A Deal with God
Part Two:
Michael and Casey used the coordinates that Fay had extracted from the satellite phone. When compared to where they had left Billy to die or where they had left him for dead - neither scenario was something Michael liked to think about no matter how practical the command decision was at the time - he wasn't far. This information gave Michael both solace and guilt because yes, Billy was alive and that was a relief and should be the only important thing, but he just couldn't stop second-guessing on whether he should have just stayed and had never left Billy behind in the first place.
Command decisions. Michael couldn't shirk from the responsibility of both the satisfaction of a mission well done, no lives lost or injured, or from a mission gone completely and horrifically wrong. He was their leader and every choice he made affected them all and that meant that any mistakes that happened were his and his alone.
So, as he and Casey trudged through the jungle with a newfound purpose as well as a plan for Billy's rescue, he tried to push back the what-might-have-happened-if-he-had-turned-back and focused on the mission at hand of extracting Billy. Now in his mind were thoughts of Rick and how the botched mission had driven the young operative almost to madness and to an uncertain health crisis.
Command decisions. His and his alone to make and to live with even with a team who would support any decision he made. It was the role he was meant to play and for every time he doubted it, he would look as his teammates, his friends who depended on him and he would do his best to make every mission one less that found one of them severely injured, one less he had to relive as a failure.
"How much farther?
"We should be coming up on it –" Casey started.
"Wait, wait," Michael said in a hushed whisper as he spotted something up ahead.
Casey looked beyond Michael and spotted what he was seeing.
Two armed men talking to an older man.
"That's going to complicate our extraction," Casey said with his usual aplomb and understatement.
Michael nodded, his forehead creased in worry.
"It doesn't look very friendly. We're going to have to find another way in. I just hope that if Billy is in that village, he stays put because once that guy finds out –"
"That there's a CIA agent there, Billy's as good as dead," Casey finished.
ChaosChaosChaos
Billy tried to rise from the bed, concentrating to keep his groans suppressed as much as possible so as to not give himself and, more importantly, Hector away.
"No, no, lay back, you're hurting yourself more," Hector pleaded.
"Hector, you and Samuel are in danger with me here. I have to draw those men away, keep them concentrated on me."
Billy felt his wounds reopen as he moved and the blood soaked through his makeshift bandages.
"Get my gun there," Billy asked, clenching in pain.
"Please don't leave. You'll die," Hector pleaded even more, his voice breaking.
Billy grasped his shoulders, pain, fever from infection etched across his face.
"Listen to me, lad. When my mates get here, you tell them to protect you and Samuel, all right? Tell them not to come for me."
"But –"
"A good agent follows orders when it comes to saving other people's lives," Billy said, inwardly laughing at the absurdity of the statement since following orders was never a strength of his. "You, Samuel, the village, must come first."
"What about you?" He asked plaintively.
"Sometimes, a good agent must also make difficult decisions when there is no other choice," he said, a truthful statement this time. "But I want you to know that this decision is an easy one to make for me. Now, get me my gun."
"Let me go with you then. I couldn't help my father."
Hector gave him such a doleful expression that it was difficult for Billy to keep objective, but he knew he was doing the right thing. He knew that those smugglers would search the village and they couldn't find him there because if they did, they would make the villagers, Samuel and Hector pay. He couldn't let that happen.
"Hector, you're a fine young man and I guarantee your father was proud of you as I know he still is, but I also know that he wouldn't want you to risk your life, not for this, not for me. He wanted you to live and I consider it an obligation to him to make sure that you do. I need you to let me do that for him, for you. Will you trust me?"
Hector saw the determination on Billy's face, the strength there despite the pain, despite the infection and also he heard Billy's heartfelt words and took them to heart. Billy was making him see that his father hadn't died for nothing.
He nodded his head, reached for the gun and handed it to him.
"Thank you, son. I promise you no harm will come to you. Me and my mates will make sure of it."
Billy checked the clip and it was half full. He had one other full one in his jacket pocket.
"Give me my jacket there if you would."
Hector complied, his stoic silence communicating everything. Billy put on his jacket. He grimaced with every move he made. He then checked for the clip and found it.
Billy wavered from the exertion and Hector worried.
"All right, now I want you to leave here and stay close to your family."
