Nero was finding that he didn't particularly enjoy being in the deep roads. It wasn't just the lack of sunlight or wind, nor was he particularly bothered by the fact that he was surrounded by stone. No, it was the cold. They had been down there for two weeks and Nero's toes and fingers had been freezing the entire time, he was sure he was going to get frostbite and lose them if something wasn't done about it.
Hawke's voice interrupted his thoughts, "maker's breath Varric, you didn't tell me it would be so damned boring down here."
They were settled around a fire, Bartrand's voice echoing through the chamber as he chastised some hirelings about something or other. Thankfully the dwarf was a bit less irate now that they had found a way passed their blocked passage; prior to that it wasn't even safe to be in the same area as him.
"Well Hawke, we could start hollering for darkspawn. Maybe they'll join diamondback." Varric smirked.
"Please don't tempt fate, Varric." Anders muttered from where he was huddled against the wall next to his bedroll, Bethany sat beside him, picking at her nails with the bladed end of her staff.
"Sorry Blondie." the dwarf apologized.
Nero tossed his cards in the pile, resigning himself to his loss, again. The first few games they had played had gone alright for him, but he had Varric helping him out then. So far he hadn't won a single game on his own, and he was betting money he didn't even have yet. He sighed and settled himself on the other side of the mage's bedroll, trying to adopt a relaxed position against the cold stone. He settled on taking off his boots and folding his legs, stuffing his toes behind his knees and shoving his fingers in his armpits.
He glanced at the man beside him. Anders had not been doing well since they had gone underground. He was barely eating or sleeping, he muttered to himself a lot and there always seemed to be a sheen of sweat on his forehead. After the first few days Bethany had approached him and demanded to know what was wrong with him; Nero had figured it had something to do with darkspawn and his being a Grey Warden, apparently not.
"On one of my last escape attempts from the tower they got a little frustrated with me. Instead of one of their usual punishments they threw me in solitary confinement for a year. Since then I'm a little uncomfortable in enclosed spaces." He told her.
"Maker's breath, Anders." Bethany said as she sat down beside him and put a hand on his arm, "why didn't you say anything before we brought you down here?"
He offered her a wane smile, "I can sense the darkspawn, I don't like to think of your guys' chances down here without the warnings I can give."
Bethany smiled sadly at him, "oh Anders, its not worth the cost of your sanity."
He chuckled, "I'm not insane yet, I'll be fine...thank you for the concern, Bethany."
Since then Bethany had taken to sleeping as close to him as she could without her brother saying anything. Nero, having been the only other person to have heard his confession chose to sleep on the mages other side. The two hoped that their presence would help ease the healer's nerves and Anders had begun to sleep a little more.
The deeper down they went though, the worse it was getting for the mage. He had been having nightmares since they had descended into the deep roads, but he was able to wake himself up without alerting the others. The deeper they went however the worse the dreams were getting, Justice unable to hold them back in the face of the taint surrounding them more and more.
It was only a few nights before that Nero had been drifting in and out of sleep, the cold keeping him from getting a good rest, when he heard a muffled cry beside him and saw Anders bolt up. Sitting up himself he looked over at the trembling man, he had his hand grasping his robes at his chest and was gulping in air as though he had been drowning.
Nero reached a hand out and had placed it on the other man's arm which caused him to jump and look at Nero with terror in his eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Nero said quietly, "are you okay?"
Anders forced his breathing to even before he spoke, "not really, but I will be."
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
Anders gave him a small smile, "go back in time and stop me from becoming a Grey Warden?"
Nero chuckled, "if only." getting up Nero pulled his bedroll to lay right beside the mage's. With that done he settled himself back into his warm blankets.
"What are you doing?" Anders had asked him.
"I'm cold and you're having difficult sleeping. When I was still in the Imperium I slept better when someone I trusted was nearby." Nero chuckled, "although I am just assuming you feel some modicum of trust towards me."
Anders lay back down and covered himself with his blankets, "thank you, Nero."
"You saved my life," Nero muttered, "it's the least I can do."
Since that night the two placed their bedrolls so close to each other as to be almost touching. Anders wouldn't admit it but he found a lot of comfort in the other man's body being so close, he might have preferred if it had been someone else, perhaps the other mage that was being so kind to him recently...
"distraction." Justice muttered at this thought, Anders frowned.
"shut up."
Anders absentmindedly found himself agreeing with Hawke's sentiment about how boring it was down there. The tunnels didn't feel like they were closing in on him as bad when he was doing or thinking about something else. He almost did wish that they would run into more darkspawn; but he dismissed that instantly. The itching in his head when they were near wasn't much better.
"You know, you feel different than other mages."
Anders started and looked up at the man beside him, "I'm sorry?"
"The essence, energy, whatever. It flows through everyone and it always feels a little different when it flows through a mage, from the connection ot the fade i presume. It sort of feels...fuzzy. But it feels different with you. Instead of feeling fuzzy it's more like there is something preventing the essence from flowing freely through you, some still gets through, but not as much."
Anders raised an eyebrow, "that's slightly discouraging."
