Only You Understand My Pain
Kakashi x Hinata
.
Chapter 20
Hokage, Naruto, and Panic Attacks, Oh My
"Good morning… Hinata!" Her head swung around, as she heard his smooth voice, call her name. It always sounded like smooth silk to her ears. Her eyes quickly found him, leaning in his typical, lazy pose. Legs crossed at the ankle, favorite orange book in hand. His back pressed, against the large maple tree, that sat across from the Hyuga mansion.
'Kami what is wrong with me?' She thought inwardly. How was it, that every time she saw him, her heart raced out of control? It was never, like when she was young, crushing on Naruto. With him she felt awkward, insignificant and overly shy. To the point of passing out nearly every time he spoke to her. Not, a healthy thing to do, that was sure. She flinched inwardly thinking about her awkward, childish crush. She had been so silly back then. As she matured, came the realization that though she praised Naruto's confidence and commitment, the boy was a complete, dunder head. It only took a few missions with him to see he was lacking certain mental skills. She began to wonder, if all that ramen had either caused him, to suffer severe vitamin loss. Which in turn weakened his brain cells and thought process. Or Sakura had just hit him, one too many times on the head.
Yet, when she was with Kakashi she felt at ease and safe. Even though her heart did race uncontrollable, and her stomach felt like Shino's rare butterflies had taken to fluttering inside. She felt, a small pang thinking of her friend. Those dark emerald eyes, hidden stoical behind dark sunglasses. It still stung every time she thought of them. Knowing she would never hear their voices or see their smiling faces ever again. No matter how you said it, deceased… departed…faded away….vanishing…passed on…passed away.., It all meant one thing to her. She would never see them for all of eternity. She fought back the warm tears that began to sting behind her eyes. Taking a deep breath she crossed the road.
"Morning Kakashi!" Forcing a smile to her face as she walked up to him. Tilting his head, he studied her face for a moment.
"Hinata what's wrong?" He could see, how her face had grown suddenly sad. As she had moved across the road.
"Nothing is w…wrong…I am …just fine." He clearly, saw through, her stammering lie. Tilting her chin upward, he made her look him in the eye. They stood, silently for a moment as he studied her. He realized quickly what had brought on the sudden sadness. The corners crinkling up, as he gave her a reassuring smile. She had quickly, learned to see his expressions even through the dark mask. She could see the warmth and caring, in that one crystal blue eye.
"Memories will hurt sometimes, however they can also, be a wonderful gift to hold onto. They loved you Mai Bara… always remember that. I know with certainty they want you to be happy with their memories not sad. So try and cherish them." Brushing a stray strand, of silky hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. His hand, lingering for a few seconds longer then necessary. Savoring, the softness of her skin and the blush that dotted her cheekbones.
"Thank you Kakashi." Her voice cracking slightly, as one warm tear slipped out, trailing down her pale cheek. For a second, he felt as if his heart was being ripped in half. Just that one, single tear tore at him more than any kunai or shuriken could ever. Leaving him overwhelmed, with the urge to wrap her safely, in his arms. Protecting her from all the horrors and pains of the world. Brushing the tear away with his thumb he tried to control his emotions.
"Now did you listen to me and get some sleep last night?" His voice slipping into an over protective sensei mode.
"Hai and before you say anything more… yes, I ate." She smirked, as he cocked his eye brow at her boldness.
"Good… I hate seeing those pretty eyes of yours looking like Gaara's." He watched, as a small blush crossed her cheeks.
Kami-sama he was once again flirting with her, just what the hell was wrong with him. Yet, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop. It was becoming to natural and damn, if he didn't enjoy ever second of that innocent, shy blush. She was just so adorable and sexy all wrapped, in a neat little package named Hinata.
"Before we train, Tsunade needs to see us." Stuffing the book in his back pocket. He pushed, away from the tree, stuffing his hands in his pocket. Watching her silently, as they made their way towards the Hokage tower.
"So I was thinking…" His voice trailing off. Praying his voice wasn't betraying, this unusual nervousness that was creeping inside of him.
"What ?"She asked her eyes staring at the road ahead.
