Chapter Eighteen: Of Woollen Socks and Remixes
"Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom,
Man made up a story said that I should believe him,
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight,
But I don't want the next best thing.
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me,
Can't take no more of your fairytale love."
- Sara Bareilles, Fairytale.
Elizabeth jiggled from one foot to the other. Yes, Yes, Frodo's alive! Yes! All's well that end's well, bla bla. I have two problems: One, I am scared out of my mind about seeing the Balrog. Two, I need to pee. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. She was startled out of her thoughts at the sound of drums ringing out.
"To the bridge of Khazad-dum!" Said Gandalf. No objections were made and they rushed out of that place as fast as humanly possible. He led them into the huge Dwarrowdelf chamber. "This way!" They hurried towards a distant door.
Goblins started scuttling down the pillars behind them like cockroaches, or some other kind of analogy of a beetle. "God dammit! Society is against us!" Exclaimed Elizabeth. Gandalf silenced her with a look. A tricky thing to do. They looked with horror at the overwhelming goblin army that moved towards them like a wave. Fear fluttered in her stomach but she hastily squashed it down, gripping the nearest arm next to her and a deafening roar filled the air. A fiery light danced down the hallway. The pillars cast eerie shadows. The goblins froze. Then, without any warning, they backed away in fear from the the approaching beast, melting into the darkness. "Yeah!" She shouted. "Who's your bitch now! Huh?"
"What is this new devilry?" Hissed Boromir and she started at his proximity to her until she realized it was his arm she clasped so tightly. A huge shadow, surrounded by flame, fell across the hall. The ground shook. An unearthly sound rumbled.
"A Balrog... A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you." With an urgent yell, "Run! Quickly!"
And, boy, did they run. Blood thrummed in her ears and her stomach felt lighter than air. An odd sensation. They sprinted down the long hall. Drums, both in her head and of goblin nature, beat faster and faster and foul chatter filled the air. Boromir, running ahead, cried out. The path dead ahead was broken and below great fires burned. "Boromir!" She snapped, as the Gondorian gave a whoa and spread his arms wide to prevent himself falling to certain death. His arms flailed for a moment before he regained balance in an almost comical movement. "Do you really think now is the time to try to teach the fellowship your Soulja Boy dance?"
Aragorn led them to the top of another dizzying stairway. Gandalf followed, leaning heavily on his staff. Pain and passion reflected in his tired eyes. "Lead them on, Aragorn. The bridge is near." Aragorn was reluctant to let his friend go. He hesitated, knowing something was approaching and that Gandalf intended to face it. Eyes met. "Do as I say; swords are no more use here." After touching Gandalf briefly on the arm, he was gone.
Black arrows were shot, though, thankfully, none meeting their mark. Elizabeth stiffened when a breeze whispered in her hair, knowing an arrow had been released and was mere centimetres away from it's target. Legolas sent answering arrows in return and the reward of multiple screeches echoed in the dark. The fellowship raced down the stairway.
Ah, if it isn't 'the Gap in the Stairs'. We meet again. A large space was in between them and the way out. The film did not portray just how far down she would have to fall if she missed. Legolas leapt forward with the grace of a lynx and landed safely on the other side. Crap. I kind of have to cross that it some point, aren't I?She wasn't afraid of heights. On the contrary, she revelled in the giddying heights of mountains and of monuments, but miscalculating the jump and plummeting to her demise was not something she had planned on doing that day.
"Gandalf!" Called Legolas. The wizard looked back up towards the hall. A loud growl reverberated and rocks fell around them. He sprang after Legolas, clearing the gap with no problem. More arrows whistled, striking the steps they had occupied moments before. Legolas and Aragorn responded. Merry, Pippin and Boromir soon followed, crossing with minimal effort.
Ack! "Um, ladies first?" She tried, gesturing for Aragorn to go before her. He scowled, patience wearing thin, and began to move towards her. "Wow, wow! Okay, I'm going." She said hastily, not very fond of the idea of Aragorn throwing her unceremoniously across the chasm. She breathed deeply, backing up a few paces to clear the gap. "You can't touch this! Do dada doo." She hummed, leaping with surprising grace, only just managing to place her feet on the other side and nearly tipping backwards. Legolas grabbed her wrist to stop her falling, pulling her behind him.
Sam was thrown by Aragorn and caught by Boromir. Another portion of the staircase fell away, making it even more tricky for Gimli to cross. The Dwarf swallowed and swatted Aragorn's hands away when they attempted to pick him up. "Nobody tosses a Dwarf." He said stoutly.
"That's what she said." Elizabeth snickered.
Before Aragorn could do anything, Gimli swung himself forward. He brushed the edge and nearly fell back into the chasm. Legolas darted forward and caught him by the beard. "Not the beard!" He roared. When you think about it, Dwarves are like angry beards with legs. Angry, beer-soaked beards withlegs.
Thankfully, he made it to safety. More of the stone steps crumbled and fell to the fires below. Aragorn pushed Frodo back up the steps and climbed after him. They struggled to their feet and looked at the widened gap that separates them from the rest of the group. What she presumed was the Balrog could be heard from the other hall, it's fire making the air stifling. Structures around the mine collapsed as it drew nearer. A huge rock fell from the ceiling and smashed on the ground below, creating another gap behind Aragorn and Frodo and weakening the stairs' foundation.
