Only You Understand My Pain

Kakashi x Hinata

Chapter 15

Little Orange book

Hinata felt uneasy being in the center of market district. The afternoon rush of people grew as evening approached. Villagers shuffled in and out of the many stores on their way home from work. Hinata waited patiently outside the small shop, as Kakashi ordered them two bento boxes. She wasn't blind to the looks they gave her. Some trying to be subtle, others outright rudely staring. It was easy to tone out the voices but their eyes, she just could not escape from. Why did they all have to stare? Couldn't they just leave her alone? Sitting on the small wooden bench, she tried to make herself small and unnoticeable. Dropping her head, she stared at the ground below. Letting her long midnight hair drop forward, to cover her face. Her hand going up to touch the red scar that marred her pale skin. It wasn't that it pained her. No that only happened when she woke from her nightmares. Her fingers gingerly dropping down, reaching for the fabric in her pocket.

"Maybe I should …..if he …no!" She cursed inwardly, dropping her hand from her jacket. Her fingers trembling slightly as she played with the hem of her coat. Her head rising as he called her name. Her eyes watching Kakashi as he stood beside her, two wrapped boxes dangling from his fingers.

"Come on beautiful, let's go have an early dinner with…" He paused looking at her curiously. "You okay?" Her eyes widened, slightly as she nodded. A small blush crept across her cheeks at the endearment he had called her. He turned away, easily falling into his normally lazy stroll.

"Did I just call her beautiful?' He mentally slapped himself. His eye wandered over as she fell into step next to him.

The sun was beginning to set when they reached the monument. Torch flames flickered around the monument area. Since the battle, Tsunade had made it the job of beginning genins to light the tall torches. The flaming light keeping the darkness of night away from the memorial. A sign of respect for the fallen.

He watched as she greeted her team mate's .Her voice soft as the willowy breeze that filled the approaching night air. He couldn't help but smile as she moved to greet his teammates before sitting on the freshly trimmed grass, that surrounded the black stone.

Hinata suddenly felt uneasy her fingers nervously poking together in her old childhood habit.

'It almost feels like a date.

' She mused to herself. As she watched him untie the knotted cloth that surrounded their dinner. Maybe it was his gentlemanly attitude. Stating there was no chair to pull out so the least he could do was untie the boxes and lay out their food.

' No you're being silly Hinata. He could never be interested. It ?Naruto never noticed me when I was younger how could I expect a handsome experienced man like Kakashi to see me as a desirable woman

.' Her mind swirled unhappily. The blush on her face turning crimson as a few lusty thoughts filled her mind as she watched him. Her eyes dropping quickly down in embarrassment. She knew how handsome his face was after gazing upon it the night before. It was like a masterpiece of fine art, from his high cheek bones, to his finely chiseled jaw. She had already thanked the God's she was graced to be one of the few to ever lay eyes on those incredible, perfectly shaped, warm lips.

Looking up her pearl eyes widened to find his face now unmasked. A small smile tugging the corner of those perfect lips as he set the food out. She couldn't stop her eyes from wandering down from his lips and past his adams apple, dropping quickly to gaze on his chest. He had taken off his jounin jacket earlier. Offering it to her, to sit on. She had tried to kindly refuse but he won't accept no for an answer. Informing her the ground was slightly damp and cold. He wasn't going to let his star pupil fall sick. Now she was glad he had been so chivalrous, as her eyes wandered, taking in the dips and curves of his firm chest. The tight sleeveless black shirt clinging to his body like a second skin.

'What is happening to me.' She chastised herself. 'I am acting like Jiraiya.' Here he was being so kind. Giving his time away to help her and she was leering at him. Her eyes undressing every inch of his clothed body, like a hormonally crazed teen fan girl. No she was worse then the famous pervy sage. Closing her eyes she sighed inwardly. Her mind flashing back to breakfast.

Upon waking she found the little orange book lying on the floor. When she had first saw it she thought nothing of it. Thinking he had probably dropped it when he carried in. Picking it up, she carried it into the kitchen. Sitting it down on the marble counter. She quickly forgot about it, as she busied herself with making breakfast. After placing Kakashi's food in the warmer, she set her own plate on the table. Sitting down she realized she forgot her tea. When she had gotten up to retrieve it her soft eyes once again spied the little orange book. She couldn't help herself as curiosity overcame her commonsense. Picking up the book she sat down to eat. She eyed the odd cover, while taking a few bites. 'Ichi ichi Paradise…' Her lips mouthed. It was no surprise to her the author was Konoha's one and only Pervy Sannin. It was common knowledge. Not to mention an utter annoyance to most of the kunoichi and young woman of the village. The man literally stalked all the bath houses, hoping to sneak a peek. Sipping on her oolong tea she opened to the first page. The first few pages were nothing to shocking intrusive or vulgar.

'Just typical cheap romantic novel drabble.' She mused quietly to herself. 'Jiraiya definitely needed to stop peeking and take some creative writing classes. This is just terrible. 'She snickered softly. It wasn't until chapter three did Hinata understand all of the Sannin's never ending research.
Her eyes widened and she had to lick her very dry lips. Her eyes scanned the first paragraph, as she read her face going from pale to fiery red. She was suddenly grateful she didn't faint anymore. After years of Kiba's brazen hormonal behavior and the parade of hentai magazines he would pull out during ' mission downtime'. She was no innocent, puritan prude.

"How Kiba loved his Kunoichi's Gone Wild DVD's." She laughed quickly covering her mouth, her eyes darting to the other room. The last thing she needed was for Kakashi to catch her snooping through his favorite book. Closing her eyes and leaning back her mind drifted to old times.

She remembered how Shino would lecture Kiba constantly about exposing Hinata's innocent mind to hentai.

"Hinata is a proper lady and innocent . She doesn't need to see your stupid Village Playboy magazine thrown around the tent." Shino lectured. Hinata had to eye roll at that. Innocent she wasn't . Quiet and shy maybe but innocent, hardly. As the only female on the team and having the byakugan, she had watched both of them bathing. Nor was mister uptight Shino above reading porn. She had caught him numerous times when he thought she was asleep. After all she was a normal human female. Like most of her fellow chuunin teams. Many teammates fooled around. She herself had made out a few times with Kiba. Even Shino had kissed her when they were still teens. Nothing further then kissing and some heavy petting. A life of a ninja was hard. The stress alone screamed for the need of some type of release. It was easier for her with her teammates. They were a family, safe and comforting. It was never anything more than that. Indeed a life of a shinobi was hard and often short lived. After the thought filled her mind she quickly stood up dropping the book on the counter and writing a quick note. She could not have these thoughts, they were crushing her.

Hinata's eyes fluttered open as she heard him call out her name. Her thoughts confused and pained. She looked up into his worried face.

To be cont…

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.o.o.O.

Author notes.

Read before flaming this chapter!

1. Okay ya I sorta did a flashback in a flashback. Sorry but it was the only way I could see doing this.

2. Yes she messed around as a teen with her teammates. I mean come on people reality. Teens plus hormones. Add some stress/threat of death and all alone in a tent. Ya that would happen in the real world. Hell how many teens in the real world have had meaningless sex when drunk at a party. And I never said Hinata had sex with them just making out. Also another reality check of the real world. Hinata may be shy and quiet but no normal teen female or woman doesn't have wild lusty thoughts from time to time.

3. Yes it will be explained further the whole plot behind the scarf and the staring of the crowd. Besides them looking at the woman who killed an Akatsuki.

4 Oh on a fun note. The black shirt Kakashi is wearing well I got it from Saiyuki anime and the black top Sanzo wears that is just hot and smexy.