Here's the deal. It was really hard for me to write this chapter. You'll know why when you read. If you hate it, review and tell me. Just know that it was necessary and that I do know what I'm doing. Read on.

Chapter 23

Did I ever mention how much I really hate Wednesdays? I mean seriously they're like the evil villain of my week. Everyone always says that Mondays suck but they're wrong. It's Wednesdays that are the worst. They're not even important to the week, just fillers. I mean who would come up with the idea that there needed to be another day in between Tuesday and Thursday? Seriously the week is already long enough. My Wednesdays were never easy, but the one after Valentines Day sucked even more than most of them ever do.

Dimitri and I were watching a senior Pack practice. Actually, they were the senior Pack. They were the oldest Pack in the school and had the best rankings in their year. The practice was boring, and they didn't do anything that we hadn't already done or thought about doing. So I was mainly just focusing on Dimitri. He looked so hot right then. But we couldn't do anything in public, not even hold hands. And I shouldn't have been staring at him. I just couldn't help it. As I looked at his face, I noticed that there was a knot in his jaw. He was clenching it. I studied the rest of him and realized that he was frustrated about something. Come to think of it, he had been frustrated all day. I guess I just hadn't noticed.

"Dimitri, what's wrong?" I asked in a voice that was concerned in a controlled way. I didn't want anybody to think that I cared for him any more than I should.

He turned his head slightly, gave me a cold look, and said, "Nothing." Then he stood and walked away. I felt as though I had just been slapped. I didn't understand why he was so upset. I didn't think I had done anything, but couldn't be sure. Maybe he was just stressed. Chewing my lip, I decided that it was best to give him time to cool off. I watched him go, and waited a reasonable time until getting up and leaving myself. There was nothing to see here.

The stables were cool and calm, but I felt little of it. I saddled Blackjack, only to unsaddle her again on impulse. I hopped on and rode him bareback to the cliff. When I made the final turn, I saw that getting onto the cliff would be impossible; it wasn't there anymore. I saw the view, but the thing had been destroyed. Almost like someone blew it up. I yelled in frustration and then decided to just go back. I gave Blackjack a carrot and then left.

The scene at the Dorm was not at all good. First of all, Abby was crying in the hallway again. I sat down next to her, resisting the urge to sigh. "What's wrong, sweetie?" She turned and started crying on my shoulder. I again resisted the urge to sigh and started stroking her hair. She slowly calmed down enough to tell me that Matt had been tactless enough to ask her how to ask out Kylie. He had apparently asked it in a way that put emphasis on the fact that it was Kylie he was asking. Jackass. Making me deal with this. I shushed her and offered some words of comfort. After a while we went inside.

That was when I found the dorm in complete and utter chaos. It felt like the first day again. Sam was reading on his own, Nick was arguing with Matt using wild hand gestures, Paul was kicking a soccer ball at a wall, Dimitri and Kylie were both missing, and Lissa looked about five seconds away from slapping Jean in the corner. I sighed and went back into the hallway. I really did not want to deal with it just then. Just as I shut the door, Dimitri rounded the corner from the stairs. He looked at me, his eyes as cold as they had ever been.

"Dimitri, what's wrong?" I asked nervously. He stopped, looked at me for a minute, and then turned and walked away. I was suddenly so angry. I knew it was the fire, but that didn't help at all. What had I possibly done to make him so angry? He had said he loved me. You couldn't love someone one day and hate them the next. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't right. It pissed me off. "Dimitri, what the hell is wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" The anger left my tone at the last part. I was already having a bad day. I didn't need this on top of it.

He turned to me, clearly frustrated now. "I don't know Rose, did you? Did you do anything that you haven't told me? See something? See someone?" I looked at him blankly for a minute before getting even angrier.

"I've already told you! Nothing happened with Andre! I hate him okay? Why don't you get that?"

Any hope I had that the other Packs wouldn't hear our raised voices vanished when Dimitri shouted, "I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ANDRE! WHAT HAPPENED ON HALLOWEEN ROSE?" He lowered his voice, trying to calm himself down. "You need to tell me the whole story. What really happened between you and Alex?"

