My beta, Tomas the Betrayer, suggested that this chapter be called the "Venting chapter". I say that it would be a good alternative name, but the current one is somewhat of a pun.

Personally, this chapter could both be slightly offensive and extremely hilarious, depending on the reader. The first part is more serious, however.

If I owned Naruto, do you really think I'd be working my butt off to complete these homework assignments? No, I'd be paying someone to do them for me.

Please review!

Chapter 11

Revealing encounters and Incense Holders

It was a tiring day for Sasuke.

His father was being the usual asshole, his friends were being the usual morons, and his relatives were being the usual Itachi worshippers. Their God was himself nowhere to be seen, back from his mission several hours ago, without having come to see his irate younger brother. That hyper blond puppy Sasuke called a best friend was currently somewhere in his familial grounds, exclaiming and shouting over everything, even if it was something he had seen every day for years. In addition, his very own #1 stalker was somewhere in the vicinity.

Sasuke was in no mood to see Sakura – he was hiding from her, in fact. There was to be a small celebration-reunion type of thing for all the members of his Academy class who had graduated together, and Sakura was adamant on making him her date. Not only her – almost every female in Konoha who was single, and also some who weren't. All of which led to an irritable, out-of-breath Sasuke, along with several furious husbands and boyfriends. Not to mention fathers.

He was currently taking a short stroll around the Uchiha pleasure gardens. They had been his favorite place as a child, and that had not changed as he grew up. The expression on his face was thoughtful, similar to a prince when he is contemplating the delicate affairs that plague his state, or a Kage whose shoulders have become accustomed to heavy responsibilities.

The young man's mind, sadly, was not on the same level, as a merry giggle followed by whispered exhortations drew his attention. Sasuke didn't have to look far to know that in addition to housing peacocks and other exotic wildlife, his treasured refuge was now treated as a make-out spot by younger Uchiha clan members. Being well-educated in courtly upbringing, he regarded the display with disdain. His cousins had obviously misinterpreted the definition of 'pleasure-gardens' from 'a place where one may find pleasure due to the presence of natural flora, fauna, etc.' to 'a perfect place to find pleasure with members of the opposite sex without the cumbersome deal of parents or other elderly relatives hanging around.'

After witnessing the seventh couple snogging, he was forced to leave in disgust. Or at least that was what he pretended. Truth was, the sight of those overly-hormonal teenagers was inspiring in him images of himself and a certain white-eyed ex-heiress…

Enough. Stop right now. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not covet. Thou shall not think about pretty kuniochi whom thou trains every morning, and how the sun looks on her flushed cheeks. Thou shall not think about other kuniochi at all.

"Sasuke-kun!"

A futile thought. From ahead Sakura approached, waving her arms furiously just like the stupid idiots in those manga Shisui was always reading. Her face was flushed, much as Hinata's appeared every morning, but the difference between the two was comical. While his student's looked like sun-kissed apples (a.k.a. very pretty), Sakura looked like a giant red boar had collided with her to form a new entity (Pumba the Warthog with pink hair. Which equaled hideous.)

He turned and attempted to walk in the opposite direction, hoping that his pursuer wouldn't catch him, but it was too late – with speed only inspired when a woman sees a man she is chasing after, Sakura made a giant leap straight onto Sasuke's back.

The dark-haired moody Uchiha lurched forward from the weight and strength of Tsunade's heir, teeth clenching as his spine nearly snapped. The phrase 'Love can kill' had never been more true than right then.

The squealing girl was too enthralled to notice how she had nearly crippled him. Sakura buried her candied hair into Sasuke's marble neck, inhaling the subtle cologne that he was wearing with a great sniff of pure pleasure. Money really did buy the best. Resurfacing from her scent-induced trance, she let out a breathy little giggle near Sasuke's ear – annoying him to no end – and sweetly chirped, "Where did'ja get your perfume, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke had had enough.

He promptly dumped the infatuated strawberry on her butt – eliciting a loud and rude curse – and then turned around, fury seething from every pore. Weeks of being chased by all the females in Konoha, coupled with his brother's absence and seeing a pair of lips every day he would very much like to kiss but couldn't had coupled to leave previously unknown levels of wrath inside him, and his rage had finally found someone to vent on. With all the righteous anger of a wronged Greek god/ hormonal male teenager he drew himself up to his full height, and let verbal punishment fall upon the poor victim who trembled in fear before him.