"What about Samuel?"
"He knows what needs to be done."
Hector nodded and headed towards the door.
"Be careful, Billy."
"Always, lad, always," Billy said as he winked.
It brought a quick smile to Hector's face then he left.
Billy leaned against a table, grunting, letting all the suppressed pain release as he had held it back for Hector's benefit. He took in some breaths, cocked his gun and started towards the door himself.
"Right. Once more unto the breach."
ChaosChaosChaos
Michael and Casey watched the exchange and thought through their next moves. Suddenly, they heard shots being fired. They saw the two men run off, ignoring the older man. They then gave each other knowing glances and knew what the other was thinking.
"Billy," they chorused.
"You go after Billy. I'll join up with you. I have to talk to –"
Casey didn't wait for Michael to finish before he was off and running after them. He had to smile because he knew that Casey wouldn't need any back up from him and a part of him felt sorry for the smugglers. It would be an unfair match.
He ran up to the older man and stopped him.
Samuel saw him coming and had judged without asking that Michael was a friend of Billy's.
"I'm Michael Dorset, I'm with –"
"Billy. I'm Samuel. No need to explain. Are you alone?" He asked concerned that he was the only man to come and help.
"No, no, another operative is running over to help Billy."
"You mean those shots were Billy? And that man running…that was…"
Michael suppressed a laugh then nodded.
"We have unorthodox methods," Michael explained though feebly, he knew, not to mention it was a gross understatement of the "disruptive" in their title.
"I see that now," Samuel said, marveling at the monumental risks this group of men took.
Hector then ran up to the two men.
"Samuel! We have to help Billy! He ran off to make the bad men chase him and away from us! I couldn't stop him!"
Michael smiled.
"It's okay, kid. Nothing you could have done would have stopped him."
"Are you one of his friends?"
"Yeh, we're here to help him."
"He told me you would come. He told me to tell you to not go after him, to protect us, but you have to help him. He's hurt."
Samuel nodded in agreement.
"He was shot five times. I don't know how he survived, but I'm more worried about the infection that has set in."
Michael could only smile slyly and shake his head.
"Billy's a survivor and don't worry we won't leave him."
"He was looking very bad. He was in a lot of pain though he was trying to hide it from me. He didn't want to scare me. He couldn't have gotten far that way," Hector said.
Michael took in the information.
"Were there more than the two men you were talking to?"
"No, there are usually just small patrols. They know that no one here has the ability to fight them. As long as we don't interfere or they don't need something from us, they leave us alone."
"Good. It will make things easier."
"They have big guns, how can you and your friend help Billy with just the two of you?" Hector asked, doubtful.
"My friend, well, he has special skills. Believe me, kid, he's all the weapon we need. I'm more worried about Billy. When he's well, he's just as difficult to take down, but compromised, he'll be an easy target."
"Why would he risk himself to help us? No one else has," Hector asked sadly.
Michael could only smile.
"What's your name?"
"Hector."
"Well, Hector, Billy's special in a way that makes him a better man than most, better than any of us who do this work. He could never walk away from someone who needed help. Even if he was hurt, he'd find a way to help them, to save them."
"I'm scared for him," Hector said.
"So am I, but I promise you this, I won't let anything happen to him."
Hector nodded his head.
"Thank you both for helping him, now stay out of sight. I promise you we'll be back," Michael said as he ran off into the jungle to help Casey.
ChaosChaosChaos
Billy hobbled through the trees, needing to lean against them to regain a breath or to gain control over the pain, which was now rattling through his muscles and nerves, making it more difficult to take each step. He had to worry more about maintaining his balance and doing that just slowed him down, making it that much easier for the smugglers to catch up to him. He had to keep the pursuit up, drive them further and further away from the village as the last vestiges of his strength oozed away from him.
He didn't know what was draining him faster, blood loss or dehydration from fever. If he wasn't so determined to keep moving, he might have stopped to think about which one was killing him.
He heard the footsteps rapidly catching up. No other sounds. The smugglers were smart. They weren't going to give themselves away other than the sounds of their pursuit. Sadly for Billy, he was giving them a blood trail. Still, undaunted, he kept moving, doing his best to keep his own sounds to a minimum. It was creeping closer to nearly impossible.
