| IMPORTANT NOTES |
○ This is set between the tenth and eleventh books of the 39 Clues (Into the Gauntlet and Vespers Rising, respectively), not including the certain flashbacks○
○ I do not own either of the series. The 39 Clues belongs to Rick Riordan and Axis Powers Hetalia belongs to Himaruya Hidekazu ○
The eldest Holt child was having a good rest until his two sisters barged into his room, banging on pots and pans and screaming like tortured pelicans.
"WAKE UP, HAMILTON!"
"RISE AND SHINE, SLEEPING BEAUTY!"
He shot up, with wild eyes and bed hair. "WHAT THE HECK — ?"
"Dad told us to wake you up," Madison said, stopping banging a ladle into the stew pot she held. "We've got intense training today!"
Reagan clashed the two pot lids she had once more before noticing the death glare her brother was giving her. "Er, sorry..."
Hamilton first got his siblings out of his room, then he took a bath and got into his purple track suit. He went down the stairs, jumping down four steps at a time. Hamilton ran down the hall and skidded to a halt once he got into the kitchen. He'd been smelling the sweet scent of his mother's bacon and eggs all the way from the end of the hall, and his stomach was rallying to get it down his throat pronto.
The two girls were already helping themselves to breakfast at the dining table while Mary-Todd was cooking up another batch of bacon at the stove. Eisenhower Holt, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found.
"Good morning, Hammy," his mother said endearingly making Madison and Reagan snicker. "Sit down with your sisters. The next batch is almost done!"
Hamilton sat at the dining table, right across the two girls. "Mom, where's Dad?"
Mary-Todd emptied the frying pan and placed seven strips of bacon on a plate. "Your father's outside. He's packing up some stuff for our trip today."
"Hm..." Hamilton drank some of the orange juice from his glass. "Where are we gonna be training this time?"
"Dad says it's a surprise," Reagan told him, then taking a bite off her bacon.
The three heard a laugh from the kitchen. "Heck, even I don't know," Mary-Todd said.
"Dad, where are we going?" was what the Holt children kept asking Eisenhower Holt through most of the journey. Even his wife couldn't keep her mouth shut.
"If we're heading for Texas — "
"But aren't we banned from Texas?"
"Yeah!"
"If nobody shuts up in the next five seconds, I will seriously head straight for Texas!"
Thus, everyone kept quiet. Because nobody wanted to be shot down, hog-tied, ridden like a rodeo horse, or barbecued. Yeah, Texas hated the Holts, alright.
The Holt's van drove into a tunnel. It was dark in there, and the light blinded them once they got out.
"AH! My eyes!"
"The light! It buuuuurns!"
On the other side of the dark tunnel, Eisenhower parked the van in a large, cramped parking lot. He got his family to walk around half a mile away until they reached what was a state fair.
Everyone had their share of shock.
"What the heck..."
"Well, dip me in mud and roll me in breadcrumbs..."
"DAD!"
"SUGARPLUM!"
They all turned to the man of the house. "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?"
"You said there'd be intense training!" Madison protested.
Eisenhower laughed. "Sorry, but not today."
"Snickerdoodle, what's this all about?" Mary-Todd asked her husband, calling him in lovey-dovey couple speak.
"Well, my peachy pie," he said. "I thought we could have some time off from all the training. Relax a little."
"Dad," Hamilton began. "...are you high?"
"What? No! Um...just go have fun!"
"But — "
Eisenhower dug into his pockets and drew out a few bills and coins. "Here! Now go and Just. Have. Fun. A-and...that's an order!"
The three Holt children exchanged looks, then ran off just as their father told them.
"Die atemberaubenden mich! The Awesome Me!" a certain Prussian exclaimed at the top of his lungs. "The Awesome Me shall seize this fair's vital regions!"
"POFA BE!" a Hungarian woman screamed at him upon forcefully planting a frying pan to his face. "SHUT UP!"
"They're as lively as always, I see," said the aristocratic Austrian as he watched his ex-wife repeatedly smack the albino with her kitchen utensil.