"First off," he bit out, sparing a seething glance for the cowering pink maiden, "It is not perfume.I don't apply perfume, understand? You apply perfume – I apply cologne. It's damn expensive, and you practically rape all of it from my neck every freaking day, so don't ever call it perfume!"

Sasuke took a deep breath and continued, his fury rising even higher. "Second, obviously you don't realize this, but every time you run around here like a bloody chimpanzee, you make yourself even more of a laughing stock to my family. I don't give a damn about it, because you're next to nothing to me, but if you have a shred of self-respect, then you'll refrain from making a complete fool of yourself. Even Naruto cuts a better figure then you do. At least he has some control, and he's damn more talented and accomplished than you could ever be!"

"Thirdly, if you ever try to throw yourself at me again, then I swear to God, I will teach you the meaning of pain! I don't suppose you realize how much your painted nails, chemically whitened teeth and padded bust offend me, but rest assured, I'll clear up all doubts for you. You repulse me, Sakura, more than anything you can ever imagine!"

His blood was up. Nothing could stop him now, not the looks he was getting from the other teens in the area, or the clear and honest pain carved in Sakura's face. He was settled in his course and not about to stop until he had said his fill.

"I have never liked you, and I never will, not if you continue this ridiculous game of cat and mouse. You are not attractive to me, so stop pretending like you are. Stop trying to ensnare me! Go train and try becoming a better ninja then the pathetic one you are now. You suck, Sakura, and I'm not exaggerating! You can't even go up against one opponent on your own – Naruto and I have to help you. You are far too dependent on both of us. You may think that you're all that just because you're Tsunade-sama's pupil, but I can remind you, again and again if necessary, that you are nothing more than a worthless loser, and you will never be anything more! You will always need someone to protect you, you will never become anything on your own, and you will certainly NEVER be attractive to me! So for God's sake, stop trying to primp yourself, and stop coming up with worthless strategies to make me fall in love with you, and instead make something of yourself!"

Sasuke regretted the tirade the moment he had stopped. Most of the things he had said were extremely harsh, and not true. Sakura was a worthy shinobi, more so than many others in the village. He hadn't meant to say anything like that, but his tongue had betrayed him, and he had gone on and on mouthing off until it was so absolutely untrue that even he was shocked at himself.

She sat on the ground before him, jaws slack and eyes swimming with tears. The look on her face was not one that he would forget, ever. It was made of complete despair and shock, that of a person who has been betrayed, and it tore his heart apart to see someone he really did care about be so utterly hurt as a result of his actions.

"Sakura," he started to speak, at a loss for words and searching frantically for some that would indicate exactly how sorry he was. "Sakura, I'm -"

A loud thwack echoed around the Uchiha pleasure gardens as Sakura slapped Sasuke.

Clutching his red cheek, he looked at her with shock. To think that Sakura, Sakura of all people, had actually slapped him – the notion was almost inconceivable.

The young woman was standing up now, flushed and angry, ugly red blotches appearing all over her screwed-up cheeks. Tears were leaking from her eyes despite a valiant effort to keep them at bay, and her face was twisted into an expression of rage he had never seen before. Hiccupping pathetically, she managed to say, "Sh-shut up. You arrogant pig! Shut the hell up!"

"You don't know anything about me," Sakura gasped, taking trembling breaths and wiping savagely at her eyes. "You never have. You never appreciate me, or how much I care for you, because you're too freaking busy looking in the mirror admiring yourself to notice what's going on around you! You keep on complaining about how everyone treats your brother better, about how everyone respects and likes Itachi. Well, I've got news for you!"

She took a deep breath, and then screamed with all her might. "He is better than you! Did you never stop to consider that? If you were a millionth of how good your brother is, then these people would be worshipping your footprints too! Instead of envying him, how about you try and become as good as him? Wait, scratch that, because you never can! You will never be as compassionate and kind as Itachi is. He doesn't show much emotion, but it's not because he's trying to look cool or scary – it's because he really can't express them, because he believes that's one of the factors it takes to be a good shinobi!"