He spotted a drop off and took that route hoping that he could get a better idea of their position by watching their approach from a lower vantage point.
He worked his way there, his legs dragging with each step. He was running on fumes now. It would only be a matter of time before he hit empty. He had to make the most of being conscious, if barely. He crouched down only to send piercing agony up his spine as he mangled his wounds, especially the one in his abdomen.
He cleared the shattering flash of lightening that came into his field of vision with the shock of pain and waited. He saw one man coming into view. He had an automatic weapon slung round his body.
He then spotted a familiar body type and movement coming from behind the gunman.
Casey.
Relief seeped into his body, but he couldn't acquiesce to unconsciousness just yet. He watched the human weapon creep up behind the gunman and take him out as swiftly as swatting a fly. It made Billy smile.
He used everything he had left in him to straighten up from his position, the act nearly causing him to curl up in pain again, and walked towards Casey. Casey spotted him and walked in Billy's direction to meet him halfway. He didn't like how Billy looked so the sooner he got him out of the germ-infested jungle, the better in his mind.
They inched closer and Billy was losing all sense of time. It felt like it was taking forever to reach Casey.
Sweat was getting into his eyes and he didn't have the strength to wipe it away, still, despite that, he was just sharp enough to spot the threat coming at Casey from behind him.
The other smuggler. And he had his weapon readily poised.
With every thing he had left, Billy swung his gun in front of him and aimed.
"GET DOWN, CASEY!" He yelled.
Casey knew not to hesitate, trusting Billy, and dropped to the ground.
The gunman heard Billy's yell, pulled his weapon up and into the grips of his hands.
Billy tried to steady his hold on his gun as well as anchor his consciousness. He focused on the target. It felt too slow and Billy worried his injuries were going make him fail his friends. The thought of failure pumped that much more needed adrenaline into his body and he pressed the trigger.
Simultaneous shots cracked the air.
The gunman went down.
Casey then saw Billy crumple first to his knees then to the ground, dropping his gun. He frantically ran over to him.
Michael heard the shots as he closed in on his friends and hurried his pace that much more to get to their locations, his emotional control lost to the panic that was settling into his body.
He found Casey hovering over Billy, applying pressure to a freshly bleeding wound in Billy's mid-torso. He looked up at Michael, his expression as close to anguish as Michael had ever seen him.
It told him everything. He took out his radio and opened a channel.
"OPERATIVE DOWN! OPERATIVE DOWN! I need a chopper RIGHT NOW!"
Casey looked back down at Billy, his face barely keeping his mask of control.
"You idiot. What did you do that for?"
Billy smiled, his breathing ragged and whimpering, his body trembling with pain.
"Good…to…see you too, mate…"
He stiffened with pain then lost consciousness.
ChaosChaosChaos
Air rescue first lifted Billy up using a cage stretcher similar to what the Coast Guard uses. Then Casey and Michael were lifted up and in. EMS was waiting in the chopper to stabilize Billy until they got to the hospital.
Casey and Michael could only sit back against the walls of the copter, exhausted both physically and emotionally, and watch EMS work. They stared in shock at all the blood soaking Billy's clothes and a shiver hit Michael.
"He's gonna make it," Casey declared.
"I know," Michael said back, but without the true conviction that Casey had expressed then smiled. "Since when did you become the ODS cheerleader?"
Casey stalled for a second. "Because the one who is is lying in his own blood trying to live."
Michael stiffened at the harsh yet truthful description. He just nodded.
"Also, I refuse to waste energy on worrying when I know that Billy will fight and he'll win. To think any other way…" Casey swallowed, "is just counter productive."
Arriving at the hospital had been a chaotic blur of doctors and nurses rushing around, taking control of Billy's body and the condition of it. Michael and Casey watched stoically until they wheeled Billy away out of their sight and into the operating room.
Billy had looked beyond unconscious, beyond unmoving. Billy looked dead only the blips of the heart monitor were telling them that he was alive. Even so, there were different states of living and not all of them meant Billy was alive in the truest sense of the word, in the truest Billy sense of the word.