Nero chuckled, "i imagine it's because your housing a spirit. Despite coming from the Imperium i didn't have a whole lot of opportunity to determine how much essence is flowing through an abomination. When the opportunity did arise i was generally preoccupied with not dieing."
Anders didn't reply. He found himself wondering if this lack of 'essence' flowing through him meant he was less human than other people, maybe it meant that his connection to the world wasn't as strong. I'm sure some people would just take the knowledge as confirmation that I'm inhuman and need to die, a certain elf in particular...he let his thoughts trail off.
"How come you don't hate mages as much as he does?" Anders asked suddenly.
"Who?" Nero asked.
Anders indicated the elf playing, and winning, diamondback beside Hawke, "Fenris."
"Oh. I can't say for certain, obviously. You were there the last time the subject of our feelings about magic was brought up. And I can't really blame him for his feelings...I knew his magister. I only spent time in his presence for a week, but that week was a hell of a case against magisters and mages. The bastard makes use of his magic in some very perverse ways that I would rather not get into. I try not to think about what Fenris endured under his hands."
"That still isn't any reason to hate every mage because of what one magister was like." Anders persisted
"Maybe not, but there is a silent battle taking place every time more than one magister is in a room. Being ruthless and cold-blooded seems to be the key to gaining an advantage over their fellow mages, so that is what they do. I've never seen it myself, but I've been told stories of dinners and parties thrown by a magister. Throughout the night it is common for a mage to sacrifice a slave and call forth a demon for petty means, to impress the others or to show just how powerful they are. If this is all Fenris saw, and not how these magisters felt about their actions when everyone was gone, then I cannot blame him. Magister's want to appear strong and heartless, and they do."
"And what makes your experience so different? You may not have been to any of their parties but you said that you knew the magister's more intimately than Fenris ever did."
Nero frowned, "surely you've heard what my...position was while I was in Tevinter? I met a handful of mages that seemed to seek comfort as much as, or sometimes more than they sought sex from me. I've seen mages cry over the lives they took to impress their brethren, and I've listened to them tear themselves apart and bury themselves in guilt. I once asked one magister why she just didn't leave the Imperium. She looked terrified at the idea and told me it was all she knew and she was more frightened to leave than she was to stay."
Anders scowled, "well why don't you tell Fenris this, surely he would see that not every mage is evil. It would be even more convincing coming from a fellow slave escapee."
Nero shook his head sadly, "no, I couldn't do that. I will not try to convince him of something that he wont believe. You need to realize that I am an escaped slave as well. The magister's I met that regretted what they did do not cancel out the others that were cruel and demonic because they wanted to be. I am the property of the Archon, Anders. The most powerful magister in the Imperium, and I was being sold out to anyone. I was purchased by people that had no interest in sex, they bought me because they could inflict things on me that they could only ever dream about inflicting on the Archon. I was the vessel that many used to vent their frustrations at their own inadequacies. For every magister that had a conscience there were five that were more demon than human."
Anders shook his head, "but the ones that had that conscience stopped you from hating all mages, surely Fenris is capable of understanding as well."
"He is right when he says that you do not understand. You can't. You are just like him in this respect." Anders made to interrupt but Nero held up his hand, "let me finish. You are angry at the Templars because of how the majority, but not all, act. Surely you yourself have met a few Templars that weren't intent upon abusing their power, that didn't hold any disdain towards you for being what you are. And yet, you still hate them all. I don't even want to know what revenge you have planned. Anger is what keeps both you and Fenris going, you fight because you are angry at a group that you know you have no hope of toppling yourself, so you focus the anger you have on what you can. Fenris focus's his anger on you because you are a mage that he is frequently placed in the same room as. You focus your anger on anybody suppressing a mage in your sight."
Bethany had joined them while Nero spoke, and when he finished she nodded. "He brings up a good point Anders."
"No, mages have been suppressed everywhere by everyone for too long, justice needs to be served, it-"
Nero snorted, "justice is a fools notion, Anders. Who are you to say you have the right to seek justice on a Templar for killing or abusing someone you loved when they too are loved by somebody. You are becoming the very thing you hate every time you kill a Templar for killing a mage. Justice is a lie."
Anders skin begun to crack and he began to glow blue at Nero's words. Nero, suddenly very aware of who he had just pissed off, began to shuffle away. Bethany, in hopes of bringing Anders back put her arm around his shoulders.
"You are wrong."
The voice coming from Anders sounded like it was actually two separate voices trying to speak at the same time. Nero cringed, realizing that this was the spirit he had heard so much about. I thought he was supposed to be a good spirit, he's fucking terrifying. he thought.
Nero nodded, now closer to where the card game was taking place than the two mages. Bethany began to mutter into Anders ear and slowly the man stopped glowing. When Anders finally had complete control over himself he muttered an apology at Nero and put his head in his hands.
"I told you he had no control over his demon." Fenris said to Hawke.
Nero stood and walked to the other side of the fire, to where Hawke, Fenris and Varric were playing their game. He sat down by the elf, making sure that Fenris was between him and Anders. When he sat the three men gave Nero a questioning look.
"Don't insult justice around him." was all he said.
A/N: bonus to anyone that recognizes what food Nero was explaining. :)