A cheery Liechtenstein came running up to a Swiss man.
"Bruder! Bruder! Look!" she said as she held up a large teddy bear in front of him. "I totally owned that shooting game!"
"Oh..." Vash said. "I'm very proud but...you should have told me before you went running off like that. Imagine what could have happened to you! We're in a different country, for crying out loud! You could have been kidnapped, raped, shot, mauled..."
A half-conscious Gilbert glided over to them and wrap his arm around the Swiss' shoulders. "Hey, Schweiz...you don't have to break it up to her like that~"
"Get off me!"
Vash attempted to push the Prussian away. Lucky for him, Elizabeta flew in, did an epic war scream, and knocked Gilbert out with her trusted frying pan.
Roderich did a facepalm. "I am somehow regretted to have been grouped together with the four of you..."
A narcissistic, mean-spirited Prussian. A pompous, aristocratic Austrian. A manly-yet-womanly Hungarian. A hot-headed, gun-wielding Swiss. A soft-spoken but determined Liechtenstein. Individually, they are dangerous and awesome (and yes, they are dangerously awesome). But as an alliance? Eh...not so much. Just Prussia, Austria, and Hungary alone can create utter chaos, let alone having the brother-sister duo join in. And if any of you have forgotten, Switzerland doesn't fancy Austria that much. In fact, he doesn't fancy Austria at all.
"I-I'll take one please!"
"Here you go, sir." The vendor gave Vash a small corndog. The Swiss bought from the cheapest food stall selling the smallest servings.
"Are you gonna put some mustard on that?" Gilbert asked Vash as soon as he got back to the group.
"The vendor said it would cost me more." The Swiss took out a small packet and squeezed out the cheese on his corndog. "It's a good thing I brought my cheese."
Soon after, Roderich decided to treat everyone to lunch.
"Wow, Specs," Gilbert said before digging in. "This probably cost you half of your savings!"
"A quarter, actually," the Austrian said curtly. "Or was it an eighth..."
Lili was laughing softly, but not soft enough to prevent her brother from hearing her.
"What's so funny, Lili?" Vash asked her.
"Nothing," she told him. "It's just that...you and Herr Österreich are so much alike."
Vash Zwingli snapped. "I AM NOTHING LIKE HIM!"
The Prussian yawned loudly. "I'm bored...any sign of them yet?"
"You've been asking that for the past three hours!" the Hungarian replied irritably. "And you're not even helping us!"
"Was auch immer ," Gilbert waved at her dismissively. "Whatever, Lizzie."
Elizabeta's eyes grew wide, her face grew hotter, and her pulse fastened. She was just about to hit Gilbert with her frying pan for the nth time that day when Vash and Lili hurried over in screaming fits.
"We found them!" "Over there!"
They were pointing at a stage where a lot of people were currently gathering.
"'BEER-DRINKING CONTEST TODAY'!" Gilbert read the banner hung above the stage. He pumped his fist into the air and exclaimed, "Alright! I'm definitely joining!"
"The Holts are going to be in the contest," Switzerland explained. "Drinking is exclusive from minors, so they entered only Eisenhower Holt."
"Knowing them, they will easily reject our request," Roderich said. "Surely beating them at their own game will render them vulnerable to our commands."
Hungary raised a question. "So, you're saying that we have to go against Eisenhower Holt in this drinking contest?"
Austria nodded. "That is precisely what I am saying."
"And who among us will be participa — "
"VORWÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄRTS!"
Before they knew it, Gilbert was already running off to the stage.
A beefy hand stopped Hamilton, Reagan, and Madison from going up the stage.
"I'm sorry, kids, but sadly you cannot participate."
"EH?"
Their mother held them back from ripping the man apart. "Calm down, you three!"
"But Moooom!" the two girls whined.
"Just because we're minors..." Hamilton grumbled and pouted.
"How about I join in for ya, kids?" their father told them in attempt to brighten up their mood. "I'll win it for all of us!"
