubiously Snape asked, "So while you worked like a house elf your Muggle cousin did no chores?"

"Sounds like my house," Black grumbled. His eyes turning towards his godson he questioned, "Anything else that needs said?"

Potter just shook his head. Black asked, "Are you sure?"

"Well… I did do a bit of accidental magic last summer… I didn't get in trouble because everyone was worried about you coming after me. But can I get in trouble now?"

"Doubtful," Lupin assured him. "But what did you do?"

"I blew up my aunt."

It was more the matter-of-fact way that Potter said that statement even more than the actual words that had the three wizards gaping.

"Well, really I inflated her… but I didn't mean to! I suppose part of me just snapped when she called my mom a bitch."

"WHAT?" an outraged Snape shouted. Lupin and Black's jaws were dropped in shock. Potter hurriedly amended, "Well, she's a dog breeder, you see, so she was making a metaphor that if something was wrong with the bitch then there'd be something wrong with the pup- me. Plus she called my dad a good-for-nothing and suggested they were drunk when they died because Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon say my parents died in a car crash since they can't say they're wizards."

"Well, better that than murdered by a psycho," Black had to admit. Lupin frowned, "And when did they tell you the truth about your parents' deaths, Harry?"

"Oh, they didn't. Hagrid did."

Snape rested his head in his hands. "Why oh why did you have to inherit your mother's way of telling stories disjointedly?"

"Um."

"Anything else you want to tell us, Prongslet?" an amused Black asked. Thoughtfully Potter agreed, "Lots. The Philosopher's stone, Norbert, the Chamber of Secrets, that time I accidentally freed a giant snake at the zoo, how I became Seeker on the Quidditch team, the troll incident on Halloween… um, Snape? Since these are all past adventures you can't get me in trouble for them, right?"

"What would be the point?" Snape sighed. "You forgot about the flying car though."

"Oh yeah- plus the giant spiders!"

"Giant spiders?" Black yelped. "Those monsters are still in the forest?"

"Uh-huh. And centaurs and unicorns- but I only saw a dead one."

"A dead centaur?" Lupin asked dazedly. Potter shook his head, saying, "No, a dead unicorn."

"I remember that. I don't think they ever caught who was doing it though," Snape mused. Potter argued, "It was Quirrell and Riddle."

"Huh?" went Lupin and Black. Snape explained, "Quirrell was the Defense teacher in Harry's first year but who is Riddle?"

"That's Voldemort's real last name."

"Odd," Lupin frowned. "I recall an old murder involving a Muggle family named Riddle-an older couple and their adult son. A Muggle-hater named Gaunt was convicted, although the groundskeeper insisted he saw a teenage boy hanging around the time of the murder rather than any adult."

"Fair skin, curly black hair, not bad-looking?"

"Er, yes."

"Teenage Voldemort," Potter stated knowingly. Black shuddered. "Not a pleasant thought."

"No. It must have been him… he said his Muggle father was named Riddle…"

Black let out a bark of laughter at that. "The feared pure-blood supremacist is a half-blood?"

Potter looked wry. "Uh-huh, he told me so… his mother was a pure-blood but she died giving birth to him so he was raised in an orphanage. His dad had left before he was born."

Snape was quiet. The Dark Lord's childhood was starting to sound like his own- not a pleasant thought. Finishing his third piece of pizza Black suggested, "How about we finish eating, clean up, and go into the library to discuss your first two years?"

"All right," Potter conceded awkwardly. The plates left to soak in the soak, the quartet moved into the library. Snape took the armchair, Potter sat cross-legged on the floor, and Black and Lupin sat on the couch.

Quietly he began. "I suppose I ought to start with the first letter from Hogwarts."

"The first?" puzzled Lupin. Potter smiled. "You'll see."

So Potter explained how more and more letters kept coming when the Dursleys wouldn't let him open one, although there was a moment of stunned silence when the truth about Potter's long term sleeping arrangement came out. But Potter skimmed over that to get to the 'road trip', and then to Hagrid's arrival. Through numerous interruptions from all sides as well as some backtracking Potter told them all about his first three years at Hogswarts. At the end Black said enviously, "How did you manage to pack in more adventures in your first three years than we did in seven?"

Lupin looked at Black askance.

"Pranks don't count, Moony."

"Ah."

Snape shook his head. "Potter."

Harry looked tired. "I have to wonder what on Earth can happen this upcoming year…"

"Whatever it is, it'll give me grey hairs," predicted Black. Tartly Lupin demanded, "What's wrong with having grey hairs?"

"Uh…"

"You two are going to give me grey hairs," Snape grumbled. Getting to his feet Potter requested, "I really ought to send letters to Hermione and Ron. Can I go now?"

"Yes," Black nodded. So with a wave of his wand Snape revealed the passage up to Potter's chambers. Once the teen was gone Lupin smiled coldly, raising his hand.

"All for revenge on the Dursleys?"

"Yep… I don't think Harry even told us a tenth of what he went through," Black growled, raising his hand as well. Snape had to agree, raising up his hand, "No one should be treated that way- not even Potter. And Petunia knows perfectly well where Platform 9 ¾ is- she was just messing with his head."

And the trio began to plan a large-scale prank as the evening faded into night.