"Maybe after training we could…you know… grab some dinner and…" He trailed off. Not understanding why, this was suddenly so awkward and hard. It's not like he was asking her out on a date. No this was not a date.
'Definetly not a date!' His mind flared inwardly. He watched her face closely, nervously.
"I would love to eat again by the memorial…"She blushed slightly. Her eyes still unable, to look over at him. "That is what you were going to ask…right?"
"Ah… yah." Scratching the back of his head, nervously. He watched, as a smile curled onto her pink lips. The sensation of falling and tumbling, hit his stomach. That smile was so intoxicating, soft, sweet and so damn alluring.
He had never been so grateful to see the Hokage tower as he was now. These lines of thought, were just too troubling. He nearly groaned, out loud realizing he was starting to sound, like the lazy Nara.
"You okay …" Her soft voice calling to him, as she stood in the doorway waiting. Once again, his thoughts had let him trail off. Making him look like a bumbling fool staring off into space.
"Oh… yah fine…just got lost on the…"His words cut off, by a loud keening screech; that could send most grown men into tears.
"Kakashi…. I really don't care where you got lost!…Just get your lazy, ichi reading ass… in here now!"
Tsunade's loud and over bearing voice, trickled down the stairs before filling the morning air. Cringing slightly, he swore under his breath. That woman was so damn loud. Half of Konoha and maybe parts of Suna probably heard her. His eyes shot to the petite beauty next to him, when he heard, the sound of soft laughter. Hinata stood in the doorway. Her small hand covering her mouth, her eyes twinkling with amusement. That curvaceous body of hers shaking, slightly as she laughed. It was then he realized, he had never heard laughter so gentle. Like the soft sound, of rain falling against glass.
"We better hurry Kakashi. You don't want her throwing you out of the window. Like she did to poor Jiraiya, a few weeks ago." She laughed again, as she watched his eye close, cringing at the thought.
"That woman is just down right evil to the male species." He whispered softly, into her ear. The sensation, of his warm, heated breath against her cool skin sending a chill down her back. Goosebumps flickering over her skin.
Her eyes widened, as he grabbed her hand. Pulling her up, the stairs behind him. Opening the door to the office, he let her hand go. She immediately, missed the warmth of his hand.
"Hinata, you look much better then you did the other morning. I am assuming you have had no further trouble with your father."
"No Lady Tsunade."
"Good…good." Her eye leaving the blunette, to stare at the silver haired jounin. Who had his head once again buried ,behind his book.
"Do you think for once Kakashi …you could put that damn book down and listen to me." Her voice holding a hard edge.
"I am listening just fine, Hokage-sama." He swore, he could see her eye twitch. Smiling, he leaned against the wall by the window. It was always a good thing to have an easy escape planned when dealing with Tsunade. He had learned years earlier.
"Oh I just quite… you're hopeless Hatake…" She blew out a long drawn out breath.
"The reason… I called for you both was to go over Hinata's training. Now that your father thinks you are with team seven, full time. We should have no problems with your training." She eyed Hinata curiously.
"I have to say Hinata, I am astonished over how fast you are learning. Never in all my years, have I seen a student learn not only this quickly but it seems to just flow naturally from you. Hinata my dear…you were made to be a medic." She watched the young woman blush. Her pale eyes looking over to Kakashi. Who smiled over the top of his book. Giving the heiress a quick knowing wink.
Tsunade eye brow, rose at the little display. Clearing her throat, she watched Hinata blush even deeper.
"Hinata with your two genkai's and your level of learning. I would not be surprised if you surpass me one day." She watched, as astonishment filled the young woman's face. Slowly the beginning of a smile pulled at the corner of Hinata's lips.
"Thank you Lady Hokage… but I don't think I will ever be as great of a medic as you." Tsunade smiled motherly, waving her hand.
"Nonsense Hinata…you truly have a natural gift for healing. You have, discovered more herbal remedies then any shinobi I have ever known."
"Now, what I want is to advance your genkai Aoi kaen. I want you to learn how to perform shosen jutsu with it instead of using regular chakra. I know you already know the hand signs, like the back of your hand. However I want you to improve your chakra blade and the length of time you can hold it. That is where Hatake comes in. I think he can help you with that alone with the rest of your training." She paused letting her words sink in for a moment.
