Chapter 14

My Wednesday sucked. To start it off, I had to skip breakfast to blow dry my hair because my alarm clock didn't go off. Dargan made us run laps in the track in the rain without any jackets, so my hair was immediately soaked. Then, while running from conditioning to Tactical Theory, I passed Mia in the halls. She saw that I was freezing and drenched, and was kind enough to oh so sweetly dump her burning coffee on me. I was running so late that I didn't have time to dump her in the trash where she belonged. I promised myself that I would have my revenge later, and then arrived, late, smelling of coffee, and drenched, to me tactics class.

I had pop quizzes in nearly all of my classes (I aced them all but still I mean really), and when I tried to go get Blackjack to go to the cliff, I found that they were moving the horses to the nw stables, so I wasn't allowed to see them. I went to the movies, hoping to use my Alpha in to help my mood. It didn't. The movie sucked and I wanted the money that I didn't pay back. I sat fuming, waiting for my Pack to get back from wherever the hell they were. Then I thought about what day it was, looked at the clock, and remembered that we had practice five minutes ago. I sighed, got up, changed and went to miss them.

Dimitri and I had started to condition them before every practice, and they were still warming up when I got there. I jumped in the front of the line, blew through all of the exercises, and then spent the next hour trying to explain to Matt that in order to effectively gel with the group, he had to learn their fighting styles and then be able to judge what spell would best help them in battle. For example, if they were an up close fighter, like myself, setting them on fire wouldn't be good, because it would set me on fire as well. For the end of practice I split everyone up into partners and then pitted them against each other. I fought with Matt against Dimitri and Abby. I had just taken out Abby (I had knocked Dimitri back for a moment) and had just tackled Dimitri when he spontaneously burst into flames. He yelled, and I had Abby put him out, and then Lissa heal him. I then rounded on Matt, who was sitting on the floor, looking ashamed but angry.

"What the hell were you thinking? That was literally exactly what I told you not to do. Plus, You actually set your Beta and Alpha on fire at once! I mean how stupid are you?" I was outreaged, but knew that I was taking my anger from today out on him. I tried to reign myself in. "It's fine, just learn from your mistake. You're not stupid, just try and think before you act next time." I said in a much gentler, if forced, tone. He nodded, not looking at me, and then, still frustrated, dismissed practice. I told Dimitri and the others to clean up, and left.

I needed to relax, but couldn't go to the cliff. So I went to the next best thing. I got on the balcony, drew the blinds, and just stood there for a while. I knew that I shouldn't be upset. Judge Harks had specifically said that I needed to control my anger. Then, I started to think about what it would be like to be able to fly. My train of thought was a dangerous one, and before I knew what had happened, I was perched on top of the railing, ready for take off. Dimitri walked out just as I was coming to my senses, and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?" He rushed over, pulled me down. For some, obsourd reason, I started to cry. I didn't even know why. I just knew that it felt good to release my emotions. My life was so normal, so depressingly average. And then I started to laugh while the tears still fell down my face, smudging my make up. I was fifteen, preparing for a war, and crying because I thought my life was too normal.

What a twisted train of thought. I wasn't even normal for my race of warriors. My ex-best friend had become a monster and threatened to kill me in the eighth grade. I had almost just commited suicide. I had a seriously dangerous crush on my Beta, which would get me fired. I was thinking of getting fired when I was fifteen. What kind of sick kid was I?

Then I realized that Dimitri was still looking down at me concernedly, my head in his lap, laying on the floor. I stopped laughing, sat up, and murmered something about being fine. He didn't buy it, but eventually left when I wouldn't say anymore than that.

For a while I just sat there, watched the sunset and the moon rise. I sat and thought, looking at the stars, which were everywhere in the sky. When the moon was directly over my head, and I was shivering, contemplating going inside, I heard the door slide open.

Dimitri walked over, and lay down beside me. "You have a headache too?" I nodded, glad that I wasn't the only one. He seemed to be studying me, and I took the opportunity to do the same. His dark blue T-shirt had a small V-neck, and showed off his muscles. He wore long white plaid shorts. His hair was slightly wind blown, making it look amazing. His tan skin almost glowed in the deck light. The icy blue eyes that I loved so much were still studying me, and I wondered what he saw; if he liked what he saw. Stupid. You shouldn't care about that. He's not an option. My stupid conscience was right, and I walked to the balcony to avoid the temptation of his eyes.

We stayed like this for a while, and still I felt his eyes on me. I made an effort at small talk, but every question asked was answered in one word. Until he asked me a question. "Why were you about to jump? What drove you to that length?"

"I don't really know. I mean, my life is sure twisted, but that isn't why I got up on the railing. It was more like my mind tricked me into believing that I could fly. I was really about to come back down when you got there. I promise."

"I don't want you to ever die Rose. Because I don't know what I would do without you. I was wrong when I said that the Vote didn't matter. You're clearly the much better choice. Don't ever leave."

"Dimitri I- I won't" I was unsure as to how the conversation had gotten so serious so fast, but lost that train of thought when I felt Dimitri's breath on the back of my neck.

He had walked up right behind me, and placed his hands on the railing to either side of mine. I turned around, and his face was inches from mine. "Rose- I- your beautiful." His words were left behind as I closed the distance between us. Our lips met, and it was bliss. He moved closer, putting his hands on my back, my neck, deepening the kiss. My conscience was overruled by the pure joy that came with the kiss. And then it was over, and I remembered all of the reasons that we couldn't be doing this.

"I have to go. We can't- we shouldn't be doing this." He nodded, and I turned to go back inside. Only to turn right back. "Comrade." He turned at the sound of his nickname. "I'm not one to kiss and tell. I hope you're not either." It was a not so subtle hint that we couldn't tell anyone. At all.

My Wednesday sucked. Because I was faced not only with the daily trials of life, but also with the realization that we could never be together. That was sad for me, because I was seriously starting to think that I was falling in love with him. How that kiss made me feel. It was like a drug, and I didn't know how long I could go without another dose.