Valen Proudly Presents:

Cracked

Chapter Three:
Reptile Kisses

Summary: Mona Lisa is not just the most sought out painting in the world. She also becomes the most sought out reptile. Rumor has it she carries the baby of one of the ninja turtles.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the turtles, nor do I own Mona Lisa or Venus de Milo or Splinter. The soap operas are copyright to. . . whoever they're copyright-ed to.

So as not to confuse you, this whole entire chapter is BACKSTORY. Backstory that led up to the events in the last two chapters. Thanks. Also, Mona Lisa's backstory is a bit different than original. I tend to follow the 2003 series, so I felt the need to make it a bit darker. Also ALSO, this chapter is a bit (a LOT) longer than what I normally write. Hence, why it's taken me a bit longer to update it. Lots of stuff going on, so pay attention. Oneshots will be written soon. Thanksgiving break, ftw!

The moment she came to live with them in the sewers, Raphael couldn't stop thinking about her. Previously human, Mona Lisa found it difficult to adjust to hiding and walking around in her birthday suit like the turtles. None of them found it odd that they never wore any clothes, and that Splinter only wore a robe. He'd never worn the robe because he was self-conscious, he wore it because cold sewers could sometimes test an old rat. Mona Lisa covered up almost her entire body with jeans and a sweater. Pretty soon, she changed it up, and wore an old black dress for a while. Soon, she wore dresses exclusively, because they were more comfortable for her tail.

Even as a reptile, Raphael thought she wore dresses pretty well. He liked them a lot better than plain old jeans. She had one for every day of the week: black, yellow, white with black flowers, brown with teal spots, light blue, blue, and pink.

By far, Raphael liked the black one best. Every time she wore it, he would catch himself staring.

And she would, too.

One day, Mona Lisa was rummaging through cabinets, attempting (in vain) to find something that wasn't pizza to feed her. She was standing on her tip-toes to reach the cabinets, and her leg muscles were flexed. At the same time, Raph was sitting at the table trying hard to keep his focus on his slice of pepperoni and not her calves. "Hey Raph? You sure there's nothing else in here? I found a box of cereal from the nineties, but that's all. Leo said the vegetables and all the good stuff were for dinner tonight." She turned to him just after his roaming eyes had stopped, but he still had a dumb grin on his face. "Wanna come up to get a burger or something with me? I don't wanna go up top alone."

As much as he liked the offer, Raph couldn't help but point out one little detail. "In broad daylight? Not even my trench coat will hide me. Besides, what about you?"

"I just tired of pizza, that's all. And I don't wanna wait until dark to get food." Mona complained.

Raph gestured his head towards his room and got up from the table. "I have a stash in my room. Just popcorn and cereal, but I think it'll hold you off until dinner."

"I wish I could just go up and get myself a burger. Raph, you guys are so awesome, but ugh, it's just so hard living like this in the shadows. But. . . you understand that much better than I do, don't you, Raph?" Mona followed him up to his room.

"Yeah, yeah. It sucks, I know. We'll punch a punching bag in my room and talk about it over cheerios."

Raph's room felt large, only because there wasn't a lot of stuff around. A hammock, a microwave, a small television that always seemed to be on the sci-fi channel, and a dresser. With locks. Nobody but Raph knew what was hidden in those drawers. She watched as he fiddled with the lock, and it clicked when he finished the combination. Though she was now sitting, Mona stretched her body, attempting to see what else was in those drawers besides popcorn. Quickly, Raphael shut the drawer before she got a good look inside. Mona couldn't help herself, and blurted it out before she could stop.

"What's in the drawers?"

Raph just gave her a "look" before sticking the popcorn in the microwave. "Popcorn. Why?"

Now it was Mona's turn to exchange the "look." She raised an eyeridge at him. "Hey, I'm not dumb. If it was just popcorn, you wouldn't feel the need to put locks on your drawers."

He sat abruptly, mumbling to himself, as if trying to come up with a good answer. "Look, there's no need tah get nosy. I keep them locked so that Mikey won't steal my stash? You believe me, right?"

