Only You Understand My Pain

Kakashi x Hinata

Chapter 17

Confused

It had been three days since he had seen her last. The first day he shook it off, that she had other obligations. By the second day, he spent half the day pacing back and forth in front of the memorial stone aggravated. Not at her, but himself. Had he really gone too far that day, that she even avoided visiting her teammates memorial? It was stupid and he knew it but he once again walked over to the side their names lay written. Looking for those two deep, blue rose she always brought for them. Maybe he was going crazy, had he not been standing there the whole time. Did he think, she magically left them and disappeared as he stood next to the large stone.

"Where is she? " He groaned exasperated. Dropping to the ground he leaned against the stone.

"Guys I think I really fucked things up this time!" He muttered loudly to his lost teammates. Letting out a long drawn out breath, he dropped his head back against the cold black stone. Staring up at the evening sky, he watched as the stars began to show one by one. Why had he wasted a whole day? Why was it so damn imperative, in his life, to see one lavender moonstone eyed female. His sensual, sweet, smiling bara. He chastised himself once again for thinking those types of intimate thoughts.

"I am so damn hopeless! This is ridiculous, why the hell should I care if she comes to train or not." Standing up he made his way home. Turning the key and stepping in the large Hatake clan house. It hit him how empty it was. How had he never realized before, how quiet and sad the house was. He again cringed inward knowing it had been her and the night she had stayed. It was after she had left that everything seemed dark and hollow. Rubbing a hand over his weary face, he sighed heavily. Something that was starting to becoming a rather bothersome habit. Throwing off his dark green jacket, he dropped to the couch. Leaning back he let his tired eyes slide closed. Thanks to this nagging feeling, he had hardly slept at all the last couple days. His mind replaying that night over an over again.

They had been having a nice time. Why had he acted the way he did? It had been so natural flirting with her. Yes, he had to admit it. He, the normally aloof, laid back copynin had been flirting. With the dark haired beauty. How could he have been so damn stupid and on top of that he had mistakenly thought she was flirting back.

"Come on Kakashi! Hinata is not the type to openly flirt." No, she had always been an extremely shy, timid person. She had not gone unnoticed by him, all those many years ago. A shy young genin, stalking his talented but rather dim witted, blonde haired student. How Naruto could have been so blind, not see the young blossoming rose bud, he would never understand.

"Great now I am talking like Gai. Kami-sama strike me down, if I start spouting youthful and all that other crap, that spandex wearing dork goes on about." He had to laugh a little. Thinking of the Great Green Beast of Konoha.

"Kami how did he came up with that idiotic, damn title? It makes him look even more daft, then when he goes off. Spouting his long, drawn out speeches. I swear that man could make a deaf man want to pull his hair out." He had to admit with a twisted grin. Gai making an ass of himself always cheered him up.

Opening his eye he sat there in the all too quite house. Staring at the ceiling, as if it would some how open up. Revealing prophetic answers, to his problem.

He kept trying to tell himself, he was only upset with her because she was missing her training. It would look badly on him, if his student did not achieve the level she was capable …right? Okay, so she was not officially signed on as his student however, he had made a promise to the sweet, timid girl.

Okay, maybe she wasn't quite as timid as she use to be. Since the battle a few months ago, she seemed to have grown stronger. In more ways then one. She didn't seem to have any problems, speaking her mind at least when he was around her.

Though he was happy, she hadn't lose that adorable blush. Just thinking about that blush. Set his mind nearly spinning with ideas. There were so many things; he would love to do to cause that rosy blush to appear.

'Great, it was thoughts like those, that caused this whole flirting fiasco.' He berated himself.

This woman was turning his world upside down. He was just not himself anymore. His normal, lackadaisical manner, had been shot all to hell. By just one small blue haired bara. Realizing this he began to ponder more on why had it felt so natural to change. He had not purposely gone out to tease and flirt with her. It just happened, as naturally to him as breathing.