The emergency room doctor had told them that Billy had an infection, that his fever was at 103, but that the bullet had to be removed as soon as possible because it was dangerously close to his kidney, leaving it in would only allow the infection to fester and grow. He told them that the chances of survival were grim, but the fact that Billy's vitals were strong and that he had survived as long as he had were all factors in his favor. He then rushed back to yet another trauma that needed his attention.
Michael and Casey were left standing speechless and it dawned on them that two of their own were fighting for their lives, that if neither one made it…it would be the end of the ODS as they knew it.
Since they were helpless to do anything for Billy, they had decided to check on Rick. The prognosis was only marginally better.
Rick was stable. He had been unconscious since they had left to rescue Billy. The doctors had confirmed pneumonia and had tried a couple of antibiotics to help Rick combat it. So far, all they would commit to was that he was stable, nothing more.
The older operatives watched helplessly. They weren't used to not being able to do anything especially Casey. Billy was second only to Casey when it came to a need to act, to do something to aid a mission or a person involved in that mission.
For Billy the missions were personal, he took every mission to heart. It wasn't just about the mechanics, for him, it was also about the intimacy of those involved. Sure, it was a role he played, but it was also more than just a role.
He had never claimed to possess an honest bone in his body, his role with the ODS was all about lying, not just a little lying to get a small aspect of the mission to succeed, but creating a ruse, a fabrication of such complete and utter beauty, crafted so seamlessly that the enemies wouldn't be able to discern the reality from the fantasy that he would forge with his words, his demeanor, his voice, his body. It was performance art to Billy and he did it well.
There was a risk to the playacting, not only to an asset or other innocents, but to Billy as well. Sometimes, he would also become too invested; too devoted to the cause, to the innocent, to one of his teammates that he would render himself a victim as well. He had never regretted every time that he had placed himself in harm's way to either salvage a disintegrating mission or to save someone, but it didn't mean that those closest to him weren't put through the wringer every time he did it.
Michael and Casey had suffered through quite a few moments like the ones they were in now, but not in the numbers they were experiencing them at that moment. It wasn't just Billy. It was Rick too. Both men precariously fighting for life and all the seasoned operatives could do was wait, place their trust in unconscious men and hope the battle they were waging against the pestilence assaulting their immune systems would find them victorious.
Neither one of them were good at it. Waiting. You'd think they'd be used to it, but they never would be when it came to one of their own and in a very important and reassuring way, they hoped that they never would get used to it, to be so numbed by the experience of blood, torn skin, broken bone, infections, fevers, and sometimes on the very rare occasion something even worse that they would just treat the body as if it were a mechanical device, not a human being, not someone they considered a friend, a teammate.
In these moments of complete vulnerability, where dying was as simple as an infection that was impervious to all antibiotics or a weakened heart finally giving up on an operating table, even hardened men made their deals with God.
Michael had done it more times than he could count and he was doing it again, the only difference was that he was doing it for two of his friends, not just one. It seemed too much to ask a leader to endure.
Casey would become more silent the more helpless he felt which to anyone who knew him seemed completely impossible to comprehend. The silence had become too deafening for Michael.
"Are you all right?" He asked.
"Of course, I'm not all right, Michael. I don't like just sitting around doing nothing."
"I know," Michael said. "But I've learned that you just have to trust that your operatives will complete the mission."
Casey looked over at Michael and not only understood the implication; he had appreciated his inclusion in the statement.
"I have to believe that Rick and Billy will do that."
Casey could only nod.
ChaosChaosChaos
Billy had emerged from surgery with strong vitals and the doctors had been hopeful.
It had become a wait and see event for Michael and Casey.
And just as suddenly it had become a contest of wills over who would come out of unconsciousness first.
As the days went by, Billy began to show signs of recovery while Rick seemed to be slipping.
Billy was regaining consciousness.
Rick was slipping into a coma.
Billy was off the ventilator.
Rick's infection was spreading, his fever rising.
Billy was awake and talking.
No one was as relieved as Michael and even Casey had to reluctantly admit that he had missed hearing Billy's chatter.
Rick had remained silent. The only sounds were the machines keeping him alive.
The doctors weren't hopeful for his recovery.
They thought Billy was on the road to full recovery.
Michael and Casey were then faced with telling him that Rick was slowly dying and they had no idea how to do it.