I was at a loss for words. For a moment I just stood there. Then I said, in a voice that I hoped would hurt him badly, "Nothing happened before that the entire school doesn't know. Halloween, he came back and tried force himself on me. He wanted me to go back with him. But I held him off and he left when you came. I didn't tell you because I didn't want my sick, twisted life to be open to the whole school again. Do you know what that was like; everyone knowing the worst possible parts of your life? No, of course you don't. You're life isn't a horror book. And until you know what that's like, don't judge me. You have no idea what the hell I've been through."

I turned away and left him standing there. At the door to our Dorm, I turned back. He looked regretful, but I was so mad at him for bringing back all of those thoughts, for not trusting me, for being an ass. I put the final nail in the coffin. "You were gluing me back together. Piece by piece, you were healing me. Why did you have to break me again?" His whole face dropped, but I didn't care. I went through the door, fighting the urge to cry. I had to be strong. I had to make it to the balcony.

When I walked into the girls' room, I saw that Kylie was crying tool. What was up with us girls today? Stupid guys were messing us up. The reason behind her tears was much more superficial than Abby's and mine. She had caught Sam checking out a junior girl walking past. I sighed and told her it was nothing. I couldn't handle it right then. I needed to be on my balcony.

She looked at me for a moment and then told me that I must be right. Then she went into a full blown one sided conversation about how Sam couldn't not like her because fate couldn't be that cruel. I was snapped out of my self-absorbed thoughts when she asked, "Rose, what's wrong? You seem distracted."

"Just tired." I lied and then forced a smile. "But I'll get over it." She nodded, not noticing that clearly, something was very wrong. But then, that's the life of a leader. Always the one helping others through weakness, never showing their own. I told her I had work to do on the balcony and went outside. I drew the blinds so she couldn't see that I was just trying to get away from her. I slumped into my chair, trying not to focus on anything in particular. I knew that I was in serious danger of falling into the clutches of self pity.

But how could I not? My life sucked. Even when I thought it didn't, it did. My mom had been murdered by ex-best friend, who had tried to force himself on me and kidnap me on the same night. The cliff that offered me solitude was gone. My boyfriend, the last remaining good thing in my life, had just exploded on me for not sharing my gruesome past and no one cared. I realized too late that I had just drowned in it. Tears started plopping onto my lap. My life sucked.

Just when I let the tears start really falling, I heard a tap on the glass. I ignored it until it grew too loud. I wiped my tears, hoping I wasn't too much of a wreck. "What do you want?" I nearly shouted at Jean. She was confused, and then it vanished.

"You and Dimitri broke up." It wasn't a question. But how did she know when I didn't?

"Whatever," I said, turning away. I thought we were just having a fight. Did he think something else? Had he been telling them that?

As if reading my mind, she answered, "No. I just knew." I turned and stared at her. Sheepishly, she admitted, "I have a confession to make. I can sense things, like emotions, in other people's thoughts." I stared at her. I didn't need this. She had no right to be going through my mind. Then I thought about my first day with her, how I had felt all warm and fuzzy about her. "And I can kind of affect people's moods."

I shouted at her, "Get out of my head! It's private!" She shook her head.

"I wish I could. It's not something I can control. The people I read can control what I see, but I can't stop the flow. I see what you output. Your emotions are out of control right now, so it's like I can actually read your mind."

"If you can't control it then just get away from me!"

"No! I want to help you." And I did feel better. Until I saw that her face was a mask of concentration and realized that she was doing this to me.

"Stop it!" I yelled. She did, and the pain crept back in. I slumped down to the ground, backing into the corner of the railing. "Just get away from me," I whispered. She obliged, and I was left with myself again. My lonely old self I had kept myself company when Alex left. I could survive on my own. I would survive on my own. As I sat there, huddled in the corner of my balcony, I built a wall. A wall that I would let no one past. Ever. Again.