Yes, he had flirted with other woman. A small few, who had graced his bed over the years. Those few times, he had to practically force out the charm. Basically faking, the whole 'wooing' thing. Just for a night of escape. Yet it never happened. Those who he had bedded. Never filled, the empty whole in his heart. Hell they didn't even make his heart, skip one single beat…not until.

"Hinata…."He gasped slightly, sitting up. Then shook his head. 'No that is just preposterous. I do not have feelings like that, for her.' A deep frown pulled at his dark silver eyebrows. Becoming firmly etched on his face.
'We are nothing more then fellow shinobi…acquaintances… Two jounin with a common bond… the loss of our teammates. ' Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply. 'Alright maybe I can go as far as to say…. friends.. Nothing more…no nothing more!' Running a nervous hand through his thick silver hair.

"Fuck! I so need a drink…something to stop these insane thoughts, right here… right now!" Throwing on his jounin vest. He pushed open the front door. Not bothering to lock it as it slammed closed behind him. The sound echoing off the buildings outer walls.

Passing through the center of the village, he fought for control. He didn't even have the energy to pull out his favorite book. He was consumed, with doubt and anger. Had he ruined the special friendship that had blossomed between Hinata and himself?

Reaching the edge of market street he stopped. Glancing up at the old worn building that stood in front of him. The favored bar of the leaf jounin.

'More like one of the few bars that put up with shinobi's.' He thought to himself.

The sounds of laughter and music seeped through the walls. Filling the night air around him. Shrugging his shoulders, he pushed through the swinging doors. Ignoring the looks and greetings from his fellow shinobi. Throwing money on the counter. Then grabbing the bottle of sake and cup passed to him, he made his way through the crowded bar. His eye scrutinized the large room. Looking for a small dark corner to brood in. Picking a table in the back, he slumped into the chair. Shadows filled the corner as he sat back ignoring all around him.

'Why is it tearing me up not seeing her? What do I care if she doesn't train…visit the memorial…or…' He paused a unfamiliar ache filled his chest. 'Or ever talk to me again.' Cringing slightly, he lifted the cup of sake. Downing it in one gulp. The liquid burned as it slid down his throat yet it did nothing for the burning pain in his chest.

"Wow Kakashi …You look like one sad, down trodden…pup." Genma grinned, pulling up a chair. "What's eating at you tonight?" Kakashi didn't even bother looking up from his glass.

"Go away Genma! I am not in the mood."

"Wow you are in a mood. Maybe you just need to get laid." Genma chuckled. Leaning back in the chair lazily. His hand still clutching a bottle of dark amber liquid. Kakashi frowned seeing he was not going to get rid of his friend, anytime soon.

"So I heard a rumor around the village about you…."He let his words trail off. Waiting to see if he would take the bait." Letting out a long sigh Kakashi finally looked up.

"And that would be what exactly?" He asked his voice indifferent. His mind turning over the various rumors of the past.

' Kami-sama I swear if this another stupid rumor about Iruka and I being lovers. I will rip that fucking senbon from his mouth and shove it right up his….' He never even finished the thought as his world came to a screeching halt, at Genma's next words.

"Seems you have been spending a lot of time with a certain Hyuga heiress. That something is going on with you too. " He clicked the silver senbon against his teeth narrowing his eyes. "Ah… I think I hit a nerve. So you are sulking in this corner, over shy little Hinata."

"I don't know what the hell, you are going on about. I am just training the girl." His lips clenched tightly behind his dark mask. His hand tightening around the cup in his hand.

"Oh so that's what there calling it now….training!'" A large smirk growing around the senbon between his lips. "Ah maybe tonight… I can get lucky and get some training with Anko's sweet ass."

"Dream on Genma! As if I would waste my precious, hot ass on the likes of you." Anko's voice hissed. Startled, Genma's chair dropped forward. His head jerking back, to see Anko standing with one hand on her hip. Her red lips pursed.

"Now Kakashi here… can have my sweet ass any time, any place. Hell baby, you can have any other part of me you fancy." Her voice seductive, the words drowning in erotic innuendos. Bending over the table ever so slowly. Her arm reaching out to grab the bottle of sake. Downing at least a quarter of the fiery liquid before setting the bottle back down. Wiping the corner of her lip teasingly, she stayed for a few minutes. Hovering over the table. Making sure, he caught a clear shot of her cleavage.

