Ha! Thought I won't be able to write for some reasons at work but I got a good break. I'm just totally exhausted and please once again excuse my spelling and grammar.

Ever wonder what was in Chuck's spy will? Well, it always seems a mystery to me and I'm glad to write my own version of it. Hopeless romantics 'gear up'. This chapter is for all of you.

Again, I don't own Chuck because if I did then episode 14-16 would have been like this. And knowing what CHuckfans are, they'd probably bury me alive for writing this.

The Spy Will

She can't believe that she will soon find herself standing on his grave. She never expected this. How can she if he promised to wait for her but end up leaving her instead. His vow was to be there for her "always" but now, he is nowhere near her. Nowhere near to hold her hand, nowhere near to dance his eyebrow before her, nowhere near to keep her feet warmed at night, nowhere near to cuddle her for comfort and nowhere near to have his love. And with a lone tear escaped her eye, she gradually bent closer touching and feeling the carvings of his name. "Charles Irving Bartowski" she mumbles and with a flashback she smiles at the thought that his parents were not sadists after all.

His name was etched perfectly on the niche. Then slowly Sarah reads the epitaph following his name. "A friend more than one can count on. A brother more caring enough anyone would want for. A husband more loving to fight what love is for. And a hero who saved lives to give up his own." She didn't know who Chuck as a friend but Morgan seemed to define it for her. She didn't know who Chuck as a brother but Ellie somehow showed it to her. For all the memories erased, at least she remembers Morgan and Ellie and the guilty feeling of almost killing them both, well except for Morgan. But among what was written she knows what Chuck as a husband who fought for her. She may never remember this man completely but deep within her she knew that this Chuck, her Chuck, more than a nerd in the Buy More had truly made her happy.

As the sunset appears on the horizon, Sarah cried her last on the grave and with enough courage she started to put herself back together. She has to be strong for him but mostly for herself. And as if sensing that it's the last time she will ever be here, she slipped her handbag down her shoulder to pick up inside the oval shape silver metal she dreaded to open.

There is no best place to read His spy will than to be next to him. She knows he can't hear her but having the feeling that he is close to her makes her safe and secured for what heartbreak she wants to spare herself with. And with much uncertainty, she opens the silver metal. Her eyes were locked and her breath was caught into the contents of his spy will. A bracelet, 2 twisted tie and lastly a fourfold letter underneath the two items. As she studies the bracelet, a little spark of memory coursed into her brain. Christmas. Hostage. Buy More. His mother's. And ends with shooting Mauser. She remembers but a saddened face looms over her. She did it for him. To protect him. But most of all she did what she knew best for him for everything the bracelet holds to she killed an unarmed man to save Chuck Bartowski.

The twisted ties were a little complicated as she pushes her brain to work the memories from it. She can't unravel the ties relevance to her and to Chuck. Maybe in time she will but what good to have all these little details remembered if the foremost being in her memory is now forever gone. And with all courage mustered up for what's left on her, she shifts back her attention to open and read the letter. To open and read His will. For once she wish that in doing so will make the pain less painful than it already is.

My wife, Sarah

I know that I'm probably somewhere in the afterlife when you are reading this. And while you read I too hope that you are not in some place quelling a revolution with a fork. By now I'm no more. And just like what happens to all, I'm gone. Just like my proposal plan I revised this. I do hope you remember my proposal plan but bottom line is I hope you remember me especially. I hope you remember your Chuck as he writes this remembering His Sarah. You see, I still have lots of "hope" even when I already left. I guess that's just the Chuck you wanted to be. To hope because I know you would do the same thing for me if you were in my place.

I will never know if your memories are back but if they do or not please promise me not to blame yourself for losing it. For losing us. For losing to what our future could have been. The spy life may have taken so much from us but don't forget that it was in this life were we met. Were we did missions. Were I Chuck Bartowski had deeply fallen in love with one Sarah Walker-Bartowski. I want you to live this life with so much passion as what our love had been. I want you to keep moving and living this life that we have built together. I want you to get the strength to be move on a life without me. Of course you are Sarah Walker, the girl I shared a cheese burger with and I know that that girl can do this. And if somehow time will give you a chance to be happy once again, then let your guard down, let your heart be opened once again to love and be loved as much I loved you.

Before I end this I'd like to ask you to forgive me. Forgive me for what I did. Forgive me for making the decision. I know it hurt you but I just couldn't give up on us even when it means me having to give up my life for you. I once saved so many people in exchange for your memories and there is none a day gone by that I wished to turn back the clock and have saved you otherwise. But I know that we will regret it. I know I made the right choice back then. And just when you walked out of my life it hit me. So I did what I know to be with you and to still show my love for you even if it means me not being able to be with you.

So please forgive me and hopefully at the same time remember me. Please remember that for once in your life you met one of the most dashing man named Chuck Bartowski who longed to give you little superheroes with little capes, who promised 'someday' the white picket fence, the red door and dream home but most of all who gave you the life you always wanted.

With so much love,

Chuck.

Sarah can't seem to find the right words to say nor can explain the feelings she is feeling right now. As for one glimpse of an instant, her memories of Chuck came flooding in. She let the tears flow down her face as bits and pieces of everything slideshows into her brain. She remembers. Remembers everything now. Only how ironic to have all her memories restored by a poignantly written Chuck's spy will. If she had known it along that this is the key to getting back then she would have read it then. But again that is fate, just when you gain something, you immediately lose something.

As minutes passed by and all essence of what Chuck has written finally hit her. The second to last paragraph doesn't' make sense as she reads it again. Sarah knew from what Morgan told her that Chuck came back to CIA. And just like any other day on a bad luck mission, Chuck was trapped into a building armed with detonated bombs. Backed up failed to come in an early time as it was supposed to be a solo mission. He wasn't able to ready himself for what happened as it all had been a trapped. When he tried to flash and get out, it was already too late. So why in the world is he asking for forgiveness for coming back in CIA? He would have known better that she will do the same thing if it was her. After all, she walked away from him to go back on the agency. And both of them knew that dying is the biggest occupational hazard. But something was hidden into the word 'decision'. And what decision did he make? Maybe there is more that Morgan is not telling her. But she knew Morgan all this time and the little bearded man seem so honest with her. She still remembers the pain in his eyes when he told her about what had happened. He's the least to lie because she knew Morgan can't keep his mouth shut especially when it comes to Chuck.

She is hurting, yes. She remembers, yes. She lost Chuck, yes. And her Chuck died on a mission without her knowing who killed him. Was it a group of another Ring or Fulcrum or could have been one man? She has questions about the mystery of his spy will but that can be put aside for awhile. For now she has a new mission. Sarah Bartowski maybe back now but it's not like she hasn't been the spy before Chuck. And whoever took the life of the love of her life should better pray for his life because Sarah Walker is going to hunt him down.

I know. You don't have to tell me it's a bit cheesy and lame and not to mention the epitaph. I'm more of a cynic but I can be a hopeless romantic at times so I don't know but what do you think? Because I'm still falling into places and I don't know how to sequence my story. I already have the end in mind but it won't be for the next chapter. Next update will be served in no less than one day. Now I can finally sleep.