As stubborn and reluctant as he was, Mona Lisa felt it best to let go. Perhaps one day when she earned his trust enough, he'd show her. Still, she couldn't help shake the feeling that he wasn't telling her something. "Alright." Just for one last chance. . . "I trust you, Raph."

If he was hurt or guilty, he hid it as well as he could. There was no visible expression on his face, but he'd now refused to make eye contact, and started quietly grinding his teeth. No way Raph would make such a huge deal about popcorn. Even for Raph, it was such a small thing to become irritated over.

Let it go, girl. Mona thought. Just let it go. . . It had to be something important. A curious nature still drove her to wonder what was inside, but it was now the cautious kind. Whatever was in there, it was the Pandora's Box of the sewers, and opening it would only the chaos in the household. . . or the sewer-hold.

Still, she managed to let it go for the time being and comment on the giant insects on television. She hadn't really taken Raph for a Sci-Fi kind of guy; it was something she expected from Donatello. She told Raph this.

"Don't get a lot of channels." He confessed. "It's usually between this and 'Days of our Lives.' And the only thing those kinds of shows have to offer are hot nurses. I honestly don't understand why Master Splinter is so into them."

Mona swallowed a mouthful of popcorn and smirked at him. "Women love men who can keep up with soap operas. Think of how many chicks you could pick up if you started talking about 'The Young and the Restless' with them. Perhaps you could learn a couple more lessons from Splinter."

"Yeah. I could pick up chicks by reciting lines from 'The Bold and the Beautiful,' but I'd have to make sure my green skin doesn't freak 'em out first."

"You have a point, there." Mona giggled, and moved closer. "You don't have to worry," she assured, crawling towards him. "Your green skin doesn't freak me out."

"Heh, I hope not. You're a little green around the gills, yourself, Mona."

After a few more bad puns about the color green, and some soap opera references, Mona thanked Raph for the popcorn and went on her way to play Super Smash Bros. with Michelangelo. Partly because he had barged in on the two, bragging about how he managed to clean off all the fingerprints and scratches, and that it was now playable. As irritating as he was, Raphael actually fund it quite convenient that she had left. Soon after they went to play, he locked his door and walked over to the drawers.

Under packs of popcorn were highly confidential files only Raph and a few agents back at the lab had looked at.

"Miss Mona, seeing as how you are the most reliable intern, I expect you to keep your eye on this specimen." The scientist and the eager intern looked at a semi-conscious Raphael in a cage. Had the tranquilizer not taken its toll on him, he'd be giving those two a piece of his mind. Raph figured he could throw his fit when the sedatives wore off. How dare these people lock him up like an animal. If they knew just how much he'd done to prevent crime in New York City, they wouldn't have been doing this to him. Now he understood why Splinter didn't want him to venture topside. Humans were not interested in the good deeds he'd done for them. . . they only wanted his superior DNA.

"Where. . .? What. . .is it? How did you. . .?" the young intern was full of questions. Never before had she seen a creature quite like this. Some kind of turtle humanoid hybrid. . . and she was fortunate enough to be chosen to observe it. "This is amazing! I've never seen anything like it before!" She was gripping the clipboard with excitement, and her eyes were wide. "I mean, this isn't exactly my field, but I'll do the best I can. Wow, would you look at the muscles on him? And that shell. . .not that he'd be able to fit in it anyways."

"Please." her overseer begged, "Concentrate on the task at hand, Mona Lisa." he flicked at a needle. "Please gather its DNA and observe its behavior. The tranquilizer will keep it from attacking you as you gather DNA samples. If you are able, I'd like at least two blood samples, and a skin sample. Also. . ." he held up a bag with a red bandanna inside. "It was wearing this when we took it down. I don't know why, but it's probably full of skin cell samples. Take a look at it under the microscope. There's a box of latex gloves beside it."

"Yes, Dr. Cunnings."

There was no dignity in this. Raphael was being looked down upon by an intern and a low-life whitecoat, not to mention being called "it." He hated this. At least the intern had been kind enough to give him a gender. But he was still ticked off, and, even though he knew it served no absolute purpose, Raph also felt naked without his bandanna. The fact that she'd be staring at it ten-thousand times magnified only violated him more.