While the other couples trickled out of the garden in embarrassment, Sakura continued on her furious tirade, words spewing from her mouth like acid. "You keep on whining about how nobody ever notices you – maybe that's because you're not worth noticing! Itachi is good and kind and honourable and brave – you can't expect to receive the same treatment as him when you don't even compare! Itachi has a kind heart – he cares about you a lot. He would do anything to protect you, but all you do is complain! Maybe you should stop mouthing off and perhaps take notice of exactly how much he's done for you!"

"And Naruto! You keep on scorning him, but the truth is, if you fought right now, then you would lose, wouldn't you, Sasuke? Naruto has saved your butt so many times, but all you do is degrade him and treat him like dirt. Have you ever considered how much you owe that guy? You ought to be worshipping the ground he walks on! Naruto has never done anything for you to treat him the way you do, but no, you'll continue to be a bastard anyway! You're not fit to see his face, let alone insult him!"

They were alone now. Sasuke bore her fury with amazement. Never had he thought Sakura would be able to cut so deeply to the heart of his insecurities. The mere idea itself would have been enough to leave him tongue-tied. Did she really know him this well?

If she noticed how deeply her words were affecting him, his accuser didn't let it daunt her ire, but proceeded apace. "Kakashi-sensei! He loves you like you're his own son, but you don't give a damn about that, do you? He's the one who trained you to get this far, but you will never appreciate that, will you? Without him, you would be worse off than the lowest bums in town! He's the one who taught you everything you know when your bloody sharingan-possessing father didn't, he's the one who took you to the hospital when you were hurt, and he's the one who saved your life more times than you can count! But still you treat him like he's a nuisance instead of someone whom you are eternally indebted to? He's your teacher, for God's sake!"

"You don't have the right to tell me what to do when you yourself are so pathetic," the green-eyed girl snarled forcefully. "You don't even begin to compare. You go around pretending that you are the world's most important person, like everyone else is shit, but you know what, Sasuke? You are shit. You're not worthy of the love that I feel for you. And you know that's true. Yes, I'll admit it. I love you, Sasuke, but even if you fell to my feet and begged me right now, you wouldn't be worthy of it. I fell in love with the man that you could be, if you only wanted to, but now I realize that you're nothing more than a vain, proud peacock who struts around scratching for compliments."

It didn't escape his notice that those very birds were the only spectators to this ultra-powerful tongue-lashing. The Uchiha heir would have laughed were he watching such a display happen to someone else. As things stood he could do nothing but stand there mutely until it was all over.

For her part, his longtime admirer seemed to be running out of steam, her voice fading to a whisper, whether from the effort or the strain of her own emotions was not clear. "You can call me whatever you like, but with every word that leaves your lips, remember that you're twice as bad as me. Reflect on that. You're not worthy of the love that Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, and I give you, Sasuke. You're not even worthy of the love that your brother showers you with, because instead of appreciating it, all you do is take it all and give nothing back."

Her shoulders sagged, and she looked ready to cave in on herself. Before he could even think of moving to help her, abruptly she reached a hand forth and shoved him hard, enough to send him staggering back a few feet.

"Even worse, when you do give back the only thing we get is scorn, as if our love isn't enough for you, as if you look down upon it! With every such instance, Sasuke, you demean the love that we feel for you. You can continue to do so – we'll still love you anyway. But understand this – whenever you scorn our feelings, our love for you shrinks just a tiny, infinitesimal bit. It doesn't seem to matter much, but rest assured, one day it will fade away completely, and then you will be left a lonely, pathetic man who hides his talons not because he is confident, but for the simple reason that he doesn't have any! And there will be no one to protect you then."

Sakura turned and walked away, somehow holding herself straighter than she was a moment earlier. The loss of this burden, one that had been growing inside of her for years, had left her feeling light and airy. It was painful, but she had finally come to terms with the truth. She would not stop loving Sasuke-kun – far from it – but at least now she had seen him for what he truly was. All she could do was hope that he would see the light and improve himself – try to become the man that he could be, the one whose illusion she had fallen in love with.

And until he did, she would be right here beside him. Just not as delusional as she was before.(You know what's a good song to listen to while reading this? 'Unpretty', by TLC)

Sasuke was shocked. The force of Sakura's words still rang in his mind. Unlike his own, hers hit straight to their mark. Every syllable that had come out of her mouth had shamed him with the realization that it was true. He really was a strutting peacock. He had never paid any attention to the ones that loved him.