"Besides working with Hatake you will be studying the next set of medical text scrolls. I will have you studying two to three times a week with me, at the hospital. Is that agreeable to you ?"
"Yes Tsunade-sama…thank you." Hinata bowed respectfully, a smile still gracing her lips.
Turning to Kakashi she eyed him warily. He was acting rather odd and she was starting to get a inkling to why. She couldn't help the devilish smile that pulled on her red lips. The look had him seriously thinking now was the time to jump. With a boost of chakra he could be out of the village before her pet ANBU found him. Then his eye fell on Hinata. Damn he couldn't just leave her like a sheep at the proverbial slaughter.
So he braced himself for what ever torture his Hokage had prepared, only to be caught by surprise with her next words.
"Kakashi… I am assigning you to be Hinata's instructor full time. I want you to continue to help her with chakra control when she is not working at the hospital. So no slacking off… or should I use your words. 'Getting lost on the road of life.'" Her fingers making air quotations, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "Understood!" Her hawk like eyes narrowing as she stared him down.
"Hai Tsunade -sama." He said giving her a smirk. "I will not get lost… on the road of life." His voice sarcastic before dropping back down behind his favorite orange book.
"Now as for Hinata being on team seven. I will have…"
"Oi Kakashi… Obaa-chan… so Hinata is going to be on team seven now? "Naruto's overly loud, and excited voice, rang out of nowhere. Hinata gasped slightly, her pale eyes searching the room. She watched, as Kakashi tensed before leaning out the window. His arm pulling back, a familiar black and orange sleeved jacket.
"Kami-sama dammit… Naruto!" Tsunade hissed, her head dropping into her hand. " Baka!" She whispered under her breath.
"Naruto haven't you learned, after all these years… Not to listen, to other people's conversations. " Hinata was surprised, how edged Kakashi's voice was. Before he hauled, Naruto into the room. His fist, still holding the jacket tightly.
"Oi!… Kakashi… a little rough don't you think?" Pulling out of, the older jounin's grip. Brushing his jacket off. As if he could remove, the wrinkles that already covered the brightly, orange jumpsuit.
"Damn brat, your twenty one years old… can you not act your age? ! I am so damn sick and tired of you fucking eavesdropping, all the time!" Tsunade cursed, standing up and reaching over the desk. One hand grasping onto the blonde's jacket firmly. Her eyes narrowing dangerously. Hinata could swear all the blood, left Naruto's face. As his blue eyes widened in fear.
"I am going to say this once… brat. You speak a word of what you just heard, to anyone and I will strip you of jounin and send you back to the academy. Or better yet. "Her voice dripping venom. "I will make it so you can never father any children…Ever!" Her fist slamming against the wood desk. Sending papers scattering to the floor below.
"Geesh…what has everyone's panties in a bunch…so Hinata is on Team Seven and you don't want her daddy to know…. big deal. You act like your planning a secret invasion or something." He remarked clueless as always. Even Hinata felt the urge to roll her eyes with annoyance.
It did not get past Tsunade that Kakashi was losing his normal, calm demeanor. Nor the fact he seemed to be standing protectively between the shy kunoichi and Naruto. Her piercing blue eyes, watched the slight almost hidden movements of the silver haired jounin. She had to hold in a knowing smirk, that was growing inside.
"This is serious Naruto! Not one word to anyone!" Kakashi's normally, lazy voice turning harsh. Gritting his teeth he held himself back from throttling the boy, by the throat.
His eye darting up to Hinata's. He could see the worry and fear filling those soft doe like eyes. Moving closer he leaned over and whispered into her ear. She felt heat rise to her cheeks at the sensation of his warm breath caressing her ear.
"Don't worry he will keep your secret." His hand dropping, to her shoulder reassuringly.
His mind finishing his sentence. 'Or I will strangle him myself.'
He knew his former student was hyper and was constantly doing stupid stunts. Acting more like a teenager then the adult he now was. He just could not allow the idiot to endanger Hinata by alerting her clan to her activities. Dropping, his hand from her curved shoulder. He noticed Hinata's flushed face.