Suddenly, he felt something jab into his arm. He'd been wallowing in his own angry thoughts for so long, he hadn't noticed the intern wrap the rubber strap around his arm. Too late to jerk away; it would only cause him more damage. Instead, he let out a low, throaty growl at the girl. She jumped, losing her hold on the needle only for a moment. "Sorry, hun. I just need a blood sample." She slid the needle out. "Look, already done!" Now, he noticed latex gloves on her hands. Just how long had he been lying there, distracted? "Now, to get this in a vial."

Though his head was pounding, Raph could feel his limbs and voice coming back to life. The intern walked over to a huge plethora of technology that would probably make Donnie orgasm. A huge computer screen took up the back wall of the room, and the keyboard wasn't any smaller. In fact, the keyboard stretched from wall to wall. There was a tiny space for the letters and the normal buttons on a keyboard, but the rest there were formula symbols only his genius brother could understand, hollow spaces for vials, and color-coded buttons to work certain features on the computer. Unfortunately, Raph couldn't appreciate all the studying Mona had to do to memorize those buttons. After putting his blood sample into one of the vials, she looked at the percantages on the screen.

Raph couldn't understand what she was looking at, but it struck her with awe. "Your chemical makeup is exactly that of a human's! Water, carbon, iron. . . it's all here! What are you?" she turned, and jumped, realizing that Raphael was now sitting up. "Oh! You're sitting up?" she walked back over, tool in hand. "Mind if I take a look at your skin cells?"

This turtle was more human than she'd ever imagined. He was in the lotus position, clutching his head and cursing under his breath. "Get away from me." he growled.

The intern was taken aback. "You talk!"

Raph tilted his head. "Really, now? They should change your name to Sherlock." He added in a few more rude phrases, and Mona's face fell.

"It's got a charming personality to boot." she said, the sarcasm just as apparent in her own voice.

"I don't need to be charming. You locked me in a damn cage, and you've been calling me 'it.' Like I'm some kind of animal."

"If you don't mind me pointing out. . . you are a large turtle humanoid. And I wasn't calling you 'it.' Dr. Cunnings is kind of numb to emotions. He's seen every type of animal testing out there. Even hybrid experiments in Area 51."

"But you aren't like that. Are you?"

"No! I mean. . . I've never had to deal with animal testing up front, but I certainly don't approve of it."

"Yah've got a funny way of showin' it." Raph wasn't sure he could trust this girl. Here she was sticking needles in him and going on about his genetics, then turned right around and argued that she didn't approve of animal testing. Not that he considered himself an animal, but he knew to normal people, he was far from the average human.

"Hey, I wasn't performing experiments. I was humanely drawing blood from your arm with a sanitary needle. Veterinarians do it all the time. Besides, Dr. Cunnings is my superior. But if he'd, say, asked me to dissect you or inject you with some foreign substance, I would refuse. Especially now that I know you a little better. Do you have a name?"

At first, he just looked at her. For a couple moments, he debated with himself mentally about the situation. This girl obviously saw him as a person who simply had a strange shade of skin. "Name's Raphael. Raph for short."

"Like the painter?" she inquired.

"Yeah, all my brothers are named after Renaissance artists." Suddenly, Raph felt he'd let her know too much. In two seconds, he'd just blurted out that he had siblings. However, she didn't seem to hold it against him.

"You have a family? Jeez, I bet they're wondering where you are right now! They're probably out in the city, searching every building."

Raph smirked. "Well, I wouldn't want them to worry. How's about lettin' me outta this cage then, sweetheart?" In the deepest depths of his heart, Raph had pulled out a Mikey-trait by using guilt and charm all in one sentence.

Mona pulled out the smallest notebook Raph had ever seen and scribbled something on it in pen. After tearing it out, she handed the slip of paper to Raph through the bars. "This is my address. Promise me you'll visit sometime?" With that, she unlocked the cage door, allowing Raph to escape. "There's a window in the hallway here. Nobody else is working this floor, so you'll be alright. The window is on the second story, but from the looks of your muscles, that shouldn't be a problem. And I believe. . ." she walked over to the table and picked up the bag containing his bandanna. "This would be yours."