"Good idea, dad!" "Yeah!" "Knock 'em dead!"
Just as he was about to go up the stage, his wife caught his arm.
"Bubble Tea, are you sure about this?" Mary-Todd looked worried. "I mean, what if you get too drunk...?"
"Don't worry, madam!" said the man at the stage. "A little alcohol ain't a problem for a man like your husband! Unless...you ain't got the manly guts!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" every Holt present yelled at the man in unison. "No one says a Holt doesn't have manly guts and lives!"
Eisenhower march up the stage, pushing the man aside. His family was cheering for him, and he was determined in leading them to victory.
[ Come one, come all! ] the host said into the mic, greatly amplifying his voice across a small area. [ It's three in the afternoon. Pretty hot, amirite? Well, I say it's the perfect time to chug down some beer! ]
The crowd cheered and clapped, and the host bowed.
[I give you the five brave men who've stepped up to the challenge!] He pointed at Eisenhower Holt, Gilbert Beilschmidt, and three other men sitting at the long table behind him. [ They're probably the bravest, manliest men I've ever met! Why? Oh, I'll tell you WHY! ]
One of the stage personnel handed the host a glass of beer. She was feeling a bit woozy despite wearing a protective face mask. Once the host took the glass, the personnel ran off wobbling and bumping into the other stage personnel until she fell down the stairs and fainted.
The host held the glass up high in the as if he was toasting to an invisible giant. [ This! In this one glass may probably be the strongest alcoholic drink known to man! One glass is capable of knocking out even the toughest pro-wrestler! I call it...THE BEER FROM THE HEAVENS! ]
Thunderous clapping and ear-splitting screams were coming from the crowd.
Among the throng of onlookers was Hungary, plugging her eyes and wearing a face of disgust.
Beer freaks, she thought. Just then, she remembered that Austria also drank a lot of beer during Oktoberfest. Especially during Oktoberfest. Well, they all can't be that bad...
[Well then...] The host turned around, facing the competitors. A small pyramid comprising of fifteen glasses of said beer was stacked in front of each man. [ We all know the rules here, am I right gentlemen? ]
"Heck yeah!" the five men told him.
The host smirked, and faced the audience once more. [ ALRIGHT! Is everyone ready? ]
"YEAAAAAHH!" the crowd replied.
[Then Ready! Get Set! GOOO!]
Apparently, it had only been ten minutes into the competition when three of the contestants had given up. The first to succumb couldn't even handle the strong smell of the beer; the second had only gone through four glasses when he passed out; and the third threw up before finishing his seventh glass.
Now, it was just down to the Holt and the Prussian.
"GO DAD!" Eisenhower's family cheered him from the crowd.
Eisenhower gave a big thumbs and went on.
"DON'T YOU DARE LOSE NOW, GILBERT!" Elizabeta and the three Germanics rooted for Prussia, but it was mostly the Hungarian doing the screaming.
"HEAR, HEAR, LIZZIE!" Prussia yelled back and finished his twelfth beer.
Later, both men were down to their last glass. While they were drinking away, the host pumped up the crowd.
[ Alright, folks! We're now down to our last two contestants! Who will triumph and who will suffer? ]
I'm already suffering, you idiot! Eisenhower screamed in his mind. His insides were bubbling, his chest was hurting, and he couldn't even begin to think how red his face was right now.
The Holt had been glancing at his opponents from time to time, and he realized that there was something about the platinum blond-haired man. The beer managed to make even Eisenhower feel dreariness, but it only seems to make the blond even want to drink it more!
Eisenhower was chugging the last few pints of his fifteenth glass when he heard a slam from his left. The crowd was silent, bewildered and fearful of the scene. The younger contestant had slammed his empty beer glass onto the table. His eyes were closed, and his head was down.
"...more..." Gilbert was breathing heavily and sweating like a pig.
Eisenhower lifted the glass from his lips and stared at his competitor. "What..."