'What the hell does she see in him? And just why the fuck is he so stupid not to notice her?' Hinata was a rose so soft and beautiful. Her internal beauty filled the air around her.
'How could you not notice her?' He felt his muscles tense in his shoulders. Shoving his hands into his pockets he scowled behind the dark blue mask. His fists clenching and unclenching as his blood seemed to grow, to a hot simmer.
He kept telling himself. He didn't care one way or another, if she like the blonde spaz or not. For some reason that didn't seem to help calm the inner turmoil, flickering through his body.
Maybe the stress, of being a shinobi had finally rendered his mind unstable. For as long, as he could remember. He had never felt so unsure. A mixture of emotions, constantly invading his life. All revolving around one blue, haired bara.
"Naruto you have five second to be out of my sight before I give you nothing but the nastiest 'D' rank mission for the next six months."
As if a tornado had blown through he was out the window and gone.
"Damn that boy!' Tsunade hissed her hands going to rub her aching temples. Though deep down she loved the boy like he was her very own little brother .
"Now as I was saying before Naruto showed up…."Her words once again halted as a knock on the door caused all heads to turn.
"Oh Hell!…What in Kami's name is it this time…?" She snapped.
"Sorry… My Lady but you are needed in the hospital. Apparently Konohamaru had one of his pranks back fire." She said flatly.
"I swear it is like having a miniature version of Naruto running around. "She said out loud, to no one in particular. "Shizune please remind me. Why the hell I took this job?!" She grumbled, throwing her arms in the air in defeat.
"Oh…you know you love it." Shizune smirked.
"Yah… yah. I live in the land of denial and it is no damn river…." She deadpanned her words trailing off. Pushing her chair back, she stood and began to follow Shizune out of the room. Turning back her eyes curiously watching the two.
" I will have, Yamamoto fill in for you Hatake temporarily. Should any missions arise. I can not emphases any more… just how vitally important it is, for you to assist Hinata in strengthening her new genkai." Letting out a loud sigh.
"Those damned prehistoric, Hyuga elders, know they are out of my reach. I have very little power to interfere, in clan issues." She looked over to the young heiress, her face growing grim. " I fear time is short and growing shorter by the minute. It will not be long before those old fossils catch on and start getting wild ideas of curse sealing you… Hinata." She sighed. Her hand closing the door behind her. Leaving the two jounin standing, silently in the small room.
Hinata felt overpowering fear, slice through her. Time was running out and she could do little to avoid her father's ultimate plan. Suddenly the room felt stifling and that overwhelming feeling grew slowly inside her. The doubts and fears exploding in her mind. She could feel all those out of control thoughts, smothering her, like a dark shadow. Slowly curling up her legs, wrapping tightly around her chest. Squeezing the air from her lungs. Strangling her slender throat. She gasped for breath, only achieving a shallow gasp. Her small heart racing uncontrollable. It was so loud, she was sure it echoed off the walls that continued to close in closer and closer. Sweat beading on her forehead as she continued to try and inhale deeply. Instead only gasping frantically for air. Black spots filling her vision
Kakashi's head jerked up as he heard the sound of frantic breathing. His eye widening, seeing Hinata face pale as a ghost. Her body beginning to sway. Within half a second he had her in his arms. Kneeling down on the floor he cradled her head against his warm chest.
"Hinata calm down…just breath." Her body trembled against him. "Listen to me Hinata…you need to calm down you're hyperventilating. Her eyelids began to droop slightly, over unfocused eyes. When her small mouth continued making gasping sounds, worry filled his soul. Taking her face between his large hands, he once again tried to gain her attention.
"Hinata listen to my voice! You need to breath through your nose." He hated to do this but he had little choice, she would lose consciousness soon, otherwise. Cradling her head in one hand he placed the other over her mouth. For a second her eyes widened with fear.
"Breathe through your nose Hinata!" He sighed as her eyes caught his, focusing slightly on his words.
"Come on small inhalations….that's a girl….just breathe."
He could feel her trembling regress as she continued to breathe through her nose. After her breathing regulated he let his hand drop from her lips. His own words, slightly strained from worry. As he once again cradled her head against his warm chest. He was not surprised when he felt her warm tears.