Without hesitation, Raph reached in and pulled it out, tying around his head. Much better. He thought. He was grateful that this girl had changed her mind about keeping him caged up. "I'll tell Dr. Cunnings you picked the lock, and that you were more intelligent than we imagined." she winked at him. "I'm sure he'll have no trouble believing that."

"Thanks." Raph said as he went out the door, suddenly remembering his manners. "Your name's Mona Lisa?"

"Yup."

"Cute."

For months, Raph had that little paper crumpled up on top of his dresser, but he hadn't actually gathered up the guts to go visit her. Trust was still an issue, and he wondered if he'd be ambushed by scientists and agents when he arrived.

It was a shame, because had he gone to visit her, he might have seen the signs. Dr. Cunnings actually knew everything there was to know about the turtles, but wanted his own creation. Even though Raphael "escaped" that lab, they still had a blood sample to work with. And Cunnings decided his most intelligent intern would be an excellent test subject.

Mona later explained her slow and excruciating transformation. For one thing, she had ruined her eyes in college because of so much cramming, and almost always had contacts put in. Soon, her vision became twenty-twenty, and she no longer had to pay for contacts. Secondly, on top of her vision becoming perfect again, a small layer formed itself over her eye, and she was able to keep her eyes open in the shower. Water slid over the layer, instead of absorbing its way into her eyes.

By the time Raph came to her run-down apartment, she was sobbing in her bathroom because her legs were now oddly muscular, smooth, and. . . green. She had also sprouted a tail, which had caused her the most mind-blowing pain she'd ever experienced.

"He-he must have been planning this the whole time! Look at me!" she wailed. "I'm turning into a LIZARD!" Tears flowed out of her eyes non-stop.

It was Raph who kept her company that night. And the only other individual who witnessed the rest of Mona Lisa's transformation. The metamorphosis left her in a weakened state, and she complained about how her new skin burned and the buzzing in her head. Around five o' clock in the morning, a very weary Raph called his brother, Donatello, and asked him to meet him at the address. Donatello, being the passive genius he was, agreed because of the urgency in Raph's voice. Raph gave him directions, and he made it in under ten minutes.

"Alright, Raph, who's your new friend that you want so badly for me to meet?"

"Come and see." he dragged his brother by the couch, and pulled the covers back a bit. Mona was sleeping lightly, and her breathing was shallow. "Her boss made a new formula outta my DNA, only it's takin' its toll on her. God, you should've seen her when her head was transforming. I didn't think she would make it."

Ever the level-headed genius he was, Donatello put a hand to her forehead and immediately pulled back. "She's got a nasty fever. Get me a cold rag, or an ice pack if she's got one." he knelt down by the couch and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "Are you alright, miss?"

Mona did not wake, but made the best conversation she could in sleep. "Raph. . . was your transformation like this? My skin. . . it feels like it's boiling. Oh, I can't stand it."

Raph returned, two ice packs in hand, and Donatello placed one on her head and one on her stomach. Even in sleep, he could feel she appreciated the cool texture."How long has she been like this?"

"I came here around nine o' clock last night after dinner, and that's when she started screamin' about her tail and legs. She said the tail hurt worse than anything, and that's when she passed out. If I wasn't here, she'd probably have been transforming on her bathroom floor the whole night. It was like pulling teeth draggin out her to a comfy couch. she was trashin' EVERYWHERE!" Raph explained.

"Well, I'm proud of you for not panicking, but you should have called me sooner."

"I didn't want to wake Leo up and have him snoopin'. I knew he'd be doing katas on the rooftops at sunrise. Man, I've been up all night." Raph gripped his head and sighed. "But I couldn't just not do anything. So I had to keep water and a bucket here all night. She couldn't hold anything down. Not even an apple."

"Well, you rest, and I'll watch her until you feel better. Why don't you go sleep in the recliner in the corner?" Donatello flipped the ice packs over.

So Raph took a power nap in Mona Lisa's recliner, regaining a fraction of his strength back during his half hour of sleep. Both Raph and Mona were awakened by a loud knocking (more like pounding) at the door. He and Donatello prepared for battle, until they heard an all too familiar voice.