The stunned shinobi all but collapsed on a bench as he contemplated her accusations over and over again. Itachi – it was true that his family members and the villagers hero-worshipped his brother, but wasn't that well deserved? Itachi was their country's best shinobi, hands down, and had performed many missions that had been deemed impossible by others. If it weren't for him, there would be a lot more threats to Konoha than there currently were. Itachi deserved every word spoken in his favor. Plus, his older brother had never shown anything but kindness to him. Everything Sasuke had ever asked for had been delivered to him without a single demand in return. Itachi had loved him unconditionally, even when he didn't deserve it.

Naruto – it was true that he owed his life to the dobe a hundred times over, but his attitude had never been meant to hurt him. Yes, he had often spoken rudely to the exuberant fool, but that had been friendly ribbing between best friends, not all-out battles between enemies. It was their own way of showing how much they cared for each other. But perhaps he had been taking him for granted – after all, when had he ever helped Naruto with anything? He had never even encouraged him.

Kakashi-sensei – Sasuke wouldn't even comment on that. He had shamelessly exploited and exhausted his teacher, and never bothered with a kind word to help him out. He had taken him for granted, and disregarded the fact that the older man was a gift, not a given. If anything, it was Kakashi-sensei whom he had wronged the most. His attitude had been absolutely unacceptable, and he shuddered to think of how his mother would have reacted had she known how he behaved.

Sakura.

This topic was the hardest to make up his mind up on. It was true that she annoyed him more than anything else, but it was she who had healed him all these times, who had supported him through any decision that he made. Without Sakura… he would be lost. She was a pillar of support, one that he desperately needed. But he wasn't romantically interested in her, and would never be. She was a friend, one who often annoyed him, but was necessary for him to be who he was. At best, all she would ever be was a pseudo-sister.

It began to rain, fat droplets hitting the lusting earth, being soaked up greedily by the warm brown soil. They trickled down his ivory skin, seeping through his clothes. Sasuke didn't move. He had just had the revelation of how pathetic a person he really was.

He sat motionless on the bench, and if someone had observed him carefully they might have noticed little tracks of liquid falling from his eyes along with the rain. He would have denied it later, of course. For all the good that would do.

Uzumaki Naruto was excited.

It was a general state of being for him. He would calm down, and then something would arouse his interest once more. If someone was unconditionally fond of him, or an Inuzuka, they would have compared his behavior with that of a small puppy, unfailingly excited by the goings-on of life, and just ecstatic to be alive. He had that same childlike innocence.

Currently he was sniffing around the houses of some of Sasuke's distant cousins. Sure, he had seen them a thousand times before, but something always changed, and he liked to reacquaint himself both with his surroundings as well as the welcoming people who adored him. The Uchiha had never been as shunning as the rest of the village, perhaps due to the fact that they themselves were both revered and hated.

Today, he had played with three little girls, shown a group of young, dark-eyed boys how to throw an accurate kunai, and helped an old woman take down her washing before it started raining. All three groups had smiled and thanked him.

It wasn't so much for the fame or glory that he was doing it as for the adoring smiles. Others might take them for granted, but Naruto was making up for a severe shortage of them in his life, having had no family who would love him without a single piece of resistance. And to have such bright, loving smiles gracing his day made him little short of euphoric.

Now the eager youth was walking along one of the main corridors in the enormous Uchiha compound, smiling merrily at all passersby and being graced with welcoming smiles in return, when he heard a loud, shrill scream echo all over the place.

Naruto immediately sprang into action, shinobi instincts urging him towards the main Uchiha house, where the Head of the Clan and his family lived. He was intimately acquainted with it, as this was Sasuke's home and he had been wandering around this place ever since they had been put into the same team.

The scream, which was distinctly feminine, had definitely come from the rear of the house, where Itachi's quarters were present. Adding chakra into his feet, Naruto spurred himself to run faster. Someone was in danger, and Uzumaki Naruto worked best when there was a girl to be saved. He had something, just a bit, of a hero complex, even if he didn't realize it.

Outside Itachi's set of quarters, a large crowd of Uchiha had gathered, all looking inside curiously but none daring to enter. If he had been any ordinary man, or even shinobi, he might have hesitated before attempting to invade the private dwelling of the single most dangerous person in Konoha (after Tsunade, and perhaps Jiraiya even though he didn't act like it, of course). But as it was, he was Uzumaki Naruto, which, depending on whatever circle you revolved in, was synonymous with the words courage, bravery, fool, idiot, awesome, or complete and utter moron, etc. etc.