"It's about time you woke up," Casey teased.
It gave Billy and Michael, too, a sense of normalcy to hear Casey complain.
"Right. You saw through my ruse. I stayed unconscious purely to inconvenience you."
Billy smiled weakly and Casey just acted indignant, relief well hidden under the surface.
Silence filled the air until Billy broke it with the inevitable question.
"Where's our young Rick, then?"
Michael and Casey paused to find the right words, but Billy's finely tuned instincts picked up on the leaden emotions between them.
"What's happened to him?" He asked; worry creased his forehead.
Michael knew it was his job to tell Billy the truth so he took in a breath.
"Rick is in a coma," he said simply. "He has an infection and pneumonia is setting in."
Billy took in the news barely containing his emotions. He felt the constriction in his throat and his chest tighten, stealing his ability to breathe for a second. He closed his eyes to calm himself.
Michael watched Billy absorb the information and detected the struggle for control.
"He wouldn't believe that you were dead and was determined not to leave you behind," Michael said both with regret in his voice yet with a small proud smile.
Billy nodded.
"Likely he had already been compromised. We'd been in the forest for a long time, the moist air…" Casey tried to explain, trying in his own way to ease the responsibility he knew Billy felt, that they all felt for Rick's condition.
Billy then opened his eyes.
"Clearly the lad doesn't possess the fortitude needed to survive in my mother country where such weather conditions are a way of life," he said with a shaky smile.
Michael recognized Billy's coping mechanism. Humor was his best defense, but just as quickly he also observed him making some mental decisions.
Billy took in the news with a heavy heart. The brush with Carson had imprinted upon Rick that the ODS didn't leave a man behind and because of it, had imperiled his own life in the pursuit of rescuing Billy, dead or alive.
"Seems we have taught our Rick too well, yeh?" Billy said, his voice seemingly taking on a more fatigued tone. "Where is he?"
"In ICU," Michael answered.
"I need to see him," Billy insisted gently.
"You need your rest. You might be in denial about it, but you're not exactly 100% yourself and besides, you can't help him," Casey pointed out practically with a veiled dose of concern for Billy's well being.
"Rubbish. He needs to know that I'm here, that he can come back now."
"He's in a coma. He can't hear you," Casey said imparting cold, impartial logic to the discussion.
"Ah, but you're wrong, mate. I know he can hear us. It's more that he needs to hear something that will give him proper reason to grasp onto the tether of life. He needs to know that he hasn't left me behind...more importantly, he needs to know that we haven't left him behind."
Michael understood.
"I need to see him," Billy reiterated.
The doctors objected to Billy being moved, stated all of the risks to his health if he did and though Billy acknowledged their warnings, he would not be swayed about his decision. Michael watched with mild amusement knowing that nothing the doctors could say would change Billy's mind. So, gingerly, they helped him into a wheelchair, essential IVs remained attached as a nurse transported him to the ICU.
Billy was determined not to show the discomfort he was feeling for fear that it would abort his mission towards Rick. Rick needed him. He came first, his recovery had to come first.
When they got to the ICU and Billy saw all of the intervention surrounding Rick, it sobered and saddened him.
He had been in the situation that Rick found himself in, had been that way as recently as a week ago. He would always remember the pain of feeling a tube down his throat, the pain all over his body from the wounds and the surgery as the medications wore off.
It was all about pain.
Sadly, for him, it was all too familiar. He had treated it as just another day at the office.
Until he saw the faces of his mates as he awoke, anchoring him to reality, making him feel safe again, reminding him of why he did the work, of why he placed himself in harm's away every time he went on a mission.
Yes, doing the work was always pain in potentia, but he had accepted it, wouldn't do any other work and wouldn't avoid the work even if it meant repeating the cycle all over again. The people he helped, most recently, Samuel, Hector, they were worth it. His mates, his partners in the work, they were worth it.
Rick, he was worth it.
Rick needed to feel that it was worth it all too. He had to give that to him because in an off-handed way, he was responsible for what had happened to him.
Michael had told him about how Rick had barely eaten or slept, desperate at finding him. He had gotten sicker, weaker then had collapsed into Michael's arms. Pneumonia finding a vulnerable host to gain a foothold then coma swiftly followed.
