"Don't do this!" John called from behind, practically running to keep up with my pace.
"I'm leaving, damn it! Quit trying to stop me!" We had to have been drawing attention to ourselves, but I didn't care. I was done playing nice.
"No!" He growled at me, grabbing my arm and slamming me into the wall. "You can not leave."
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that you were my father. Maybe cause you're not and you can't tell me anything."
"Fine then I won't tell you. I'll beg. Please, don't go."
I waited for a moment, looking around at the amount of people surrounding us. Something told me that a public place wasn't the best place to have this out. I looked at my watch, checking my time table for what I had to do. "Ok, we'll discuss this more but not here. Find a more appropriate place, less open preferably and we'll talk about this in an hour. I gotta find Paul and figure out what he needs me to do. Unless of course you wanna tell The Game that you can't spare me?"
"I guess that's acceptable. One hour. I'll figure out a place." John leaned in kissing me on the cheek. "I never meant to hurt you."
I kept my eyes locked on the floor, not willing to break down. He walked away and I took a deep breath. I felt a slight pain in my palm and found that I had my hand in a fist, my nails digging into my skin. I couldn't bear to stop though. It was the only thing keeping me in control. No matter what, I had to leave.
Oh, great, so with an hour until my impending doom, I have to babysit. I didn't entirely mind. Aurora was a delight. I couldn't get John out of the back of my mind though.
The hour went by too quick for me. I found John easily, like he was waiting for me exactly where I would look first. He took me to a room that wasn't being used for a locker room or office, which was odd because usually there isn't enough space for everyone.
"Private enough for ya?" He asked, circling me like a vulture around its next meal.
"Yes, its much better than a crowded area."
"Ok, so now I get to talk you out of leaving…." John began but I raised my hand. I couldn't let him talk, I couldn't risk it.
"I'm not here to be talked out of anything. I'm here to get you to leave me alone."
"I thought you were going to have an open mind. Why are you being so stubborn? Why do you want to leave?"
"I don't want to. I have to." I admitted I knew where this would go but I was praying he'd leave it at that and it would be over with. I knew better, that would never happen.
No body is forcing you. You can stay if you want."
"I have to go."
"Who says?"
"I do. That's final. I'm going to tell Vince." I began to walk out but John hooked my arm, turning me back to facing him.
"You don't have to. What in the hell could possibly be your reasoning?"
"I just know that I have to leave. Ok?" I was pleading now, I could hear it and I was pretty sure that he could too. God, why did I have to be such a baby?
"No, not ok. I want to know why." John's voice was rising at an even tempo, disbelief, grief, and pain seeping through every word, but not one ounce of anger.
"Cause…"
"Cause why?"
"Just because…"
"That's not an answer Michelle!" He was louder now, I was sure people outside could hear him and my heart raced. This can't happen, no one can know.
"I don't have to answer to you!"
"Well, I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me!" He placed himself between me and the door and I wasn't stupid enough to think that I could get by him.
"I'm not telling you. Because I said so is enough of an answer!"
"No, it's not, tell me!"
"I can't." I was sobbing now. I could feel the tears bubbling beneath the surface. He pulled me to him, embracing me.
"Why not?" He held me tighter, rubbing my back, trying to soothe me which made everything so much worse.
"Because I can't do this! It's just too hard."
"That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard, it's not like we're asking you to end world hunger here." His voice calmed down, almost civil but still in disbelief. He pulled me away from his chest and looked down at me, brushing away a few escaped tears.
"Not that." I shook my head; I clinched his forearms, moving them from around my body. "This is. I can't do this. John, we can't. If anyone found out, do you realize what that would do to you? I can't be to blame for that. I won't."
Realization crept into John's face as he came to grasp with my reason. "You're saying that you're leaving because you don't want to damage my reputation?"
"I'm leaving because I can't trust myself to stay in control when I'm around you. I don't want to. I want to be able to just be with you but I can't. So I have to leave I can't stay here, it's too hard."
"I know I'm sexy and everything but it can't be that difficult to resist me."
I chuckled; he still didn't fully comprehend what I was saying. "It's not just me wanting to jump your bones. I have feelings for you."
"I have feelings for you, too."
"Then you understand that I have to leave."