"Mona! Dr. Cunnings told me he tested the new batch of ooze on you. Come on out and let Baxter see what a pretty lizard you are!"

"Damn it!" Raph whisper-yelled. "I thought we had put Stockman down for good! Well. . ." Raph pulled out his sai and stood firmly. 'We ain't goin' down without a fight, Donny."

"Uh. . . no, Raph." Donatello whispered. He had his eye firmly glued to the peep-hole, and he was receiving a close-up view of Stockman's new creation. "Stockman's got some really buff robots to back him up. We can't fight and protect her at the same time." Donatello picked up the newly mutated Mona Lisa, blanket and all, and she was surprised to see a second turtle in her apartment.

"Raph's brother, I presume?" In pain, she still had managed to keep a bit of her sarcastic tone.

"Uh, yeah. But we'll talk about that later. First, let's get you out of here." The turtles were still whispering at this point, but Raph was ready to give Baxter Stockman a piece of his mind. Even though Raph was always ready to give someone a piece of his mind. "Raph, I'll go out the window here, and you go into her room, grab as many clothes for her as you can, and go out the fire escape before Stockman's new robots catch you."

Though he shouldn't have thought about the situation like he did, at the moment, it ticked him off (like everything else.) He had stayed up with her all night, making sure she was as comfortable as possible, and Donatello waltzed in for a half-hour and took over the situation. And he was the one who got to carry the female back to the sewers. But Raphael did as he was told, albeit grumbling the entire time. He shut Mona Lisa's door and locked it just in case Stockman broke down the front door.

Which he did. In all his robot glory, Stockman had just broken the door down and entered with his robots, and Raph wondered why nobody had come to her aid, despite the ruckus. Didn't people usually wake up just before six? He grabbed whatever he could in her wardrobe, which consisted of sweaters, jeans, and sun dresses in the bottom drawer. This girl was all ready for autumn weather. Just before the robots broke down her door, Raph went out the fire escape and escaped into the night.

Except that he actually escaped into the dawn and barely managed to make it into the sewers unseen.

His siblings were curious about the new female, expecially Venus, who was relieved that she was no longer the token female of the group.

"I kept having a dream," she had said, "that you were carrying something into the lair. But I couldn't see was it was." Then she giggled. "Now I know."

Splinter would have lectured about them being seen, and for Raphael being captured that day, but he knew his son had gone out of his way and showed maturity by helping this girl. He would not have expected Raphael, out of all of them, to stay cool during a time of crisis. In truth, he was more proud of his son than worried. Donatello had also shown maturity, and caring for his brother and his new friend.

Baxter Stockman, outraged that he was not able to find his new mutant, stormed back to Dr. Cunnings, demanding to know where she was. Dr. Cunnings went with him to search the apartment, and found nothing but an empty water bottle, a bucket cleaned out in the sink, and a small piece of paper with Mona's address scribbled on it. In her handwriting.

"She must have given her address a new friend." Cunnings had concluded. "It's the only theory I can think of." So he had put on his latex gloves and carefully used tweezers to put it in a Ziploc bag. "My guess is her new friend has his skin cells all over this little slip of paper. We can take it back to the lab for testing."

The results only angered Stockman more. Because the paper had been stored in Raph's shell for so long, his DNA was all over it. The turtles could no longer be found in the sewers because of Donatello's cloaking technology. Technology he stole from the great and powerful Stockman! Ironically the same cloaking technology he had used when he ventured out to capture Mona.

Cunnings still wanted his payment that day. "As promised, I think you owe me my reward."

But Stockman refused. Instead, he had one of his robots pin Cunnings up against the wall. "You promised me a mutant. Do you see a mutant around here, Christopher? I think not. . ." Now that he no longer worked for the Shredder, and he had his own assistant under him, Stockman was now power-hungry. Instead of being punished for his mistakes, he could now take out his anger on his assistant.

Dr. Cunnings finally realized something that day. "You're mad."

Stockman threw his head back and let out a maniacal laugh. "You're always the last one to notice these things, aren't you?"