"More!" the Prussian repeated. He lifted his head and stared at the crowd with red, wild eyes and a devilish grin. "Give me more of this stuff!"
A few seconds of hesitation, then the crowd burst into applause, louder than ever before. The cheers were so loud that Gilbert couldn't even think straight. Well, that wasn't the only reason why he couldn't think straight...
"I didn't think it was even possible..." the host said to himself. He sighed and spoke into the mic. [ REMARKABLE! He finished all fifteen glasses of the Beer from the Heavens! ]
"More like the Beer from Hell!"
Every head turned to the Prussian on stage. He made his way to the host and faced him. When he spoke, his voice was amplified through the microphone.
[ Your beer,] Gilbert said between hiccups, [ is filled with the some most dangerous, illegal drugs.]
Gasping and rapid conversation came from the crowd.
Prussia's vision was getting blurry and his legs were giving in, so he slung his arm around the host's shoulder and continued.
[ Ya see everyone *hic* in this guy's 'Beer of the Heavens', I tasted *hic*] He counted off on his fingers. [ ...ecstasy, heroine, *hic* cocaine, and of course..*hic*.. Marijuana! ]
The crowd had turned restless. Daggers were shot at the quivering host, who shoved the Prussian away and did some crowd-control.
[ Hey! Hey, everyone! Are you gonna really believe this guy? I mean, he's totally wasted! ]
"Oh yeah?" Gilbert said defiantly. "Well, maybe this will be enough for the UN to come and arrest you." He showed the host an ID card and vial.
"M-my ID card!" The host frantically searched his pockets to confirm it. It was definitely in the Prussian's hand.
"Do you see this vial?" Gilbert teasingly waved the vial in front of the host's face. "I slipped some of your beer into this when no one was looking. And with this ID card of yours, we'll be able to track you down in no time!"
[ DAMMIT! ]
The host jumped off the stage and run through the crowd. His escape plan was foiled, though. And by none other than Mary-Todd and the Holt children.
"YOU JERK!"
"YOU DRUGGED MY HUSBAND! I'M GOING TO RIP YOU APART! LIMB. FROM. LIMB!"
Soon enough, local authorities had come in and arrested the man. There was a lot of cursing from both the criminal and the victims, and it didn't stop until the police drove away with the man.
All five competitors were immediately taken to the nearest hospital, including Eisenhower Holt and Prussia. Gilbert rejected all help offered by the doctors and nurses.
"You should at least let them check your condition," Roderich told him. He lowered his voice down to a whisper. "Do keep in mind that you are no longer a country thus, you are mortal."
Meanwhile, the Holt family was frantic and in a great state of panic.
"Oh, caramel apple!" Mary-Todd wrapped her arms around her husband and hugged him tight. "Please be okay!"
"Aw, key lime pie, I'll be just fine!" Eisenhower reassured his wife. "Nothing can pull a Holt down! Am I right?"
"Right!" all the Holt children agreed and pumped their fists into the air.
Mary-Todd was slightly relieved. The will to live surely runs in the family, but she couldn't help but worry. "Still...I wonder if that man was telling us the truth. About the number of drugs in that beer you drank...it could be dangerous for all we know."
Everyone just stared at her.
"Mom, you're weird today."
"Honey, we've survived epidemics! Intense training! Heck, even the Hunt! How can you be so worried about something as minor as this?"
"Ah, you're right," she said. "I really shouldn't worry so much..."
"The Awesome Me can't succumb to weak drugs like these! Kesesese!"
"Weak drugs?" the others exclaimed. "Didn't you say that some of the most dangerous drugs — you lied, didn't you?"
The Prussian bore a wide, cheeky grin. "Of course! But nonetheless, there were drugs in the beer. Just ecstasy and crack cocaine, but nothing more than that.
"And the reason for the strong smell and taste was over-fermentation and just a plain, horrible recipe."
Austria, Switzerland, and Hungary facepalm-ed. "You idiot..."
"And...the mean man just panicked because you managed to expose him?" Lili asked.
