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DISCLAIMER: I still don't own a thing.


Chapter 13: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At The Disco.

March 2002
Alex: 13
Jay: 15

How the hell could things go from great to shit in less than 24 hours?

Jay felt sick to his stomach. He stood in the kitchen with his phone glued in his hand, unable to move, speak or breathe properly.

"Jay? Jay? Jay...?" A sing-song voice called out from the other end. The almighty boulder in the back of his throat prevented him from responding. The receiver kept calling his name, and a thick layer of sweat forming on the bridge of his nose was drowning him. He grabbed the phone and managed to utter "what?" down the speaker.

"Did you hear what I said?" the voice asked. Jay took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

"Are you trying to fuck with me? Get outta my life."

"I'm sorry this is how you gotta find out, but you just upped and left!"

"Sunny, I don't wanna hear it!"

"Jay, I need you to send me money."

That was it for Jay. He slammed the phone down and sank to the floor in devastation. Thank God he was alone in the house. There was absolutely no way this could be happening to him. Not now. He'd just been celebrating turning 15, now he was receiving the second worst news of his life, after the death of his mom.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in Oregon, Sunny hung up the phone and devilishly smiled to herself.


While Jay was facing the most difficult choice of his life, Ellie was living it up. Her tonsil tennis partner from New Year was still around. She and Sean spent every waking minute together, and Ellie had never been happier. All thoughts of her dad fighting overseas in the war and her alcoholic mother were pushed to the back of his head when she was with Sean.

Alex, however, was having less fun than her red-headed friend. She had taken the day out to go grocery shopping with her mom. She was only there in body though. Her mind was elsewhere. She was ecstatically happy to have Jay back, but she couldn't help but feel there was some underlying thing going on that she couldn't quite identify.


Jay's hung up the phone ten minutes ago, and his heart still hadn't stopped hammering in his chest. He sat on the steps of the trailer with the door open a crack, smoking a cigarette. He didn't miss the rules and regulations of Melissa and Cory's place. He did however feel a twinge of guilt for coming across so ungrateful. He'd spent just seven dreadful weeks at theirs before mustering up enough money to come home to Toronto. But he may have time to fix that, as it was looking like another trip back to Portland might be imminent.


Alex had no idea of the predicament Jay had just found himself in, nor did she know about his current fragile, delicate frame of mind. So when he found her melting action figures in the back yard, she didn't understand why he flipped out like he did.

"What the hell, Jay? Are you done being a drama queen yet?" Alex asked in disbelief at his outburst.

"Lexi, I might need to go back to Oregon." He confessed, swiping his hat off his head and running his hand through his hair.

"What? Why?" Alex uttered in shock.

"I just... I just do. I can't tell you why." Jay stammered, his nostrils flaring, a classic sign of lying.

"Why, Jay?! What trouble are you in?" Alex presumed he was in some sort of trouble, and it pained him inside to lie to her, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her what he knew. So he laced the whole truth with a half truth.

He did need to go back to Oregon and sort this mess out with Sunny, but he couldn't even begin to comprehend telling Alex exactly what this "mess" was. He couldn't even admit it to himself what the mess was.

"I don't know yet, but I might have to go back to sort one thing out with someone."

"What one thing?" Alex asked dubiously.

"I can't tell you." Jay said, staring down at his scruffy Nike's. He heard her inhale as if she was going to speak again, but he cut her off before she could commence. "Lexi, please leave it. I can't tell you... yet. I just might need to go."

"Why 'might', huh?" Alex asked, her voice hardening, her temper rising. "Can't you just be honest with me? After all this time?"

"I'm really sorry, Lexi. I don't wanna hurt you."

"But you are!" Her voice shook. She looked destroyed. He was a soul destroyer, what did you expect?

"No..." He stuttered under his breath.

"Yes. Yes you are." Alex whispered back, turning her head in shame at the hot tears that were streaming down her face.

"I don't mean to. You gotta know that. I never meant to hurt you ever, I love you."

"Jay, don't say those things! I know you don't mean it!" Alex turned and faced him, not bothering to wipe away the tears. Seeing Alex like that sent a jolt of guilt and self loathing shooting through Jay's body like lightning.

"I do mean it!" Jay shouted back 98 truthfully.

"No! You don't! If you did, you would tell me what's so important back in Oregon that you are leavin' me again to go and sort out!" Alex got nearer to his face as she continued and by the end of her rant she was millimeters from his face.

"I can't even admit it to myself!" Jay finally cracked.

"Ah, now we're getting somewhere!" Alex laughed sarcastically.

"Who have you been conning, Jay?" She snarled, glaring at him angrily, her voice dripping with venom.

"No-one, God! Why do you automatically assume I'm in trouble?"

"Cuz you act so God damn suspicious! What is it with you?"

"I've got big stuff to think about! Serious stuff, Alex!"

"Tell me what they are, Jason!" She made a funny gesture when she said his name. Jay wasn't too keen on being addressed by his full name. That only happened when his mom was mad at him, which now was never.

"Stop it! Just fucking cut it out, OK? I can't tell you!" Jay shot up and stormed out of the house.

Three hours later, he still hadn't returned. Alex convinced herself he'd gone back to Oregon. She was dying to know what he'd done or what he'd left in Oregon that was such a big deal. He didn't have any of his stuff with him, so it wasn't like he could go far. Alex tried to tell herself that, but her mind was twisting things so much she barely recognized her own thoughts.

"When did you kill JJ?" The sound of her mom's voice made her jump ten feet off the sofa. "Why's it so quiet? You done away with the boy?" Emily joked innocently enough.

"No. He's just gone. Just like they all do."

"What are you talkin' about, sweetie?"

"He just got up and left. Said he had some stuff to do back in Oregon."

"Oregon? He's just come back! What's he gotta do?"

"I don't know!" Alex shouted back exasperatedly. "He wouldn't tell me, the jerk." She muttered bitterly.

"D'you know how long he's going for?"

Alex shook her head miserably.

"I'm sure he'll be back by tonight. He's not taken any stuff, right. He'll be back. With a big fat apology, I'm sure." Emily ruffled Alex's hair then headed to the fridge to retrieve a beer. She didn't seem to find this a big deal at all. It was excruciating to be going through the biggest trauma of your life with the people around you thinking it was all one big party.

He didn't come back that night...


Oooh cliffhanger! Hope you like this chapter!

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