A/N: Just... wow! The amount of reviews and the length/quality of each review blew me away. You guys really motivated me to write quicker, and just today, I've written three chapters. I hope you like this one.

Disclaimer - don't own Glee. Never will.

She doesn't call his phone often. She's learnt that it hurts her more than it helps, so she only calls when she's had a really, really bad day. Today counts as one of those days.

She's unsure about NYU – the campus is huge, and there are a lot of students milling everywhere, and it feels a little too similar to McKinley High, and a little too different from Julliard. She's unsure about her roommate (Brittany's nice but she's terrified to get close to her because caring for people hurts too much), and Brittany's friends are either unintentionally intimidating or downright horrible.

She feels sick because Brittany's mean friend had lovely arms and she noticed them. She feels guilty because she hasn't told any of the people she's met about Finn or Tina or Kurt or Artie. She feels lonely because none of these people understand her, and she feels horrible because she can't look at Finn's photo without Brittany asking questions and his face is slowly fading from her mind.

And when she denies dating someone, it's just one more thing to add to the list. She shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to her – in fact, it showed her just how much she could survive – but here she is, hiding from what happened to her. She knows it's because she doesn't want to be known as car crash girl, but she has a hard time separating her brain from her heart, which keeps screaming at her for being such a coward.

So she makes the phone call, and then goes back to the dorm room with a fake smile on her face, just in case Brittany is waiting up. She prepares her alibi, running over her story in her head until she's able to deliver it with ease. "I went to the library to study and time just got away from me". It doesn't matter though because Brittany's fast asleep and Puck is sprawled across the mattress snoring.

She climbs into her bed quietly and turns to face the wall, silent tears pouring down her cheeks. Life isn't supposed to be this hard.

(Eventually, the sounds of Puck snoring send her to sleep, reminding her of happier times, when Finn's snoring used to be her lullaby).

Brittany's eyes follow her around, and she's clearly worried but too kind to say anything. She hears several heated conversations between the blonde and Puck, generally when they think she's asleep, but neither of them ever come to an agreement.

"I know you did something Puck. Rach stops talking when you walk into a room and her smile always drops and she's supposed to be my friend but she won't tell me what happened. If you're embarrassed, you don't have to tell me, but please, just fix it", the blonde begs on more than one occasion.

"Look Britt, she'll talk to you if she wants too but you can't force it. And nothing happened between me and Rachel... maybe she's just shy around people", he always grunts back.

"Well, she's fine around Santana and Mike and Matt. It's just you she has a problem with. You forget that I know you just as well as you know yourself and I know when you're lying to me", Brittany retorts, and she can tell, even without looking, that her roommate has her hands on her hips and her face has fallen into the pout she always wears when she's upset.

"Just drop it Brittany!"

The conversation usually ends at that point, and when the silence in the room because too awkward, she generally yawns and wakes up, at which point Brittany will break into a huge smile and Puck will find some excuse to leave.

She wishes that they'd stop talking behind her back and that Brittany would just ask her what's going on so she could lie and tell her that Puck hasn't done anything. She hates that she's putting a strain on their relationship.

During the second week of Puck's stay (she hasn't heard the full story but she knows that ex-girlfriend issues are keeping him away from the apartment he shares with Santana, Matt and Mike), she finds herself alone with him.

It's a Tuesday morning and Brittany's at her morning lecture. She was supposed to be studying in the library but she decided to stay home and catch up on her reading list. Puck was supposed to be out all morning with Matt, who had taken the morning off work to catch up with his friend.

He slams into the room at about 11am though, his face pinched and angry. She has no idea what happened to his catch-up with Matt, but he's practically radiating anger.

"What happened?" she asks softly, just in case he needs someone to vent too.

"Matt told me that Quinn is refusing to leave the apartment until she sees me. I was hoping that if I laid low for a few weeks, she'd get the hint and go back to her stupid internship, but it looks like she's here for the long haul. Brittany likes having her around – they keep going shopping together or some stupid crap like that – so now Santana and Mike refuse to get rid of her, and Matt's too much of a pussy to go behind Santana's back and throw her out so I'm fucking stuck here unless I talk to her or find another apartment, but I don't have enough cash to do that", he rants as he paces the small dorm room.

"I'm sorry... if you want, I have some money saved up and you can borrow some of that. It was supposed to be savings for emergencies, but I'd be more than happy to lend you some", she offers, her eyes soft. She doesn't mention that the money is what's left over from the compensation she received from the car company, the result of the charges her dad's insisted on pressing.

It was obviously the wrong thing to say because his back stiffens as he turns to face her. The anger is back in full force, and she has to force herself to not flinch. She's never been around someone who had the ability to scare her, but Puck manages that every time she sees him. She can never predict his moods and that terrifies her because she used to be able to read people like an open book.

"I'm not some fucking charity case. Don't you dare feel sorry for me. If anything, I should be feeling sorry for you. I heard you outside the library the other day, crying down the phone to the boyfriend you said you didn't have", he yells, satisfaction spreading across his face when her skin pales. "You have Brittany wrapped around your finger – she thinks your perfect and keeps stressing about you – but I know the truth. You're a liar and you don't have the nerve to admit it. You show everyone this front where you're this naive, small town girl and everyone's falling for it, but I see through it. It's pathetic Rachel".

His chest heaves up and down violently as his finishes his rant, but his satisfaction slowly fades as her face gets redder and redder. It disappears completely when she stands up and stalks towards him.

"I have had about enough of you Puck. I have done nothing but treat you with respect and concern and you've thrown it back in my face. I didn't do anything to piss you off but you decided that night in the bar that you would hate me. I know you're having problems with that Quinn girl so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Santana and Brittany kept singing your praises and I believed them. They said you were having a tough time of it but that you were a loyal friend who would go to the ends of the earth for people he cared about. So I waited, and ignored your stupid, stinking attitude because they believed in you and I did too but you have gone too fucking far. I wasn't viewing you as a charity case, you asshole. I was emphatic to your struggles which means I understood what you were going through" she screams, her face getting redder and she pokes at his chest.

"Rachel..."

"No, don't Rachel me. I was trying to be kind because I know what it's like to feel like the whole world is against you. I know what it's like to feel like the sun will never appear from behind those clouds. I was worried about you because I know how much life sucks sometimes. And you... you are just a stupid jerk. You think I was crying down the phone to my ex-boyfriend, begging him to take me back? You think I lied about dating something? You think I'm pathetic and manipulative? You have no fucking clue what's happened to me in my life. Did you even listen to what I was saying on the phone? Did you pull your head out of your ass to listen to what I was saying? Did that sound like something I'd say to an ex-boyfriend?"

"I thought..."

"No, you didn't think. Do I look like the type of girl who would call an ex-boyfriend begging him to fix my mess of a life? He's dead, you freaking asshole. I was having a rough time and I called Finn's voicemail so that I could hear his voice one more time. You have no clue just how much of a shitfest my life is"

"What?" he asks, his voice cracking as he takes in what she said.

"Oh, so now you care what happened in my life? You want all the gory details?"

"Rachel, I am so so sorry. I didn't know..."

Her face pales as she realizes what she just admitted. She just told Puck, the guy that hates her for no apparent reason, that Finn died.

"So that's my story. I lost my boyfriend in a car crash the night of our graduation party. You happy now?" she hisses. She refuses to tell him about Tina, Artie and Kurt. He was never supposed to know anything, and she's never going to tell him anymore information.

"Rachel..."

"Just leave Puck", she whispers, all the anger draining from her body.

She watches him close the door behind him and then collapses onto her bed in hysterics.

(He was never supposed to know).