Title: Saying Goodbye

Author: Robin

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize belong to JE, I'm just using them for my own nefarious purposes… to eventually get Ranger nekkid. : )

A/N: Sorry for the loooong wait for this update. I suck, I know.

Chapter 12

Ranger

Julie was dancing around, bouncing from foot to foot in excitement by the time Stephanie and I got out of the car. She immediately launched herself at Stephanie, hitting her with enough force to knock her back two steps. "Stephanie!!" she squealed, "I can't believe you're here! My mom just told me you were coming and I didn't believe her. This is so great!"

I couldn't help but smile at Julie's enthusiasm as I met Stephanie's eyes over Julie's head. Stephanie looked slightly out of her element, but she was smiling and hugging Julie back, saying, "It's so good to see you, Jules."

Julie was slightly shier when she turned to greet me, but her beautiful smile was still in place. "Hi, Ranger," she said as she stepped toward me and wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her face into my side. I awkwardly returned the hug, gently patting her back. I felt a foreign swell of emotion as Julie pulled away and I caught a look on Stephanie's face, her lower lip between her teeth, the corner of her mouth turned up.

Before I could figure out what that expression meant, Julie was in motion again, tugging Stephanie and I by the hands toward the house. We obligingly followed behind for fear of losing our arms.

Once inside, Rachel welcomed us both warmly. "It is nice to see you again, Stephanie," she said giving her a friendly hug. "And you, Carlos." Rachel gave me a meaningful look, conveying her sympathy without words.

"Hello, Rachel," I said. I was uncomfortable standing in Rachel's foyer, feeling emotionally exposed under Rachel's keen scrutiny. Luckily Julie didn't notice the underlying tension, too focused on showing Stephanie around. With an measuring glance toward me, Stephanie allowed herself to be led up stairs to Julie's room, leaving Rachel and I alone.

Wordlessly, Rachel led the way into her homey kitchen. She pulled a couple of coffee mugs from a cabinet next to the sink, dropped a tea bag in each and filled them with hot water from the kettle on the stove. Setting the mugs on the kitchen table, she took a seat. "How are you holding up?" Rachel asked gently, stirring a spoonful of sugar into her tea.

I lowered myself heavily into a chair across from her and gave her a shrug without meeting her eyes. Wrapping my hands around the warm mug, I watched as the essence of the tea permeated the water, swirling up from the bottom of the cup. "I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I thought we'd have more time," I said, not liking how my voice sounded to my ears. Broken. Vulnerable. Sad.

I took a sip of tea, focusing on the slight burn as I swallowed, using that physical sensation to get my emotions under control. It was a trick I'd learned in the Rangers. Focus on a small discomfort and you can block out the larger ones.

Rachel said nothing more, knowing better than to pry. She and I weren't exactly what you'd call close, but she knew me better than most. We'd gone to the same high school here in Miami, though we traveled in very different social circles back then. One weekend when I was on leave, bar hopping with Marco, I ran into her. We started out reminiscing about our mutual acquaintances over a couple of beers and ended up falling into bed. Well, technically we fell into the back seat of Rachel's car, but whatever.

When Rachel found out she was pregnant, we got married down at the courthouse, no muss, no fuss. Making it legal meant that Rachel and Julie would have access to certain military perks like medical coverage, my housing stipend and death benefits if I never came home. After the wedding we cohabitated for all of three weeks until I was shipped off to my next duty station. It was long enough for two virtual strangers to realize that pregnancy and a wedding didn't constitute a marriage. We got divorced shortly after Julie was born because while I was crawling through jungles, completely in denial that I was married with a kid on the way, Rachel went and fell in love with Ron. We parted amicably, only arguing when I insisted that I would continue to contribute monetarily to Julie's upbringing no matter that Ron adopted her. In exchange, Rachel insisted that I visit when I was in town.

When I got out of the Rangers and was setting up shop in Miami, I spent a lot of time in their cozy little house, watching Julie grow, coming to respect Ron and getting to know my ex-wife. Over the years we developed a sort of friendship, though as my work posed a greater and greater danger to my loved ones, I visited less and less frequently. By the time Julie was old enough to understand who I was, I'd limited myself to short visits on special occasions. As it turned out with Scrog, even that was too much.