Rick was surrendering, believing he had failed, had left Billy alone to die or dead. Billy needed to tell him that he was back, back in the warm embrace of friendship, proud of the men he served with, proud of Rick for giving his all for him.
"I hear that you've been stricken ill, lad. All because of me and while I appreciate your efforts, you needn't be concerned anymore. I'm here. All you need do is open your eyes and see the proof."
Rick remained silent.
"Being stubborn won't get rid of me that easily, mate. I know you can hear me and I know it's hard to resist, letting go, seeking peace from the pain. I've been there myself, but you cannot leave. I won't have it. You see, you need to see that your search was a success, that I haven't left you behind or that we have left you behind. It's not the ODS way, right?"
Billy felt a sharp pain radiate through his chest, so much so, he was finding it hard to breathe. When he followed his hand, which had unconsciously reached for the pain, he saw that this gown was red with blood, his blood.
"Better hurry, lad. I fear I may have underestimated my recovery or have worsened it due to my reckless boyishness. I am prone to such misdeeds, you know. I know you can hear me, Rick. Reach out of your darkness. We are here waiting for you. I am here waiting for you. You have not failed me. Only way you could is to give up."
Billy couldn't hold back the pain anymore and was finding that taking each breath was getting more and more difficult to draw. He tried to reach for the call button next to Rick's hand. His bloodied one stained the sheets and had begun to tremble. Unconsciousness was rapidly tunneling in. His fingers just a touch away from the button, but he went limp, losing consciousness, his head and arm splayed across Rick's body.
Rick's eyes then began to flutter open. He couldn't breathe. He felt the uncomfortable restriction of the tube down his throat, but the shock of that was nothing compared to the bloodied visage of Billy, lying motionless on the side of his bed.
He felt helpless. He couldn't scream; he couldn't reach the call button. He couldn't even wriggle his body to try to tap Billy, shake him to wake him.
The frustration began to build and the need to scream was becoming unbearable until all he had wanted to do was risk damage and pull the tube out so that he could yell for him.
Billy needed him and he couldn't let him down, he couldn't let him die. He moved to reach for the tube, feeling weak and pain rising inside of him.
Then suddenly he jerked awake.
He was confused, wondering where he was. Last he remembered…no wait, maybe dreamed was trying to pull out his ventilator tube from his throat to…BILLY!
He looked over and instead of finding a bloodied Billy, he saw a tired, but grateful face looking at him, felt a comforting hand touch his arm.
"There, now was that so hard? I knew you had it in you," Billy said as he smiled. "Now, relax. You're safe and in good hands."
Rick, ventilator still in his throat, nodded slowly as he closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
Billy then sat back in his wheelchair, his expression pinched with obvious pain.
ChaosChaosChaos
The doctors, feeling confident that Rick was able to breathe on his own, removed the ventilator and had expressed guarded hope that he was on the way to recovery, if far from being there yet.
The doctors had restricted the visitation to one person at a time. Michael was first.
"Hey there, kid. How are you feeling?" He asked with a smile.
"Tired."
"It's to be expected."
Rick's face then fell and he closed his eyes as if in pain.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"I had a dream," Rick rasped. "That Billy was here."
Michael looked puzzled at first, but then realized why Rick was acting disappointed. The last thing that he had remembered was that they had left Billy behind.
"That wasn't a dream. Billy's here. He heard you were in trouble and against doctor's orders came in to talk to you. He was sure you could hear him. Clearly he was right," Michael smiled.
Rick's expression was a mix of relief and once again, confusion.
"But how?"
"I'll have him tell you the story."
"Why isn't he here?"
Michael didn't take offense. He knew the bond the both of them had and it made sense that Rick would be expecting to see Billy's face over his own.
"He got hurt pretty badly when we found him, but he's getting better too."
"If he was that injured, why was he…"
"Like I said, he defied doctor's orders."
"Is he going to be okay?" Rick asked worried again.
"Yeh, yeh, he had a setback, but he's going to be fine. I think it's going to be a race between you two on who gets out of the hospital first."
Rick smiled as he drifted off to sleep.
It allowed Michael to let his guard down. Rick didn't need to know that Billy's setback was a lot more serious than he had let on.