He sped through the long hallways, darting by the rain-streaked windows. If he had been capable of thinking of more than one thing at once, he might have reflected upon the amount of space that the elder Uchiha brother got to claim as his own compared to Naruto's crappy apartment, but he had a single-track mind. He could only concentrate on one task at a time, and right now that was to figure out exactly who had screamed, why they had screamed, and rescue them if necessary. The hero complex was kicking into action.

The corridors were all silent, and the boy ran past scores of rooms until a commotion sounded from behind one of the paper-screen doors. Narrowing his eyes, he sped towards the location, dramatically flinging it wide just like the heroes in those action manga when they went to rescue the heroine.

Inside was a scene of complete pandemonium. Itachi-san stumbled drunkenly around the room, shirtless and wearing only a pair of black ANBU pants while a wizened old woman let out bursts of rude speech in a screechy voice, spewing obscenities and insults in turn while repeatedly hitting Sasuke's brother with a heavy-looking iron pan from atop his shoulders.

In the center of the spacious room, Hyuuga Hinata lay flung back on a mattress, a slightly dazed and terrified look on her face, wearing a very pretty and expensive-looking kimono, obi slightly undone and lipstick heavily smudged. The expression on her face couldn't easily be defined, but looked like a mixture of terrified fear and outrage. She was struggling to pull the loose ends of her kimono together. Naruto was sure that if he was standing in the right spot, he would get a very nice view, but unfortunately, his position in the room was such that he was regrettably unable to feast his eyes upon the exposed sight.

The old woman was screaming, spittle flying from her mouth as she brought down the heavy weapon – Naruto now recognized it as one of those old-fashioned incense holders – on poor Itachi's head again and again. The village's golden boy was clutching the large bruises formed on his cranium by said pan/incense holder, somehow managing not to beat up or kill the old lady. His attacker was screaming unintelligibly, with a few words like 'disgrace', 'shame', 'Hyuuga heiress', 'hormonal idiot', and 'kill' escaping through. Naruto couldn't make heads or tails of whatever she was saying.

There was a swooshing sound from behind. The Uchiha control guards had arrived. Village-trained, they worked to maintain peace and order in the Uchiha district, their own homes. Clad in standard police uniform, their dark eyes were wide. All stared at the scene in silent horror, and then everyone began speaking loudly at once.

"Maiko, bring reinforcements immediately! We need…"

"Tsuzunume, help Lady Hinata! Somebody control…"

"Miyanami-sama, please stop hitting Itachi-sama! You may seriously injure him!"

"Filthy scoundrel! You have *thump* disgraced *thump* the Uchiha!" *THUMP*

"Somebody get a paramedic for Itachi-sama!"

"Hikari, I can't get Lady Hinata's obi to close! Please…"

"Itachi-sama looks so hot without a shirt. He should stay like that more often…"

"You know, maybe you don't need to close that obi just yet, Tsuzunume. Not with that view…"

"Miyanami-sama, you may injure yourself! Please stop!"

"Let it go, Kazuo. If that old bitch buys it, it'll be for the best anyway."

"Hikari! How can you say such a thing? Don't you know that the foremost rule in the Uchiha Conduct Rulebook is 'Respect the Elders'?"

"I thought the first rule was, 'Porn is best read in private'?'"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Are you two seriously discussing the Uchiha Conduct Rulebook?"

"Ooh, ooh, which one? The revised version or the old one? Personally, I'm partial to the old one myself, the illustrations are more graphic and…"

"This kimono is made out of really expensive material. I wonder how much it cost?"

"Hinata-sama, just hold on one second! I'll get reinforcements to help you out! Hikari!"

"Itachi-sama's ANBU tattoo is sooooooooooo hot…"

"You reckon if I take pictures of this those fangirls would give me some good money?"

"I'd use them for blackmail."

"And you'd both die. You seriously think you can get away with blackmailing Itachi-sama, or selling half-naked pictures of him for that matter?"

"I LOVE RAMEN I LOVE RAMEN I LOVE RAMEN I LOVE RAMEN I LOVE RAMEN…"

Everyone knew who this was.

There was a loud crackling sound. One of the incense sticks lying inside the holder had ignited and dropped down into Itachi's hair, setting it on fire.

"Eep!" Hinata fainted.