"So, how are you guys settling into the neighborhood?" I asked, changing the subject.

Rachel waived a hand absently, "The house is beautiful, and I've finally finished painting. The neighbors aren't bad. I miss my herb garden, but otherwise we're managing."

"I wish—"

"Stop, Carlos," she interrupted. "This is the way it has to be. I get that. Ron gets that. Julie gets that. I can replant my herb garden in the spring."

I just nodded tightly. We'd been over this before. While I regretted that my existence put Julie's life in danger, amazingly Rachel didn't blame me. She was willing to admit that the constant pressure she put on me to visit played a part as well. Rachel didn't do guilt trips and she didn't dwell. It was one of my favorite things about her. And now that Julie wanted to get to know me better, she and Ron had agreed to make certain concessions, like a new house in a secure neighborhood, private schools, GPS locators and bodyguards. I insisted on footing the bill for all of it, which is the only thing that Ron had an issue with. He stubbornly sent me a check each month to cover what would be the mortgage payment if I hadn't purchased the house in cash.

Rachel slid a glance toward the doorway before she said, "So, Stephanie…"

Oh, I was afraid of this. Rachel had been trying to get me to settle down for the better part of a decade and since she found out about Stephanie she'd been relentless. "You know it's not like that, Rachel," I said, for what must have been the hundredth time. "She's a good friend, but she's practically engaged to someone else."

"The cop that was with her at the hospital?" Rachel scoffed with a knowing smile. Her tone clearly communicated her disbelief. "If she's all into him, what's she doing here with you?"

I shrugged again and said in a deliberately casual tone, "I don't know. She asked to come along, and I couldn't say no." I caught the smile on Rachel's face and I knew that she didn't believe that any more than I did. Stephanie was here because I needed her, but I wasn't comfortable admitting that to myself. There was no way I was saying it out loud. Still, Rachel knew it.

A moment later, Julie bounced into the kitchen, Stephanie a few steps behind her. "Hey, Mom," Julie said excitedly, bounding over to Rachel's side. "Stephanie likes High School Musical, too. Isn't that cool?"

"That is cool, honey," Rachel said, smiling indulgently at Julie before sending a look of silent thanks toward Stephanie for being a good sport. "Would you like something to drink, Stephanie?" she asked.

"No, thank you," Stephanie said, smiling shyly as she took a seat with us at the table. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand, it just felt natural now. But I didn't want to contribute to Rachel's speculations.

"Julie gave me the fifty cent tour," Stephanie said. "Your home is very beautiful."

"Thank you. Carlos picked it out." I shot Rachel a pointed look and she amended, "Well he picked out several houses and gave Ron and I the final vote."

Stephanie looked at me and I answered her unspoken question. "I was more interested in the security than the closet space, Babe. Apparently this house has the best of both. Though I would prefer it if you would keep the blinds shut on these downstairs windows, Rachel." With a put upon sigh, mostly for Julie's grinning benefit, I got up and closed the plantation shutters on the window over the kitchen sink. We went through this routine every time I came for a visit.

"I happen to enjoy the sunshine, Carlos and this neighborhood is practically Fort Knox," she said rolling her eyes at me. Rachel turned toward Stephanie and asked with a laugh, "Have you ever noticed that he can be a bit of a control freak?"

"Hmm, yes, I think I've seen that side of him," Stephanie said, smiling, probably thinking about all the bodyguards I'd forced on her over the years.

"It's how he shows he cares, you know," Rachel said, giving me a smirk. I carefully controlled the expression on my face, but inside I was starting to catalog methods of torture. Rachel was going to pay for her machinations later. I wish she would stop pushing.

"Ranger is very generous with his friends," Stephanie said, her voice careful as she contemplated her fingernails. I looked at her for a moment, knowing from her posture and tone of voice that something was bothering her. But I'd be damned if I knew what.

I almost asked, but at that moment the door to the garage swung open and Ron was home. Rachel and Julie were both on their feet, welcoming him warmly. Julie hugged him exuberantly, shouting "Daddy!" as he scooped her up in his arms. Rachel kissed him softly, leaning into him for a moment. It was a family ritual I'd witnessed many times, the kind of intimate moment that made me feel very much alone.

I felt Stephanie's hand slip into mine, squeezing lightly and the loneliness evaporated. I squeezed her hand back.