When the storm had died down, three things happened: Dr. Cunnings had his left hand cut off, Mona's skin had stopped burning, and the turtles learned the full story, realizing they were in more danger than ever before. Donatello constantly checked his cloaking system, and kept making improvements so it wouldn't resemble Stockman's now-obscure technology.

Mona Lisa was heartbroken about her new appearance, as the green skin took its toll on her self-esteem. Venus kept reminding her that she was still a beautiful mutant, and it really helped. What had really helped make her feel better though was that the turtles and their friends, April and Casey, treated her like a normal human being. Not one of them talked about the transformation after it happened unless she wanted to. Even Michelangelo got the hint. When Raph whacked him across the head after the comment he made about the huge hole in her favorite pair of jeans, courtesy of her tail ripping through during the transformation.

"Ignore him. Your tail is cool." Raph told her.

"I didn't was it wasn't cool! I was just wondering how it managed to rip through denim---"

WHACK!

"Again, don't listen to this dolt. You make a pretty mutant."

"Uh, yeah." Michelangelo agreed, so as not to be whacked again. "What Raph said. You're pretty cool."

Soon, Mona adapted to their way of life, minus the addiction to pizza. Much too fattening for her. But she trained with them, fought crime with them, and played video games with them. She even started watching wrestling with Raph and talking total geek speak with Donatello. But what she couldn't adjust to very well was not walking outside in broad daylight. Many times, she'd throw on an outfit and walk out the door, only to be stopped by one of the turtles.

Venus would insist the "spirits" up top were up to no good.

Splinter would repeat the same lectures he told his sons about going topside.

Mikey would repeat Splinter's lectures about going topside. Albeit, mockingly at times.

Raph reminded her that he was captured during one of his topside adventures, which resulted in her being mutated.

Leo and Donatello reminded her that Stockman was probably still after her.

Out of all of them, Raph understood the most, though. More than once, they snuck out to do vigilante work with Casey, and Mona got to ride on Raph's motorcycle. She was forbidden from driving it, though. Very, very forbidden.

And then it happened. Her first kiss. . . with a ninja turtle, that is.

After stopping a Purple Dragon robbery, they'd gone to Casey's to celebrate. While their human friend was busy getting drinks from the fridge, she wrapped her arms around the turtle and kissed. Half because she wanted to see him all flustered and bewildered, but mostly 'cause she wanted to. It was fun, however, seeing the expression on his face, which she pretended not to notice. Casey saw it, though, but didn't ask the reason behind Raph's strange behavior. By the looks of Mona's expression, he made an educated guess. So he just went on and handed them the usual: a beer for him and Raph and a Coke for her.

Though he spent a fair amount of his time thinking of her, it became for different reasons as time went on. First, he wondered why she worked under a guy like Dr. Cunnings. This was when she was human and he still had reservations about visiting her. When she came to live with them, he wondered how they infected her with the ooze, and how durable she must have been to survive that transformation. After the kiss, his thoughts became different. Very different.

Does she like me? Why did she kiss me? Is it 'cause she's a mutant now and thinks I'm the best option she's got? Do I really care that much? Yeah, I kinda do. . . They plagued his mind, distracting him and causing him to go into temporary trances. He didn't dare confront her, for fear of what his brothers would think. On the other hand, had she kissed one of his brothers, too?!

On night, he found his chance when they were alone in the kitchen. He tried to suppress his frustration with the situation, so as not to make her think he was mad at her. "Alright, Mona, spill. What was that kiss all about? Am I the only mutant turtle you've kissed? Why did you do it?" questions spilled out, and each one only made her giggle. She walked over.

"You're the only mutant turtle I've kissed. I kissed you because I thought you were cute. Don't you know anything about girls?" she sneaked a peck on his nose and practically slithered away. "Or it might be part of my evil scheme to distract you. You never know." she winked before turning and going off her own way. Raph followed.

He left her room that night feeling better than he ever had in his entire life. And Master Splinter detected a strange scent on his hot-headed turtle the next morning.

Heh, constructive criticism is appreciated. I know, I'm still trying to find out how one would put a lock on a drawer. Perhaps there are chains wrapped around the whole dresser. O-o;; Sounds kinda Raph-like.