"You're okay…I got you." His arms automatically going around her petite body, holding her close. "It will be alright Mai Bara…I promise."
He knew he should not be enjoying this. Yet, he loved the feel, of her wrapped protectively in his arms.
If he could, truly keep her safe was another thing. He, just like the Hokage, had no power against the damn Hyuga clan. He couldn't help his bodies natural response, to hold her tighter, when he thought of them bringing her harm.
"S..sorry…K…Kakashi." Her voice low, the stutter overwhelmingly heavy. He wished she realized she never need feel nervous around him. He liked her for being her. Nothing else mattered.
"I…I made a…r…real…f…fool of m..myself." Wiping her eyes as she pulled away. Kami, how quickly he missed her warmth. His arms suddenly felt so very empty and it frightened him in a way he could just not quite wrap his mind around, at the moment.
"No you did not! " His hand brushing a strand of wet, tear stained hair, away from her face. "You are under way too much pressure… Mai Bara." Cringing slightly, as he realized he let his pet name for her out, once again. Nervously standing up, his hand reaching down to help her to her feet.
"Listen… don't worry! I promise you, we will have you wielding your Aoi Kaen, as if it was as natural as breathing."
"T…Thank you Kakashi." She leaned up, brushing a soft kiss onto his clothed cheek. He was grateful it covered the blush he felt come to his cheeks: however at the same time he wished he could have felt those silky pink lips against his bare skin.
'Kami what is wrong with me you would think I was in love with the girl.' He felt his body freeze as soon as the thought past his mind. He quickly shrugged it off. 'There is no way I am just not thinking straight! I just got wrapped up in her little panic attack. Yah that's it… hee hee in love …How stupid can I be to think that.' His eye wandered away from her. Staring out the window lost in thought, as he continued to blindly ignore his own heart.
"Kakashi?" She looked up at him. She frowned slightly. She couldn't help but see how lost he looked and was that a slight trace of fear cross his face? As she continued to stare over at him those familiar butterflies once again churned around inside.
"Kakashi are you okay?" Her voice rising, higher to grab his attention.
"Huh…yah…Fine." He closed his eyes taking a deep staggered breath. Holding, tightly onto his usual calm leaving his wavering thoughts behind.
"If you are feeling okay?" He watched her head nod up and down." Okay…well…let's grab something to eat before we start you're training."
"Can we eat…"He answered her before she could finish. He knew where she wanted to go. It was where he always wanted to be most of his life before she entered his lonely life.
"Of course!" He smiled. His heart suddenly, felt lighter when he watched her slowly, softly smile back.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O
Well guys…. sorry for taking so long with this chapter I hope making it longer makes up for my tardy posting. Now with the next chapters I am going to speed training. I just think everyone including moi would become bored to hell if I did weeks of training in detail. I will just go over some cute bonding ones to move the romance along.
Maybe a few more panic attack moments for Hinata. Hee hee I know all about them. Okay maybe not so funny panic attacks suck.
.
Oh on another note…YES! Kakashi mistook Hinata's blush when he whispered in her ear for her still fawning over Naruto
Also I have nothing against Naruto so no flaming over my turning him into a complete idiot. I mean I was close to the show. Does he not always appear in her office unannounced?
Oh and yes I could not resist the whole river in Egypt and Denial bit. Old jokes just never die LOL! I just gave it a Narutard twist to it. LOL
.
Anyways I want to thank you all for reading and I live for the reviews.
Really I am like a review junkie. So for the love of Kami keep feeding my review addiction and click the button below!!
.
.
Definitions
Baka…idiot
Kami or Kami-sama…God
Bara…Rose
Mai Bara…My Rose
.
.
Shosen Jutsu or also called Mystical Palm Technique, is a multipurpose technique that can heal wounds and perform surgery. To heal with the ability, users collect chakra to their hand to speed up cell regeneration wherever it is applied. For the latter, the user focuses their chakra into a blade to make cuts where necessary, though because the blade is made of chakra the flesh is never cut. This aspect of the ability can be used in combat, though it requires great precision to be effective.