Flashback
Billy tried to push back the overwhelming pain in his abdomen, but nothing he exerted was helping. He knew he had to get some help before he passed out.
He gripped the wheels of his chair and every turn was excruciating. He knew he had nothing left to resist the pain and wouldn't get far so he settled for getting to Rick's call button.
When he got there, he took in a few ragged breaths and pressed the button. With whatever strength he had left gone, he dropped the call button in the hopes that help would be on its way soon.
He curled into himself in the wheelchair, the pain sharp and stabbed with authority; his high threshold was no match for the agony so all he could do was concentrate on his breathing and wait and maybe hope for unconsciousness. He scoffed at the notion that his luck would be that merciful.
A nurse came in and assessed the situation, realizing that it hadn't been Rick who had pressed his call button.
"I NEED A GURNEY IN HERE!" She yelled then tried to assess Billy. "Sir? Sir? Can you hear me?"
"Y…yeh…" Billy swallowed and panted out.
"Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?" She asked gently and calmly.
"Stomach…started out as just cramping…" Billy offered haltingly through the agonizing pain, as he knew from experience that she would need every detail he could give her. "G…got worse just now…sharp, stabbing pain."
"I have to look to see if there's tenderness where the pain is. Can I open your robe?"
Billy nodded and let his arms go lax though it was difficult to do, the impulse so strong to wrap them around the pain it took some will on Billy's part to accomplish it.
The nurse noticed the swelling and pressed gently. Billy groaned and stiffened with the contact, pain shaking his body.
"I'm sorry," she apologized.
Billy shook his head, "No need…I understand…what's wrong?"
"I think it's an abdominal abscess," she said. "We have to get you assessed by a doctor and quickly."
She ran out of the room to get a doctor and Billy could only grunt and groan.
Michael and Casey saw the commotion and ran over. They saw Billy's suffering and went over.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Michael asked as he bent down to check Billy out, his concern trying to veil his rising panic.
Billy trembled with pain, "D…don't know yet…she's a getting doctor."
"I told you this was a bad idea," Casey scolded, his own panic barely contained.
Billy couldn't help but give him a slight smile.
"Right, quite an understatement, I believe. I'll never doubt you again."
"You should never doubt me," Casey declared softly.
They were, then, interrupted by the entrance of a gurney and several doctors and nurses who surrounded Billy. Michael and Casey stepped away, helpless once again.
The doctors and nurses helped Billy onto the gurney, but no matter how careful or considerate, he groaned with tormenting pain. It set Michael and Casey on edge.
They wheeled Billy away and all they could do was stand and wait yet again.
When Michael left Rick, he went back to Billy's room. He walked in relieved to see Billy awake.
Billy turned and weakly smiled.
"How's Rick?" Billy asked as he breathed heavily.
"Getting better," Michael said. "You on the other hand..."
Billy nodded and took in a tired breath.
"Need to work on my boyish recklessness," he smiled. "Seems to always get me into a wee bit of trouble, aye?"
"Just a bit. Lucky for you, you'll live to be insubordinate another day," Michael teased.
"Aye, something for you to look forward to," Billy teased.
Michael paused then looked at him.
"I'd've done the same thing," he admitted.
"I know, mate. I know," Billy sighed.
Michael's face then fell and his eyes were downcast, guilt on his face.
"Look, Rick never gave up on you. The decision to leave was mine and mine alone. I'm sorry."
Billy saw the weight of responsibility on Michael's face and felt nothing but understanding.
"Michael, you have nothing to be sorry for. I told you all to go. I wanted you to be safe," Billy said with calm acceptance. "I'm not Carson."
Michael looked up and saw no recrimination on Billy's face.
"I've been abandoned before," Billy said tiredly as he blinked slowly. "I know what that feels like. You didn't leave me behind, Michael. You had to think of the others' safety. So was I. Absolve yourself," Billy said.
Michael nodded. Though he was their leader and took full responsibility for any decisions he made on any given mission, it always felt gratifying when he heard that his men understood and accepted the fact that he might have to make painful choices.
Michael had made his share of deals with God to bargain for his men's lives when decisions and plans he had made endangered them.
He could only hope to measure up to their loyalty, which he never took for granted.
FIN. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it.