The Flighty Lady and The Tramp

Some more hello's and such and so forth.

BELLA POV.

Sms message from: A psychic.
In a second you'll have to drag Edward up, smile, blush, lift your champagne glass and thank everyone.

While we where standing their thanking everyone for their kind words on our fake engagement, my phone was blowing up with texts. The thing with these functions is that there are no secrets, if Bizzy get's drunk and slaps a cute buss boys ass, all over the gossip columns the very next day. But if two collage kid's get engaged, everyone knows in moments, my phone had been buzzing constantly for the past minuet and a half. The world now knew that I was supposedly marrying Edward Cullen, and tomorrow it was going to be on the front page of every shitty tabloid from here to New York.

Sms message from: Wicked witch of the west (Lauren)
Trapped in a loveless marriage. Good luck with that sweet pea.

Sms message from: Rose
I'M GOING TO KILL HIM. He might be our father. But I'm going to kill him.

Sms message from: A psychic
Take Edward up on stage. Hold hands look natural and say yes. Kissing would help.

EDWARD POV

Sms message from: A pixie.
Take her up on stage, make a joke about asking her fathers permission, say something sweet about Esme not being here. Then get down on one knee and pop the question. Just play along.

When Alice tells you to do something, it's normally for a good reason; she doesn't like to waste here breath or free texts. So I did what I was told, took Bella up on stage, grabbed a microphone, and did my best to sound happy, as if this where my idea not my fathers.

"Thank you all for those kind words, and thanks dad for outing us" pause for laughter. "apparently we're messing with tradition, I think I was supposed to ask Mr Swan for his daughters hand in marriage, and I'm supposed to be terrified he'll say no. Sure you don't want her back Charlie?" pause for more laughter. "well alright then, it feels a bit odd doing this with out my mom here, shame she couldn't be with us tonight but she didn't want to give anyone else her cold, but I'm sure someone will be filming *wink* so she wont miss out on much"

Bella stood up on tiptoes to reach the mic, "just get on with it"

"Nagging me already, I can tell this is going to be fun!" and with that I dropped to one knee, opened the pale blue box and asked the girl I'd dreamt of marrying so long ago, to be my lawfully wedded wife.

To my surprise she grabbed the mic again, "it's not big enough." The whole room took one deep breath I could feel it in my toes. "but alright." She laughed and so did everyone else.

As we made our way back to our table every one took their turns to congratulate us and pat us on the back. I only realized we'd got to our table when the pats on the back became thumps,

"Nice fake proposal bro" Emmett, I don't know who else I thought it was. Only he can hit you that hard by accident.

"It better have been fake, I don't know about any of that asking Charlie shit. I expect to be asked" he wasn't joking, and it was very rarely Jazz played the big brother card, so when he does, it's sort of intimidating.

"It may have been a fake proposal but you know you are getting married right. And it will probably quite soon." Lauren had re-appeared out at our table once again spouting crap.

"We might have played along tonight Lauren. But trust me. When my Mother finds out what little tramp Charlie married this time, they'll only be divorce proceedings this season." I see snarky Bella's back.

The second thing you need to know about Bella is her undying love for her mother. Flighty René had married Charlie fresh out of collage, and then disappeared for months on end, leaving Charlie distraught and alone. After a year of her 'disappearances' she finally returns tells him that she's met someone else and demands a divorce, Charlie concedes and she disappears for about 3 years, in that time Charlie met Jasper and Rose's mum, their marriage lasted as long as it took for René to realize she'd made a huge mistake and beg to be taken back. The metaphorical rug was pulled from under a pregnant Ms Hale's feet as the train wreck that is René collided with her life and her husband left her, not homeless nor penniless, but it was definitely still a dickish thing to do. On this occasion René has decided that she wanted a baby, which explains the 6 month age difference between Rose and jasper (twins) and Bella. After Bella was born, René stuck around for the best part of 3 weeks, flaked and left, returning occasionally laden with gifts and fantastic romanticized stories of her adventures for Bella and divorce papers for Charlie's latest wife.

At some point in that story Ms hale becomes an alcoholic and is deemed an unfit mother, and in another part Charlie becomes a multi millionaire. Not really important to understanding my Bella though. She did gradually begin to resent René, but she could always win Bella back with a trinket and a week of her undivided attention: And according to Bella's last statement, we where due another visit from the infamous Mrs. Swan.

After the guests calmed down, and downed their champagne it was time to dance, the first dance at these events is always lead by the host but since my mom isn't here and Lauren can't dance –unless it's round a pole– the honor falls to me Jasper and Emmett, one dance and then we can blow this shitty little lie party. So close to escaping.

There was a ruckus on stage, some drunken hag, trying to get up to the microphone, security would probably catch her in no time; or not.

"'ello, goo evning" slurred like an alcoholic, her future career. "I'd like *hick* to just disturb your evenin' for one last anounc*yawn*ment hasn't anyone noticed how glowing the bride to be is?" my father then yelled something rather rude punctuated with extra profanities, how helpful is that. I did the only thing I could think of. I apologized to Bella, passed her to jasper, strode up on stage, threw the insane bitch over my shoulder and marched her out of the staff entrance, back the way that gold digging, social climber came.

"Looks like there won't be a need for René, " Public humiliation is practically grounds for divorce in the circles Charlie runs in. "he's going to turn you out back to the streets you came from Lauren."

:O Did Edward just get bitchy? :L