Kakashi bit back the urge to roll his eyes. He was already tired and disgusted with Anko's drunken performance for one night.

"Sorry Anko you are barking up the wrong tree tonight. Kakashi has his eyes set on Konoha's one and only sweet little Hyuga heiress.

Kakashi once again bit back his primal urges. This time his fingers itched to reach over and strangle Genma to death.

"Oh please as if… where the hell did you get that stupid idea from?"

"Hey baby… just telling you what's been floating around the village. Not my fault you've been gone on mission and missed out on the rumor mill."

Narrowing her eyes she looked back and forth between the two men. Her eyes finally falling on Kakashi's indifferent eyes.

"You have got to be kidding me right? That shy, weak, little thing…the one who got her team killed. Oh please as if." She frowned, as she watched Kakashi's blue eye turn icy cold as he slammed the cup down on the table.

"Shut the fuck up Anko! You don't know a damn thing about her!"

" Well…I think I'll leave before theirs bloodshed." Genma tilted his head goodbye. Making a speedy retreat from the heated rage boiling in the air around his friend.

"Oh sorry hot stuff… I forgot you have issues with team mates after Sasuke's betrayal." Anko gushed, sickly sweet. Her body inching closer to him.

Kakashi nearly let out a annoyed growl. Was Anko that damn clueless. Granted Sasuke's betrayal burned him but nothing had torn him apart, like Obito and Rin's deaths. Was Hinata the only person on earth who understood his pain. Thinking about her made that funny pain pull in his chest, once again.

He froze when he felt Anko slide her arms around his neck. Leaning in to press her breasts against his chest. Before she could sit down on his lap. He shot out of the chair causing her to stagger forward. Her arms still clinging to his shoulders.

"Oh come on Kakashi. Quite playing hard to get baby. It's not like you and I have never fooled around before, after a long mission." She nearly purred. His stomach turned with the memory of too much alcohol or was it not enough alcohol and too much Anko. Either way it was not a pleasant memory.

"Anko just leave me the hell alone! I'm not interested! "His voice turning hard. "Go find Genma, he seems to have a thing for you these days." Anko glared icily, colder than any snake she could summon. Her fingers digging into his shoulders like a vice.

"What the hell, is so great about that damn Hyuga. She nothing but a spoiled little heiress." She pushed closer as he stepped back, the wall hitting his back. She looked up at him predatorily. As if he was her next meal. Her body pushed closer. The tip of her tongue coming out, to wet her lips seductively .

"Hinata could never excite you like I can tiger. Forget the little bitch." Anger boiled up inside him. Every muscle in his body tightened with anger. Pulling her arms off of him, he held both wrists tightly. A dangerous glint flashed in his eye. His fingers tighten, making her wince in pain.

"If I ever hear you talk about her, like that again. You won't even live long enough to regret it! Do you hear me Anko!" Icy disdain, filling each word.

"Alright I get it …geesh Kakashi… I was just playing around. If I didn't know you better. I would think you had fallen in love with her." Dropping her wrists he pushed past her.

Pushing his way through the crowded room he stormed through the door and into the cold night air. His mind was a clutter of aggravating thoughts.

'The gall of that …she snake. Why did I think going out for a drink would fix everything.' He fumed inwardly. "In love with Hinata…ha." He scoffed halfheartedly.

In no mood, to go home to empty silence. He strolled through the village. Letting his feet take him where ever blindly. What alcohol left in his system was definitely not nearly enough to numb the odd sensation that burned in his chest. Nor did it stop the incessant thoughts, of the sweet blushing Bara.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

Now before you all begin to light candles and flame me. I have nothing against Anko. I actually like her. I just needed a tart for this chapter and well….Anko worked the best.

Sorry had to be done. For the greater good of the story. Trust me she didn't suffer but faced the ordeal with a big smile. LOL

Hope you all enjoyed. Please make my day and review!!