"Holy cheese and crackers!" She yelped as more arrows continued the attack.
"Steady. Hold on. Lean forward!"
"Come on! Now!" Spoke Legolas.
They both shifted their weight forward, toppling the stairs across the divide and slamming onto the steps where the others awaited. They ran into another hall (She ran with much reluctance, despite an actual whip being not far behind her. Elizabeth's are generally slow moving creatures) where the hall was split in two with fissures that spit flame."Over the bridge! Fly!" Without even a smart answer from Elizabeth, they raced towards the slender bridge.
Ooooh, so it's NOW we find out 'The Bridge of Khazad-Dum' was ing of a misnomer. But, I suppose, 'The Tightrope of Khazad-Dum' doesn't quite have the same ring to it. The fellowship recklessly hurried over the vertigo-inducing bridge. She knew what was coming. Gandalf paused in the middle of the span. "Gandalf!" She cried from her place at the end of the bridge. He turned. She was abruptly very sad to say goodbye, even though she knew he was coming back. "The end, my friend! May your teeth never be replaced by freshly ironed wool socks."
He was about to answer but was quickly distracted by the Balrog (How does one NOT get distracted by a Balrog?). He held his staff high and a brilliant, white light shone into the opposing orange glow. She shivered, palms sweating and mouth dry. The Balrog came forth. It was a massive creature; a great 40 foot man-beast with a mane of flame. It's wings were coiled and quivering and it's eyes like burning coals. In one claw it held a blade, in the other a great whip of fire. She was, oddly, reminded of the burning heather fields that the farmers had to set alight to renew the soil. The creature burned and smouldered and all could tell that it's spirit was black and it's heart blacker.
"You cannot pass!"
"Gandalf!" Yelled Frodo, alarmed as they all were. The light radiating from the staff blazed, illuminating the entire bridge and the surroundings. She squinted.
"I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun." The Balrog placed one foot on the bridge of drew up to full height, wings spread wall-to-wall. Gandalf was a tiny figure, balanced on the narrow bridge. "Go back to the shadow." The Balrog struck down with the flaming sword. Gandalf blocked it with Glamdring. A ringing clash and the Balrog's sword shattered into molten fragments.
"You shall not pass!" He boomed and Elizabeth was ludicrously reminded of the Youtube remix. The Balrog put the other foot on the bridge. Aragorn and Boromir were ready with their swords drawn. The beast brandished the whip, lashing it about. Compensating for something, are we?
Gandalf cried aloud as he summoned his last reserve of strength. He thumped the bridge with the staff. A blinding sheet of white flame sprung up and the staff shattered. The Balrog stopped, unsure of what to do. Elizabeth held her breath. As it stepped forward, the poor bridge collapsed underneath it. It dropped away into the gulf. For a moment, the great creature remained poised in the air, then it plunges down into the abyss. The relief was palpable for all except her.
Gandalf remained, trembling on the lip of the broken bridge. The Balrog fell and lashed out with it's whip. The thongs of the whip lashed and curl around Gandalf's ankle, dragging him over the brink.
This isn't my fault. Not my fault. She tried to reassure herself but her heart was already aching from the loss. Why am I being so silly? He's coming back. His hand gripped the edge, hauling himself up long enough to command, "Fly, you fools!"
"Gandalf!" Screamed Frodo and was restrained by Boromir. Gandalf relinquished his hold and fell away, following the Balrog into the ostensibly bottomless pit. "No!" Frodo's grief was evident. Aragorn stared at the bridge in disbelief, and they all were unable to move for a few moments. Elizabeth was shocked by her own reaction. She had never been particularly emotional, never crying at tragic stories or weeping with joy at beautiful poetry. Nevertheless, there she was; a tear making it's slow descent down her right cheek. She scrubbed at it, viciously.
Arrows started flying by once again. Miraculously, no one was grazed or shot. She probably would have stayed where she was a lot longer if Legolas hadn't tugged her in the correct direction and, for once, she didn't pull away. They sped up the stairs, through the arch and into the light.
The fellowship, minus one, tumbled out of the great Eastern Gate and onto the grassy, sunbathed hillside of Dimroll Dale. Sam sat on the ground, bowed his head to his hands and began to weep. Merry did his best to console Pippin, who lay on the ground, sobbing. Boromir tried to restrain Gimli as he vented out his rage and sorrow. Legolas wore an expression of shock and disbelief. Elizabeth checked her face for any tears that had escaped her attention. Aragorn stood a distance from the others, re-sheathing his sword. "We cannot stay here." He said. "Legolas, get them up."
"Aragorn! Shut up!" Snapped Elizabeth, feeling bitchy and cross.
He looked at her and spoke coldly, "I am aware Gandalf's death has shaken us all, but if you can't hold your tongue then you will be carried to Lothlorien on my back like an infant."
"I want to roll you into a ball and throw you off a cliff." She mumbled, not liking the idea of losing her dignity and ego in one day.
"Can we not give them a second to make there peace?" Growled Boromir.
"By the time the moon appears, these hills will be teeming with Orcs. The Woods of Lothlorien are to be our resting place. Come, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, get them up."
Elizabeth kicked a strand of grass that was looking at her funny. "I will cut off his face and give it to Grandma as a souvenir."