"He didn't even have the guts to argue with you," Vash told Gilbert. "What a coward..."
"I have to admit," Roderich began. "You did a great job back there, Preußen. You were not only able to win the contest and beat Eisenhower Holt , but also expose a heinous criminal for who he is."
Prussia's smile grew wider and his ego got bigger. "Kesesese! The Awesome Me's the most supreme!"
"The drugs were very weak that they simply dissolved and barely even pose a threat to you," the doctor told Eisenhower and his family. "Mr. Holt, you'll be just fine."
Smiles slowly grew on the faces of the Holt family. Then there was cheering, laughing, and gloating.
"Dad's gonna be okay!"
"Heck yeah!"
"WOOOOOOT!"
Poor doctor. He probably needed a doctor himself after receiving a body-crushing bear hug from the entire Holt family. He wouldn't even call it a hug, but more of a tackle — American-football style.
The Holts found the platinum blond-haired man right outside the Emergency Room. He was together with four other people, and all of them looked like foreigners. The blond man was smiling and laughing defiantly, as if he never even drank the drugged beer.
"We should really thank the man, sweetheart," Mary-Todd told her husband.
"I dunno..."
"Oh, come on! Be a man!"
She pushed him forward and he went stumbling towards the blond man's group. Luckily, Eisenhower managed to avoid tripping, and he regained his composure in front the blond man.
He was hesitant. "T-thanks...for helping me out back there."
The blond man stared at Eisenhower for a while until he smirked and patted the Holt's shoulder. "No problem, sir! Just being a good citizen, that's all."
The rest of the Holt family came over. Hamilton, Madison, and Reagan felt the awkward feeling that the short-haired blond with the barre had the idea of shooting them down with a large Swiss gun by the way he was looking at them.
Mary-Todd stepped forward and shook the platinum blond-haired man's hand. "Thank you for everything! Is there any way we can it up to you?"
The edge of the blond's lip curled. "Well, there is one thing...okay, Roddy! It's your turn now!"
The blond quickly grabbed the hand of his brown-haired companion and pushed him towards the Holt family. The brown-haired man was shocked at first, but then he turned his head and shot daggers at the blond who put him into this mess. The latter just grinned and waved.
The brunette sighed heavily and turned back to the Holts. "Mr. And Mrs. Holt, my name is Roderich Edelstein. I and my companions here are members of the United Nations, and we would be honored if you would care to join us to the next World Summit."
It took a minutes for the Holt family to absorb this and reply. Actually, they all replied in the same way.
"EH?" "World what now?" "Pffft...Edelstein." "This guys talks like a sissy!"
"Yeah! He's a total sissy, ain't he?" the blond man from earlier now exclaimed and mocked Roderich.
All five Holts were greatly surprised when the brunette in the group suddenly smacked the blond's face with a frying pan.
"Idióta!" she screamed. The Holts didn't need Google Translate to know what that meant.
Roderich tried to ignore the two and continued. "So...um...do you accept our offer?"
"Didn't you say it was an honor if we go with you?" Eisenhower asked.
"Yes," the brown-haired man replied.
"Then we'll go!" Eisenhower said and the kids cheered and woot-ed. "But, um...where's this World Summit of yours gonna be?"
Before he could answer, Roderich's phone rang.
"Symphony no. 5?" the platinum-haired blond jeered. "What kind of ringtone is that, Roddy?"
Roderich snobbed the blond and answered his phone. "Hallo, Edelstein sprechen...Was?...Ah, ja...ordnung,Wir werden gleich da...Gut, Auf Wiedersehen."
"Was that Arthur, Roderich?" the brunette with the frying asked him.
"Ja," he replied. "He said that the meeting has been relocated."
"Say what?"
CLIFFHANGER. OH YEEEEAH~
Obvious crack in there guys. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated~
Credits go to Google Translate and my dad's German dictionary for the German dialogue.
On another note, it's only a few more days until the 8th of May! Himaruya Hidekazu's birthday FUCK YEAH! Don't forget it, Hetalia fans!